Friends and family who sap your positive energy

The people with whom you have the most contact and who hang around you will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. They are pleasure to know.

Have you noticed how they make you feel?

They tend to make you feel the same as them, happy and positive! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, ‘can do’ vibes, and that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

iStock_000006933714Medium (2)

On the other hand, we also know of those people who are the opposite and who can moan for England, and continually do so!

According to them they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like other people to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – and so much more!

These people have the ability to drain the energy from the room, and  they bring everyone down to their level, they make everyone feel miserable.  This is a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

Have you noticed how they make you feel?

How do I know I am in a relationship that is bad for me?

 

It is often the case that some family members can be a lot like this. However, whilst you can usually choose your friends, you have little or no choice with your family!

So what can you do to make sure that the people who you have most contact with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you have contact with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. If there are people who are constantly draining your positive energy you have a couple of options.  One option is to tell the draining people exactly how you feel and if they are really good friends they will respect your wishes and may change their behaviour. If they drift into the negative again, try to ignore it.  Interestingly if they aren’t really good friends, they will drift away and go to find someone else to drain. Another option is to distance yourself from the negative people, they may or may not notice.  If they do and want to know why, explain to them how you feel.  If they don’t, all to the good they are directing their negativity at someone else.

The same can be said for your family.  Your more mature relatives have been conditioned for many, many years and are a different generation.  Appreciate where they have come from whilst being selective with the information that filters through to your brain.  You have the same choices as with your friends for the younger relatives, tell them how you feel and they will either change something or drift away.

Don’t attach any guilt to your decisions, as it is your life and if you are tired of the negativity, it is time for you to do something about it.

You may well find that you will make new friends who are positive and upbeat and some members of your family may reappear who have also removed themselves from negative relatives.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work and how I can help you,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

How to have a stress free Christmas

We all know that Christmas can be stressful.  There is the usual invasion by the family, and extended family, the standing on ceremony all day, the extra expense as well as time and frustration trying to get the Christmas dinner on the table on time.

So much to do – presents to buy, cards to write, people to see, meals to cook, worrying about money.  Panic sets in.  Then there is the worry that there are not enough hours in the week.

Perhaps you perceive that you organise everything all on your own, without appreciation, and you also perceive there is a whole lot of expectation too from those around you.  That doesn’t sound like much fun to me.  And yet it is a scenario that is described over and over again.

Is it really the case though?  Do YOU have to organise everything? Are YOU expected to do it all? Is this something YOU think you ought to do?

If you think it is something you ought to do, think again.  There are no oughts allowed. We aren’t living in the nineteenth or even the twentieth century now, we are living in the twenty first century – it is time for YOU to start looking at what it is YOU want to happen at Christmas, when YOU want it to happen, who YOU want to celebrate with, who YOU don’t want to celebrate with, whether YOU want to celebrate it at all, whether YOU want to cook a roast dinner with all the trimmings or not, whether YOU want to go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner and so on.

christmasstress

Perhaps you wonder what others will think of you if you break with tradition.  Stop wondering, be true to yourself, if the traditions are still relevant to you then by all means carry on with them, but if they are not relevant then stop following them.

Ask yourself how much of your planning for Christmas is led by guilt.  Be honest and try to weed out unnecessary obligations to lessen your load.

For instance, is it the norm for your relatives to all come to your house for Christmas dinner?  Do they expect you to invite them? Do you do all the food shopping, all the cooking?

Is this what YOU and they really want?  Have you had ‘the conversation’ regarding who really wants to do what on Christmas day?  It really isn’t a difficult conversation to have.

For instance, I asked my mother a couple of years ago if she wanted to spend Christmas with me or with my brother as she usually divided her time between us.  She said she would rather go on a tinsel and turkey trip with her friend and that is what she did.  She had fun, I wasn’t obligated and I could do what I wanted which was have a quiet Christmas at home with my husband.

christmas-dining-table

I know someone who went every weekend for five years to his father’s for Sunday lunch.  He packed up his car with his children and his wife and took the ferry to the mainland because he perceived this is what was expected of him.  He was beginning to resent these trips, which took up most of the day, and resent his father.

I asked him if he had had ‘the conversation’ with his father about having Sunday lunch with him every week.  He said no, but that he would.  He came back to me a few weeks later and said that his father was hugely relieved as he was getting fed up cooking a roast dinner each week, sometimes he just wanted to sit down with a sandwich, a glass of beer and watch the rugby.  They agreed to have lunch together once a month.  He got most of his Sundays back and he could do more things with his wife and children.

So do the same thing about Christmas.  Ask your relatives if they actually want to come to you this Christmas.  Don’t be surprised if they are relieved that you have asked.  You will probably find that you will have an easier time, with far less stress, with just as much fun, but fun that you want to have and not fun that is manufactured out of guilt.

What do YOU want for your Christmas? How do YOU want to look on Christmas day, worn our and resentful, or relaxed and enjoying yourself?

Festive Woman in Red Santa Hat

Budget for what you can afford to spend and stick to it.  Try and spread the cost of present shopping over a longer period. Consider a simpler version of Christmas dinner such as a buffet where everyone you choose to invite brings a plate of food.  Consider whether you are prepared to tolerate family tensions over Christmas, if not make the decision to have ‘the conversation’ with everyone concerned.

Remember, be the result of your decisions not of circumstances.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Impacting lives

A year ago I verbalised that I intended to impact the lives of a million people and help them to become the authentic people that they are. Help them to rebuild their confidence in themselves and their abilities and become functioning human beings again. The functioning human beings they were before they forgot how to function.

I was inspired by both my daughter’s journey through leaving an abusive marriage, staying in a refuge and making a new life and home for herself and her children.  Plus I was inspired by the work of a High Chief in Malawi who has annulled all the marriages of young girls and is getting them back into education.
Since that time I have written a comprehensive six module course, talked to domestic abuse services, safeguarding teams, ladies who have escaped from abusive relationships, gentlemen who have been homeless, have been addicts and are now on the road to recovery.
In January 2017, having applied for and been granted Lottery funding as Break the Cycle Community Interest Company  we are running two courses in Havant for ladies who have escaped from abusive relationships and one course here on the Isle of Wight for ladies who have been in abusive relationships.

IMG_1128
It is definitely a start, and I will reach that one million target, maybe not next year, but it will happen.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

What I have learned from business coaches

Over the past past four years or so I have worked with several business coaches.  Each one is extremely successful in their field and each one has taught me something.  Interestingly, what I have learned from them is exactly the same.

Each of these coaches, entrepreneurs, business people, has come from a different background, and some have come from different continents.  They are all considered to be ‘gurus’ and are highly acclaimed.  I have no reason to doubt this or their abilities. They are all very nice people too, I have met with each of them, spent time with each of them and admire their work and tenacity.

I have attended their retreats, their seminars and listened to them all intently.  I have even qualified as one of their coaches.

graduated

But, what have I learned from each and every one of them? I have learned they are very good at running their own businesses and creating their own wealth. I have learned that I don’t want to run my business in the ways they have been telling me to.

According to them each retreat, seminar, training, coaching session is a lead in to a more expensive programme or elite group.

I went down the route of offering free workshops and from these offering paid for coaching etc.  This didn’t sit well with me so I stopped doing these, even though I had great attendance and everyone enjoyed them and learned something.  And so did I.

This is not what I want to do.

So what do I want to do?

happydog

I want to work with people to help them regain their self-esteem and confidence so they can lead their lives as their authentic selves, rather than live their lives as others want them to. I want to work with people who have hit rock bottom and are now wanting to move upwards in their lives. I want to work with people who want to re-build their self-worth.

I thought long and hard about this and decided what I needed to do. I have obtained a grant from the Lottery to work with women who have escaped abusive relationships.  I have written a course, Mind the Gap, which is made up of six modules. I have met with the Southern Domestic Abuse Service and met some of their ladies who have been through the amazing Freedom Programme but who are now looking to move forward in their lives. And I am going to be running the very first pilot programme in January 2017.  I have 30 ladies signed up, the venue is booked in Havant, the creche facilities organised.

This is so exciting and feels right to me.  There is no sign up to a more costly follow on course.  The Mind the Gap is free to the attendees, who are all very excited to be included.

A programme will be starting in January 2017 here on the Isle of Wight too for women who have escaped from domestic abuse.  I want to work with men too who have escaped from domestic abuse and that is a work in progress.

I have also obtained funding from Island Roads Foundation to work with the homeless people, and those who have been homeless, here on the Isle of Wight.  And that will be beginning in early 2017 too.

I shall be applying for more funding to be able to work with more people both on the Isle of Wight and on the mainland.

That is what I have learned.  I don’t want to work in the ways that they work.  I want to work in the way that I work.  And that is a huge lesson and doesn’t make them wrong, but makes me more able to sleep at night and to know I am really helping people.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Are all ‘conferences’ the same?

I remember going to my very first ‘conference’.  It was marketed as a Coach’s super conference where I would learn from a plethera of ‘world famous’ coaches and come away with lots of useful information.  I would learn a whole host of stuff. The cost was minimal for the actual conference, something in the region of £70 for a weekend, as the organiser was doing it to be philanthropic.  It was being held near an international airport in an hotel.  I decided I would go and booked my hotel room, and set off to learn something new.

I was sorely disappointed.  The very first presenter was Paul McKenna.  He spoke for two hours, gave everyone a free copy of his latest book.  He was extremely interesting and didn’t sell a thing.

After this the ‘conference’ went downhill rapidly.  Every speaker that followed on that first day was selling their product.  Whether it was a coaching course, a weekend of inspiration culminating in a fire walk, how to be a tv star etc.  Not only that, there was the pressing of the urgency buttons because the audience were invited to run to the back of the room to sign up now as there were only 9, 8, 7, 6 places left and so on.

emotionalwoman

And these products were priced in the hundreds or thousands of pounds.  Plus, if you signed up today, you could get the whole ‘conference’ on video to keep forever for only £xxxx.

I did meet some lovely people in the audience, some of whom were as disappointed as I was.

I stayed the night in the hotel, which was lovely by the way.  After breakfast the ‘conference’ continued.  By the first coffee break in the morning I had had enough.  I couldn’t take any more blatant selling.  So I left.  I went home. I vowed never to go to one of these ‘conferences’ ever again.  I did learn something at that ‘conference’, not to go to another one and not to do the same thing myself.

Of course, there are many ways these selling shows are created. They are billed as one day workshops, or weekend retreats. The main aim of these is to upsell, even though you do learn something about yourself whilst you are there.

iStock_000008538351Large (2)

And, of course, once you have bought into the upsell, and you have moved on to whatever course, product it is, there is always another, more expensive course or product to buy.

So, are all ‘conferences’ the same.  No, there are genuine conferences where you learn stuff that is useful to you and where you are not asked to buy something else much more expensive. But do beware, as I learned the hard way, that not all conferences are what they are advertised to be.  And, if it looks too good to be true, that is probably right, it is too good to be true.

If this resonates with you, and you have had a similar experience,  get in touch with me today and tell me about it. I will be really interested to hear about your experiences.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Do you always need to defend yourself?

Living with people who are verbally abusive or verbally aggressive can be very demanding on your time and energy.  But does it have to be that way?

The abusive or aggressive person often wants you to defend yourself or explain yourself.  This is abusive behaviour, controlling, demeaning and only you can decide if you are willing to tolerate it.  Some people have tolerated this behaviour for many decades, probably because they are scared of what other people might say or think, scared about what would happen if they stood up to the bully, and even scared of what life would be like if they were to leave and begin a new life for themselves.

There is a lovely quote from Sophia Dembling “If you can plant yourself on solid ground in your head and heart, other people won’t be able to throw you off balance.  No need to debate or justify your stance.  Explain yourself if you want, bu you needn’t defend yourself.”

tiredwoman

The bully is usually sweetness and light when anyone else is around, but when there is nobody else there they can be constantly verbally abusive and aggressive.  This is typical behaviour from a bully who, if confronted, will usually back down because they are usually cowards too.  They want control of you and this is the only way they know how.  And because they have got away with it for years, and because you think you can’t do anything about it, they will continue in the same way.

So, what can you do about this verbally abusive and aggressive person?  You have several options available to you.  You can put up with it, you can ignore it (not so easy I know), you can try and persuade the bully to go to counselling with you or you can decide you are not going to tolerate it any longer and leave the relationship.

The excuses will roll around your head one after the other – They won’t be able to cope without me, what will I do on my own, what if…………?

Dealing with emotional abuse

But you have to decide what is best for you, and only you.  It is your life and you deserve to be able to live it in your way without the constant abuse and aggressiveness.  The abuser has chosen their path and they are happy to be on it as they are in control of you and they know exactly what they are doing to make you unhappy and make you believe that if you were to leave them that this would happen or that would happen, and they will come out with a large range of scenarios.  All of these scenarios will sound plausible, because that is what they are good at.  Making you feel inadequate.

So it is up to you to decide what you want to do.  Do you want to stay and be constantly verbally abused and spoken to aggressively?  If not, seek some professional help so you can make an informed decision about your life.

Are you ready to make changes? Work with me and learn to live life from the inside out gain more freedom, more fun and less stress.

You will discover how your mind only works one way – from the inside out.  Your life will be more productive, enjoyable and fulfilling.

Here is a lovely testimonial from one of my clients: ‘Maggie intuitively knew that the path I was on wasn’t the way I truly wanted to go. She allowed me to see that my passions were elsewhere and opened my mind to the possibilities ahead of me. I changed my path and have never looked back. Maggie was totally right.’ – MV, UK

So get in touch with me today.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

 

Getting rid of stuff can be good

I was looking through my folder of coaching stuff that I have collected over the years.  It was all contained in a folder that had 50 clear A4 sized pockets, and it was crammed with information.

There was information about NLP, about the ‘right’ questions to ask a client, about how to frame questions and so much more. Although I qualified as an NLP Practitioner, I don’t use NLP as it never feels right to me.  That is my personal opinion and not a judgement on the subject.

Looking through my folder I began to think about when I had last looked at the information contained in it.  I came to the conclusion that it must have been about five years ago, and then I remembered that when I had looked through the folder before a coaching session with one of my clients, I had closed it again because nothing had jumped out at me that was useful to me or the client.

flat world

It came to me that I had been indulging myself in flat earth thinking.  In the distant past people thought the earth was flat. They designed huge anchors for the ships so they wouldn’t fall off the edge.  They didn’t sail too far away from land in case they fell off the edge. They built tall lookout posts on top of the masts so someone could make sure they didn’t reach the edge of the earth and fall off.  It is said that Christopher Columbus nearly had a mutiny on board his ship as he refused to stop sailing further and further away from land, and his crew thought they would all fall off the end of the earth. He didn’t of course.

I had been guilty of flat earth thinking. I thought I needed all the bumph and information I had collected over the past decade to be a good coach.  I thought if I got rid of it then I would lose all my abilities. Of course, I don’t need it all.  I have all I need within myself. I am enough. I love the work I do and my clients get great results.  So why hang on to it all? No reason at all.

It is all gone. Every bit of it.

iStock_000005988115Medium (2)

So I am back in the driving seat of my life.  And if you would like to get back in the driving seat of your life, get clarity about your current situation, about what really matters in life, the choices you want to make and who you really are. Get in touch with me and we can get a date in the diary for an initial chat.

This is what one of my clients commented after working with me a few years ago:

“The ride has been awesome…the support you gave me while I was driving at the wheel of my life and you were sitting in the passenger seat guiding, encouraging, and supporting me was fantastic and I so appreciate that.” – SR, USA

Are you ready to make changes? Working with me and learning to live life from the inside out will bring you more freedom, more fun and less stress.

You will discover how your mind only works one way – from the inside out.  Your life will be more productive, enjoyable and fulfilling.

So get in touch with me today.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk