Confidence sapping friends, family and colleagues

Although it is a well known fact, there are still some people who are totally unaware that the people with whom they have the most contact and hang around will have either a positive or negative effect on their levels of self-esteem and confidence.  We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. How do they make you feel? Yes, they make you feel the same!  They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, ‘can do’ vibes that has a zingy knock on effect onto everyone else.

We also know of those people who could moan for England, and continually do! Often the least confident people are the ones who moan about how hard done by they are, how they are overlooked for promotion, how they are never chosen for this team or that project.  They don’t realise how damaging they are to themselves and to other people. They claim they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like others to be successful, they are jealous and they are negative thinkers – need I go on?

These people drain your energy and try to bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on. Work colleagues can be like this and will affect you and your confidence levels if you allow them to.  When you have spend your working days with negative people, try to block out as much of the negativity as possible.  If there is one particular person who continually drags you down, take them to one side and explain how you feel and ask them to be more considerate of your feelings. Family members can be a lot like this as well, but although you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your relatives!

So what can you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for, rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you hang around with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. You also have the power to choose who you don’t hang around with.  Be selective. If you have good friends who are negative and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel – if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity. The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years by their parents, teachers etc., and the conditioning has come from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and be selective with the information that filters through to your brain. Discard the negative.

Remember, nobody can reduce your confidence levels unless you allow them to.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

My year’s experiences – 2020

This year began in a relatively ordinary way. We had booked to stay at an hotel for our birthday celebrations in January and that went very well indeed.  We were well looked after and enjoyed ourselves at the Royal Hotel in Ventnor.

The month was also filled with various volunteering sessions, with the IAG, Vectis Radio and, because we had been given a grant to make the ‘For Women By Women’ radio shows myself and Kitty Lilley began interviewing some of our extraordinary women beginning with Sheila Wilson from Sugar & Spice Lingerie about what is available for women, how to go about getting fitted for bras and what is available for women with physical challenges, Karen Robb from Dornellie about the dos and don’ts of wedding dresses etc., Sarah Sandbach from Athestudio about staying healthy through fitness and exercise, and Lucy Trill from Thairapy about anything you can think of to do with hair, the scalp, staying healthy etc.. All experts in their fields, and each interview lasted about an hour.

Mind the Gap courses were going extremely well and the results for the men and women who had been through domestic abuse were outstanding.  They all made positive changes to their lives and moved forward more confidently.  I attended the Domestic Abuse Forum hosted by the IoW Council and that was very good indeed. 

February began with a beautiful 8 course meal at the Wheatsheaf in Yarmouth, cooked by Shaun Rayner for his Titanic evening.  We sat a table with a lovely couple and their son.  It was lovely, unrushed and very enjoyable.  The interviews continued with Michele Newton from Four Seasons Cookery Academy talking about nutrition for various ages of women.  Such an expert in food and nutrition.  Two more interviews were with Esme Connelly Chiropractor talking about how beneficial this is for women in particular and Caroline Hole talking about body confidence and self esteem. Carys Gladdish told us all about the workings of the Women’s Institute and where women can find them and what they can expect. Then Holly Cade photographer talking about how she got to become a photographer, her experiences and advice for young people who would like to become photographers.  Such interesting subjects from these experts. The pantomime by the Wight Strollers was a must, and of course it was up to it’s usual high standard and we loved it.

For our wedding anniversary we went for a meal at a restaurant in Yarmouth.  I’ll say nothing more about that except we won’t be going back.

February also brought the Ladies’ Night I had organised for the Masonic event.  We held it at the Royal Hotel in Ventnor and it was spectacular.  The band Blackfoot Daisy played and they were amazing.  The food was brilliant and the company mostly good.

March saw interviews with Kitty Lilley about mental health and wellbeing, such a wise lady and Fran Collins, CEO of Red Funnel about how she got to where she is, her career, her pets and pirates.  An extraordinary interview with a lovely lady. My car got serviced and had an MOT and some new tyres.

Mid March saw the beginning of the lock down and everything ground to a halt.  I began to look for local companies to begin to deliver to us.

In April most physical meetings were transferred to Zoom or other online services.  I found Four Winds Dairy for our milk delivery,  Island Foods for our meat delivery, The Barrow Boys for our vegetable delivery, Tomato Stall for our tomato delivery and Grace’s Bakery who delivered placed orders. We have deliveries from them regularly now.  The quality of the produce is amazing and we shall stick with them.  Easter was very quiet.

May was very quiet again, even over the two Bank Holidays. 

June and July were very quiet.  We did interview Sarah Scotcher about her career, her involvement with the Wight Strollers and of course the famous pantomimes.  An extraordinary lady.

 In August we again stayed at the Royal Hotel in Ventnor for a couple of nights, because we could. I did some training in emergency first aid to gain a certificate for the Vectis Radio 4Ps Training School CIO and also did some online training with the IoW Council to become a chaperone.  I passed all these and had an interview with a Council Officer and was granted a chaperone licence.

In September I was given a job for a day with a film company and duly did all I was asked looking after some teenage boys who were extras on the film and enjoyed the day. The Break the Cycle Mind the Gap leaflets were requested by the Domestic Abuse team at the Council and they want to advertise the courses and include them in their current packages.

In October I was again given a job as a chaperone for the same film company but with a different group of younger boys.  I did all I was asked and more and enjoyed the day.

In November I decided that I no longer want to be a chaperone as the people from the agency and the film company are not, in my opinion, trustworthy and will do anything to protect their egos and blame others for their own mistakes and shortcomings.  A valuable lesson learned. No grudges held.

December brought Christmas, but before that a trip on the Santa Special at IoW Steam Railway, followed by a visit to the Donkey Sanctuary for lunch and then dinner and an overnight stay at the Royal Hotel in Ventnor. A great day indeed.  We visited my mum in Dorset to give her Christmas and birthday presents, she was 97 on Boxing Day. We took her lunch and then we came home for our evening meal.  It was good to see her for a few hours.

All through the year we have had special film nights on a Saturday, as if we were at the cinema and in fact we ‘went’ to the ‘Old Vic’ theatre to see A Christmas Carol starring Andrew Lincoln and it was brilliantly done via live stream.

So what have I learned this year? Most people are genuine, some people are only out for their own good and to boost their own egos, some cannot admit their mistakes so find a scapegoat to try and appear perfect, some make things up.  Most people, I have found, are genuine and can be trusted. I shall continue to be my authentic self.

Let us hope that 2021 is a much better year for us all.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Looking Beyond Appearances

It is natural to judge people, since it just happens without us even thinking about it.  We take one look and in 2 seconds summarise our opinion of a whole person – overweight, pretty, stylish, sloppy. This habit comes from the brain’s need to categorise the world in order to be able to function without becoming overwhelmed.   Judging is your way of  identifying relevant information, you are trying to decide if the person approaching is a threat, a friend or someone you don’t need to worry about.  This way of looking at people makes sense in a dangerous context, but in your daily life it can lead to an overly simplistic reading of the people you meet.

If you have ever judged someone dismissively, only to have them become a good friend once you really got to know them, then you will understand the hazards of the judgment cycle. An experience like that may lead you to question your natural tendency to believe your first impressions.  

You will always notice things about the different people you meet, but as you become more conscious of the idiosyncrasies of judgement, you won’t be satisfied with your surface observations.  You  may notice that someone is driving an expensive car, but you will decide whether to befriend them based on getting to know them over time. You will not rule out a friendship with someone with unruly hair, especially if they turn out to have a great sense of humour and a kind heart.  Liking or disliking a person is a choice you will naturally make, but it will be after you have got to know them.

Next time you notice yourself judging somebody, stop.  Try to radiate love to that person.  Then listen to them openly or look them in the eye and learn more about them. If this is not easy for you, remember not to judge yourself either. Trust that, with practice, you will change your habitual judgemental patterns.  And as you do, you will find a whole new dimension of perception opening up to you, allowing you to see beyond the surface and into the essence of people you meet.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Love or dislike this time of year – or both

This time of year, when the clocks have gone back and it gets light later and dark earlier, makes the evenings appear to be so much longer.  I find that I feel drained of energy and seek out and relish every drop of sunlight.


Also this time of year makes me feel happy when I see all the pretty lights on the fronts of houses, in shop windows, on trees in the town centre.  The Christmas music in the shops, the shop staff wearing their antlers, Santa hats etc.


Having a mixture of thoughts and emotions is natural.  We all feel the thought in the moment and when we stop and really listen to our thoughts, we realise that we are responsible for our reality right now in this moment.  We all have different realities, and that is ok.


All our feelings derive and become alive, whether negative or positive, from the power of thought. Although thought is not reality, it is through thought that our realities are created.  Positive thoughts create a healthy mind and a stable life.

I am looking forward to spending time with my husband over the Christmas period, relaxing, watching a few favourite films, enjoying a few days chilling and thinking positive thoughts.


Whatever you are planning, make sure it is what you want.  If you want to spend your time on your own, then do that.  If you want to spend your time with your family, then do that.  If you want to spend your time helping others in a hostel or soup kitchen, then do that.  Whatever it is you do, know that it is right for you.

A very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to you all.  

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Criticism

We all make mistakes from time to time, it is human nature.  As we go through life we can take the opportunity to learn from any mistakes and improve ourselves.  Being criticised for making a mistake or for someone’s perception of your actions is ok if it is constructive.  The other type of criticism is destructive and is usually done by somebody attacking your character.

Bear in mind that criticism aimed at you may not make any sense at the time. Generally speaking there is usually a bit of truth in criticism, even when it appears to be given out of spite and/or bitterness.  It may be the case that a slight on your character is a reflection of how another person sees you at that point in time.  Take a step back and try to see things from their point of view. Maybe ask a trusted friend or relative for their honest opinion.  Use criticism wisely and as a learning experience, whether it is constructive or destructive.

Also remember that people who criticise a lot and make remarks to be hurtful are the ones that need the help, not you.  Criticism is an easy form of ego defence.  Critical people tend to be easily insulted and especially in need of ego defence.  Some people use criticism as a form of bullying to make you feel inferior and boost their opinion of themselves.

Anybody can criticise, condemn and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding of people’s motives and to be forgiving of their actions.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Common Fears

We all have fears, it is a natural part of being human. Fear can be positive and protect us from harm by sending a rush of adrenaline to help us physically deal with potential danger. There are times when fear is negative and keeps us from participating fully in life. Once we realise that fear is a thought in our minds, we can choose to face our fears, change our thoughts, and create the life we want to live.

Our minds are powerful tools, as bit like computers, storing and using information to make certain connections between thought and response. We have the ability to observe these and choose differently. No matter where the fear came from, which thought created it, we can create new connections by choosing new thoughts. When we change our thoughts we create a new experience of reality. Here’s an example: You decide to overcome your fear of driving on the motorway. Your plan of action starts with examining your thoughts and finding a new way of seeing the situation. When you’re ready, you enlist a calm companion to support you as you take the first step of merging into the slow lane and using the first exit. Your heart may be racing, but your confidence will be boosted by the accomplishment. Repeat this until you are comfortable, with or without help, and then drive one exit further. When you are ready, you can try driving for longer periods each time, until you find yourself going where you want to go. This gradual process is similar for conquering any fear, but if you find it overwhelming, you can always seek the help of a professional.

You may think that you are the only one with a particular fear, that nobody else could possibly be scared of things such as heights, public speaking, water or flying. These types of fears are very common, and you can have great success overcoming them. When we learn to face our fears, we learn to observe our thoughts and feelings but not be ruled by them. Instead we choose how to shape the lives we want.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Having consideration for others

Every action we take and every thought we think has an impact on the world around us. To be aware of this is to be conscious of our impact on all the people in our lives. Sometimes we just want to do what we want to do, but considering the full effects of our actions can be an important part of our growth and awareness. At first, being more conscious will need some effort, but once we have made it a habit, it will become second nature. The more we practice this awareness of others, the more we find ourselves in easy alignment with our integrity.

Our thoughts are an important place to begin this practice because our thoughts are the seeds of our actions. It is not necessary to obsessively monitor all our thoughts, but we can choose one thought or action per day and simply notice if we are in alignment with this experience of integrity. For example, we may find ourselves replaying a negative encounter with someone in our minds. We may think that this doesn’t affect the person about whom we are thinking, but the laws of energy tell us that it does. When we hold someone negatively in our minds, we risk trapping them in negativity. If we were this person, we might wish for forgiveness and release. We can offer this by simply letting go of the negative thought and replacing it with a wish for healing on that person’s behalf.

With regard to our actions, we may have something difficult to express to someone. Taking the time to consider how we would feel if we were in his or her shoes will enable us to communicate more sensitively than we would if we just expressed ourselves from our own perspective. When we change our approach by taking someone else’s feelings into account, we bring benefit to that person and ourselves equally. The more we do this, the more we reaffirm our integrity and the integrity of our relationship to the world around us.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Belly Laughs

When we were children we laughed hundreds of times each day, delighted by the newness of living. When we grew up we tended to not allow ourselves to let go in a good belly laugh for whatever reason.  We can get laughter back into our lives simply by making the conscious decision to laugh. Though most of us are incited to laugh only when exposed to humour or the unexpected, each of us is actually capable of laughing at will. A laugh that comes from the belly carries with it the same positive effects whether prompted by a funny joke or consciously willed into existence. When our laughter comes from the core of our being, it permeates every cell in our physical selves, beginning in the centre and radiating outward, a bit like the ripples on a pond, until we are not merely belly laughing but rather body laughing.

Photo by Singkham on Pexels.com

Laughter has been a part of the human mode of expression for thousands of years, probably before we humans learned to talk. Through it, we connected with allies while demonstrating our connection with people we didn’t know. In the present, laughter allows us to enjoy positive shared experiences with strangers and loved ones alike. Yet solitary laughter has its own range of benefits. An energetic and enthusiastic bout of whole-body laughter exercises the muscles, the lungs, and the mind in equal measure, leaving us feeling relaxed and content. When we laugh heartily at life’s ridiculousness instead of responding irritably, our focus shifts. Anger, stress, guilt, and sadness no longer have any influence over us, and we are empowered to make light of what we originally feared. Laughter also opens our hearts, letting love and light in, changing our perspective, and enabling us to fix our attention on what is positive in our lives.

It is easy to laugh when we feel good, but it is when the world appears dim that we most need laughter in our lives. Our laughter then resonates through our hearts, filling the empty spaces with pure, unadulterated joy. We regain our footing in the moment and remember that no sorrow is powerful enough to rob us of our inborn happiness. When we understand that uninhibited laughter is the food of the soul, nourishing us from within, we know instinctively that life is worthwhile.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Making conscious decisions

The fact that an idea or particular way of doing things is popular doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. However, sometimes something becomes popular because many of us don’t take the time to determine what’s right for us; we simply do what most of the people we know are doing. In this way, our decisions about life are made by default, which means they aren’t what we call conscious decisions. There may be many other options available to us, but we don’t always take the time to explore them. This may be because we feel pressured by family or peer  to do things their way, or the way things have always been done. It is important that, as often as we can, we decide for ourselves what to do with our lives rather than just drift along on the current of popular opinion.


It is not always easy to make decisions that go against the grain. Many people feel threatened when those close to them make choices divergent from the ones they are making. Parents and grandparents may be confused and defensive when we choose to raise our children differently from the way they raised us. Friends may feel abandoned if we decide to change our habits or behaviour. From our point of view it’s easy to feel frustrated and defensive when we feel unsupported and misunderstood simply because we are thinking for ourselves. It can be exhausting to have to explain and re-explain our points of view and our reasons.

This is where gentleness, openness, and tolerance come into play. It helps if we are calmly persistent, consistent, and clear as we communicate to those around us why we are making the choices we are making. At the same time, we have the right to say that we need our choices to be respected. Our lives belong to us and so do our decisions. Those who truly love us will stand by us and support our choices, never mind what’s popular.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Experiencing a breakdown

Most of us have, at one time or another had the experience of holding back our emotions for such a long time, for whatever reason,  that when these emotions finally come out, we have something resembling a breakdown. For a while, the overwhelming flood of feelings coursing through our bodies consumes us, and we stop functioning. Often, these outbursts take us by surprise, welling up within us as we drive to or from work, watch a movie, or engage in some otherwise mundane task. We might feel like we don’t know what triggered us, or if we do know, it does not make any sense of our overpowering emotional response. This is because we are releasing feelings that have accumulated over a long time, and whatever inspired the release was just a catalyst for a much larger, much needed catharsis.

When we find ourselves in the middle of such an experience, it is important that we allow it to happen, rather than fight it or try to shut down. Wherever we are, we can try to find a private, safe place in which to let our feelings out. If we can’t find such a place immediately, we can promise to set aside some time for ourselves at our earliest possible convenience, perhaps taking a day off work. The important thing is that we need to give our emotional system some much-needed attention. It is essential that we allow ourselves to release the pent-up emotions inside ourselves so that they do not create imbalances in our bodies and minds.

When you are feeling better, and you will, make a plan to find a way to process your emotions more regularly. You can do this by employing a coach or a therapist or making a regular date to talk to a trusted friend. Journaling can also be a great way to acknowledge and release your emotions, as can certain forms of meditation. Making room in your life for tending your emotions on a regular basis will keep you healthy, balanced, and ready for life.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please get in touch.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Build your confidence in your abilities.  Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk