How do I know I have low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways, and I should know I have been there.  For me the following was very true:

  • I didn’t think I was good enough.
  • I thought everyone else thought they were good enough.
  • I didn’t look after myself, I put others first.
  • I let people manipulate me.
  • I was in a bad relationship.
  • I felt sad and thought there must be more to life than this.
  • I constantly asked other people for their opinion, I didn’t think I knew anything.
  • I was verbally and emotionally abused and never felt I was worthy.

I started out with the intention of being happy when I got married at age 19, but soon discovered that the marriage was not working as I was constantly treated like an idiot, not allowed to develop as me, told I was worthless and became a possession.  This situation went on for 12 years and my self-esteem nose-dived.  Whilst in that relationship I had no idea that it wasn’t normal, I thought every marriage was the same.

Dealing with emotional abuse

I woke up one morning and a thought crept into my mind.  This is not normal, there has to be something different.  I summoned the courage to seek some help and explained my situation to a solicitor and he confirmed it was not normal. I decided there and then I had to get out of that relationship.

Getting out of that relationship led me to become a single parent, living in a small flat with three small children, no money, no job, no prospects and I felt there was no hope.  My self-esteem went down even further.

Something had to change, and there was one day that sticks in my mind when things began to change.  I had the flu and the children all had chicken pox.  We were sitting huddled in the living room trying to keep warm and I had only one coin left for the electric meter.  Something had to change and very soon or none of us were going to get through this.

I phoned my parents and asked them to bring me some 50p pieces for the meter.  This didn’t change anything immediately, but it did help us to get better.  I resolved that I could get a job, I was capable and I was going to change mine and my children’s lives.

The very next week I went out and got a job cooking school meals in the school my children attended.  It meant I was there when they went to school and when they came home. I was there in the school holidays.  But it also meant I was independent, no longer reliant on benefits and other people.  I was changing my life.

Does anything resonate with you yet? Can you see the likenesses in your life at the moment? Well I can assure you, there is hope.

It took me a while, some years, but I found the answers to rebuilding my self-esteem and my life to such an extent that I run two successful businesses that I set up and I am a published author. I married again and have been very happily married for 32 years to a wonderful man who loves me.  I have spent over a decade as a life coach and mentor and work with people who have no self-esteem and help them to re-build it and I love every minute of it. I know how it feels, I know it hurts and that’s why I can help so many people.  I am still learning, life is a school and I attend every day.

Dealing with emotional abuse

 

So what can you do right now to begin to change your situation and start to re-build your self-esteem?

  • Stop thinking that you are not good enough. You most definitely are.
  • Begin to look after yourself, put yourself first. It is not selfish – it is essential.
  • Before you think that you don’t have the answer stop, really think about the question, the answer is there, you just have to find it deep down inside yourself.
  • There is more to life than you have now, it is out there waiting for you. What is it that you want? Picture it in your head, write it down, look for it , open your mind to it.
  • Listen to your intuition. Really listen. It is telling you what is right for you now in this moment.

By changing your attitude towards yourself other people will change their attitudes towards you, it will take time, but it will happen.

Begin today to change your life. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself. You deserve to have high self-esteem.

If you would like to find out more about living in the moment and rebuilding your self-esteem,  get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Stress – what is it?

Have you set yourself goals that you think you want to achieve?  If so, are they actually achievable?  And more importantly are they really necessary?

There is stress around setting goals.  You make them mean something about your worth and value and this creates pressure as you strive to achieve them.  And if you do achieve them, will there still be something missing?

screaming

So, let’s imagine you want to test out how stressed you are.

If you feel you have to make it happen you are putting a huge responsibility on your shoulders.  You think you are on your own.  You work hard at gaining more knowledge, you work harder and keep a very tight control.  You make it all about your personal commitment and discipline.  You want to prove yourself to yourself, and to everyone else, or you think you will lose everything.

We force ourselves out of our comfort zones feeling stress and fear all the way along.

On the other hand, you could leave it all up to the Universe.  This mean you sit and wait for the conditions of your environment or in your mind to be perfect………  This is very unlikely to happen.  So you feel stressed whilst you wait.

Happy young woman with a white background

Alternatively, and more sensibly you can use your free will and make decisions from your innate wisdom and stay on course when have stressful thinking.  It is your thoughts that cause the stress, since stress itself does not exist until we create it.

So relax into what it is you want to achieve, live in the moment.  Don’t think about the future as it hasn’t happened yet.  Don’t think about what you did in the past, nothing can change that. Do what you feel is right in the moment and your stress levels will reduce and you may even find that you have no need to set goals at all.

If you would like to find out more about living in the moment and reducing your stress levels,  get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Learning to slow down – stop and smell the roses

Sometimes we are so busy that we rush through our days and lives, and we fail to notice the simple beauty of living.

We are conditioned to value speed and getting things done quickly. We are also conditioned to think that doing is far more valuable than merely being, that making the most of life is a getting as much done as we can as quickly as we can.

What I have found is that the more I try to fit in to a short space of time, the increasingly harried and disconnected I become.  I don’t notice the simple beauty of what is all around me.

When I consciously slow down, I rediscover the significance of some of the seemingly inconsequential aspects of my life.  I notice the stunning views, the sounds of the birds, the flight of the bumble bees.

I also find that I get more done by slowing down and getting that job done becomes a source of profound pleasure to me, no matter how large or small the task.

When I give myself the gift of time I reap the benefits.  I have time to indulge my curiosity, to enjoy the moment, to sit and think, to connect with other people and with myself and to appreciate my world.

flowers

Taking my time is not being inefficient or lazy.  By working at a slower pace I can be selective of how I use my time and can appreciate fully every moment.  Pacing myself as I address something urgent allows me to centre myself before moving ahead with my plans.

Taking that little bit of extra time can even be a boon when a situation demands haste.  When I embrace simplicity I allow myself to ignore those actions and activities that no longer benefit me. The extra time I gain can appear like a huge waste of potential.  But as I slow down, I realise that by eliminating rushing from my experiences I have more time to focus on what I really want to do.

I can relish my morning rituals, linger over quality time with my husband, immerse myself wholeheartedly in my work, and take advantage of opportunities to nurture myself every single day.

iStock_000010513082XSmall (2)

It is challenging to avoid giving in to the temptation to rush, particularly when we are used to a world of split-second communication, mobile phones, email and overflowing agendas. Yet that sense of continuous accomplishment you lose when you slow down will quickly be replaced by feelings of contentment. Your relaxed tempo will open your mind and you will be more aware of how happy you are.

If you would like to find out more about learning to slow down, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Allowing your reality to be

There are times when we notice something about ourselves, our relationships and indeed our whole world that we feel needs to change.  Some of us expound about how something or somebody needs to change in order to achieve our desired outcome.  Others of us take action and start to work on our inner selves or work on a outer goal.

What we often find is that, without us doing anything at all, the change that we desire has happened and it would appear we have had nothing to do with it.

It could be viewed as a miracle, but in fact the change has happened from the inside out.  Our thoughts are very powerful and by accepting or rejecting some thoughts we live in the reality of our creation. Our thoughts only work one way, from the inside out.

oneway

When we are experiencing anxiety over something that may or may not happen, we are actually experiencing anxious thoughts.  There isn’t anything in the future to be anxious about, it hasn’t happened yet and indeed may never happen.  Once we accept we are experiencing anxious thinking, we can let it go and come back to our current reality.

We are built for reality and each of us has our own reality.  We each have a different experience of an event.

Business people communicating with each other against white

Take a theatrical performance.  Each and everyone in the audience will have their own experience of that performance.  Some will experience laughter, some will experience boredom, some will experience wonder and so on.  Each and every one of us lives in our reality created by our thoughts in the moment.

When you start to see the true power of thought and its relationship to your way of living your life, how thought generates your experiences, your transformations will begin and you will better understand yourself and the world in which you live.

If you would like to find out more, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Making time for YOU!

My clients often tell me that one of the added benefits of coaching they hadn’t considered before they started, is that their coaching session can often be the only time in a busy week that they feel able to step back and truly focus 100% on themselves.  Hand on heart, how often could you say that you allow yourself to do that?

A lot of the time we get so busy ‘doing’ that we forget about ‘being’.

This was a revelation of sorts for me some years back.  I had something fantastically inspiring to aim for, I had the focus and drive to work really hard and I was making good progress.  And yet, I wound up feeling ill, stressed and fairly disillusioned.  If this was what having stretching goals was about, I wasn’t sure I wanted them after all!

Talking through how I felt with a friend one day, I was brought up short when she said “oh yes, you’ve become a human doing instead of a human being” .  That comment really resonated with me and I thought about it all the way home.

As I reflected on the previous few months I could think of few times when I wasn’t ‘doing’ and even fewer times when I’d consciously decided to take time out and ‘be’.

So how much of your time do you spend ‘doing’ and how much do you spend ‘being’?   If you had to divide a circle up with how much time you give over to each, what would it look like?  How big would your ‘being’ slice be?

piechart

With our busy lives and time-poor society it can seem impossible to take more time for ourselves, but at what cost do you choose not to?  My decision those few years back was to invest more time in myself and I’m certain that I’m much more productive as a result.  I get more done in my ‘doing’ time now than I ever did when I was ‘doing’ every waking second of the day.  Plus, my ultimate decision was that it couldn’t all be about the doing and the destination or I’d miss the journey altogether.

So what time could you make for yourself to ‘be’?  To listen to your thoughts and feel your feelings.  When could you next set aside an hour or two, a whole day or even more than that to relax and recharge?  Can you set aside fifteen minutes a day to sit and have a cup of tea or coffee, relax and be you.  How much better would you feel if you did?

Could you do with some regular time set aside to focus 100% on you and on making your life how you want it? If so, what are you prepared to commit to?

concept

Learn to live your life more simply.  We all have around 80,000 thoughts a day, but we don’t have to listen to or believe them all.  Which are the thoughts that give you a nice feeling?  Which are the thoughts that you don’t like?  Have you considered that you are only one thought away from a lovely feeling and a more peaceful life?

Have you got so lost in the process of life that you have forgotten how to be you?  Would you like to have a conversation to discuss this further? Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Celebrating success

Have you ever noticed  how terrible we can be at acknowledging what we have achieved?  When congratulated on a success, we might hear ourselves say “oh it was nothing”.  On reaching a goal, we might skip the celebration because there is something else to strive for now.  When reviewing a half completed ‘to do’ list, we’ll bemoan what we didn’t do, rather than focus on how much we actually achieved.

Is this because we’re modest to the extreme, or do we simply not recognise just how much we do day to day, month to month, year to year?

I think it’s the latter.  We either don’t recognise how much we do, or we don’t see how important every step we’ve taken is.  We don’t see our progress as an achievement.

success

As the frequently quoted saying goes “a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”.  So if every step is progress, then in my book every step is an achievement.  What if we were to give ourselves more credit for everything we achieve?

Ticking things off a ‘to do’ list might not seem as celebration-worthy as representing your country in a chosen sport, but if it takes you closer to your own personal success then it’s a point scored in your own game!  So take that moment to acknowledge your progress.  When you reach a milestone, give yourself a reward.  And when you achieve what you were aiming for, seriously celebrate your success!

The energy gain from this change in perspective can be massive! I’m certainly more productive when operating from a mindset of ‘look how much closer I am to my objective and how much I’ve achieved!’ than if I were beating myself up about what I had left to do.  I’m sure you will be too.

Try this … Celebrate YOUR Success!

Cork Shot Out From a Bottle of Champagne

What could you do to pat yourself on the back more often?  Here are a few ideas that many of my clients use:

Keep a Success Journal – try it for a week and see how good you feel!  Each time you do something well, write it down.  Each time you complete a task you’ve been putting off, write it down.  Each time you feel even one small step closer to your big objective, write it down!

I met a well known motivational speaker who does this every single day and having kept his success journals over the years, he now has a bookshelf full.  Imagine what he does on a bad day – cheers himself up pretty quickly I’d think!

Reward Yourself – what better pat on the back than giving yourself something you enjoy as a reward!

When something goes well, when you achieve what you wanted to, when you reach a milestone on your way to something bigger… celebrate your success with a treat.  It could be a nice meal, a night out, a small gift to yourself or the bliss of a day / half a day doing something you absolutely love.  What will it be?

Tell somebody – let them share it with you!  When something goes well, don’t keep quiet, shout it from the rooftops and enjoy the recognition.

Many of my clients find simple strategies to recognise their daily achievements and spur themselves on to greater success!

If you find this resonates with you, get in touch with me for a free conversation about your thoughts on your success or lack of success.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

My self awareness

When I was in my teens, and even up to my early 40s, I had very little self awareness.  I plodded along doing what I was told to do, manipulated by so many people.  I was so totally not self aware I didn’t even notice that I was living my life on other people’s terms.

It is only since I began training to be a transformational coach thirteen years ago that I have really discovered myself and discovered my own self awareness.  I have found that to be able to grow into my own self-awareness I have to be aware of  my feelings and emotions.  This was quite a difficult journey for me, as I have suppressed feelings and emotions for many years.  The reason – I was conditioned by my parents from  childhood  that I should be seen and not heard.  I was told that I should not express anger or display any emotion.  And so I learned to repress them.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Having this understanding now after learning so much about my feelings and emotions and rediscovering who I am really am, I know that I can express my feelings and emotions. And this is a huge step for me towards self-awareness.

But what does self-awareness do for me? What are the benefits to me?  Being self-aware has given me the opportunity and freedom to change those things I want to change about myself and create the life that I want.  I now don’t allow others to manipulate me.  I live my life on my terms.  I am seen and heard and I do express my feelings and emotions.

The more clarity I get about who I am and what I want, and of course why I want it, the more I empower myself to consciously make those wants a reality. But, how do I get this clarity? I turn to the expert – ME.  I know more about myself than anyone else, I know I have been manipulated and by whom.  I know I have suppressed my feelings and emotions,  and I know why.  And I have got to know myself even better over the past few years by becoming so much more self aware.  I am, of course, still learning.

To get the clarity I want I have learned to ask myself questions and expect specific answers. The more specific my answers, the more impact they have on my life and then I have a much clearer picture of  me.  Of course, there are times when my answer is ‘I don’t know’ and I know that is okay too.  I give myself the freedom to take a wild guess and this allows me to carry on.  What I have discovered is that I really do know more than I ever thought I did.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Honesty is vital in my answers to myself.  It will lead to my true self awareness, but it does take a lot of courage.  It is the courage to face my fears or to face something I find difficult to accept about myself.  For instance, I know that I am impatient and want things to happen now.  I also know that when people are speaking to me I used to get impatient to hear the end of what they were saying, and I tended  to try to finish their sentences for them.  I know this about myself and now take the time to listen when people are talking and not just to give them an answer, but to hear what they are saying beyond the words.

By being totally honest with myself I take ownership of my actions, beliefs, thoughts and feelings and find those beliefs that are no longer serving me. Those beliefs can then be discarded, altered or whatever feels right for me now.

I find that sometimes I do slip up and give an answer that perhaps I think I should give, rather than what I really know is right.  That means I am giving answers from my head rather than getting in touch with my feelings and getting the answer from inside. To get out of my head again, I take several deep breaths, allow the brain to quieten and start to listen, to notice where the thoughts are coming from.  This helps me to balance myself and to find the answers I need, and they come from inside me rather than from my head. I have learned that life only works one way, from the inside out.

I know that whatever I discover about myself I can handle with ease and acceptance.  I trust that whatever I discover about myself will in some way lead to a greater sense of me and increased self-awareness.

And of course I am learning every day more and more about myself too.

If you find this resonates with you, get in touch with me for a free conversation about your thoughts on self awareness.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk