Maintaining our energy and confidence levels

The people with whom we have the most contact and hang around with will have either a positive or negative effect on our levels of self-esteem and confidence.  We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around.

How do they make you feel?

Yes, they make me feel the same!  The positive thinking people can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with ‘can do’ vibes that has a knock on effect onto everyone else. They are a joy to be around and bring our energy levels up and increase our self-confidence.

photography of woman surrounded by sunflowers

Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

We also know of those people who drain the energy from a room, often just by walking into it!

It is their perception that they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like others to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – need I go on?

These people have the power to drain our energy and bring us down to their level, a million miles away from the level that WE want to be operating on. But they only have that power if we allow them to..

Some family members can be a lot like this as well,  we can always choose our friends, we can never choose your relatives! We can choose what are prepared to listen to though.

So what can we do to make sure that the people who we hang around with empower and support what we stand for, rather than bring us down all of the time?

  1. We have the power to choose who we hang around with. Ideally we want happy, vibrant and positive people. If we hang around with those types of people, the negative ones will disappear as they won’t be able to cope.
  2.  If we have good friends who are negative and yet we still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how it feels  – if they are a true friend they will respect this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity.
  3. The same can be said with family. Our more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years and from different eras. They have learned their behaviours from their parents and grandparents. Appreciate where they have come from and, as in number 2 above, acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity.
  4. Remember, that nothing has meaning in our lives except the meaning that we give it.

We are in control of our positivity and negativity, and nobody can take that away from us.

If this has resonated with you in any way, please let me know. I would love to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:          hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do

Your perception of the traits and characteristics that make you who you are is often tightly intertwined with how you live your life.

We often define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that “wrong” decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalise our “poor” decisions by labelling ourselves incompetent decision-makers.

believe

However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices. Your essence – what makes you a unique entity – exists independently of your decision-making process.

I believe there are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to your development and are an integral part of your evolving existence yet they are still separate from the self. A decision that does not result in its intended outcome is in no way an illustration of character. Still, it can have dire effects on our ability to trust ourselves and our self-esteem. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a “bad decision” was just an experience, and next time you can choose differently.

It is best to avoid lingering in the past and mulling over the circumstances that led to your perceived error in judgment. The past is gone and cannot be changed. Instead, adapt to the new circumstances you must face by considering how you can use your intelligence, inner strength, and intuition to aid you in moving forward more mindfully. Try not to entirely avoid thinking about the choices you have made, but reflect on the consequences of your decision from a rational rather than an emotional standpoint. Strive to understand why you made the choice you did, forgive yourself, and then move forward.

donotfeedthefears

A perceived mistake becomes a valuable learning experience and is, in essence, a gift to learn and grow from. You are not a bad person and you are not your decisions; you are simply human.

If anything resonates with you in this article, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course be happy to help you.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. Read my clients’ testimonials here. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

How did I know I had low self-esteem? And how did I change that?

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways, and I should know I have been there.  For me the following was very true:

  • I didn’t think I was good enough.
  • I thought everyone else thought they were good enough.
  • I didn’t look after myself, I put others first.
  • I let people manipulate me.
  • I was in a bad relationship.
  • I felt sad and thought there must be more to life than this.
  • I constantly asked other people for their opinion, I didn’t think I knew anything.
  • I was verbally, psychologically, financially and emotionally abused and never felt I was worthy.

I started out with the intention of being happy when I got married at age 19, but soon discovered that the marriage was not working as I was constantly treated like an idiot, not allowed to develop as me, told I was worthless and became a possession.  This situation went on for 12 years and my self-esteem nose-dived.  Whilst in that relationship I had no idea that it wasn’t normal, I thought every marriage was the same.

worried

I woke up one morning and a though crept into my mind.  This is not normal, there has to be something different.  I explained my situation to a solicitor and he confirmed it was not normal. I decided there and then I had to get out of that relationship.

Getting out of that relationship led me to become a single parent, living in a small flat with three small children, no money, no job, no prospects and I felt there was no hope.  My self-esteem went down even further.

Does anything resonate with you yet? Can you see the likenesses in your life at the moment? Well I can assure you, there is hope.

It took me a while, some years, but I found the answers to rebuilding my self-esteem and my life to such an extent that I run a successful business that I set up and I am a published author. I married again and have been very happily married for 33 years to a wonderful man who loves me.  I have retrained as a life coach and work with people who have no self-esteem and help them to re-build it and I love every minute of it. I know how it feels, I know it hurts and that’s why I can help so many people.  I am still learning, life is a school and I attend every day.

I also work with people who have escaped from abusive relationships or who want to escape. I love my work.

theworldisyourcanvas

So what can you do right now to begin to change your situation and start to re-build your self-esteem?

  • Stop thinking that you are not good enough. You most definitely are.
  • Begin to look after yourself, put yourself first. It is not selfish – it is essential.
  • Before you think that you don’t have the answer stop, really think about the question, the answer is there, you just have to find it deep down inside yourself.
  • There is more to life than you have now, it is out there waiting for you. What is it that you want? Picture it in your head, write it down, look for it and you will find it.
  • Listen to your intuition. Really listen. It is telling you what is right for you.

By changing your attitude towards yourself, other people will change their attitudes towards you, it will take time, but it will happen.

Begin today to change your life. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself. You deserve to have high self-esteem.

If any of this resonates with you, get in touch and we can have a chat about how we can work together to rebuild your self-esteem.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Rebuilding Self-esteem

Having self-esteem means feeling good about yourself.  It means you feel worthy of happiness, health, love and forgiveness.  When you have a healthy level of self-esteem you have a strong sense of your personal power.  Then, and only then, can you move forward positively in your life.

When your self-esteem isn’t it tact, it has been diminished by constant reminders that you are worthless, useless and nobody wants you, you feel frightened and vulnerable.  You are open to the challenges life brings but, as they breeze in, they knock you over and you feel incapable.

To rebuild your self-esteem and ultimately your self-confidence, you have to examine your beliefs about who you are and remind yourself daily of your talents, your qualities and your abilities.  You must dare to question your direction in life and learn to dream again.  And, by taking some very gentle baby steps, you will begin to rebuild your foundation again and build your self-esteem and confidence on that foundation.

One of the first ways to begin this process is to stop worrying about what other people think of you.  What other people think of you is none of your business.  Let them think whatever they like.

What you will usually find is that other people are far more worried about what you think of them to even begin to think about what they think of you.

yourvalue

You are human.  All human beings make mistakes and we usually recover.  From now on I want you to do what is right for YOU, regardless of what other people think.

I want you to take personal responsibility for your role in each and every situation you face in your life.  Understand that your thinking and your attitude create your life.

Consider how you respond to people and situations.  Look at how you can change your responses to put you in control of your life – NOW.

You can’t change other people, but you can change your response to them.

One of the very first steps to rebuilding your self-esteem is to let go of the past.  By holding on to negative and angry feelings and emotions you are the only person who is suffering.  It is like picking up a burning coal to throw at something and not letting go.  The longer you hold on to it, the more you are burned.

Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. As I said, we are all human.  You are doing the best that you can.

Set yourself free to move your life forward.  Don’t allow past mistakes to weigh you down.

the past

Another thing to let go of is perfection.  Accept yourself as you are, now in this moment. Life is a huge learning curve and you are doing the best that you can with the resources, knowledge and insights that you have.

By judging yourself as imperfect you are removing your opportunity to grow, learn and experience happiness in your life.

Gently nurture yourself, as you would a small child.  Accept that others can make mistakes and are imperfect too.

Don’t compare yourself to other people.  Drop your expectation of others having to be perfect. We are all human with human imperfections.

Choose not to scream at yourself or condemn yourself for perceiving you are stupid or for not being perfect.

Be kind, gentle and patient with yourself in all situations.  Quieten that harsh voice that is terrorising your mind.  Know that you can deal with much more than you think.

If this resonates with you and you would like to have a conversation about this subject, please get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Impacting lives

A year ago I verbalised that I intended to impact the lives of a million people and help them to become the authentic people that they are. Help them to rebuild their confidence in themselves and their abilities and become functioning human beings again. The functioning human beings they were before they forgot how to function.

I was inspired by both my daughter’s journey through leaving an abusive marriage, staying in a refuge and making a new life and home for herself and her children.  Plus I was inspired by the work of a High Chief in Malawi who has annulled all the marriages of young girls and is getting them back into education.
Since that time I have written a comprehensive six module course, talked to domestic abuse services, safeguarding teams, ladies who have escaped from abusive relationships, gentlemen who have been homeless, have been addicts and are now on the road to recovery.
In January 2017, having applied for and been granted Lottery funding as Break the Cycle Community Interest Company  we are running two courses in Havant for ladies who have escaped from abusive relationships and one course here on the Isle of Wight for ladies who have been in abusive relationships.

IMG_1128
It is definitely a start, and I will reach that one million target, maybe not next year, but it will happen.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

What I have learned from business coaches

Over the past past four years or so I have worked with several business coaches.  Each one is extremely successful in their field and each one has taught me something.  Interestingly, what I have learned from them is exactly the same.

Each of these coaches, entrepreneurs, business people, has come from a different background, and some have come from different continents.  They are all considered to be ‘gurus’ and are highly acclaimed.  I have no reason to doubt this or their abilities. They are all very nice people too, I have met with each of them, spent time with each of them and admire their work and tenacity.

I have attended their retreats, their seminars and listened to them all intently.  I have even qualified as one of their coaches.

graduated

But, what have I learned from each and every one of them? I have learned they are very good at running their own businesses and creating their own wealth. I have learned that I don’t want to run my business in the ways they have been telling me to.

According to them each retreat, seminar, training, coaching session is a lead in to a more expensive programme or elite group.

I went down the route of offering free workshops and from these offering paid for coaching etc.  This didn’t sit well with me so I stopped doing these, even though I had great attendance and everyone enjoyed them and learned something.  And so did I.

This is not what I want to do.

So what do I want to do?

happydog

I want to work with people to help them regain their self-esteem and confidence so they can lead their lives as their authentic selves, rather than live their lives as others want them to. I want to work with people who have hit rock bottom and are now wanting to move upwards in their lives. I want to work with people who want to re-build their self-worth.

I thought long and hard about this and decided what I needed to do. I have obtained a grant from the Lottery to work with women who have escaped abusive relationships.  I have written a course, Mind the Gap, which is made up of six modules. I have met with the Southern Domestic Abuse Service and met some of their ladies who have been through the amazing Freedom Programme but who are now looking to move forward in their lives. And I am going to be running the very first pilot programme in January 2017.  I have 30 ladies signed up, the venue is booked in Havant, the creche facilities organised.

This is so exciting and feels right to me.  There is no sign up to a more costly follow on course.  The Mind the Gap is free to the attendees, who are all very excited to be included.

A programme will be starting in January 2017 here on the Isle of Wight too for women who have escaped from domestic abuse.  I want to work with men too who have escaped from domestic abuse and that is a work in progress.

I have also obtained funding from Island Roads Foundation to work with the homeless people, and those who have been homeless, here on the Isle of Wight.  And that will be beginning in early 2017 too.

I shall be applying for more funding to be able to work with more people both on the Isle of Wight and on the mainland.

That is what I have learned.  I don’t want to work in the ways that they work.  I want to work in the way that I work.  And that is a huge lesson and doesn’t make them wrong, but makes me more able to sleep at night and to know I am really helping people.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

How do I know I have low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways, and I should know I have been there.  For me the following was very true:

  • I didn’t think I was good enough.
  • I thought everyone else thought they were good enough.
  • I didn’t look after myself, I put others first.
  • I let people manipulate me.
  • I was in a bad relationship.
  • I felt sad and thought there must be more to life than this.
  • I constantly asked other people for their opinion, I didn’t think I knew anything.
  • I was verbally and emotionally abused and never felt I was worthy.

I started out with the intention of being happy when I got married at age 19, but soon discovered that the marriage was not working as I was constantly treated like an idiot, not allowed to develop as me, told I was worthless and became a possession.  This situation went on for 12 years and my self-esteem nose-dived.  Whilst in that relationship I had no idea that it wasn’t normal, I thought every marriage was the same.

Dealing with emotional abuse

I woke up one morning and a thought crept into my mind.  This is not normal, there has to be something different.  I summoned the courage to seek some help and explained my situation to a solicitor and he confirmed it was not normal. I decided there and then I had to get out of that relationship.

Getting out of that relationship led me to become a single parent, living in a small flat with three small children, no money, no job, no prospects and I felt there was no hope.  My self-esteem went down even further.

Something had to change, and there was one day that sticks in my mind when things began to change.  I had the flu and the children all had chicken pox.  We were sitting huddled in the living room trying to keep warm and I had only one coin left for the electric meter.  Something had to change and very soon or none of us were going to get through this.

I phoned my parents and asked them to bring me some 50p pieces for the meter.  This didn’t change anything immediately, but it did help us to get better.  I resolved that I could get a job, I was capable and I was going to change mine and my children’s lives.

The very next week I went out and got a job cooking school meals in the school my children attended.  It meant I was there when they went to school and when they came home. I was there in the school holidays.  But it also meant I was independent, no longer reliant on benefits and other people.  I was changing my life.

Does anything resonate with you yet? Can you see the likenesses in your life at the moment? Well I can assure you, there is hope.

It took me a while, some years, but I found the answers to rebuilding my self-esteem and my life to such an extent that I run two successful businesses that I set up and I am a published author. I married again and have been very happily married for 32 years to a wonderful man who loves me.  I have spent over a decade as a life coach and mentor and work with people who have no self-esteem and help them to re-build it and I love every minute of it. I know how it feels, I know it hurts and that’s why I can help so many people.  I am still learning, life is a school and I attend every day.

Dealing with emotional abuse

 

So what can you do right now to begin to change your situation and start to re-build your self-esteem?

  • Stop thinking that you are not good enough. You most definitely are.
  • Begin to look after yourself, put yourself first. It is not selfish – it is essential.
  • Before you think that you don’t have the answer stop, really think about the question, the answer is there, you just have to find it deep down inside yourself.
  • There is more to life than you have now, it is out there waiting for you. What is it that you want? Picture it in your head, write it down, look for it , open your mind to it.
  • Listen to your intuition. Really listen. It is telling you what is right for you now in this moment.

By changing your attitude towards yourself other people will change their attitudes towards you, it will take time, but it will happen.

Begin today to change your life. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself. You deserve to have high self-esteem.

If you would like to find out more about living in the moment and rebuilding your self-esteem,  get in touch and let’s have a conversation.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk