Friends – or are they?

It has taken me a long time, but I have eventually realised that not everyone who claims to be my friend actually is.  I tend to look at friendship from my own perspective which is to be there for someone when they need it, help when required, loyalty and compassion.

I have listened to my intuition and have learned that there are some people who take advantage of my perspective on friendship and initially offer help, or a very reasonably priced seminar, a ‘not for profit’ retreat, only to then try to upsell even more ‘help’, which would be followed by more upselling.

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For instance, I was invited to go along to a two day conference where there would be a number of speakers who would inform me about loads of things I wanted to know about.  Such as how they worked, who they worked with, the results they achieved and so on.  The cost was minimal, and the ‘proceeds’ were going to be donated to a hospital for sick children.  So I went.  I met some lovely people there who were also attending this conference.

The conference itself started very well with one speaker who was very interesting, told us all about what he does and the results he gets, demonstrated some of his techniques and gave everyone a free copy of his latest book.  From then on it went downhill rapidly.  Every speaker after that told the audience nothing about what they do, but did offer ‘limited’ spaces on their upcoming courses priced in the hundreds of pounds.  And they all used the same message ‘run to the back of the room to sign up now or you will miss out, there are only 10 places and they are filling fast’.

By the time the second day came around and the first two speakers were using the same tactics, I had decided not to stay any longer and left for home.  I had learned that conferences such as these are just a means to upsell products at vast prices.

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I have met several ‘coaches’, entrepreneurs and performers who do the same things.  They offer you retreats, seminars, workshops for little or no cost and then try to upsell more courses, retreats, workshops costing many hundreds of pounds.  They are not my friends, they are not there to help me, they are there to make money – that is all they want to do, make money.  They claim they are interested in empowering women to be powerful, or they want to turn me into a hard headed business woman.  They told me I must hold free workshops and upsell to people.

It doesn’t feel right to me to do this type of thing.  I am up front with the cost of my coaching.  I tell my prospective clients how much the coaching will cost them, as they are using both my time and my expertise, and that is it.  There is no upselling, they discover very soon that I am there to help them to get the results they want.

So, I am not going to fall for these sales tricks any longer from supposed friends.  When I offer a retreat it is specifically for the purpose of providing the time and space for people to be coached and to find the answers they are looking for.  There isn’t another product to sell at a higher price.  Of course, if they would like to continue coaching with me that is their choice, it is not the aim of the retreat to gain more business.

If anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course happy to help you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

I had zero confidence when I was young

When I was young I had zero confidence. Looking back on all that I’ve accomplished so far it seems hard to imagine that I once had such a lack of self esteem and belief in myself I was reluctant to go to parties, to meet new people or to speak unless I was spoken to. I was told as a child that children should be seen and not heard. Because I heard it so often, I believed it.

I recognise that we are all still vulnerable and confidence issues are always lurking no matter our age or successes. My clients and I have had extensive conversations around this topic because it is a repetitive theme we encounter when working with both men and women.

So I want to share some great tips to help you kick-start the rebuilding your confidence in yourself.

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Confidence comes from really meaning what you say and then following through. When you decide to do something, think about what you are promising yourself or others. If you can only manage 10 minutes of exercise, do 10 minutes. If you are going for a shiny new job, create a game plan you can stick to. If you want to improve your education, work out exactly how and when you are acting on it. Doing what you say you will do builds confidence not only within yourself, but also in others. If you can’t keep your word to yourself, how will others trust you to keep your word? Remember that the word confidence comes from the Latin word meaning “to trust fully.” You must only commit to that which you can really follow through on.

Confront head on the things you are afraid or anxious about. There are times when your course of action may be to avoid. Do this regularly and your confidence disappears because you are choosing to let fear rule your mind. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do something every day that scares you.” Exercise your confidence muscle every day by doing something that is just a tiny bit scary for you and watch your confidence begin to shift and soar.

We ALL have that little voice in our heads that tells us we’re not good enough, that others are better than us, or that we don’t deserve success. No matter how many times we tell that voice to shut up, it can be very draining to our confidence. It’s so important to surround yourself with people who are there to support you when you’re not feeling confident. The more cheerleaders you have in your life, the better you’ll feel about yourself.

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Remember past positive experiences. When you think of positive things, you generate and magnify positive emotions, while at the same time beat back negative ones. Start each day thinking of an experience you had in which you felt strong, positive emotions and feelings of confidence. Close your eyes and visualise as clearly as you can in great detail, as if it were happening again. The better and more often you do this, the more you will improve your daily confidence. Please remember that while this strategy can work well, if you always find yourself in the same type of situations feeling a lack of confidence, it’s a sign you’re not addressing the root of your confidence issues. And addressing the root is the most important thing to do in your personal development.

It’s time to drop the façade, be vulnerable and share your most real self with the people around you – family, friends, and colleagues – and let them see all of you. The strong you, the frightened you, the self-assured you, the funny you, and the you that is hidden from everyone because of your lack of confidence in “their” reactions. Have and show your emotions fully – from sadness and happiness to fear and joy. When you keep the full range of your true self hidden from others, no one can know who you really are, and that undermines your confidence. While it may feel scary to be vulnerable, you’ll find that the more you show the real you, the more others will be willing to share their authentic selves too. And the amazing gift is the confidence you will achieve when you realise that people actually like and prefer the real you, the confident you.

If anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course happy to help you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

How to survive Valentine’s Day as a single person

Take advantage of you and really look after yourself on this day. Turn the focus of your attention to you. Buy yourself something special, something you will really love and appreciate. It maybe something that you wouldn’t usually think of buying for yourself, but on this occasion it feels right to do it. Here are some more suggestions for you to feel special on this loving day:

  • treat yourself to a day being pampered at the spa.
  • treat yourself to a special meal and enjoy it in the comfort of your own home. It can be a take away delivered to your door.  Use your favourite crockery, buy a bottle of wine and enjoy your chosen feast.
  • watch your favourite film or read a good book.
  • How about you and some of your best friends getting together to watch a few of the worst romantic comedy films you can find.  Have a fun evening with people you love to be with and who love to be with you.
  • Make a Valentine’s Day resolution to love yourself.  Resolve to take some evening classes or to go on that trip you have been promising yourself.  Resolve to try new restaurants or to try new recipes.  Make a resolution that you will make a start towards the dreams you know you want to achieve.
  • If you have children why not make the day special for them as well as you.  Buy some little gifts – chocolates, stuffed toys, model cars etc. – and make a present hunt game with clues, and they can fun trying to find the gifts and you will have fun watching them.

Whatever it is you choose to do, whether it is on your own, with friends or with your children, make sure it is fun for you.

Do not:

  • Find a stranger to spend the night with.  You will regret it in the morning and make it worse for yourself when the next Valentine’s Day comes around.
  • Watch tv programmes filled with loves stories.
  • Get all dressed up at work as your colleagues will jump to conclusions and make your life a misery all day.
  • Sit at home being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have someone to share this sill day with.
  • Beat yourself up for feeling miserable and lonely.

A great thing to do would be to wait until February 15th and then treat yourself to a heart-shaped box of chocolates at half price, or buy some flowers for yourself for half price.

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Remember, it is just one day.  It will all be over in the morning.

Plan your life around yourself and learn to really love yourself again.  This will not only be fun and interesting, but loving yourself is the basis of beginning your new life as the new, confident you.

If this resonates with you,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Do you really know what will it take to make you happy?

Do you really know what will it take to make you happy?

Think about it and see if you can discover, or if you know, what it will take for you to be happy?

  • Will being in a relationship, or with the right boyfriend/girlfriend make you happy?
  • Will being married make you happy?
  • Will having a million pounds make you happy?
  • Will being successful make you happy?
  • Will having better health make you happy?
  • Will getting a new job make you happy?
  • Will having a great career make you happy?

If you think the answer is yes to any or all of the above questions, you’ll never find happiness!

Surprised? Well don’t be. The truth is nothing can make you happy. Happiness is something we feel, not something we can find.

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Being happy doesn’t depend on a particular outcome or something happening to you. There isn’t somewhere you can go and find happiness sitting there waiting for you.

Advertising of all sorts is designed to make you think that a new car, a particular skin cream, a new outfit, some new shoes, a drink or a new diet will make you happy, but that is simply not true. Nothing can make you happy because happiness is a feeling. Happiness is something you experience.

If you want to be happy, then be happy. Most people don’t choose to be happy because they spend most of their time focusing on what they perceive is wrong with their life.

Think about it, you can’t be happy doing something that you don’t like. If you don’t believe me try it. Try doing something you despise and see if you can be happy at the same time. Trust me, you won’t be happy doing something you don’t enjoy!

You also can’t do something you really enjoy and be sad or angry. Don’t believe me? Try it. See what happens. Go and try doing something you really enjoy and see if you’re angry or miserable at the same time. That really doesn’t work.

Unfortunately, people believe they can be happy when they achieve a particular goal and make the mistake of chasing that goal in order to be happy. It’s really not achieving the goal that makes them happy. It’s the feeling of achieving the goal that provides another feeling, satisfaction perhaps,  that is mistaken for happiness.

This mistake is quite common, because it’s not security or peace of mind that makes you happy. You experience happiness when you do what you enjoy and when you focus on the positive things taking place in your life. If you’re not doing that then you can never be happy.  Don’t think that you can be happy just by having something.

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You can experience happiness by achieving your particular goal,  by doing what you enjoy, having fun while achieving your goals and choosing the right goals, the kind that allow you to be happy all the time.  Focus on what you want.

Start doing the things that you enjoy. Look at the positive things that are going on in your life. Direct your mind and subconscious mind to help you experience happiness every day. This will start once you begin to appreciate the good things in your life.

Okay so how can you begin to be happy? It’s really quite simple, all you have to do is shift your focus.

Instead of looking at all that is wrong with your life, instead of looking at what you don’t like about yourself or your life; constantly criticising; change your focus. Start appreciating all that is good in your life. You will probably find there are many things you appreciate.

Make a list if you want and write out all of the positive things in your life. Usually someone will say: “Maggie, I can’t think of anything positive or good in my life. I just want to be happy.” That’s only because you are not seeing all the positive things in your life.  And so you’ll never be happy.

Every day there are wonderful things taking place in your life, yet you fail to observe and recognise them. You tend to take them for granted.  This can be anything – a hot  meal, a wonderful spouse, family, a beautiful flower, lambs playing in a field –  If you have a roof over your head, that’s a positive aspect of your life.

Start looking at all of the great and terrific things that are going on in your life and you’ll begin to experience happiness on a deeper level. You can begin to improve or change the areas that you are not happy with but at the same time you should acknowledge the good things that are going on in your life.

Your mind is used to only paying attention to what is going wrong and in the process it directs the subconscious mind to continue creating more of those things that are going wrong. You actually create more of what makes you unhappy.

Why?

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Because your subconscious creates what you regularly think about. So if you don’t regularly focus on the positive things you won’t create positive situations in your life.

And here’s where it gets worse.  When you constantly focus on what is wrong with your life, when you only think about and see what is wrong in your life your subconscious begins to create more of what is wrong or more of what you don’t want because it thinks that you want more.

Now you know why it can be so difficult for some people to truly experience happiness, it’s because they’re used to focusing on the negative aspects of life and in the end continue to create more of what they don’t want.

In order to change all of this you have to begin training the mind and re-directing the subconscious mind to begin creating what you want in life and to focus on the good things that are taking place in your life.

Begin experiencing happiness by changing your focus. Every day think of the positive things that are going on in your life. Make a list of all the wonderful things that are taking place in your life.

Think of at least 3 great things that happened to you, they can be small or large – but just appreciate 3 good things that happened during the day. Focus on the positive. Direct your mind and subconscious mind by changing your perspective so you experience happiness everyday

Too often I hear from people who simply want to be happy but when I ask them what they do for fun they say: “Nothing.” No wonder you’re not happy. How can you be happy if you’re never having fun in life?

If you want to experience happiness then start doing things that you enjoy.  You may like gardening; you may like hang gliding, you may like riding your bike, you may enjoy going for long walks, you may enjoy acting like a 5-year old – whatever it is start doing it and see how great you feel.

But there is one catch when you’re doing what you enjoy, you can only focus on that and not think about anything else that may be bothering you. That’s the only way you’ll truly enjoy the activity and begin to experience happiness.

As adults we get bogged down with the everyday tasks that force us to be serious. We have jobs where we’re serious, bills to pay, food to prepare, children to look after, it’s all too serious and it is necessary. I’m not suggesting you ignore your responsibilities – but take some time just to have some fun.

Now you can’t just have fun once a week or once a month. You have to do this every day. It can be for just 5 minutes a day if you like.  That means every day you have to find something fun to do, and only then will you get comfortable and used to the process to the point where you regularly experience happiness. Once you start doing this you’ll enjoy it so much you’ll wonder why you never did this to begin with.

If you don’t feel you have the time to have fun and enjoy your life then you’re really saying that your happiness is not important enough. Only when you decide to be happy will you truly begin to experience happiness. You can work with the techniques I’ve outlined – they will help you get started. But you will need to train your mind and subconscious mind to begin seeing and living in a different way.

 

 Maggie Currie

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© Maggie Currie and Maggie Currie Coaching, 2011-2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Maggie Currie and MaggieCurrie.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

Don’t die with your music still in you

The title of this blog is a paraphrase of the Emerson quote about how “Most men die with their music still in them.”

Ask yourself these questions:

  •  Am I doing what I came here to do?

  • Am I, at least in part, ‘playing my special music’?

If you answered yes to the questions, or are at least pursuing them, then I congratulate you. If your answer is no –  what you are waiting for?!

We are all special in this world.  Each of us has some special contribution to make to the world.  Perhaps it’s to write a book.  Perhaps your special gift is in being a great teacher or coach. It could be you are the next person to discover a cure for a major disease, or to start a business and be the best you can be at what you do.

 

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Are you a builder who is passionate about your work?  Do you dream of being a great parent, artist, or baker?

Whatever the passion is within you, let it out.  Life is too fragile and uncertain to postpone your dreams, hoping that someday, you will really begin to live your life.

Begin now!  Whatever it is you are passionate about, you can begin it now.  What are you waiting for?

When I lived in Basingstoke, Hampshire, my next door neighbour Maureen was really looking forward to her retirement.  She had planned everything she was going to do with her life once she could stop work and concentrate on herself. There were so many things she hadn’t yet done and when she had the time after her retirement she was going to do them all.

Six months before her 60th birthday Maureen was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she died before she even got to be 60.  She never did get to retire or do all the many things that she had planned to do when she retired.

It saddens me to see someone who is near the end their life, never having taken a step to realize their dream.  It saddens me that anyone should leave this earth with their music still in them. You owe it to yourself to let it out!

Imagine in your mind a mirror.  Look into that mirror and see yourself as you are today.  Now I want you to imagine yourself at the age of 80, see those sparkling eyes looking back at you.  I want you then to turn round and look back through the years of your life and note all the things you have achieved up to the age of 80.  How many things have you achieved?

 

old lady

 

Wouldn’t it be sad if you were to look back at 80 and say to yourself ‘I haven’t achieved anything in all my years’.  Don’t wait, begin now.  What are you waiting for?

Don’t die with your music still in you.

It is time now for you to take action and to really begin to change your life.  Or you could do nothing.  It is your choice. I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Being Alone – Is it always a bad thing?

The absolutely most important relationship you have in your life is with yourself.  And this relationship can frequently be the most difficult one to cultivate because you are the only one who is present in every single moment of your life – from the moment you were conceived onwards.  

Society places a huge emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, and you may have been conditioned to  set aside your own needs in preference for the needs of others.  

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But, until you really know yourself, how can you choose the right relationship to support your mutual growth toward your highest potential?

By allowing yourself to be comfortable with being alone, you can become the person with whom you want to have a relationship.

I don’t think there has been another time in history when it has been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, whilst living alone.  We all have the freedom to support ourselves financially, socially and emotionally without depending on a spouse for survival in any of these areas.

With this freedom comes the opportunity to pursue your own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners and neighbours.  Once you’ve satisfied your needs and created your support system, a partner then becomes someone with whom you can share the bounty of all you’ve created, as well as the beauty you’ve discovered within yourself.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

I believe we all need to learn to create spaces to be alone within our relationships. If we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we can open ourselves up to forge new paths and discover uncharted territory.

Being willing to not just know ourselves, but to love ourselves, and willing to discover what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves.

Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to explore more fully our most important relationship—the one with our true selves. And no, it isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, I believe it is a good thing.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Friends and family who sap your positive energy

The people with whom you have the most contact and who hang around you will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. Have you noticed how they make you feel?

They make you feel the same as them, happy and positive! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with a positive, ‘can do’ vibe that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

We also know of those people who could moan for England!

According to them they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like other people to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – and so much more!

These people drain the energy from the room, and bring everyone down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

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Some family members can be a lot like this, but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

What can you do to make sure that the people you have most contact with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you have contact with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. If there are people who are constantly draining our positive energy you have a couple of options.  You can tell them how you feel and if they are really good friends they will respect your wishes and may change their behaviour. If they drift into the negative again, try to ignore it.  Or if they aren’t really good friends, they will drift away and find someone else to drain.

The same can be said for your family.  Your more mature relatives have been conditioned for many, many years and are a different generation.  Appreciate where they have come from whilst being selective with the information that filters through to your brain.  You have the same choices as with your friends for the younger relatives, tell them how you feel and they will either change something or drift away.

Don’t attach any guilt to your decisions, as it is your life and if you are tired of the negativity, it is time to do something about it.

You may well find that you make new friends who are positive and upbeat and some other members of your family may reappear who have also removed themselves from negative relatives.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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