lack of confidence

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Have you lost your identity?

Have you lost your identity?  This may seem a ridiculous question to ask, but frequently we can forget who we really are.  For instance it is often the case that you think of yourself, or other people think of you,  as someone’s parent or partner, someone’s sibling or relative, someone’s carer or employee, someone’s companion or employer, someone’s nurse or gardener. The list can be endless.  It is possible that frequently you are not seen as yourself but as an extension of someone else.

This very common state is generally brought about because your self-esteem has dropped to an all time low and ultimately you have lost what little confidence you had.  You may not be aware of this lack of self-esteem initially as you have been viewed in this light for so long that you have got used to it. It has become your norm.

I know exactly how that feels. I was brought up by my adoptive parents to be who they thought I ought to be.  I was frequently told as a child that I should be seen and not heard, and that I had no opinion of any value. This led to me go through life in a daze, trying to be who I thought I ought to be.

I spent thirty years of my life looking after everyone else’s needs and forgot all about my own needs and what made me happy.  The one very special person I neglected was me!

 tiredwoman

Did I change this situation? When I woke up to the fact that this was not the norm – you bet I did, and it took some very hard work, beginning with changing how I thought about myself and my life.

Is there a solution for you too? Yes there is.  And the action you need to take is this:

  •  Break the old habits and thinking patterns that have prevented you from living your life to the full and realizing your potential.
  • Create new habits, new patterns, new beliefs that will empower you and set you free!
  • Accept and love yourself just as you are.  This is the key to your ‘inner life’ makeover; and ultimately ‘outer life’ results will follow naturally!  When you begin to feel great on the inside you will begin to exude confidence. Your circumstances will begin to change and develop as the inner happy you begins to shine out!
  • Listen to your intuition. It is there to help and protect you.
  • Be kinder to yourself – verbally, emotionally and physically.

I know how it feels to really want to make changes in your life, and not knowing where to start. My fears dominated me, my self-belief was in shreds and I had forgotten what makes me happy because I hadn’t been happy for so long, although I hadn’t realized it until I ‘woke up’. I had become a shadow of who I really was.

With the help of life coaching I began to change the way that I see myself and began to think strong positive thoughts about my life.  I started to be grateful for the life I am living and to notice the abundance that surrounds me. Everything started to change for the better.

Learning to love yourself is tough to begin with, but with help and practice each day, you will succeed.

If you need help and are ready to start breaking those old habits, contact me today.

 

 Maggie Currie

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My workshop – ‘the afterglow’

I facilitated a workshop last week entitled “Confidence for everyday life” and, even if I do say so myself, it was a huge success!

The time flew by and before I knew it, the whole thing was over.  I loved every minute of it, meeting the attendees, sharing my expertise, watching the vision boards develop and the interaction with each other.

There were some ‘aha moments’ as someone realised that all the pictures and words they had stuck on their vision board referred to family and it wasn’t until that moment they realised just how much family meant to them.

Here is some of the feedback from the attendees

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I had taken a lot of time and trouble to prepare the workbooks for the workshop.  I included a recommended reading list, information on how to construct and use affirmations, all the exercises and some homework.

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The homework exercise is to write 50 good things about yourself.  This can be done by writing 3 things a day until 50 are reached.  It is then a good thing to be able to read all the lovely things you have written about yourself and remind yourself just how good you really are.

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My next workshop will be on Monday 15th September 2014 and will be about your relationship with yourself.  Keep an eye on my website for sign up details.

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The attendees achieved a lot in a very short space of time, just imagine what they will achieve over a few months of coaching. The possibilities are endless.

 Contact me today to have a free chat on how my coaching will help you to change your mindset.

 

Maggie Currie

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Conquering the fear of failure

Fear of failure is probably the single greatest obstacle to success in our adult lives. We often become totally preoccupied with not making a mistake and with seeking approval. The fear of failure is expressed in the words  “I can’t”.

We feel it in a physical way by the fast beating of the heart, rapid breathing, sweaty palms and a tight throat. We also experience this in the irresistible need to run to the loo.

Our second major fear that creates an obstacle in our performance is the fear of rejection.  We learn this at a very early age when our parents or guardians make their love conditional upon our behaviour.  If we do something to please them, they give us love and approval. If we do something to displease them, they withdraw their love and approval – which we often interpret as rejection.

tiredwoman

Going through divorce can trigger these feelings of failure.  But a very important thing to remember is: the marriage failed, not you.

As adults, we become preoccupied with the opinions of others because of this perceived rejection.  Many people develop hostility, suspicion and an obsession with performance to some imagined high standard.  It is virtually impossible to achieve this as it really doesn’t exist.

There is a belief that we have to work harder and accomplish more in order to please the boss.  The boss has replaced the parent and is  therefore perceived as the approval giver.

Research has shown that more than 99 percent of adults experience these fears of failure and rejection.  They are caught in the vicious circle of feeling, “I can’t, but I have to,” and “I have to, but I can’t.”

We can beat  these fears by developing our self-esteem, courage and character.  We can increase our self-love and self-respect.  Acting with courage in a fearful situation is one technique that boosts our love for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and they lose their ability to affect our behaviour and our decisions.

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Firstly, we need to realise and accept that we can do anything we put your minds to. Repeat the words, “I can do it! I can do it!” whenever we feel afraid. Write ina journal all your successes so you can remind yourself how good you actually are.

Secondly, we need to continually remind ourselves of just how wonderful we are, think of ourselves as valuable and important people and remember that temporary failure is one way we learn how to succeed.

If you need help with any of the above, please contact me.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you.

I have some availability for new coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates for when you want to get started.  Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Your confidence diary.

A great way to boost your confidence is to keep a confidence diary.  It is a smart tool to remind yourself just how good you really are and what you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

It is something I used to rebuild my confidence after going through a toxic relationship, divorce and learning to be me again.

diary

Either buy yourself a notebook or a day to view diary and once a week for a month jot down your answers to the following confidence questions.

Don’t give me any excuses about you haven’t got the time to do it! Take just 10 minutes per week, sit down and jot down your thoughts to:

  • What have I got to be grateful for in my life right now?

  • What am I happy about in my life right now?

  • Why am I happy about these things?

  • What did I accomplish last week?

  • What am I excited about in my life right now?

  • Who do I love and appreciate in my life? Who do I like hanging around? Why?

  • Who loves and appreciates me for what I am? Warts ‘n all!

Answer these questions honestly at the start of each week and it will set you up for success.

Getting our lives back after divorce

If you need a booster midweek, then by all means answer them again whenever you want to feel centred and remind yourself of what you have got going for yourself in your life right now. You can do this whilst enjoying a nice cup of tea or coffee.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Friends and family who sap your positive energy

The people with whom you have the most contact and who hang around you will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. Have you noticed how they make you feel?

They make you feel the same as them, happy and positive! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with a positive, ‘can do’ vibe that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

We also know of those people who could moan for England!

According to them they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like other people to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – and so much more!

These people drain the energy from the room, and bring everyone down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

poutinggirl

Some family members can be a lot like this, but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

What can you do to make sure that the people you have most contact with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you have contact with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. If there are people who are constantly draining our positive energy you have a couple of options.  You can tell them how you feel and if they are really good friends they will respect your wishes and may change their behaviour. If they drift into the negative again, try to ignore it.  Or if they aren’t really good friends, they will drift away and find someone else to drain.

The same can be said for your family.  Your more mature relatives have been conditioned for many, many years and are a different generation.  Appreciate where they have come from whilst being selective with the information that filters through to your brain.  You have the same choices as with your friends for the younger relatives, tell them how you feel and they will either change something or drift away.

Don’t attach any guilt to your decisions, as it is your life and if you are tired of the negativity, it is time to do something about it.

You may well find that you make new friends who are positive and upbeat and some other members of your family may reappear who have also removed themselves from negative relatives.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate…..it is a lack of self belief

I know how it feels to have feelings of inadequacy.  I feared that I wasn’t good enough, that others didn’t think I was good enough either.  I doubted by abilities and whether I actually knew anything at all.  Those feelings made my body feel heavy and sluggish, they made my brain all fuggy and hard to get going.  I felt totally unmotivated and really had to force myself to keep appointments and to do all the usual everyday things like looking after myself properly. I didn’t want to prepare any meals and therefore wasn’t eating properly. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate… it is really that we have little self belief. 

 teenage depression - teen woman sitting thinking

The lack of self belief is something that had become a habit because I was always told that I was average when I was growing up and that I would never amount to anything.  And having been told that so many times, I believed it.  I believed it for many, many years until I started reading about self-development and coaching.  Something clicked for me,  and I decided that I probably do more than I originally thought.

I began to take courses in coaching, corporate coaching, NLP, confidence coaching and I discovered that not only did I love this work, I was good at it. No – I was very good at it indeed. And I loved every minute of it and still do. I am passionate about helping other people to develop as themselves and to boost their confidence and self belief.

Now I thought that after achieving all those diplomas, and all the many hours and days of hard work I had done to achieve them, I would get rid of those feelings of being inadequacy. But I was wrong. They all came back again and it was like reliving the same old behaviour patterns again.  What could I do?

I trained in emotion based coaching as an addition to my already extensive qualifications and I learned to look at my old unexpressed feelings which were affecting my life and learned to acknowledge them, deal with them and this allowed me to live my life as me in a much more confident way.  Working on myself I again had those feelings of inadequacy, but this time found the solutions to make those nasty feelings go away. I made a list of all the things that I do creatively and a list of my innovativity. That took some thinking about but I did it, and it really worked.  I am feeling so much more confident now in myself and who I am and what I have to offer to myself, my husband, my friends-in-deed and of course my clients.

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Getting good responses from the people I coach whilst they are getting great results makes such a difference to my confidence levels. I know that I am a brilliant coach with a lot to offer my clients and I know that I do a grand job with them.

I take each day as it comes and I boost my confidence by reading my lists of creativity and innovativity, watch the results of my clients and support people in the coaching community and know that I am confident in my abilities and in me. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate…..it is a lack of self belief.  It is very common for people going through divorce to lose their self-belief and that is where I can help.

 I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

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How do I know I am in a relationship that is bad for me?

Are you really not sure if the relationship you are in is bad for you?  Do you really think you are making a mountain our of a mole hill? 


There are many tell-tale signs of toxic relationships, but I am going to mention just some of them.  

I know that when I was allowing myself to stay in a toxic relationship that my self-esteem was non-existent; and one of the tell-tales that it really was as bad as I thought it might be was he told me that I was useless, nothing like as good as his mother and I would never be able to have a life of my own.

Here are a few of the tell-tale signs:


You are not allowed, or discouraged, to see any of your friends. So you turn down all invitations because it really doesn’t seem worth the hassle and ear bashing that will result later on. And so you lose your friends.

When you do manage to go out with any remaining friends, your partner phones your friend to make sure you are there after about an hour and makes you feel awkward.

Your partner decides you won’t wear make up because they don’t like it.

You feel like you’re always treading on eggshells around them.

You find them listening to all your conversations on the phone just in case you say something they don’t like.

Your partner moans and complains when things don’t go according to their plan; this can range from a child being ill to you not being dressed as they think you should be.

Your partner criticises your family whilst expecting you to love theirs.

Your partner puts you down not only at home but in front of other people when you are out together.

Your partner is really pleased with themselves when they have carried the washing basket into the kitchen – “look what I’ve done FOR YOU.”  They never do the washing though, that is your job.

You have begun to lose your sense of self and your self-esteem is non-existent.


Does of any of this sound familiar? Then you are in a toxic relationship, one that is bad for you. You can choose to remain in it as it is, or you can do something to change it.  You don’t have to continue living a life where your confidence and self-esteem are routinely undermined.  

You can choose to leave the relationship, or you can choose to change it.  Either way, you will have to change something about yourself. That takes courage and begins with the first step.  Seeking help. I am the help that you need. Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie

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From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again – 6 month on-line course

Does this sound familiar?

On the outside you are looking great, but inside you are falling to pieces. The cracks are really beginning to show. 

poutinggirl


Have you had to make a presentation to the board when you are feeling totally broken inside, and on the outside you are struggling to keep your composure? There is no need to suffer in silence, you are not alone. I understand what you are going through. Reach out your hand, grab hold – I’ve got you. I will help you to transition the bold front you are putting on – the perfect appearance on the outside – and the inner turmoil where you are tearing yourself apart. My new 6 month on-line coaching course entitled: ‘From Confusion to Clarity – Becoming ME again’ is for you.   I will give you the tools and techniques to heal the inner you and get you back to the real you. Rebuild your confidence in yourself and end that constant ringing in your ears that you are not good enough. You most definitely are good enough. You will learn:

  • To control the direction of the change which will happen in your life.
  • Success strategies and resources. And
  •  You will gain tools and techniques to confidently create the new future you want and deserve.
 

I will teach you how to get out from that feeling of despair 

 

 

 

into enjoying your life and enjoying being you!

 

 

 

 

Whether you have been through or are going through divorce, life trauma, redundancy, we all know it is never easy. There are a range of emotions that could come into play (anger, regret, frustration, fear, sorrow, anguish, bitterness, hatred, depression), and there can be a sense of loss similar to that of bereavement. It is often the case that we go through the 5 stages of bereavement either during or after a divorce, redundancy, life trauma. The 5 stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

 This turmoil of emotions and feelings can make you question your value as a person, and can knock your self-esteem down so far that it begins to seem impossible to come back from that horrible place. 

 

Often you are nagged by your inner voice saying things like “If only I had done this…” or “I should have done this …” or “I am not lovable” or “I’ll never be happy” or “I’ll always be alone”. That kind of self talk is very destructive and can lead to depression, guilt and a sense of having nowhere to turn.

 I will teach you that there is life after divorce, life trauma, redundancy and it will be as happy and satisfying as you choose to make it. Yes it is a choice, how you live your life is a choice. Make the right one. 

I have been through emotional and psychological abuse, a toxic relationship, divorce, lost my confidence and hit rock bottom. I have been made redundant and had life traumas. Through changing how I viewed myself, training to be a Life Coach and living what I teach, I have rebuilt my confidence, turned my life around and created my own successful businesses.

I guarantee, if you implement what you learn, you will change your life on my 6 month online course ‘From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again’.

 

The benefits to you include:

  • You will be heard and understood. Together we will begin to change your life and improve your relationship with yourself.
  • I know how you are feeling and understand exactly how to help you to get your life back, the life you deserve.
  • You will rebuild your confidence so you can succeed in your life.
  • You will change your mindset and begin to change your life.
  • You will get renewed enthusiasm for your success as defined by YOU!
 
 
 

You will get webinar tutorials, workbooks, feedback, an initial personal laser coaching call, regular personal coaching calls for Q&A and coaching.

 
Sign up and change your life.I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie 

 

Creedence – Confidence for You

 

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

 

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Having no confidence and seeing no way out

I know how it feels to have no confidence and being unable to see a way out. 

I have been there myself. I hit rock bottom when I had the flu, all the children had chicken pox.  We were all sitting huddled and miserable in the living room, feeling sorry for ourselves.  It was cold, and I had just one 50p coin left for the meter.  I thought to myself that I have to do something, and do it very soon, or none of us will survive.  Life looked so bleak, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have any prospects, I was struggling as a single mum with three small children, there didn’t seem to be anything I could do. 

Dealing with emotional abuse


My mind was focused on what I couldn’t do, or what I perceived I couldn’t do.  This was a step in the right direction, recognising that I was focusing on the wrong things. 

I made a decision there and then to change just one thought.  I changed the thought of not being able to get a job to that of being able to get a job.  

I called my parents on the phone and they brought me a few more coins for the meter.  We all recovered from our illnesses and the very next week I went out whilst the children were at school and got a job.  I got the job of kitchen assistant at the school my children attended.  I cooked and served the school dinners, washed up and started to rebuild my confidence.

Happy young woman with a white background

Getting a job meant I had money, having money meant being able to feed and clothe the children.  This of course was a huge boost to my confidence.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Self worth

My view of my self worth has been very low recently.  I hadn’t actually realised it until today when I read the following message I received this morning from Abraham:

‘Worthiness, in very simple terms, means I have found a way to let the Energy reach me, the Energy that is natural, reach me. Worthiness, or unworthiness, is something that is pronounced upon you by you. You are the only one that can deem yourself worthy or unworthy. You are the only one who can love yourself into a state of allowing, or hate yourself in a state of disallowing. There is not something wrong with you, nor is there something wrong with one who is not loving you. You are all just, in the moment, practicing the art of not allowing, or the art of resisting.’

I was indeed practising the art of not allowing – not allowing myself to receive the abundance that I so truly deserve.  Somehow I had become blocked and was feeling that I was not at all worthy.  My skills were of no use to anyone and therefore nobody new would be coming to me for coaching.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Fortunately, this missive from Abraham resonated with me on many levels.  It made me remember just how self destructive negative thinking can be. I know this is true, but I am just as liable to negative thoughts as anyone else, although I do endeavour to keep thinking positively as it benefits me, and my clients, so much more.

I thought about this for a little while and it came to me that I have not been giving myself the recognition that I so richly deserve.  I have been hiding my light under a bushel and that is now going to stop.  It also made me stop and think about how I felt going through divorce.  I felt even worse then, I had no self esteem or feelings or self worth.  I thought I would never be able to hold my head up again, let alone change my life.  But I did change my life and the way I see myself and it has made such a huge difference to my life.

New for 2013. From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again

I work with fabulous coaches who love and support me, teach and coach me, learn from me and are coached by me.  I have so much to offer my current and potential clients and my passion is in coaching people to become who they really are.

With modern technology anyone in the world can access coaching via Skype, phone, instant messaging and so many other ways.

My own self worth has increased dramatically since I began writing this blog and will continue to do so, especially as I remind myself of all my successes. That doesn’t mean I have a big head, I don’t, I know my own self worth and I am proud of it. I am worthy and I shall not be wasting my time or energy on negativity any longer.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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