Friends come and go

 I was considering why it is that friends come into our lives and some of them go out of our lives again.

There are many and varied reasons I suspect, but for me I think that some people fall away because of the changes I have made to myself.   I have learned so much about myself over the past few years that I was unaware of before. For instance I didn’t realise until recently that I have stuffed emotions and feelings down for years because I was conditioned growing up not to show emotion or share feelings.

When I was in a toxic relationship I had very few friends, and those I did have were not that close.  I wasn’t allowed to get close to anybody.  Getting divorced and learning to live my life as me has been a steep learning curve.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

I have learned how to express my feelings, get close to people I really like and keep others at arms length.  Now that I am able to express emotions and share my feelings other people may find this unacceptable to them. And that is okay. What I am comfortable with is not always comfortable for everyone else. And that may be why some friends have moved away. The fact that other people think differently from me is perfectly okay.

The friends I have currently are wonderful. Some live nearby, some live on different continents, but I am grateful to them all for their friendship and support. I do my best to support all my friends, it may be in a big way or in a small way. My life is so much richer for having my friends in it.

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I am grateful for all the friends I have had, still have and those I have yet to meet for their contributions to my life.

Do you have friends in your life that you are grateful for? Have you had friends move away for one reason or another? Is your life richer for having your friends in it?

Maggie Currie

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Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

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Looking beyond appearances

It is natural to judge people, and yourself, since it just happens without us even thinking about it.  We take one look and in 2 seconds summarise our opinion of a whole person – overweight, pretty, stylish, sloppy. This habit comes from the brain’s need to categorise the world in order to be able to function without becoming overwhelmed.  

 Judging is your way of identifying relevant information, you are trying to decide if the person approaching is a threat, a friend or someone you don’t need to worry about.  This way of looking at people makes sense in a dangerous context, but in your daily life it can lead to an overly simplistic reading of the people you meet.

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If you have ever judged someone dismissively, only to have them become a good friend once you really got to know them, then you will understand the hazards of the judgement cycle. An experience like that may lead you to question your natural tendency to believe your first impressions.  

 You will always notice things about the different people you meet, but as you become more conscious of the idiosyncrasies of judgement, you won’t be satisfied with your surface observations.  You  may notice that someone is driving an expensive car, but you will decide whether to befriend them based on getting to know them over time. You will not rule out a friendship with someone with unruly hair, especially if they turn out to have a great sense of humour and a kind heart.  Liking or disliking a person is a choice you will naturally make, but it will be after you have got to know them. 

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Next time you notice yourself judging somebody, stop.  Try to radiate love to that person. Then listen to them openly or look them in the eye and learn more about them. If this is not easy for you, remember not to judge yourself either. Trust that, with practice, you will change your habitual judgemental patterns.  And as you do, you will find a whole new dimension of perception opening up to you, allowing you to see beyond the surface and into the essence of people you meet.

If you need help with any of the above, please contact me.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you.

I have some availability for new coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates for when you want to get started.  Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Your assertive rights

In the continuing journey of building confidence it is essential that you implement your assertive rights so that your life is as happy as it can be.

I have included your assertive rights below, and I would like you to read them and be aware that you do have the right to implement them, no matter what other people think.

 

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ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

  1. I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.
  2. I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses to justify my behaviour.
  3. I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
  4. I have the right to change my mind.
  5. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
  6. I have the right to say “I don’t know”.
  7. I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
  8. I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
  9. I have the right to say “I don’t understand”.
  10. I have the right to say “I don’t care”.
  11. I have the right to say “No”.

When you read and absorb these assertive rights and then begin to implement them in your daily life you will notice the difference.  Don’t think that other people won’t notice, they will, and they will probably be surprised.  So what?

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Let them get over it and continue to assert your rights on a daily basis.  It will increase your confidence and reduce the risk of you being treated as a doormat who always says yes or agrees with everything everybody else says or does.

Your life will improve, and you will boost your confidence by implementing your assertive rights on a regular basis.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

Helping people to become the very best version of themselves.

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Forgiveness – Releasing the past

Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiven inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events.  Over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy.

Until we release ourselves from this cycle, it may prove impossible to move forward. It really does not matter what the issue was, whether slight or life-shatteringly traumatic. If you want to move on you must let it go. To do this you must forgive. To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behaviour simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.

Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go.  They will never move on until they do. In fact, quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt.

A grateful attitude helps in times of extreme stress

 

How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life.  If we choose to accept the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction.  If however we  focus on the bad things that have happened to us, then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want.

If you or your life is “stuck”, then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past.  Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself.  So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that, forgive yourself  and let it go.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past.

In this moment now, you have your power – the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference.  You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future. If you want to feel free, released from the past  then you must forgive.  Forgive everyone, especially yourself. I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear. The basis of them can seem, and may well be, completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions, and it is OK to experience them.  However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions, but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

 

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Look around you, do you know anyone like that?  Some tragedy or injustice has been suffered and now the entire life of that person is defined by their anger and resentment. Every positive thought, every inspired moment, all of life’s little pleasures are subsumed with their overwhelming feelings of anger, resentment, even desire for revenge. No matter how justified their emotions are, what good is it doing them? The past can never be changed. Life is full of tragedy and joy, it is not the events of life so much as how we respond to them that defines how joyous and successful our lives are.

It is time now for you to take action and to really begin to change your life.  Or you could do nothing.  It is your choice. I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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What makes a very good relationship last?

I believe a good relationship is based on trust, love, respect, listening, learning, giving and taking.  Communication of course is essential.  If you don’t communicate effectively with each other, then the relationship will fail. Whether the relationship is a marriage or a friendship, those bases have to be covered or the relationship will not flourish.

I have been married to my husband for 29 years and we love each deeply.  We also trust each other implicitly.  I always listen to what my husband has to say, and mostly he listens to what I have to say.  We don’t always agree, but we respect each other’s opinion.  There is also the factor of knowing that we are there for each other to support and encourage in low times and to praise and celebrate with each other in the high times.  We each know that we can depend upon each other no matter what.  Our communication works, we are honest with each other and there are no secrets (with the exception of birthday and Christmas presents of course).

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I have very few good friends who I would trust with my life.  But those I do have know that equally they can trust me with their lives.  I have one friend in particular who I have known since I was 9 years old.  We are good friends.  We live hundreds of miles apart, but we manage to get together at least once a year and to keep in touch via email and social media.  We love each other as friends, trust and respect each other, learn from each other even now after all these years.

I have a good relationship with my mother, this has not always been the case, but I have learned that we do love each other, respect each other’s opinions and although we live about two hours away from each other, we communicate via phone every so often and I visit her many times a year. She is going to be 90 this year, still lives in her own home, and is surprisingly spritely for her age.

Here are some tips to help make your relationship last:

  • Be honest with each other. If you have made a mistake then admit it, apologise. Don’t let your ego get in the way.
  • If your partner makes a mistake and apologises, is it always their fault? Did they know what you expected of them? Was your communication clear? If not, can you take responsibility and admit that?
  • Say I love you to your partner or friend and mean it. They will be feeling on top of the world because they feel loved and wanted.  This will reflect back on you and make you feel the same.
  • Say thank you. That has a similar effect to saying I love you. Being appreciated means so much in a relationship.
  • Don’t forget that you are still your own person and your partner or friend is still their own person.  Have your own set of friends that you can go out with now and again, without your partner.  Being together all the time can be very suffocating and can cause damage to a relationship.
  • Share your secrets. Know the trivial things about your partner that nobody else knows.

If you don’t have a good relationship with someone, is there something missing? Do you trust each other, respect each other, listen to each other, learn from each other and love each other?

Four Women Friends at the Beach

The best part I find of being in a relationship is that I am not in it alone.  I have someone to love, to work with and work things out with.

No relationship is perfect, it would be terribly boring if it were.  But you are in the relationship with someone you love and who loves you. Cuddle your partner when you go to sleep at night – there is nothing more comforting than having a loving pair of arms around you when you go to sleep and when you wake in the morning.

All of these things will help to make a good relationship last.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves, and I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Taking time for YOU!

My clients often tell me that one of the added benefits of having coaching with me, that they hadn’t considered before they started, is that their coaching sessions can often be the only time in their busy week that they feel able to step back and truly focus 100% on themselves.  Be honest, how often could you say that you allow yourself to do just that?

A lot of the time we get so busy ‘doing’ that we forget about ‘being’.

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This was a revelation of sorts for me some years back.  I had something fantastically inspiring to aim for.  I had the focus, I had the drive to work really hard, and I was making good progress.  And yet, I ended up feeling ill, stressed and fairly disillusioned.  I began to think that if this was what having stretching goals was about, I wasn’t sure I wanted them after all!

Talking through how I felt with a good friend one day, I was brought up short when she said “oh yes, you’ve become a ‘human doing’ instead of a ‘human being'”.  I thought about that all the way home.

As I reflected on the previous few months, I could think of very few times when I wasn’t ‘doing’ and even fewer times when I’d consciously decided to take time out and ‘just be’.

How much of your time do you spend ‘doing’ and how much do you spend ‘being’?  If you had to divide a circle up with how much time you give over to each, what would it look like?  How big would your ‘being’ slice be? Be absolutely honest with yourself.

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With our busy lives and time-poor society it can seem nearly impossible to take more time for ourselves, but at what cost do we choose not to?  My decision those few years back was to invest more time in myself, and I’m certain that I’m more productive as a result.  I get more done in my ‘doing’ time now than I ever did when I was ‘doing’ every waking second of the day.  Plus, my ultimate decision was that it couldn’t all be about the doing and the destination or I’d miss the journey altogether.

So as we roll into the next season, what time can you make for yourself to just ‘be’?  When can you next set aside an hour or two, a whole day or even more than that, to relax and recharge?  Imagine how much better you will feel when you do?

Could you do with some regular time set aside to focus 100% on you and on making your life how you want it?

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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A grateful attitude helps in times of extreme stress

I have found that being grateful for what I do have far outweighs worrying about what I don’t have.  This philosophy works on so many levels for me and it can work for you too.

When I decided to leave my marriage of 12 years (30 years ago), I was full of worry about what I didn’t have at that time, how I would manage, how I would survive etc.  I spent so long worrying about what I didn’t have and desiring all the things that I thought I did want, that I forgot to live as me.  I forgot all about me.  And because of that I had to hit rock bottom before I realised that I could do something about my life.

At that time I didn’t know anything different.  I had never heard of self-development, nor had I heard of life coaches who could have helped me.


Now, of course, I know differently and I always put into practice my own teachings.  I am grateful every day for all that I have, the abundance in my life.  Abundance in life, such as the wonderful area I live in, the friends I have, the trust and love of my husband, the work that I do and the lovely clients who I help daily.

Had I known about how to be grateful for what I had way back then I would probably have coped a whole lot better.  I may not have hit rock bottom, I may have lived my life differently.  I shall never know now, but it doesn’t matter.  I am living the life that I love, working with people every day who benefit from my learning and teaching. I am determined that nobody should have to reach the depths that I did before they change their lives for the better.

Today I am grateful for the smallest things as well as the huge things.  I am grateful for the sunshine today, for the little flowers popping their heads over the window box, the little birds singing, the sea, the green fields and so much more.



If you are going through a life trauma, it may help you to think about all the things you can be grateful for.  The little tiny things that come in large numbers.  They may just bring a smile on a dismal day and help you get through.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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