Fear of crowds

Fear of crowds is very common for a lot of people whether they are single, married, male, female, high flyers, students, teachers, old or young .

I know how it feels to be alone in a crowd. I often feel totally overwhelmed in a large crowd of people, especially if I don’t know anyone in that crowd. It can feel like I am on the periphery and not allowed into the inner circle, and that, of course, makes the fear even worse. I wonder if the fear is actually of the crowds themselves or is it a fear of feeling lost or being unnoticed amongst a large number of people?

I know when I am in a large crowd of people entirely ‘on my own’ I feel nervous; I have an irrational fear that nobody will even notice that I am there.  I look at the little groups of people who do know each other within that large crowd enjoying themselves and the company of each other and that somehow increases my nervousness and the fear.  Of course they may feel just like I do but when I feel that fear, it certainly looks like they’re having a great time and I’m not. When I am in a large crowd of people and I have my own ‘group of people’ with me I feel safe and secure and know that I am noticed and therefore I don’t have those same feelings as when I am alone in a crowd.

Business people communicating with each other against white

Did you grow up in a house where “children were seen and not heard”? I know I did. That might be the root of these feelings of nervousness and insecurity as they are for me. I can ultimately relate feeling like this to my childhood when I was constantly told that I should be seen and not heard.  So I would sit in the corner with my toys and only speak when I was spoken to.

Having worked hard on discovering my authentic self, discovering, acknowledging and accepting those unexpressed feelings and emotions of when I was told to be seen and not heard,  I now think and act differently.  I know there is a solution to this fear of crowds.  Based on what I know to be true about fear.  I know that FEAR is:

False

Expectations

Appearing

Real

I have found the solution that works for me and this might work for you too:

  • Don’t worry about pleasing anyone else. Just be you.
  • Here’s what I do – I take three deep breaths and take the plunge.
  • I walk amongst the strangers in the crowd and I expect to be noticed. I’ve decided not to expect to be or feel lost.
  • I make eye contact with people and smile at them.
  • I say hello to people I have never met before and strike up conversations.  They aren’t always long conversations, just long enough to introduce myself and be friendly and to listen to the other people.  Sometimes they are much longer, it depends on the person of course. Once the conversations start to happen, other people start to talk to me and to each other and before long I am part of the ‘crowd’ and not isolated on the periphery.

Even if being you just says it’s ok to not talk to anyone – which is a good friend of mine’s solution for her fear of crowds.  She’s decided to not push herself and just enjoys watching people. Funny thing is, she reports people come and talk to her.

New for 2013. From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again

I know that I am not alone in feeling alone.  There are other people who are in the same position as me and I make a special effort to speak to them as well and include them in the conversations.  The energy and dynamics of the crowd change visibly and it becomes much more enjoyable.

The most important thing is to find a way to feel comfortable being you whether you decide overcoming the fear by talking to people is your way, or overcoming the fear by giving yourself a break and just allowing others to talk to you is your way. Bottom line, stop pressuring yourself to be like everyone else and just be you.

If you anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Can you enjoy Valentine’s Day as a single person?

There is so much emphasis on love and marriage leading up to Valentine’s Day and on the day itself.  There are adverts everywhere and shops are full of gifts, treats and cards all specifically for this occasion.

But not everyone buys into this sentiment.  And there is no reason why everyone should.  So how can you survive and keep your sanity if you can’t or don’t want to buy into it?

There are so many ways to make sure you enjoy yourself whether on your own, in a group or with a good friend.

You are probably feeling that you have nobody to rely on but yourself,  and on this ‘special day’ my suggestion is to turn the focus of your attention to you.  Buy yourself something special, something you will love.  Maybe treat yourself to a day being pampered at the spa, or treat yourself to a special meal and enjoy it at home.  You don’t have to cook it yourself, order it by phone and have it delivered to your door.  Use your favourite crockery, buy a bottle of wine and just enjoy being you, the lovely you that you know you are.

Cork Shot Out From a Bottle of Champagne

 

Maybe you could get a few of the worst romantic comedy films you can find and invite some of your girlfriends over to watch them with you and make fun of all those dreadful films.  Have a fun evening with people you love and be yourself.   Have fun with people you love to be with.

If you have children, maybe make the day special for them, as well as you.  Buy them some little gifts – maybe chocolate, stuffed toys, model cars etc.  You could make a present hunt with clues so they have fun trying to find the little gifts.  Perhaps a trip to the theatre or the cinema. Whatever it is you choos, make sure it is fun.

Another way to look at Valentine’s Day is to make some new resolutions, as most New Year’s resolutions were made 6 weeks ago. Make a Valentine’s Day resolution to love yourself, resolve to take some evening classes, resolve to go on that trip you have always promised yourself, make a start towards the dreams you know you want to achieve.  Resolve to try new restaurants or to try out new recipes.

Resolve to date yourself, plan life around yourself and learn to love yourself again.  This will not only be fun and interesting but loving yourself is the basis of being the confident you.

In the short-term be prepared for personal questions from friends and co-workers about your plans for your  Valentine’s Day alone.  Have an answer even if it is ‘no comment’.

  • Don’t get dressed up as that invites questions.
  • Don’t find a stranger to spend the evening with, you will regret it in the morning and make the next Valentine’s Day even harder to get through.
  • Remember it is just one day.  Shut your door, eat what you want, read a good book, watch your favourite film, do what is fun for you.  It will all be over in the morning.

If you would like, you could wait until February 15th and buy yourself a heart-shaped box of chocolates at half the price. Buy yourself some flowers at half price too.

chocolates

Whatever you do, don’t sit at home being miserable and sorry for yourself because you don’t have a date for this silly day.

If you do sit at home and feel sorry yourself don’t beat yourself up about it.  Remember, it is only one day, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in not participating in Valentine’s Day.  It is your prerogative, be true to YOU.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Fear of crowds

Fear of crowds is very common for a lot of people whether they are single, married, male, female, high flyers, students, teachers, old or young .

I know how it feels to be alone in a crowd. I often feel totally overwhelmed in a large crowd of people, especially if I don’t know anyone in that crowd. It can feel like I am on the periphery and not allowed into the inner circle, and that, of course, makes the fear even worse. I wonder if the fear is actually of the crowds themselves or is it a fear of feeling lost or being unnoticed amongst a large number of people?

I know when I am in a large crowd of people entirely ‘on my own’ I feel nervous; I have an irrational fear that nobody will even notice that I am there.  I look at the little groups of people who do know each other within that large crowd enjoying themselves and the company of each other and that somehow increases my nervousness and the fear.  Of course they may feel just like I do but when I feel that fear, it certainly looks like they’re having a great time and I’m not. When I am in a large crowd of people and I have my own ‘group of people’ with me I feel safe and secure and know that I am noticed and therefore I don’t have those same feelings as when I am alone in a crowd.

Business people communicating with each other against white

Did you grow up in a house where “children were seen and not heard”? That might be the root of these feelings of nervousness and insecurity as they are for me. I can ultimately relate feeling like this to my childhood when I was constantly told that I should be seen and not heard.  So I would sit in the corner with my toys and only speak when I was spoken to.

Having worked hard on discovering my authentic self, discovering, acknowledging and accepting those unexpressed feelings and emotions of when I was told to be seen and not heard,  I now think and act differently.  I know there is a solution to this fear of crowds.  Based on what I know to be true about fear.  I know that FEAR is:

False

Expectations

Appearing

Real

I have found the solution that works for me and might work for you too:

  • Don’t worry about pleasing anyone else. Just be you.
  • Here’s what I do – I take a deep breath or two and take the plunge.
  • I walk amongst the strangers in the crowd and I expect to be noticed. I’ve decided not to expect to be or feel lost.
  • I make eye contact with people and smile at them.
  • I say hello to people I have never met before and strike up conversations.  They aren’t always long conversations, just long enough to introduce myself and be friendly and to listen to the other people.  Sometimes they are much longer, it depends on the person of course. Once the conversations start to happen, other people start to talk to me and to each other and before long I am part of the ‘crowd’ and not isolated on the periphery.

Even if being you just says it’s ok to not talk to anyone – which is a good friend of mine’s solution for her fear of crowds.  She’s decided to not push herself and just enjoys watching people. Funny thing is, she reports people come and talk to her.

winelady

So I know that I am not alone in feeling alone.  There are other people who are in the same position as me and I make a special effort to speak to them as well and include them in the conversations.  The energy and dynamics of the crowd change visibly and it becomes much more enjoyable.

The most important thing is to find a way to feel comfortable being you whether you decide overcoming the fear by talking to people is your way, or overcoming the fear by giving yourself a break and just allowing others to talk to you is your way. Bottom line, stop pressuring yourself to be like everyone else and just be you.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching can help you find solutions to your problems.

Maggie Currie

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Being Alone – Is it always a bad thing?

The absolutely most important relationship you have in your life is with yourself.  And this relationship can frequently be the most difficult one to cultivate because you are the only one who is present in every single moment of your life – from the moment you were conceived onwards.  

Society places a huge emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, and you may have been conditioned to  set aside your own needs in preference for the needs of others.  

plumber

But, until you really know yourself, how can you choose the right relationship to support your mutual growth toward your highest potential?

By allowing yourself to be comfortable with being alone, you can become the person with whom you want to have a relationship.

I don’t think there has been another time in history when it has been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, whilst living alone.  We all have the freedom to support ourselves financially, socially and emotionally without depending on a spouse for survival in any of these areas.

With this freedom comes the opportunity to pursue your own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners and neighbours.  Once you’ve satisfied your needs and created your support system, a partner then becomes someone with whom you can share the bounty of all you’ve created, as well as the beauty you’ve discovered within yourself.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

I believe we all need to learn to create spaces to be alone within our relationships. If we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we can open ourselves up to forge new paths and discover uncharted territory.

Being willing to not just know ourselves, but to love ourselves, and willing to discover what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves.

Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to explore more fully our most important relationship—the one with our true selves. And no, it isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, I believe it is a good thing.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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