You are stronger than you realise

Our capacity to cope successfully with life’s challenges far outstrips our capacity to feel nervousness.  Yet in the weeks, days and hours leading up to an event that we believe will test our limits, we become nervous.  While we have previously regarded ourselves as equal to the trials that lie ahead, we reach a point at which they near and our anxiety begins to mount. We then become increasingly worked up, until the moment of truth arrives and we discover that our worry was all for nothing.  We are almost always stronger and more capable that we believe ourselves to be.  But anxiety is not rational in nature, which means that in most cases we cannot work through it using logic as our only tool.  Reason can help us recognise the relative futility of unwarranted worry but, more often than not, we will find more comfort in patterns of thought and activity that re-direct our attention to practical or engaging matters.

 

donotfeedthefears

Most of us find it remarkably difficult to focus on two distinct thoughts or emotions at once, and we can use this natural human limitation to our advantage when trying to stay centred in the time leading up to a potentially tricky experience.  When we concentrate on something unrelated to our worry – such as deep breathing, visualisations, pleasurable pursuits or exercise – anxiety dissipates naturally.  Meditation is also a useful coping mechanism as it provides us with a means to ground ourselves in the moment.

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The intense emotional flare up you experience just before you are set to challenge yourself is often a mixture of both excitement and fear.  When you take steps to eliminate the fear, you can more fully enjoy the moment.  Though you may find it difficult to avoid getting worked up, your awareness of the forces acting on your feelings will help you return to your centre and accept that few hurdles you will face will be as high as they at first appear.

If anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course happy to help you, please contact me .

What I offer is coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make changes if you want to in your life. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Clarifying Your Values

What do you stand for? What are the organising principles of your life? What are your core beliefs? What virtues do you aspire to, and hold in high regard when you see them demonstrated by others? What will you not stand for? What would you sacrifice for, suffer for, and even die for?

What are your values?

These important questions are only asked by about 3% of the population, and that very small minority tends to be the movers and shakers in each society.

When I began this exercise some years ago, my list had 165 qualities that I aspired to.  I think I wrote down every virtue, value or positive descriptive adjective that referred to personality and character contained in the dictionary.  And I agreed with all of them. I felt they were all important and I wanted to incorporate every single one of them into my character. Then reality set in.  I realised that it is extremely hard to learn even one new quality, or to change even one thing about myself, let alone hundreds of things. So I scaled down my ambitions and narrowed the values down to a much smaller number that I could manage and work with. Once I had settled on about five core beliefs, I was able to get to work on myself and start making some progress in character development.

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This is something everyone can do.  Firstly,  write down the five values that you feel are the most important for you to live by. Once you have those five values, then organise them in your order of priority. Which is the most important value in your hierarchy of values? Which would be second? Which would be third? Which would be fourth? Which would be fifth?

Every single choice or decision you make is based on your values. Whenever you decide between alternatives, you invariably choose the alternative that you value the most. And because you can only do one thing at a time, everything you do is a demonstration of what you consider to be the most important at that moment. Therefore, organising your values in an order of priority is the starting point of personal strategic planning. It is only when you are clear about what you value, and in what order, that you are capable of planning and organising other activities of your life.

Here are two things you can do immediately to put this into action:

First, clarify your core beliefs and your unifying principles. Write them down and compare your life today with the values that are really important to you. How do they compare?

Second, organise your values in order of their importance to you. Which of your values is most important? Which is second? And so on. Do your current choices reflect this order of values?

If you anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course happy to help you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Reducing feelings of overwhelm

Have you ever looked at your ‘To Do’ list and thought that your head would explode?  The list is so long it covers at least two sheets of paper and you are in a state where you are not functioning because your brain has decided that it can’t cope and is turning you into a gibbering wreck.

I know I have been in that position, and it doesn’t feel very good at all.  In fact, all I wanted to do was rip up the list and go on holiday.

But there are tips I can share with you so that you can reduce your feelings of overwhelm and actually move forward with your life without feeling like a huge failure, which you are not.

to do list

The very first thing to do is to stop, breathe and look at the big picture.  Get up from whatever it is you are doing, break your state of mind.  Go for a walk, play a game of golf, go to an exercise class.  What you do doesn’t matter, changing what you are doing does.

Have a little chat with yourself.  Tell yourself it is perfectly normal to be feeling overwhelmed but this is only a passing thing.  This time is not great, so what! That’s life.  This state of mind is not interminable, it is just your current state.  Very soon you will be back to your normal self and getting so much more done than you can today.

Write down everything you have to do in great detail.  Everything, including the dripping tap in the kitchen, the shopping – everything that is competing for your attention.

Once you have done that and can see your enormous list of tasks, put on your ‘Best Friend’ hat.  Imagine you are your own best friend.  What would you advise your best friend to cross off, delegate, delay or put to the top of the list? Cross off those things that you know have been on your list for weeks and are very unlikely to get done.  If they have been on the list for that long, do they really need doing?

tips

Focus on the bigger picture.  What is your intention behind any task? Is the task getting you closer to or further away from your intention?  Ditch, delegate, delay or change the task accordingly.

Look at the stuff that is left on your list now, what can you give to someone else to do? A staff member, a friend, a family member?  Of course they probably won’t do it as well as you, but currently you aren’t doing anything. So ask for help.

What tasks can you ditch? Which tasks can you delay? Which tasks must be done today?

Your list will be much shorter now, more easily managed.  Prioritise, give each task a grade.  A = has to happen today. B = Brilliant if I could get it done today, but not essential.  C = We’ll see if we get to it today.

Now make yourself a cup of tea/coffee.  Self explanatory.

It’s time to start with

  • A1. Do it, must be done today.
  • A2. Do it, would like it done today.
  • A3 Do it if you can today, if not add it to your to do list for tomorrow.

Tick each one off as you accomplish them and celebrate.  Give yourself  acknowledgement and accolades for as long as you can maintain your state. You have reduced you feelings of overwhelm.

It is then crucial after your emotionally challenging day that you take time to unwind.  A bath, a film, a meal.  Whatever it takes to get you to a place where you will sleep well.  It’s not about time management, it’s about energy management, so your small investment at the end of a big day pays huge dividends for the rest of the week.

f you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

The Essence of You

Journey to the real you:

Part 1:

Do you remember when were you happy, free, creative, fun, vulnerable, secure?

We are looking for the essence of who you are at the core of your being.

Find some photos of you when you were a child, maybe 5 or 6 years old. If you can’t find any, then try and find some of you as a teenager or at least younger than you are now.

Really look at the younger you in the photos. Answer these questions as well as you can.

  • What do you remember about the way you were?
  • If you were the parent of this child, what would you give them?
  • How would you encourage them in their lives?
  • What do you think they deserve in this life?
  • How would you want their life to be?
  • How should they be treated emotionally?
  • How could you protect/nurture her?
  • What do they need in their life right now?
  • What qualities did they have then that they might have forgotten?
  • What changes do you feel this person would like to make in their lives right now?

Beware of thinking the pathetic thought that ‘There is nothing good about me.  I can’t fill this in’.  If you continue with this type of thought pattern you will always stay trapped.  Please try to work really hard here…. even if you can only come up with one or two of these statements, at least it’s a start.  Remember to look at your photo as you do this. Listen to your innate thinking, sit quietly and listen to what you hear.

sisters

Part 2:

Look at your photo as you complete this exercise, write your answers to the statements below.

This might be tough for you so please be gentle with yourself.  You might feel like giving up at this point, or skipping this exercise, or skim-reading it through.  Don’t!  If you work really hard you will begin to feel some positive benefits.

This is where we can now begin to create some positive dialogue which will anchor you and make you feel strong again.

  • I deserve to be happy because ………
  • I like me because ……….
  • I am a valuable human being because ………
  • I am a beautiful human being because ……….
  • I have value because ………
  • I have worth because ………
  • I am worth loving because ………
  • I deserve to have fun in life because ………
  • I am important because ………
  • I am loveable because ……….
  • I am unique because ……….
  • I am perfect as I am because ………

 

Once you have completed the last exercise as best you possibly can, read your answers and remind yourself daily of why you are so special.

You can do this exercise again in a few months and notice any changes.

If you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

Are you directionless?

Many people are working in professions, careers and even their own businesses that they really didn’t consciously plan to pursue.   Many people are in relationships where they are not truly happy.  This they take to be the norm and they think they are a victim of circumstance.  So they take on roles they think are tolerable or expected of them.

Each one of us has a life purpose.  Your life’s direction and purpose is the culmination of various activities that allow you to express your intelligence and creativity. That allow you to live in accordance with your own core values, and to experience the profound joy of simply being yourself.

Unlike traditional work, your life’s work demands nothing from you but your intent and passion for that work. Interestingly,  nobody is born with a complete understanding of the range of their life purpose.

Your life does not resemble anybody else's

It may be that you have drifted through your life, and now feel you are directionless. Discovering what your life’s work might be can help you to realise your true potential and live a more authentic, happy and driven life.

But I hear you asking ‘How do you make this discovery?’  Think about what interests you now, in the present. Also think about the passions you remember that moved you in the past.

May be you were attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life, only to have been steered away from your aspirations as you matured.  Maybe you are secretly harbouring a secret passion and would love to explore it.

Think about what is calling to you.  There may be several things, write them down and then narrow your list down to the one that is calling the loudest.

If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do that.  If you want to change the world, consider where you would start and whether you have the skills and talents to undertake philanthropic work.  What do you have to do to gain or hone the skills you will need to fulfil your dream?

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Proudly write down all of your strengths, passions, beliefs and values to help you refine your search for purpose.  Additionally, look for the signs pointing you in the right direction, but be sure to pay attention by opening your mind to all possibilities and really noticing the signs.

You will probably need to redefine your direction several times throughout your lifetime.  For instance, being an amazing parent could be your life’s work for 18 years or so, then perhaps you may find you want different work to do.

Your life’s work may not be something you are recognised or paid for, such as parenting, a hobby, or a variety of other activities typically considered by others to be inconsequential. Your love for your life’s work, however, gives it enormous meaning. You’ll know you have discovered your life’s work when you wake up and are eager to face each day and you feel really good about, not only what you do, but also who you are!

If you need help with any of the above, contact me.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Self acceptance

How we see ourselves is frequently completely different from the way others see us.  That doesn’t mean that how others see us is wrong, but we can judge ourselves very easily by what we perceive other people think.  This ‘self judgement’ can distort our view of ourselves. But we can change that distorted view, and become aware of who we really are and learn to accept ourselves exactly as we are.

I know that I began to learn to accept myself by working out what my subconscious beliefs were about myself. And then I began to challenge those beliefs so that I could get to a positive place where I was kind and gentle with myself instead of being harsh and critical.

I began by looking in the mirror and really seeing myself.  It was hard at first, because I didn’t like looking at me.  But I stuck at it and learned to accept myself just as I am.

miror2

My first suggestion is for you to practice the following exercise, it may take several attempts, but that is okay.  Take as long as you need to.  If it takes several days or several weeks, that is okay.  If tears come along, let them flow.  They won’t hurt you, but they will help you.

I would like you to look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud to yourself who you see.  Speak in the third person.

  • What do you see when you look at them?
  • Who have they become?
  • How do they feel about the life that they are living?
  • Anything else?

 

I would like you to verify each of the beliefs you have and explain why you believe it. Write them down.

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Are the beliefs true or has someone said this to you along the way? Who was it?

The second part of this exercise is much more fun.  I would like you to make a list of as many opposite or neutral beliefs (opposite from those you wrote above) as you can and begin building your strong positive internal dialogue.

Think back, can you remember when you believed something negative about yourself and you managed to change your perspective to a positive way of thinking about you?

Write your new beliefs down.

  • How do they want to look?
  • What would  they be wearing?
  • How would they stand?
  • What would their facial expression be like?
  • Anything else?

What is this telling you?

If any of this resonates with you, get in touch and we can have a chat about how we can work together if you would like.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

How to experience ‘happiness’

Do you really know what will it take to make you happy?

Think about it and see if you can discover what it will take for you to be happy?

  • Will being in a relationship, or with the right boyfriend/girlfriend make you happy?
  • Will being married make you happy?
  • Will having a million pounds make you happy?
  • Will being successful make you happy?
  • Will having better health make you happy?
  • Will getting a new job make you happy?
  • Will having a great career make you happy?

If you think the answer is yes to any or all of the above questions, you’ll never experience happiness!

Surprised? Well don’t be. The truth is nothing can make you happy. Happiness is something we feel, not something we can find.

eyelash

Being happy doesn’t depend on a particular outcome or something happening to you. There isn’t somewhere you can go and find happiness sitting there waiting for you.

Advertising of all sorts is designed to make you think that a new car, a particular skin cream, a new outfit, some new shoes, a drink or a new diet will make you happy, but that is simply not true. Nothing can make you happy because happiness is a feeling that comes from inside you.  Happiness is something you experience.

If you want to be happy, then be happy. Most people don’t choose to be happy because they spend most of their time focusing on what they perceive is wrong with their life.

Think about it, you can’t be happy doing something that you don’t like. If you don’t believe me try it. Try doing something you despise and see if you can be happy at the same time. Trust me, you won’t be happy doing something you don’t enjoy!

You also can’t do something you really enjoy and be sad or angry. Don’t believe me? Try it. See what happens. Go and try doing something you really enjoy and see if you’re angry or miserable at the same time. That really doesn’t work.

happy
Unfortunately, people believe they can be happy when they achieve a particular goal and make the mistake of chasing that goal in order to be happy. It’s really not achieving the goal that makes them happy. It’s the feeling of achieving the goal that provides another feeling, satisfaction perhaps,  that is mistaken for happiness.

This mistake is quite common, because it’s not security or peace of mind that makes you happy. You experience happiness when you do what you enjoy and when you focus on the positive things taking place in your life. If you’re not doing that then you can never be happy.  Don’t think that you can be happy just by having something.

You can experience happiness by achieving your particular goal,  by doing what you enjoy, having fun while achieving your goals and choosing the right goals, the kind that make you feel happy all the time.  Focus on what you want.

Start doing the things that you enjoy. Look at the positive things that are going on in your life. Direct your mind and subconscious mind to help you experience happiness every day. This will start once you begin to appreciate the good things in your life.

Okay so how can you begin to be happy? It’s really quite simple, all you have to do is shift your focus.

Instead of looking at all that is wrong with your life, instead of looking at what you don’t like about yourself or your life; constantly criticising; change your focus. Start appreciating all that is good in your life.

Make a list if you want and write out all of the positive things in your life. Usually someone will say: “Maggie, I can’t think of anything positive or good in my life. I just want to be happy.” That’s only because they are not seeing all the positive things in their life.  And so they’ll never be happy.

Every day there are wonderful things taking place in your life, yet you fail to observe and recognise them. You tend to take them for granted.  This can be anything – a hot  meal, a wonderful spouse, family, a beautiful flower, lambs playing in a field –  If you have a roof over your head, that’s a positive aspect of your life.

Start looking at all of the great and terrific things that are going on in your life and you’ll begin to experience happiness on a deeper level. You can begin to improve or change the areas that you are not happy with, but at the same time acknowledge the good things that are going on in your life.

Your mind is used to only paying attention to what is going wrong and in the process it directs the subconscious mind to continue creating more of those things that are going wrong. You actually create more of what makes you unhappy.

Why?

Because your subconscious creates what you regularly think about. So if you don’t regularly focus on the positive things you won’t create positive situations in your life.

And here’s where it gets worse.  When you constantly focus on what is wrong with your life, when you only think about and see what is wrong in your life, your subconscious begins to create more of what is wrong or more of what you don’t want because it thinks that you want more.

yourhappiness

Now you know why it can be so difficult for some people to truly experience happiness. It’s because they’re used to focusing on the negative aspects of life and in the end continue to create more of what they don’t want.

In order to change all of this you have to begin training the mind and re-directing the subconscious mind to begin creating what you want in life and to focus on the good things that are taking place in your life.

Begin experiencing happiness by changing your focus. Everyday think of the positive things that are going on in your life. Make a list of all the wonderful things that are taking place in your life.

Think of at least 3 great things that happened to you – they can be small or large – but just appreciate 3 good things that happened during the day. Focus on the positive.
Direct your mind and subconscious mind by changing your perspective so you experience happiness everyday

Too often I hear from people who simply want to be happy but when I ask them what they do for fun they say: “Nothing.” No wonder they’re not happy. How can you be happy if you’re never having fun in life?

If you want to experience happiness then start doing things that you enjoy.  You may like gardening; you may like hang gliding, you may like riding your bike, you may enjoy going for long walks, you may enjoy acting like a 5-year old – whatever it is start doing it and see how great you feel.

But there is one catch when you’re doing what you enjoy, you can only focus on that and not think about anything else that may be bothering you. That’s the only way you’ll truly enjoy the activity and begin to experience happiness.

As adults we get bogged down with the everyday tasks that force us to be serious. We have jobs where we’re serious, bills to pay, food to prepare, children to look after, it’s all too serious and it is necessary. I’m not suggesting you ignore your responsibilities – but take some time just to have some fun.

Now you can’t just have fun once a week or once a month. You have to do this every day. That means every day you have to find something fun to do, and only then will you get comfortable and used to the process to the point where you regularly experience happiness. Once you start doing this you’ll enjoy it so much you’ll wonder why you never did this to begin with.

If you don’t feel you have the time to have fun and enjoy your life, then you’re really saying that your happiness is not important enough. Only when you decide to be happy will you truly begin to experience happiness. You can work with the techniques I’ve outlined – they will help you get started. But you will need to train your mind and subconscious mind to begin seeing and living in a different way.

If this resonates with you and you would like to have a conversation about this or any other subject, please get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk