The Essence of You

Journey to the real you:

Part 1:

Do you remember when were you happy, free, creative, fun, vulnerable, secure?

We are looking for the essence of who you are at the core of your being.

Find some photos of you when you were a child, maybe 5 or 6 years old. If you can’t find any, then try and find some of you as a teenager or at least younger than you are now.

Really look at the younger you in the photos. Answer these questions as well as you can.

  • What do you remember about the way you were?
  • If you were the parent of this child, what would you give them?
  • How would you encourage them in their lives?
  • What do you think they deserve in this life?
  • How would you want their life to be?
  • How should they be treated emotionally?
  • How could you protect/nurture her?
  • What do they need in their life right now?
  • What qualities did they have then that they might have forgotten?
  • What changes do you feel this person would like to make in their lives right now?

Beware of thinking the pathetic thought that ‘There is nothing good about me.  I can’t fill this in’.  If you continue with this type of thought pattern you will always stay trapped.  Please try to work really hard here…. even if you can only come up with one or two of these statements, at least it’s a start.  Remember to look at your photo as you do this. Listen to your innate thinking, sit quietly and listen to what you hear.

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Part 2:

Look at your photo as you complete this exercise, write your answers to the statements below.

This might be tough for you so please be gentle with yourself.  You might feel like giving up at this point, or skipping this exercise, or skim-reading it through.  Don’t!  If you work really hard you will begin to feel some positive benefits.

This is where we can now begin to create some positive dialogue which will anchor you and make you feel strong again.

  • I deserve to be happy because ………
  • I like me because ……….
  • I am a valuable human being because ………
  • I am a beautiful human being because ……….
  • I have value because ………
  • I have worth because ………
  • I am worth loving because ………
  • I deserve to have fun in life because ………
  • I am important because ………
  • I am loveable because ……….
  • I am unique because ……….
  • I am perfect as I am because ………

 

Once you have completed the last exercise as best you possibly can, read your answers and remind yourself daily of why you are so special.

You can do this exercise again in a few months and notice any changes.

If you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

Relationship anxiety

Relationship anxiety is very destructive, as you know. If you don’t learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, it leads into a very devastating downward spiral:

Suspiciousness – Worrying about your partner not loving you, or not caring as much as you do. Thoughts of them being unfaithful. Many more self-destructive thoughts and emotions. And of course, all of these will fuel your relationship anxiety.
In order to learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, take the following steps:
Ask your partner for reassurance. When you find yourself becoming suspicious in your relationship, try to remember that it is probably being fueled by your anxiety. You may be able to get some relief from your relationship anxiety by asking your partner for occasional reassurance. They will be happy to give this if they are patient and understanding of your anxiety. 
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This kind of support may well be very helpful to you. Ask a trusted friend who is prepared to give you an honest answer if there might be some real reason for you to feel this way. But even when you get that real information, it may not help alleviate your relationship anxiety. You will have to work on that yourself. Perhaps your worry is that you feel that you are too “needy” in your relationship.
For instance, do you need constant reassurance and want your partner to regularly prove that things are really okay? This will inevitably put pressure on you and your partner and will add to the relationship anxiety.
I got married when I was 19 years old and discovered after about six months that I had made a terrible mistake. I was under a lot of pressure from my parents to stay in the marriage as it was not ‘the done thing’ to separate or divorce. In their opinion, I was far too young to know what I was doing. I believed them as I knew nothing different and so I tried to make the marriage work.

Inevitably the pressure of trying to make it work instead of figuring out how to get rid of anxiety in my relationship made me very unhappy and anxious indeed. I stuck at it for 10 years until I couldn’t take it any longer and I made the decision to leave, take the children, and strike out on my own. That was the right decision for me, and the anxiety was lifted almost as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

If any of this is resonating with you, then you will need to find ways to cope with your anxiety and learn to rely more on yourself for feeling better – taking the pressure off your partner. This will allow you to become more self-sufficient, even in your anxiety. Give yourself permission to reassure yourself instead of turning to your partner for comfort each time you are anxious. Find ways to learn to think more positively. Try being grateful for what you have.

When you are anxious you can create all kinds of ideas in your imagination that appear so intolerable that you feel compelled to take impulsive and totally misguided actions. You will find yourself:

  • Jumping to conclusions
  • Making decisions that are destined to fail
  • Behaving in a totally childish manner, sulking and demanding attention.
Look for solutions that will relieve your relationship anxiety and won’t result in increasing your problems further. 

When you are anxious your partner will be anxious too. It becomes a vicious circle and the anxiety is fed constantly.
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Learning to trust your intuition is an important part of reducing your anxiety. So, slow down, think through anything you are considering doing and follow your intuition. Make the effort to stop listening to that nagging voice that is telling you something is wrong. It is very likely when you slow down and think rationally that you will find a much better solution for you and your relationship. In this way, you can successfully get rid of anxiety in your relationship.
If this resonates with you and you would like to have a no obligation conversation, please get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Forgiveness – releasing the past

Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiven inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events.  Over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy. Until we release ourselves from this cycle it may prove impossible to move forward.

It really does not matter what the issue was, whether slight or life-shatteringly traumatic. If you want to move on you must let it go. To do this you must forgive. To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behaviour simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go.  They will never move on until they do. In fact quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt.

How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life.  If we choose to accept the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction.  If however we  focus on the bad things that have happened to us, then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want.

If you or your life is “stuck” then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past.  Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself.  So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that, forgive yourself  and let it go.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past.

In this moment now you have your power – the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference.  You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future.

Happy young woman with a white background

If you want to feel free, released from the past  then you must forgive.  Forgive everyone, especially yourself. I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear. The basis of them can seem, and may well be, completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions and it is OK to experience them.  However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

Look around you, do you know anyone like that?  Some tragedy or injustice has been suffered and now the entire life of that person is defined by their anger and resentment. Every positive thought, every inspired moment, all of life’s little pleasures are subsumed with their overwhelming feelings of anger, resentment, even desire for revenge. No matter how justified their emotions are, what good is it doing them? The past can never be changed. The future is an incomplete equation.  Life is full of tragedy and joy, it is not the events of life so much as how we respond to them that defines how joyous and successful our lives are.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

My self awareness

When I was in my teens, and even up to my early 40s, I had very little self awareness.  I plodded along doing what I was told to do, manipulated by so many people.  I was so totally not self aware I didn’t even notice that I was living my life on other people’s terms.

It is only since I began training to be a transformational coach thirteen years ago that I have really discovered myself and discovered my own self awareness.  I have found that to be able to grow into my own self-awareness I have to be aware of  my feelings and emotions.  This was quite a difficult journey for me, as I have suppressed feelings and emotions for many years.  The reason – I was conditioned by my parents from  childhood  that I should be seen and not heard.  I was told that I should not express anger or display any emotion.  And so I learned to repress them.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Having this understanding now after learning so much about my feelings and emotions and rediscovering who I am really am, I know that I can express my feelings and emotions. And this is a huge step for me towards self-awareness.

But what does self-awareness do for me? What are the benefits to me?  Being self-aware has given me the opportunity and freedom to change those things I want to change about myself and create the life that I want.  I now don’t allow others to manipulate me.  I live my life on my terms.  I am seen and heard and I do express my feelings and emotions.

The more clarity I get about who I am and what I want, and of course why I want it, the more I empower myself to consciously make those wants a reality. But, how do I get this clarity? I turn to the expert – ME.  I know more about myself than anyone else, I know I have been manipulated and by whom.  I know I have suppressed my feelings and emotions,  and I know why.  And I have got to know myself even better over the past few years by becoming so much more self aware.  I am, of course, still learning.

To get the clarity I want I have learned to ask myself questions and expect specific answers. The more specific my answers, the more impact they have on my life and then I have a much clearer picture of  me.  Of course, there are times when my answer is ‘I don’t know’ and I know that is okay too.  I give myself the freedom to take a wild guess and this allows me to carry on.  What I have discovered is that I really do know more than I ever thought I did.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Honesty is vital in my answers to myself.  It will lead to my true self awareness, but it does take a lot of courage.  It is the courage to face my fears or to face something I find difficult to accept about myself.  For instance, I know that I am impatient and want things to happen now.  I also know that when people are speaking to me I used to get impatient to hear the end of what they were saying, and I tended  to try to finish their sentences for them.  I know this about myself and now take the time to listen when people are talking and not just to give them an answer, but to hear what they are saying beyond the words.

By being totally honest with myself I take ownership of my actions, beliefs, thoughts and feelings and find those beliefs that are no longer serving me. Those beliefs can then be discarded, altered or whatever feels right for me now.

I find that sometimes I do slip up and give an answer that perhaps I think I should give, rather than what I really know is right.  That means I am giving answers from my head rather than getting in touch with my feelings and getting the answer from inside. To get out of my head again, I take several deep breaths, allow the brain to quieten and start to listen, to notice where the thoughts are coming from.  This helps me to balance myself and to find the answers I need, and they come from inside me rather than from my head. I have learned that life only works one way, from the inside out.

I know that whatever I discover about myself I can handle with ease and acceptance.  I trust that whatever I discover about myself will in some way lead to a greater sense of me and increased self-awareness.

And of course I am learning every day more and more about myself too.

If you find this resonates with you, get in touch with me for a free conversation about your thoughts on self awareness.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Reclaim your power

There is an innate awkwardness to being human. With each decision we make, there is always the potential for self-doubt, and it is this self-doubt that forms the root of our insecurity.

This is a very complex emotion that is made up of equal parts of inadequacy, isolation, fear and hopelessness. Yet these feelings of insecurity, that potentially can prevent you from fulfilling your potential, are nothing more than perceptions.

You may feel less confident and more unsure of yourself because you judge yourself to be so.  You are fulfilling your own belief.

But how do you banish insecurity and reclaim your power?

Banishing insecurity is often simply a matter of challenging yourself in order to prove that you are indeed intelligent and able.

When you feel insecure you are perceiving yourself as incapable of meeting life’s challenges. Fraudulent and unworthy of true happiness.  You may move through life plagued by a perception that others are judging you and think you are lacking. As a result, you rob yourself of your personal power and render yourself unable to feel positive about the choices you make.

You have learned through continuous personal development and experience to think differently.

tiredwoman

You are not alone, I suspect everyone of us feels insecure from time to time, and if you should find yourself with feelings of insecurity, try to understand its source.

Perhaps you were repeatedly berated as a child, perhaps constantly told that children were to be seen and not heard. Maybe it is the case that you rarely receive positive reinforcement in the present.

When you have pinpointed the origin of your insecurity, turn your focus on to your numerous abilities.  The more you utilise your personal power—by taking risks, facing challenges and acting decisively—the stronger it will grow.

Remember that insecurity is an emotional interpretation of your value unconsciously based on doubt, shame and fear. Changing the way you think about yourself, positive affirmations and self belief will have a hugely positive effect on you.

Happy young woman with a white background

As you overcome your underlying emotions and doubts through positive action and copious self-love, you’ll discover that you are capable of achieving more than you ever thought possible.

Another way to help understand your emotions and get your thoughts in order is to write in a journal.  I have found that sitting quietly in a comfy chair with a cup of coffee, a notebook and a pen and allowing myself to write, without even consciously thinking about what I am writing, to be very helpful.  I know I was quite surprised when I read what I had written the very first time.  And you will be too.  Just let it all flow.

Once you have written down your doubt, shame or fear you will discover that it begins to lessen and because you have acknowledged it’s existence, it no longer poses a threat to you.  You will reclaim your power.

Take action and really begin to change your life.  If you need help, contact me and we can arrange your FREE 15 minute discovery call.

 

Maggie Currie 

Thought Leader, Coach, Mentor, Speaker, Author, Survivor

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Simple Steps Real Change

Finding my emotions and feelings

A few years ago I was working my way through a relationship programme and my fabulous coach, Heather Williams, and I  discovered I had a block.

We discovered I couldn’t express my emotions or feel my feelings in a way that I felt is right for me. Having been brought up from a very early age to not show anger and not allowed to show emotions it had become a habit which was now time to break. As a child I was also told that I should be seen and not heard. I was working on unblocking my emotions and feeling my feelings.

My coach had given me an exercise to do to work on one emotion at a time and I began with fear. Here is the exercise that I was given:

Draw a doorway with the door ajar. Behind the door is your emotions. Imagine standing with your hand on the doorknob about to push or pull it right open.

What emotion would come flying out first? Write down one emotion you want to work on.

Imagine what you feel. Go back to a time when you felt that emotion. How it affects the body and mind, heart – feel it physically. Try and get in touch with the emotions and feelings. Write about what happens.

door

 This is what I wrote about this experience.

The first emotion would be fear – fear of what is behind the door.

How does fear feel to me?
I remember being about 8 years old. I had been to a party for a school friend’s birthday. I had been taken to the party by my mum in the daylight. I know it wasn’t far from home, about 15 minutes by foot. The party was over and one of the parents collecting their child had a car and they said they would take me home. It was dark by now. I had never been allowed out of my street on my own, and I had no sense of direction. The person driving the car looked at me and asked me where I lived and I told her the address. She started the car and we drove around for a little while, about 5 minutes I suppose, she then asked me where the road was that I lived in, were we near it? I had no idea whatsoever as it was dark, I was small and could barely see out of the window of the car. She said I must know where I lived and where my road was. I was petrified that I would never get home and that she would think that I was stupid.

I wasn’t stupid, it was just that I had no idea where home was and how to get to it. I remember starting to shake and shiver, and tears came into my eyes. I probably looked like a scared rabbit. Her child was in the car too and she was laughing at how I couldn’t find my own house. They didn’t realise that I had not be allowed out by myself anywhere and had no notion of how to get home.

I remember being frightened and embarrassed at the same time. We eventually got home and my mum said thank you to whoever it was driving and they explained that I didn’t know the way and then everyone was told that I had no sense of direction and therefore I couldn’t be let out on my own. So apparently it was my fault or so I thought at the time.

So fear to me is sweaty palms, more rapid breathing, sometimes shaking and frequently the feeling that I need to wee, even though I know I don’t. I begin to feel unsure of myself and that just increases the fear and those symptoms just increase.

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Heather Williams

 After doing this and sending it by email to my coach we had a long chat about it via Skype – I am in UK and she was in Australia. So it was 7am BST and 4pm in Australia. Heather commented that she was pleased that I had written about the effects of the fear and that she felt I had connected well with my fears and emotions.

This was a huge breakthrough for me. Thank you to my coach and thank you relationship programme. I am feeling my feelings and unblocking and expressing my emotions and and improving my relationship with me.

 

Maggie Currie 

 

Epilogue – Australia Trip

Sadly, my good friend Heather Williams passed away today.  I was told by her daughter-in-law Sonia that all her family were with her and holding her hand and that she is now at peace.

I was also told that my short visit to see Heather had made her week, and she was thrilled that I had taken the time to visit her.

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Heather Williams 1959-2014

I shall remember Heather as looking well, chatting to me in her living room, telling me all about her farm, her hobbies and her plans for the future, the two grandchildren due to be born in the near future.

I am glad that I made the trip, as I know I would have regretted not going to see Heather. I didn’t just want to offer support from a distance, I wanted to be there for her in her time of need.

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I also surprised myself at how upset I was on hearing the news.  This is something I shall have to ponder to discover the depth of my emotions.

Rest in peace Heather. You will definitely be missed.  You are now another star shining down on us from above.

heathers funeral

7th August 2014

Finally, Heather’s two sons, Kristoffer and Rhys, rode Heather’s beloved Harley and BSA behind her hearse to the Crematorium.  I am sure she would have loved that.

Maggie Currie

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