Confidence Secret Agent 008!

Are you ready to have some fun?  Are you ready to go beyond enemy lines in the line of duty for queen and country?

Ok, ok I know I’m getting carried away – how about completing another confidence building exercise instead?!

Success leaves clues wherever it goes…

In order to get the desired confidence levels that you are after it pays to be a copycat!

Another word for this is modelling.

By observing and modelling successful behaviour, in this case people with high levels of confidence, you can pick up little golden nuggets of tips, techniques and the strategies that they use.

By observing how they walk, talk and act you too can take what they do, put it into your own life and get the same results.

Don’t believe me?

Try this exercise out over the next couple of days and see how you feel!

Your mission…if you choose to accept it…….

Over the next 3 days I want you to observe other people – pretend that you are undercover! However, no newspapers with two eye-holes cut out are allowed!

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I want you to observe all types of people –

  • confident people,
  • shy people,
  • outgoing people,
  • people talking,
  • people being quiet,
  • how people interact with each other.
  • Observe people who know one another,
  • people who are strangers,
  • Look closely at what they say and do.
  • How are they moving their body?
  • What do they do with their head?
  • How do they speak?
  • How do others react to them?
  • Would you like to talk to this person?
  • Are they smiling and laughing?
  • Would you like to be this person?

Write down 5 behaviours or things that you have observed over the past 3 days that make you say :

“I want to be like that!”

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For your next mission, if you should choose to accept it…….

For the following 2 days, I want you to take just 1 of the 5 behaviours/things that you have written down and I want you to act that way for the duration of those 2 days.

Pretend that you have been given an assignment (because you have!) to just act like that for 2 days.

That’s it, no longer, no less.

Pretend it’s a game.

After the 2 days you will soon discover the magic of modelling behaviours.

Then you’ll move onto the next behaviour and the next and the..

If this is something that interests you and is something you would like to experience by working with me, get in touch today.  I will be delighted to chat to you about how I will support you through the changes you want to make.  I will deliver the goods and help you get the results you want.  It’s time to really invest in yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

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Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Be a surfer – riding the incoming waves of information

In this modern world, the 21st century,  we are living in an information age. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, Internet pages and in-boxes.

No sooner have we made a decision on what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new report, video or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion.

After a while, we may very well be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilising our point of view or preventing overloading our brains, and this is understandable.

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Rather than closing down and ignoring what could be vital information, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.

For example, there is a plethora of contradictory studies concerning foods that are allegedly good for you and foods that are allegedly bad for you. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether, for example, coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not.

The answer is, of course, different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding.

In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open give us the option to change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.

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I think the key is realising that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. After all, we are always learning. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilising our worldview. Our intuition is vital for this process. As soon as we have reached some kind of stability, it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilising.

Maybe, if we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how lucky we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride whilst we are learning.

If any of this resonates with you, and you would like some help understanding how your intuition works, get in touch with me and we can have a free 15 minute chat.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 

Looking after YOU first.

How do you respond when someone makes a request of you and it really is not something you want to do?

I suspect you try and search for an excuse, such as I am busy that day, I have to wash my hair…..and all these excuses seem very lame to you. And so you say yes, against your better judgement.

BUT, what if you could respond confidently to the request? What if you could say no without guilt?

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The question has just been posed.  Pause.  Were you going to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no”?  What possible reasons could there be for saying no?

  • It’s beyond your means?
  • It’s beyond your comfort level?
  • You have no interest?
  • You have to wash your hair?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.”  Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, which would be detrimental to you and which come from a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

What would happen if you said yes?  Perhaps:

  • You would be considered ‘one of us’
  • It would make your friend happy
  • Your visibility with other people may be improved
  • It would make you miserable

Would you feel comfortable with your self if you were to say yes, even though you knew it would not be in your best interests?

Saying “no” is hard for so many of us.  A false sense of guilt often comes into play.  Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a world view that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we know it is there lurking in the background and make decisions  based upon it, even though deep down, we know it is not right for us.

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So you have made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, to honestly say “NO”.  Practice it in the mirror. Say it clearly and self-assuredly.….in the mirror.  Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as if you speaking to whoever asked you the question.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?  Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

Sometimes, if you have always given in to others,  guess what happens?  After all that practice, getting the tone right and pretending you are talking to the person who asked you the question, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!   They may try to push you to say yes, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.   This is where your personal boundaries come in to play.

Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do?  Revisit the questions you asked yourself before. If you are really serious about saying “NO”, then stick to your guns.  Tell the person making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes and boundaries, and ask them not to ask again.  If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!  In a firm, yet polite voice with a firm tone.  Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.  When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications.  Look the person in the eye when you say the NO.  Shake your head at the same time as saying NO.  Stand up tall.

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, it is perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”.   No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer.  It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.  It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

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Practice makes perfect as they say!  Remember you must look after yourself first.  This is not selfish, it is a necessity. Practice in the mirror and soon you will:

  •  feel much more confident and proud.
  •  find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
  • Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
  • You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
  •  have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
  • The list goes on from there…

I have learned  how to look after myself first and how to say no without guilt.  I have learned that my boundaries are vital to my day to day living and that once people are aware of those boundaries they respect them and me.  That isn’t to say that I always say no, I know when to say yes and when to say no.

So if you’re looking to finally take control of your life and make a change, why not drop me a line and we can talk it through.

To book in for a FREE 15 minute discovery call please Email me.

 

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.

 

Have you lost your identity?

Have you lost your identity?  This may seem a ridiculous question to ask, but frequently we can forget who we really are.  For instance it is often the case that you think of yourself, or other people think of you,  as someone’s parent or partner, someone’s sibling or relative, someone’s carer or employee, someone’s companion or employer, someone’s nurse or gardener. The list can be endless.  It is possible that frequently you are not seen as yourself but as an extension of someone else.

This very common state is generally brought about because your self-esteem has dropped to an all time low and ultimately you have lost what little confidence you had.  You may not be aware of this lack of self-esteem initially as you have been viewed in this light for so long that you have got used to it. It has become your norm.

I know exactly how that feels. I was brought up by my adoptive parents to be who they thought I ought to be.  I was frequently told as a child that I should be seen and not heard, and that I had no opinion of any value. This led to me go through life in a daze, trying to be who I thought I ought to be.

I spent thirty years of my life looking after everyone else’s needs and forgot all about my own needs and what made me happy.  The one very special person I neglected was me!

 tiredwoman

Did I change this situation? When I woke up to the fact that this was not the norm – you bet I did, and it took some very hard work, beginning with changing how I thought about myself and my life.

Is there a solution for you too? Yes there is.  And the action you need to take is this:

  •  Break the old habits and thinking patterns that have prevented you from living your life to the full and realizing your potential.
  • Create new habits, new patterns, new beliefs that will empower you and set you free!
  • Accept and love yourself just as you are.  This is the key to your ‘inner life’ makeover; and ultimately ‘outer life’ results will follow naturally!  When you begin to feel great on the inside you will begin to exude confidence. Your circumstances will begin to change and develop as the inner happy you begins to shine out!
  • Listen to your intuition. It is there to help and protect you.
  • Be kinder to yourself – verbally, emotionally and physically.

I know how it feels to really want to make changes in your life, and not knowing where to start. My fears dominated me, my self-belief was in shreds and I had forgotten what makes me happy because I hadn’t been happy for so long, although I hadn’t realized it until I ‘woke up’. I had become a shadow of who I really was.

With the help of life coaching I began to change the way that I see myself and began to think strong positive thoughts about my life.  I started to be grateful for the life I am living and to notice the abundance that surrounds me. Everything started to change for the better.

Learning to love yourself is tough to begin with, but with help and practice each day, you will succeed.

If you need help and are ready to start breaking those old habits, contact me today.

 

 Maggie Currie

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Fear of crowds

Fear of crowds is very common for a lot of people whether they are single, married, male, female, high flyers, students, teachers, old or young .

I know how it feels to be alone in a crowd. I often feel totally overwhelmed in a large crowd of people, especially if I don’t know anyone in that crowd. It can feel like I am on the periphery and not allowed into the inner circle, and that, of course, makes the fear even worse. I wonder if the fear is actually of the crowds themselves or is it a fear of feeling lost or being unnoticed amongst a large number of people?

I know when I am in a large crowd of people entirely ‘on my own’ I feel nervous; I have an irrational fear that nobody will even notice that I am there.  I look at the little groups of people who do know each other within that large crowd enjoying themselves and the company of each other and that somehow increases my nervousness and the fear.  Of course they may feel just like I do but when I feel that fear, it certainly looks like they’re having a great time and I’m not. When I am in a large crowd of people and I have my own ‘group of people’ with me I feel safe and secure and know that I am noticed and therefore I don’t have those same feelings as when I am alone in a crowd.

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Did you grow up in a house where “children were seen and not heard”? That might be the root of these feelings of nervousness and insecurity as they are for me. I can ultimately relate feeling like this to my childhood when I was constantly told that I should be seen and not heard.  So I would sit in the corner with my toys and only speak when I was spoken to.

Having worked hard on discovering my authentic self, discovering, acknowledging and accepting those unexpressed feelings and emotions of when I was told to be seen and not heard,  I now think and act differently.  I know there is a solution to this fear of crowds.  Based on what I know to be true about fear.  I know that FEAR is:

False

Expectations

Appearing

Real

I have found the solution that works for me and might work for you too:

  • Don’t worry about pleasing anyone else. Just be you.
  • Here’s what I do – I take a deep breath or two and take the plunge.
  • I walk amongst the strangers in the crowd and I expect to be noticed. I’ve decided not to expect to be or feel lost.
  • I make eye contact with people and smile at them.
  • I say hello to people I have never met before and strike up conversations.  They aren’t always long conversations, just long enough to introduce myself and be friendly and to listen to the other people.  Sometimes they are much longer, it depends on the person of course. Once the conversations start to happen, other people start to talk to me and to each other and before long I am part of the ‘crowd’ and not isolated on the periphery.

Even if being you just says it’s ok to not talk to anyone – which is a good friend of mine’s solution for her fear of crowds.  She’s decided to not push herself and just enjoys watching people. Funny thing is, she reports people come and talk to her.

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So I know that I am not alone in feeling alone.  There are other people who are in the same position as me and I make a special effort to speak to them as well and include them in the conversations.  The energy and dynamics of the crowd change visibly and it becomes much more enjoyable.

The most important thing is to find a way to feel comfortable being you whether you decide overcoming the fear by talking to people is your way, or overcoming the fear by giving yourself a break and just allowing others to talk to you is your way. Bottom line, stop pressuring yourself to be like everyone else and just be you.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching can help you find solutions to your problems.

Maggie Currie

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How do I know I have low self-esteem? And how can I change that?

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways, and I should know I have been there.  For me the following was very true:

  • I didn’t think I was good enough.
  • I thought everyone else thought they were good enough.
  • I didn’t look after myself, I put others first.
  • I let people manipulate me.
  • I was in a bad relationship.
  • I felt sad and thought there must be more to life than this.
  • I constantly asked other people for their opinion, I didn’t think I knew anything.
  • I was verbally and emotionally abused and never felt I was worthy.

I started out with the intention of being happy when I got married at age 19, but soon discovered that the marriage was not working as I was constantly treated like an idiot, not allowed to develop as me, told I was worthless and became a possession.  This situation went on for 12 years and my self-esteem nose-dived.

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 When I eventually woke up to the fact that I was allowing this to happen, I decided to get out of the relationship.

Getting out of that relationship led me to become a single parent, living in a small flat with three small children, no money, no job, no prospects and I felt there was no hope.  My self-esteem went down even further.

Does anything resonate with you yet? Can you see the likenesses in your life at the moment? Don’t despair, there is hope.

It took me a while, some years, but I found the answers to rebuilding my self-esteem and my life to such an extent that I now run two successful businesses that I set up and I am a published author. I married again and have been very happily married for 30 years to a wonderful man who loves me as me.  I have retrained as a life coach and work with people who have no self-esteem and help them to re-build it and I love every minute of it.

I know how it feels, I know it hurts and that’s why I can help so many people.  I am still learning, life is a school and I attend every day.

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 So what can you do right now to begin to change your situation and start to re-build your self-esteem?

  • Stop thinking that you are not good enough.  You most definitely are.
  • Begin to look after yourself, put yourself first. It is not selfish – it is essential.
  • Before you think that you don’t have the answer stop, really think about the question, the answer is there, you just have to find it deep down inside yourself.
  • There is more to life than you have now, it is out there waiting for you. What is it that you want? Picture it in your head, write it down, look for it and you will attract it to you.
  • Listen to your intuition. Really listen. It is telling you what is right for you.

By changing your attitude towards yourself you will notice that other people will change their attitudes towards you.  It won’t happen overnight, it will take time, but it will happen.

Begin today to change your life. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself. You deserve to have high self-esteem.

Don’t be afraid to ask me for help in facing your fears and peeling back the layers. Trust me to help you find the real you. I’m not the same as every other Life Coach out there. I work from my heart, incorporate emotion based coaching and inspiration from my own life experiences. You can trust me to inspire you, encourage you, support you, nurture you along your path of transformation. Do it for you, do it today. Get in touch today to take your first steps towards a more confident and intuitive you.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching can help you find solutions to your problems.

Maggie Currie 

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Are you holding on to things you ‘should’ do?

A lot of people carry around with them a huge amount of “baggage” or “clutter” in their minds. When I say this I mean that they are still holding onto things that they say they ‘should’ do, but  they really don’t need to.

There are many ‘coulds’ and ‘shoulds’ in your life that hold you back – you want to let go, but for some reason you don’t.

This is very common in several areas of life, in particular going through or after divorce.  You are not alone, I am guilty of doing it myself.

Are you carrying around with you a lot of emotional attention that you could be doing without rather than focusing on something more productive instead?

If you are, I bet it is having a negative influence on your confidence and self esteem.

Stressed Businesswoman

Take a look at your life, be honest with yourself and begin to get rid of this baggage, bit by bit, by asking yourself some questions and by completing the following exercise.  In effect, what you are doing is making certain tasks “complete”, drawing a line under them and moving on.

Answer the following questions honestly.  You can do it all in one go or do it over a period of days.  By writing your answers down they become more real and the changes more attainable.

Get to it and over a short space of time you will notice your confidence soar!

  • Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at home
  • Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at work
  • Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with in any other areas of your life

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 Make an action plan to make changes in your behaviour or communicate to the person involved in these things that you have been putting up with how you would like them to change their behaviour. Take action!

  • Make a list of things that are unresolved/unfinished in your life.

Make an action plan of how you are going to make some changes to reduce this number! Take action!

  • Do you need to clear the air with anyone? If so, just do it! Life is too short!
  • Did you ever say that you were going to call someone or keep in touch with someone yet have done nothing about it? If yes, call them or send an email to them today

Let go of as many coulds, woulds, shoulds, maybes, oughts as you can. Take action!

By completing these exercises you will be able to focus more on the here, the now and the future. You will now be able to let go of some of the things that have been taking up your valuable attention – those things that knock your self esteem. And you will definitely notice the results in the way you are more confident and more aware of what you will tolerate in your life.

Many of my clients find simple strategies to recognise their daily achievements and spur themselves on to greater success! What are yours going to be?

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you. Contact me today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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