Month: December 2015

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Improve your body language, improve your self confidence!

The way that you move your body, and how you walk has an enormous effect on the way that you feel and affects your confidence levels.

Lets start with an exercise.

Imagine there are two people standing in front of you – one with “negative body language” and one with “positive body language”.  I’d now like you to write down what you are observing with each of these people

Positive                   Negative

 

  • How are they standing?
  • Where are their eyes looking?
  • What position are they holding their head?
  • How are they talking?
  • How are they moving?

Business people communicating with each other against white

How you feel at any moment in time is linked to what is going on in your mind and how you are moving your body. The way that you move sends subconscious messages to your mind and this either helps or hinders the way that you feel.

Emotion is created by motion. If you sit still for a long period of time your natural energy levels automatically get lower. And what happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat?  Yes, you have more energy and you’re given a boost.

I can’t stress how important it is to move and act confidently and positively. You will give off all the right vibes to everyone around you and it will make them think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside. Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as though you are.

So, how do you do this?

  • Walk swiftly and with a purpose. Don’t saunter along, walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get there you mean business!
  • Gesture with your hands as you talk, it will create motion and you know what that leads to – EMOTION! The right gestures also have a major impact on building rapport as long as you’re not shaking your fist!
  • All it takes is a smile!  Think for a moment about your confidence role model. One thing that he/she and confident people in general have in common is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts. It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile.

Start smiling more often. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time. But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

Remember that confident people are happy people and negative people are not. Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus!

You know, the way that we communicate in our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze and expression can be such a powerful tool in the way that we feel and when communicating with others. The manner in which you communicate and your interpersonal skills are also very important indeed. Effective communication is vital if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing.

iStock_000006933714Medium (2)

The way in which we communicate with people is broken down into component parts, and it is popularly believed that people to whom we are speaking understand what we say by interpreting these different elements in varying proportions:

VERBAL – 7% of our message is interpreted from the words we use.

VOCAL – 38% is picked up from our voice – speed, tone , pitch, rhythm etc

VISUAL – 55% is what the other person sees – our body language

Please bear the above in mind when you are communicating to people.

If you are ever feeling down, just have a look at your body language and change it immediately. YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

First impressions count – notice body language. You can normally tell what others are feeling by the way that they are moving and using their body too. You can use this to your advantage when you are more aware of it.

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ There is no end or limitation, nor are there boundaries, to the human mind.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Learn to say “NO” – listen to your innate wisdom

How do you respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate? Do you find yourself saying yes, even though your authentic self  wants to say no?

Here are some of my ideas, based on the Three Principles, you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.

The question has just been posed. “Will you please do xyz?”    Pause.

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Was your immediate thought that you ought to say yes?  How did that feel?  Did it make you feel nervous, angry, stressed, etc.?

Stop.  Take a deep breath.  What is your intuition or innate wisdom saying to you?  Probably it is saying no.

Saying “no” is hard for many of us.  Guilt often comes into play.  Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognise it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it.

You’ve made the decision, based on your intuition or innate wisdom, to honestly say “NO”.

Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly…in the mirror.  Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?

Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

After you say “NO”, if you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.

Be prepared for this!  Know your boundaries – what ARE you willing to do?

If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns.

Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further.

You don’t have to justify your response. But if you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

tips

Tips on how to say and not say your “NO!”

  • The “Wet lettuce NO”

Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp.

  • The “Mr Angry NO”

This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. Here are a couple of examples:

“NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you?”

“NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work”

  • The assertive NO

This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite, voice say:

“No. I will not be able/don’t want to do that for you”

Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.

“No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time”

  • Use effective body language

When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall. Use a firm tone in your voice.

Remember, if your nerve is wavering, you are perfectly okay to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?”

Don’t be pressurised into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts, connect with your innate wisdom. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Practice makes perfect as they say!

Start to say NO more often when you feel it is right to you.

  • You will feel much more confident and proud.
  • You will find that practice makes perfect – the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
  • Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
  • You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
  • You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
  • The list goes on from there…

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ There is no end or limitation, nor are there boundaries, to the human mind.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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A different conversation

Working with the Three Principles and coaching my clients using these principles is a totally different conversation from when I first started training as a coach over a decade ago.

I remember there were ‘models’ to learn, such as GROW – Goal, Reality, Options, Willingness.  There were SMART goals – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound.  There were hierarchies such as ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’.  Techniques such as NLP – Neurolinguistic Programming.

There was a mountain of stuff to read and digest, coaching practices to study and learn, seemingly endless amounts of information to absorb.

womanscreaming

 

I love coaching and seeing my clients achieve so much, but I felt constricted by the numerous models, hierarchies, techniques which I was supposed to follow to ‘be a good coach’.  So mostly I didn’t use them, except in the very beginning.  I tend to listen to what my client is saying, and listen to what they are not saying, get an understanding of their world and begin from there, and the sessions are organic, the flow and are successful.

So then I had the opportunity of learning all about the Three Principles (Mind, Consciousness, Thought) with Jamie Smart on his Clarity programme.  There are no models to learn, there are no acronyms for goal setting to stick to, there are no techniques.  It sounds very simple doesn’t it?

And it is.  Our realities are created from the inside out.  Unlike goals which are set from the outside in.  The Three Principles paradigm is subtractive, there is nothing to add to it, but there is loads of stuff to take away from it.  For instance all those models, acronyms, techniques etc.

The moment you realise thought and feeling are inseperable, the 100% nature of the thought feeling connection, you insightfully see that you are living in the feeling of the principle of thought taking form in the moment, and you wake to to the fact that there is no world ‘out there’ wielding power over your feelings. Which means you can never be the victim of circumstance and your head clears, you start experiencing the pre-existing fact that you and your perceptual reality are one….that there is no separation between self and other, which leads to clarity, peace, love, connection, oneness, wholeness, security, joy, wisdom.

Happy young woman with a white background

So this is feeling so right for me, much more so than NLP ever did.  I am developing the grounding I need to feel comfortable in my own skin, my confidence has grown markedly as I share these principles which are having a profound effect on my clients and on myself.  There is something incredibly powerful about knowing that I am able to share something that is truly transformational.

I would like to share this with as many people as possible.  My vision is impacting the lives of one million people so they too can have transformational insights into their own lives.

If you are ready to experience a genuine transformation, I am here to serve you.

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ If you want to replace a glass of stale wine with fresh wine, first you must pour out the old wine.  It is the same with clearing our minds of unwanted, stale thoughts.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk