Friends come and go

 I was considering why it is that friends come into our lives and some of them go out of our lives again.

There are many and varied reasons I suspect, but for me I think that some people fall away because of the changes I have made to myself.   I have learned so much about myself over the past few years that I was unaware of before. For instance I didn’t realise until recently that I have stuffed emotions and feelings down for years because I was conditioned growing up not to show emotion or share feelings.

When I was in a toxic relationship I had very few friends, and those I did have were not that close.  I wasn’t allowed to get close to anybody.  Getting divorced and learning to live my life as me has been a steep learning curve.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

I have learned how to express my feelings, get close to people I really like and keep others at arms length.  Now that I am able to express emotions and share my feelings other people may find this unacceptable to them. And that is okay. What I am comfortable with is not always comfortable for everyone else. And that may be why some friends have moved away. The fact that other people think differently from me is perfectly okay.

The friends I have currently are wonderful. Some live nearby, some live on different continents, but I am grateful to them all for their friendship and support. I do my best to support all my friends, it may be in a big way or in a small way. My life is so much richer for having my friends in it.

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I am grateful for all the friends I have had, still have and those I have yet to meet for their contributions to my life.

Do you have friends in your life that you are grateful for? Have you had friends move away for one reason or another? Is your life richer for having your friends in it?

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

How to have a stress free Christmas

We all know that Christmas can be stressful.  There is the usual invasion by the family, and extended family, the standing on ceremony all day, the extra expense as well as time and frustration trying to get the Christmas dinner on the table on time.

So much to do – presents to buy, cards to write, people to see, meals to cook, worrying about money.  Panic sets in.  Then there is the worry that there are not enough hours in the week.

Perhaps you perceive that you organise everything all on your own, without appreciation, and you also perceive there is a whole lot of expectation too from those around you.  That doesn’t sound like much fun to me.  And yet it is a scenario that is described over and over again.

Is it really the case though?  Do YOU have to organise everything? Are YOU expected to do it all? Is this something YOU think you ought to do?

If you think it is something you ought to do, think again.  There are no oughts allowed. We aren’t living in the nineteenth or even the twentieth century now, we are living in the twenty first century – it is time for YOU to start looking at what it is YOU want to happen at Christmas, when YOU want it to happen, who YOU want to celebrate with, who YOU don’t want to celebrate with, whether YOU want to celebrate it at all, whether YOU want to cook a roast dinner with all the trimmings or not, whether YOU want to go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner and so on.

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Perhaps you wonder what others will think of you if you break with tradition.  Stop wondering, be true to yourself, if the traditions are still relevant to you then by all means carry on with them, but if they are not relevant then stop following them.

Ask yourself how much of your planning for Christmas is led by guilt.  Be honest and try to weed out unnecessary obligations to lessen your load.

For instance, is it the norm for your relatives to all come to your house for Christmas dinner?  Do they expect you to invite them? Do you do all the food shopping, all the cooking?

Is this what YOU and they really want?  Have you had ‘the conversation’ regarding who really wants to do what on Christmas day?  It really isn’t a difficult conversation to have.

For instance, I asked my mother a couple of years ago if she wanted to spend Christmas with me or with my brother as she usually divided her time between us.  She said she would rather go on a tinsel and turkey trip with her friend and that is what she did.  She had fun, I wasn’t obligated and I could do what I wanted which was have a quiet Christmas at home with my husband.

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I know someone who went every weekend for five years to his father’s for Sunday lunch.  He packed up his car with his children and his wife and took the ferry to the mainland because he perceived this is what was expected of him.  He was beginning to resent these trips, which took up most of the day, and resent his father.

I asked him if he had had ‘the conversation’ with his father about having Sunday lunch with him every week.  He said no, but that he would.  He came back to me a few weeks later and said that his father was hugely relieved as he was getting fed up cooking a roast dinner each week, sometimes he just wanted to sit down with a sandwich, a glass of beer and watch the rugby.  They agreed to have lunch together once a month.  He got most of his Sundays back and he could do more things with his wife and children.

So do the same thing about Christmas.  Ask your relatives if they actually want to come to you this Christmas.  Don’t be surprised if they are relieved that you have asked.  You will probably find that you will have an easier time, with far less stress, with just as much fun, but fun that you want to have and not fun that is manufactured out of guilt.

What do YOU want for your Christmas? How do YOU want to look on Christmas day, worn our and resentful, or relaxed and enjoying yourself?

Festive Woman in Red Santa Hat

Budget for what you can afford to spend and stick to it.  Try and spread the cost of present shopping over a longer period. Consider a simpler version of Christmas dinner such as a buffet where everyone you choose to invite brings a plate of food.  Consider whether you are prepared to tolerate family tensions over Christmas, if not make the decision to have ‘the conversation’ with everyone concerned.

Remember, be the result of your decisions not of circumstances.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Can you enjoy Valentine’s Day as a single person?

There is so much emphasis on love and marriage leading up to Valentine’s Day and on the day itself.  There are adverts everywhere and shops are full of gifts, treats and cards all specifically for this occasion.

But not everyone buys into this sentiment.  And there is no reason why everyone should.  So how can you survive and keep your sanity if you can’t or don’t want to buy into it?

There are so many ways to make sure you enjoy yourself whether on your own, in a group or with a good friend.

You are probably feeling that you have nobody to rely on but yourself,  and on this ‘special day’ my suggestion is to turn the focus of your attention to you.  Buy yourself something special, something you will love.  Maybe treat yourself to a day being pampered at the spa, or treat yourself to a special meal and enjoy it at home.  You don’t have to cook it yourself, order it by phone and have it delivered to your door.  Use your favourite crockery, buy a bottle of wine and just enjoy being you, the lovely you that you know you are.

Cork Shot Out From a Bottle of Champagne

 

Maybe you could get a few of the worst romantic comedy films you can find and invite some of your girlfriends over to watch them with you and make fun of all those dreadful films.  Have a fun evening with people you love and be yourself.   Have fun with people you love to be with.

If you have children, maybe make the day special for them, as well as you.  Buy them some little gifts – maybe chocolate, stuffed toys, model cars etc.  You could make a present hunt with clues so they have fun trying to find the little gifts.  Perhaps a trip to the theatre or the cinema. Whatever it is you choos, make sure it is fun.

Another way to look at Valentine’s Day is to make some new resolutions, as most New Year’s resolutions were made 6 weeks ago. Make a Valentine’s Day resolution to love yourself, resolve to take some evening classes, resolve to go on that trip you have always promised yourself, make a start towards the dreams you know you want to achieve.  Resolve to try new restaurants or to try out new recipes.

Resolve to date yourself, plan life around yourself and learn to love yourself again.  This will not only be fun and interesting but loving yourself is the basis of being the confident you.

In the short-term be prepared for personal questions from friends and co-workers about your plans for your  Valentine’s Day alone.  Have an answer even if it is ‘no comment’.

  • Don’t get dressed up as that invites questions.
  • Don’t find a stranger to spend the evening with, you will regret it in the morning and make the next Valentine’s Day even harder to get through.
  • Remember it is just one day.  Shut your door, eat what you want, read a good book, watch your favourite film, do what is fun for you.  It will all be over in the morning.

If you would like, you could wait until February 15th and buy yourself a heart-shaped box of chocolates at half the price. Buy yourself some flowers at half price too.

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Whatever you do, don’t sit at home being miserable and sorry for yourself because you don’t have a date for this silly day.

If you do sit at home and feel sorry yourself don’t beat yourself up about it.  Remember, it is only one day, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in not participating in Valentine’s Day.  It is your prerogative, be true to YOU.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Be a surfer – riding the incoming waves of information

In this modern world, the 21st century,  we are living in an information age. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, Internet pages and in-boxes.

No sooner have we made a decision on what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new report, video or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion.

After a while, we may very well be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilising our point of view or preventing overloading our brains, and this is understandable.

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Rather than closing down and ignoring what could be vital information, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.

For example, there is a plethora of contradictory studies concerning foods that are allegedly good for you and foods that are allegedly bad for you. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether, for example, coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not.

The answer is, of course, different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding.

In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open give us the option to change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.

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I think the key is realising that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. After all, we are always learning. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilising our worldview. Our intuition is vital for this process. As soon as we have reached some kind of stability, it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilising.

Maybe, if we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how lucky we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride whilst we are learning.

If any of this resonates with you, and you would like some help understanding how your intuition works, get in touch with me and we can have a free 15 minute chat.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 

Give yourself permission to simply be

I have discovered that frequently the elation that we feel when we have learned an important lesson, achieved a goal, or had a huge breakthrough can be met with a period of downtime afterward. During this time of transition, we may feel unsure and not know where to turn next, we may have feelings of lack of self worth and self doubt.

I know that during this period of downtime, we may begin to wonder what our life is about, what our purpose is, will life get better?  These feelings are very common and we all feel them from time to time. If this resonates with you, just remember you are not alone.

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Often, we feel best when we are working on a project or vigorously pursuing a goal. We are engaged in the process of achieving, planning, doing.  But there is nothing inherently wrong with spending a day, a week or even a month, simply existing and not having a plan. Just being.  This time is just as valuable and helps to rebuild our stocks of energy, ideas etc.

I know that I have found sometimes the quiet lull between ideas, projects, and goals can make life appear empty. I know there are some people who, after accomplishing one objective, want to move immediately on to the next.

However, we are all different.  When you find that your next step is unclear, it is quite natural to feel frustrated, or disconnected or even a mild depression.

To help calm what can be distressing thoughts, learn to accept that you will continue to grow as an individual whether you are striving for a specific objective or not. Just be. Use all the time you need to think about what you have recently gone through and leisurely contemplate what you wish to do next.

You may also find that in simply being and going through the motions of everyday life, you reconnect with your priorities in a very organic, unforced way.

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I have found that this transition time is different all the time. It can be a period of reflection or a period of adjustment where new values based on recent changes can be integrated.

Just because you have temporarily lost sight of a final destination, doesn’t mean you should assume that you have lost your drive. Where you are going next will become apparent at the right time for you.

I would love to hear from you about your experiences of simply being. Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie

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Do you know where your beliefs and values come from?

Whether you realise it or not, you are constantly in the process of creating and changing your reality.

You are not truly aware of what someone else’s reality really looks like, and they are not truly aware of what your reality looks like. You are only aware of your own reality and how it looks to you.

Don’t believe me?  Take a simple scenario.  A road traffic accident, where nobody is hurt, fortunately, when one car hits another car.  There are three witnesses.  A policeman will ask each witness what he or she saw.  There will be three completely different perceptions of the same incident.

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For instance, one person might state that they saw the first car brake suddenly, so the driver of the car behind (being far too close in their perception) braked really hard but the car was going too fast and ran into the car in front with a loud bang.

The second person saw the second car approaching the car in front too fast and the driver didn’t appear to even see the car in front and ran straight into it without braking.

The third person witnessed the first car slow down too much so the driver of the car behind (which wasn’t going too fast) couldn’t quite stop in time (though they tried) and hit the car in front really hard.

Three different perceptions of the same accident – each quite ‘real’ to those witnesses – but significantly dissimilar.

How you perceive your life and everything around you will differ dramatically from other people’s perceptions.  Your reality is totally unique to you.

How you think about your life, how you see yourself in the mirror, and what you believe is happening to you at any given moment, will be the reality that exists for you.

So what are your beliefs?  They are your views, judgments, guiding principles and decisions about yourself, family and friends, communities, organisations, employers and everything else you come into contact with.

Your beliefs filter everything you see, hear and feel around you and, as a result, determine the meaning you attach to any event. Your beliefs act as self-fulfilling prophecies. If you think that you can’t do something and then find it extremely difficult to do and give up trying, you have successfully fulfilled your belief that you can’t do it.

What would have happened if you had believed that you could do it?  Would your reality have been different?

Your beliefs, whether they be limiting or empowering, determine your actions, and your actions in turn verify your beliefs. Over time, as you collect more evidence to prove your beliefs, your beliefs become your reality.

Your beliefs operate in your subconscious mind and influence your conscious mind,  they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Whilst you are aware of many of your beliefs, in general, your most influential beliefs are stored away in your subconscious mind.

 

There are some beliefs you view as absolute truths and never question – that is just the way the world is! A change in your beliefs can have a major impact on how you live your life and the behaviours you manifest.

Once you believe in something, you tend to ignore opposite examples and accept only those events that reinforce that belief.

As Henry Ford, industrialist, said: ‘Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are probably right.’

How right he was.

Your beliefs can have a significant effect on your life, particularly your health.

To quote Ian McDermott and Joseph O’Connor, from their book NLP and Health, (Thorsons, 1996), in a typical clinical situation, about thirty-five percent of all cases receive as much pain relief from a placebo as from morphine – simply because the recipients believe it will work.’

That is a very interesting observation isn’t it?  The subconscious mind believed it had been given a strong painkiller, and therefore the pain was relieved.  This happened because the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between the truth and anything else it is told.

But what about your beliefs?  How can you verify them?

Well, many hundreds of years ago people were told, and believed, that the world was flat. Today there are probably still some people who continue to believe this. It is easy to see how this belief was once so prevalent.  Just look at the ground beneath your feet – it’s flat.  In the distance you may be able to see a few hills and valleys, but these are just ripples on an otherwise flat surface. All of the land is surrounded by water and it seems quite logical to have once believed that if you sailed far enough you would eventually fall off the edge of the world. Those who set off to sail the seas and never returned were testament to this.  Obviously those who did return, just hadn’t sailed far enough!

flat world

You will have noticed how this belief proved its own validity. Therefore that reality was true.

The flat-world belief was very useful in explaining and predicting phenomena in a very small area when there were no satellites, there was no television and there were no news broadcasts and no other means of communication other than verbal messages passed from one individual to another. More importantly, it made the people in that localised area feel comfortable and safe in this reality.  However, by discouraging wider exploration, it was also a very limiting belief.

But you can challenge this belief and put your life ‘at risk’. You can let go of the limiting belief of a flat world and explore other possibilities.  You can entertain new and more expansive beliefs, which other people may view as equally limiting or indeed as impossible. All these beliefs are equally valid.

Do you currently have beliefs that keep your reality comfortable and safe and that prevent you from exploring your true potential?  Do you choose to acknowledge only the reality that is predicted by your limiting beliefs and then use these observations as proof that your current reality is indeed true?

Is it time to step out of your comfort zone and set sail into the unknown?  To push the boundaries of what you think you know and discover new lands and opportunities – to challenge yourself to create your new reality?

Does that sound like something you would like to experience? I work with clients face-t0-face, on the phone and via Skype.  The choice is yours. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Contact me today for a free chat on how we can start moving you from a place that is not so great in your life to a place of enjoyment.

 

Maggie Currie

Email: hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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“I’m ACE!” – The 7 day challenge

Here is a short confidence building exercise for you. If you are up for the challenge that is!

At the end of each day, for 7 days I want you to write down 5 things that happened throughout the day that proved that you are ACE! Now if this doesn’t come naturally to you, you’re going to have to go out and make things happen.

Don’t ignore the little things as well.

You can include such things as complimenting someone, a good piece of work you did, the 30 minutes you spent with the kids when you would normally be watching TV – write down 5 things where you have added value to something or someone each day for 7 days.

 

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GO FOR IT!

The 7 Day Challenge Template

Write out each “ACE STATEMENT” in the following format:

Number 1 was when I…

It meant that…

Afterwards I felt…

Number 2 was when I…..

It meant that…….

Afterwards I felt……

And so on until you have written down 5 things that happened throughout the day that proved that you are ACE!

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After the 7 days are up, look back over your list your will be truly amazed at how ACE you are!

The following week, repeat the exercise but with 5 new things each day, and also make a plan for each day, just like the little dog in the cartoon above.

Remind yourself of this challenge every time you feel that you are not good enough, because you are good enough and you are ACE!

Contact me today, and we can have a chat on how I can help you. There is so much more information for you to see about my coaching on my website, take a look.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves so that they can have more fun, live a better life and enjoy their work.

 

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