The Essence of You

Journey to the real you:

Part 1:

Do you remember when were you happy, free, creative, fun, vulnerable, secure?

We are looking for the essence of who you are at the core of your being.

Find some photos of you when you were a child, maybe 5 or 6 years old. If you can’t find any, then try and find some of you as a teenager or at least younger than you are now.

Really look at the younger you in the photos. Answer these questions as well as you can.

  • What do you remember about the way you were?
  • If you were the parent of this child, what would you give them?
  • How would you encourage them in their lives?
  • What do you think they deserve in this life?
  • How would you want their life to be?
  • How should they be treated emotionally?
  • How could you protect/nurture her?
  • What do they need in their life right now?
  • What qualities did they have then that they might have forgotten?
  • What changes do you feel this person would like to make in their lives right now?

Beware of thinking the pathetic thought that ‘There is nothing good about me.  I can’t fill this in’.  If you continue with this type of thought pattern you will always stay trapped.  Please try to work really hard here…. even if you can only come up with one or two of these statements, at least it’s a start.  Remember to look at your photo as you do this. Listen to your innate thinking, sit quietly and listen to what you hear.

sisters

Part 2:

Look at your photo as you complete this exercise, write your answers to the statements below.

This might be tough for you so please be gentle with yourself.  You might feel like giving up at this point, or skipping this exercise, or skim-reading it through.  Don’t!  If you work really hard you will begin to feel some positive benefits.

This is where we can now begin to create some positive dialogue which will anchor you and make you feel strong again.

  • I deserve to be happy because ………
  • I like me because ……….
  • I am a valuable human being because ………
  • I am a beautiful human being because ……….
  • I have value because ………
  • I have worth because ………
  • I am worth loving because ………
  • I deserve to have fun in life because ………
  • I am important because ………
  • I am loveable because ……….
  • I am unique because ……….
  • I am perfect as I am because ………

 

Once you have completed the last exercise as best you possibly can, read your answers and remind yourself daily of why you are so special.

You can do this exercise again in a few months and notice any changes.

If you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

Are you directionless?

Many people are working in professions, careers and even their own businesses that they really didn’t consciously plan to pursue.   Many people are in relationships where they are not truly happy.  This they take to be the norm and they think they are a victim of circumstance.  So they take on roles they think are tolerable or expected of them.

Each one of us has a life purpose.  Your life’s direction and purpose is the culmination of various activities that allow you to express your intelligence and creativity. That allow you to live in accordance with your own core values, and to experience the profound joy of simply being yourself.

Unlike traditional work, your life’s work demands nothing from you but your intent and passion for that work. Interestingly,  nobody is born with a complete understanding of the range of their life purpose.

Your life does not resemble anybody else's

It may be that you have drifted through your life, and now feel you are directionless. Discovering what your life’s work might be can help you to realise your true potential and live a more authentic, happy and driven life.

But I hear you asking ‘How do you make this discovery?’  Think about what interests you now, in the present. Also think about the passions you remember that moved you in the past.

May be you were attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life, only to have been steered away from your aspirations as you matured.  Maybe you are secretly harbouring a secret passion and would love to explore it.

Think about what is calling to you.  There may be several things, write them down and then narrow your list down to the one that is calling the loudest.

If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do that.  If you want to change the world, consider where you would start and whether you have the skills and talents to undertake philanthropic work.  What do you have to do to gain or hone the skills you will need to fulfil your dream?

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Proudly write down all of your strengths, passions, beliefs and values to help you refine your search for purpose.  Additionally, look for the signs pointing you in the right direction, but be sure to pay attention by opening your mind to all possibilities and really noticing the signs.

You will probably need to redefine your direction several times throughout your lifetime.  For instance, being an amazing parent could be your life’s work for 18 years or so, then perhaps you may find you want different work to do.

Your life’s work may not be something you are recognised or paid for, such as parenting, a hobby, or a variety of other activities typically considered by others to be inconsequential. Your love for your life’s work, however, gives it enormous meaning. You’ll know you have discovered your life’s work when you wake up and are eager to face each day and you feel really good about, not only what you do, but also who you are!

If you need help with any of the above, contact me.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

How did I know I had low self-esteem? And how did I change that?

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways, and I should know I have been there.  For me the following was very true:

  • I didn’t think I was good enough.
  • I thought everyone else thought they were good enough.
  • I didn’t look after myself, I put others first.
  • I let people manipulate me.
  • I was in a bad relationship.
  • I felt sad and thought there must be more to life than this.
  • I constantly asked other people for their opinion, I didn’t think I knew anything.
  • I was verbally, psychologically, financially and emotionally abused and never felt I was worthy.

I started out with the intention of being happy when I got married at age 19, but soon discovered that the marriage was not working as I was constantly treated like an idiot, not allowed to develop as me, told I was worthless and became a possession.  This situation went on for 12 years and my self-esteem nose-dived.  Whilst in that relationship I had no idea that it wasn’t normal, I thought every marriage was the same.

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I woke up one morning and a though crept into my mind.  This is not normal, there has to be something different.  I explained my situation to a solicitor and he confirmed it was not normal. I decided there and then I had to get out of that relationship.

Getting out of that relationship led me to become a single parent, living in a small flat with three small children, no money, no job, no prospects and I felt there was no hope.  My self-esteem went down even further.

Does anything resonate with you yet? Can you see the likenesses in your life at the moment? Well I can assure you, there is hope.

It took me a while, some years, but I found the answers to rebuilding my self-esteem and my life to such an extent that I run a successful business that I set up and I am a published author. I married again and have been very happily married for 33 years to a wonderful man who loves me.  I have retrained as a life coach and work with people who have no self-esteem and help them to re-build it and I love every minute of it. I know how it feels, I know it hurts and that’s why I can help so many people.  I am still learning, life is a school and I attend every day.

I also work with people who have escaped from abusive relationships or who want to escape. I love my work.

theworldisyourcanvas

So what can you do right now to begin to change your situation and start to re-build your self-esteem?

  • Stop thinking that you are not good enough. You most definitely are.
  • Begin to look after yourself, put yourself first. It is not selfish – it is essential.
  • Before you think that you don’t have the answer stop, really think about the question, the answer is there, you just have to find it deep down inside yourself.
  • There is more to life than you have now, it is out there waiting for you. What is it that you want? Picture it in your head, write it down, look for it and you will find it.
  • Listen to your intuition. Really listen. It is telling you what is right for you.

By changing your attitude towards yourself, other people will change their attitudes towards you, it will take time, but it will happen.

Begin today to change your life. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself. You deserve to have high self-esteem.

If any of this resonates with you, get in touch and we can have a chat about how we can work together to rebuild your self-esteem.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Stress – what is it?

Have you set yourself goals that you want to achieve?  If so, are they actually achievable?  And more importantly are they really necessary?

You can create stress around goals.  You make them mean something about your worth and value and this creates pressure as you strive to achieve them.  And if you do achieve them, will there still be something missing?

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So, let’s imagine you want to test out how much stress you can create.

If you feel you have to make it happen you are putting a huge responsibility on your shoulders.  You think you are on your own.  You work hard at gaining more knowledge, you work harder and keep a very tight control.  You make it all about your personal commitment and discipline.  You want to prove yourself to yourself and to everyone else or you think you will lose everything.  You force yourself out of your comfort zone creating stress and fear all the way along.

Or you could leave it all up to the Universe.  This means you sit and wait for the conditions of your environment or in your mind to be perfect.  This is very unlikely to happen, as perfection does not exist.  So you create stress whilst you wait.

Or you can use your free will and make decisions from your innate wisdom and stay on course when your thoughts appear stressful.  It is your thoughts that cause the stress, since stress itself does not exist until we create it.

Happy young woman with a white background

So relax into what it is you want to achieve, live in the moment, don’t think about the future as it hasn’t happened yet, do what you feel is right and your perceived stress levels will reduce and you may even find that you have no need to set goals at all.

If anything you have read resonates with you, let me know.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Do you always need to defend yourself?

Living with people who are verbally abusive or verbally aggressive can be very demanding on your time and energy. But does it have to be that way?

The abusive or aggressive person often wants you to defend yourself or explain yourself. This is abusive behaviour, controlling, demeaning and only you can decide if you are willing to tolerate it. Some people have tolerated this behaviour for many decades, probably because they are scared of what other people might say or think, scared about what would happen if they stood up to the bully, and even scared of what life would be like if they were to leave and begin a new life for themselves. Many are scared to mention it to anyone else as they are threatened with even worse treatment if they dare to tell anyone.

There is a lovely quote from Sophia Dembling:

“If you can plant yourself on solid ground in your head and heart, other people won’t be able to throw you off balance. No need to debate or justify your stance. Explain yourself if you want, but you needn’t defend yourself.”

change

 

The bully is usually sweetness and light when anyone else is around, polite and caring, but when there is nobody else there they can be constantly verbally abusive and aggressive. This is typical behaviour from a bully who, if confronted, will usually back down because they are generally cowards too. They want control of you and this is the only way they know how. And because they have got away with it for years, and because you think you can’t do anything about it, they will continue in the same way.

So, what can you do about this verbally abusive and aggressive person? You have several options available to you. You can put up with it, you can ignore it (not so easy I know), you can try and persuade the bully to go to counselling with you or you can decide you are not going to tolerate it any longer and leave the relationship. The bully will often try emotional blackmail claiming they will harm themselves if you leave.  Those that talk about it in that way rarely carry out their threats of self harm.

The excuses will roll around your head one after the other – They won’t be able to cope without me, what will I do on my own, what if…………?

They will be able to cope without you, you will survive on your own, don’t even wonder about what if….. The world will not end.

believe

You have to decide what is best for you, and only you. It is your life and you deserve to be able to live it in your way without the constant abuse and aggressiveness. The abuser has chosen their path and they are happy to be on it as they are in control of you and they know exactly what they are doing to make you unhappy and make you believe that if you were to leave them that this would happen or that would happen, and they will come out with a large range of scenarios. All of these scenarios will sound plausible, because that is what they are good at. Making you feel inadequate.

So it is up to you to decide what you want to do. Do you want to stay and be constantly verbally abused and spoken to aggressively? If not, seek some professional help so you can make an informed decision about your life.

Are you ready to make changes? Work with me to gain more freedom, more fun and have less stress. Get in touch today to find out how we can work together to move you  forward in your life.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

How to experience ‘happiness’

Do you really know what will it take to make you happy?

Think about it and see if you can discover what it will take for you to be happy?

  • Will being in a relationship, or with the right boyfriend/girlfriend make you happy?
  • Will being married make you happy?
  • Will having a million pounds make you happy?
  • Will being successful make you happy?
  • Will having better health make you happy?
  • Will getting a new job make you happy?
  • Will having a great career make you happy?

If you think the answer is yes to any or all of the above questions, you’ll never experience happiness!

Surprised? Well don’t be. The truth is nothing can make you happy. Happiness is something we feel, not something we can find.

eyelash

Being happy doesn’t depend on a particular outcome or something happening to you. There isn’t somewhere you can go and find happiness sitting there waiting for you.

Advertising of all sorts is designed to make you think that a new car, a particular skin cream, a new outfit, some new shoes, a drink or a new diet will make you happy, but that is simply not true. Nothing can make you happy because happiness is a feeling that comes from inside you.  Happiness is something you experience.

If you want to be happy, then be happy. Most people don’t choose to be happy because they spend most of their time focusing on what they perceive is wrong with their life.

Think about it, you can’t be happy doing something that you don’t like. If you don’t believe me try it. Try doing something you despise and see if you can be happy at the same time. Trust me, you won’t be happy doing something you don’t enjoy!

You also can’t do something you really enjoy and be sad or angry. Don’t believe me? Try it. See what happens. Go and try doing something you really enjoy and see if you’re angry or miserable at the same time. That really doesn’t work.

happy
Unfortunately, people believe they can be happy when they achieve a particular goal and make the mistake of chasing that goal in order to be happy. It’s really not achieving the goal that makes them happy. It’s the feeling of achieving the goal that provides another feeling, satisfaction perhaps,  that is mistaken for happiness.

This mistake is quite common, because it’s not security or peace of mind that makes you happy. You experience happiness when you do what you enjoy and when you focus on the positive things taking place in your life. If you’re not doing that then you can never be happy.  Don’t think that you can be happy just by having something.

You can experience happiness by achieving your particular goal,  by doing what you enjoy, having fun while achieving your goals and choosing the right goals, the kind that make you feel happy all the time.  Focus on what you want.

Start doing the things that you enjoy. Look at the positive things that are going on in your life. Direct your mind and subconscious mind to help you experience happiness every day. This will start once you begin to appreciate the good things in your life.

Okay so how can you begin to be happy? It’s really quite simple, all you have to do is shift your focus.

Instead of looking at all that is wrong with your life, instead of looking at what you don’t like about yourself or your life; constantly criticising; change your focus. Start appreciating all that is good in your life.

Make a list if you want and write out all of the positive things in your life. Usually someone will say: “Maggie, I can’t think of anything positive or good in my life. I just want to be happy.” That’s only because they are not seeing all the positive things in their life.  And so they’ll never be happy.

Every day there are wonderful things taking place in your life, yet you fail to observe and recognise them. You tend to take them for granted.  This can be anything – a hot  meal, a wonderful spouse, family, a beautiful flower, lambs playing in a field –  If you have a roof over your head, that’s a positive aspect of your life.

Start looking at all of the great and terrific things that are going on in your life and you’ll begin to experience happiness on a deeper level. You can begin to improve or change the areas that you are not happy with, but at the same time acknowledge the good things that are going on in your life.

Your mind is used to only paying attention to what is going wrong and in the process it directs the subconscious mind to continue creating more of those things that are going wrong. You actually create more of what makes you unhappy.

Why?

Because your subconscious creates what you regularly think about. So if you don’t regularly focus on the positive things you won’t create positive situations in your life.

And here’s where it gets worse.  When you constantly focus on what is wrong with your life, when you only think about and see what is wrong in your life, your subconscious begins to create more of what is wrong or more of what you don’t want because it thinks that you want more.

yourhappiness

Now you know why it can be so difficult for some people to truly experience happiness. It’s because they’re used to focusing on the negative aspects of life and in the end continue to create more of what they don’t want.

In order to change all of this you have to begin training the mind and re-directing the subconscious mind to begin creating what you want in life and to focus on the good things that are taking place in your life.

Begin experiencing happiness by changing your focus. Everyday think of the positive things that are going on in your life. Make a list of all the wonderful things that are taking place in your life.

Think of at least 3 great things that happened to you – they can be small or large – but just appreciate 3 good things that happened during the day. Focus on the positive.
Direct your mind and subconscious mind by changing your perspective so you experience happiness everyday

Too often I hear from people who simply want to be happy but when I ask them what they do for fun they say: “Nothing.” No wonder they’re not happy. How can you be happy if you’re never having fun in life?

If you want to experience happiness then start doing things that you enjoy.  You may like gardening; you may like hang gliding, you may like riding your bike, you may enjoy going for long walks, you may enjoy acting like a 5-year old – whatever it is start doing it and see how great you feel.

But there is one catch when you’re doing what you enjoy, you can only focus on that and not think about anything else that may be bothering you. That’s the only way you’ll truly enjoy the activity and begin to experience happiness.

As adults we get bogged down with the everyday tasks that force us to be serious. We have jobs where we’re serious, bills to pay, food to prepare, children to look after, it’s all too serious and it is necessary. I’m not suggesting you ignore your responsibilities – but take some time just to have some fun.

Now you can’t just have fun once a week or once a month. You have to do this every day. That means every day you have to find something fun to do, and only then will you get comfortable and used to the process to the point where you regularly experience happiness. Once you start doing this you’ll enjoy it so much you’ll wonder why you never did this to begin with.

If you don’t feel you have the time to have fun and enjoy your life, then you’re really saying that your happiness is not important enough. Only when you decide to be happy will you truly begin to experience happiness. You can work with the techniques I’ve outlined – they will help you get started. But you will need to train your mind and subconscious mind to begin seeing and living in a different way.

If this resonates with you and you would like to have a conversation about this or any other subject, please get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Your Ideal Self and Life

Your self-concept is made up of various parts, each of which affects each of the others. Understanding these parts enables you to become nearer to your ideal self.  When you learn to take charge of the development of a new and positive self-concept, you can then control your destiny for the rest of your life.

The first part of the self-concept is your “self-ideal.”  Your self-ideal largely determines the direction in which you are going with your life. It guides the growth and evolution of your character and personality.  Your self-ideal is a combination of all of the qualities and attributes of other people that you most admire.  Your self-ideal is a description of the person you would very much like to be if you could embody the qualities that you most aspire to.

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Throughout your life, you have seen and read about the qualities of courage, confidence, compassion, love, fortitude, perseverance, patience, forgiveness and integrity.  Over time, these qualities have instilled in you an ideal to which you aspire. You might not always live up to the very best that you know, but you are constantly striving to be a better person in light of those qualities that you value so highly.  In fact, everything that you do on a day-to-day basis is affected by your comparing your activities with these ideal qualities and your striving to behave consistently with them. Always remember, that you are innately authentic in the way you live your life.  Don’t do anything that is false, be true to your authentic self.

Successful people have very clear ideals for themselves.  Unsuccessful people have fuzzy ideals.  Successful people are very clear about being excellent in every part of their work and their personal lives.  Unsuccessful people don’t give the subject very much thought.  One of the primary characteristics of successful men and women in every walk of life is that they have very clearly defined ideals and they are very aware of whether or not their current behaviours are consistent with their idealised behaviours.

Part of your ideals are your goals.  As you set higher and more challenging goals, your self-ideal improves and crystallises.  When you set goals for the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live, your self-ideal rises and becomes a greater guiding and motivating force in your life.

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Perhaps the most important thing for you to realise is that whatever anybody else has done or become, you can do or become as well.  Improvements in your self-ideal begin in your imagination where there are no limits except the ones that you accept.

  • What is your ideal vision of the very best person you could possibly become?
  • How would you behave each day if you were already that person?

Make a picture in your mind of how you would look and stand, how you would appear to other people.  If you don’t like what you see in your picture, change it.  There are no limits here – you are safe to change anything in your picture.  Asking yourself these questions and then living your life consistent with your answers is the first step to creating yourself in your ideal image.

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

Firstly, dream big dreams. Set big, exciting, challenging goals and ideals for yourself in every part of your life.  Remember your goals have to be achievable by you.  But step outside of your comfort zone, even by a couple of tiny steps, and see what a difference it makes. Allow yourself to imagine your wonderful life ahead.

Secondly, think about how you would act if you believed you were the outstanding person in your vision in every way.  Create that picture in your mind.  Then, practice being this person, as though you were acting a role in a play.  You’ll immediately notice a difference in your behaviour.  Remember to remain true to your authentic self.  Practice all of the above.

If any of this resonates with you, please contact me and let me know your results. I love to hear all about your successes.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk