Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways, and I should know I have been there. For me the following was very true:
- I didn’t think I was good enough.
- I thought everyone else thought they were good enough.
- I didn’t look after myself, I put others first.
- I let people manipulate me.
- I was in a bad relationship.
- I felt sad and thought there must be more to life than this.
- I constantly asked other people for their opinion, I didn’t think I knew anything.
- I was verbally and emotionally abused and never felt I was worthy.
I started out with the intention of being happy when I got married at age 19, but soon discovered that the marriage was not working as I was constantly treated like an idiot, not allowed to develop as me, told I was worthless and became a possession. This situation went on for 12 years and my self-esteem nose-dived. Whilst in that relationship I had no idea that it wasn’t normal, I thought every marriage was the same.
I woke up one morning and a thought crept into my mind. This is not normal, there has to be something different. I summoned the courage to seek some help and explained my situation to a solicitor and he confirmed it was not normal. I decided there and then I had to get out of that relationship.
Getting out of that relationship led me to become a single parent, living in a small flat with three small children, no money, no job, no prospects and I felt there was no hope. My self-esteem went down even further.
Something had to change, and there was one day that sticks in my mind when things began to change. I had the flu and the children all had chicken pox. We were sitting huddled in the living room trying to keep warm and I had only one coin left for the electric meter. Something had to change and very soon or none of us were going to get through this.
I phoned my parents and asked them to bring me some 50p pieces for the meter. This didn’t change anything immediately, but it did help us to get better. I resolved that I could get a job, I was capable and I was going to change mine and my children’s lives.
The very next week I went out and got a job cooking school meals in the school my children attended. It meant I was there when they went to school and when they came home. I was there in the school holidays. But it also meant I was independent, no longer reliant on benefits and other people. I was changing my life.
Does anything resonate with you yet? Can you see the likenesses in your life at the moment? Well I can assure you, there is hope.
It took me a while, some years, but I found the answers to rebuilding my self-esteem and my life to such an extent that I run two successful businesses that I set up and I am a published author. I married again and have been very happily married for 32 years to a wonderful man who loves me. I have spent over a decade as a life coach and mentor and work with people who have no self-esteem and help them to re-build it and I love every minute of it. I know how it feels, I know it hurts and that’s why I can help so many people. I am still learning, life is a school and I attend every day.
So what can you do right now to begin to change your situation and start to re-build your self-esteem?
- Stop thinking that you are not good enough. You most definitely are.
- Begin to look after yourself, put yourself first. It is not selfish – it is essential.
- Before you think that you don’t have the answer stop, really think about the question, the answer is there, you just have to find it deep down inside yourself.
- There is more to life than you have now, it is out there waiting for you. What is it that you want? Picture it in your head, write it down, look for it , open your mind to it.
- Listen to your intuition. Really listen. It is telling you what is right for you now in this moment.
By changing your attitude towards yourself other people will change their attitudes towards you, it will take time, but it will happen.
Begin today to change your life. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself. You deserve to have high self-esteem.
If you would like to find out more about living in the moment and rebuilding your self-esteem, get in touch and let’s have a conversation.