Coming out of a haze

When we feel muddled and unfocused, unsure of which way to turn, we say we are in a fog or a haze. Similar to when we are in a fog in nature, we may feel like we can’t see where we’re going or where we’ve come from, and we’re afraid if we move too quickly we might run into something hidden in the mists that seem to surround us.

Being in a haze necessarily slows us down by limiting our visibility. The best choice may be to pull over and wait for the murkiness to clear. If we move at all, we must go slowly, feeling our way and keeping our eyes open for shapes emerging from the haze, perhaps relying on the taillights of someone in front of us as we make our way along the road.
magnifying-glass
By and large, most of us prefer to be able to see where we are going and move steadfastly in that direction, but there are gifts that come from being in a fog. Sometimes it takes an obstacle like fog to get us to stop and be still in the moment, doing nothing. In this moment of involuntary inactivity, we may look within and find that the source of our fogginess is inside us; it could be some emotional issue that needs tending before we can safely go full steam ahead.

Being in a haze reminds us that when we cannot see outside ourselves, we can always make progress by looking within. Then again, the fog may simply be teaching us important lessons about how to continue moving forward with extreme caution, harnessing our attention, watching closely for new information, and being ready to stop on a sixpence.
winding path
We cannot predict when a haze will come, nor can we know for certain when it will lift, but we can centre ourselves in the haze and wait for guidance. We may find it inside ourselves or in a pair of barely visible taillights just ahead. Whether we follow the lights out of the fog, wait for a gentle breeze to lift it, or allow the sun to burn it away, we can rest certain that one way or another, we will move forward with clarity once again.  Our innate thinking will lead us in the right direction.

If anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course be happy to help you.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make the changes you want to in your life. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart

Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Your True Inner Voice

Within each of us, there are numerous voices often that compete for our attention. It can be difficult to decide which one to listen to, particularly when their messages are all quite different, sometimes conflicting, and even alluring. One voice, however, is the speaker of truth.

Among all your inner voices, your true inner voice is the one which encourages you, gives you hope, and pushes you to trust and believe in yourself. It is your innate thinking or your intuition.

Conflict within oneself is often caused by dueling voices inside of each one of us. As we move through life, we get mixed messages from the various aspects of ourselves. Some of our voices, such as the naysayer or saboteur, can speak so loudly that they drown out the voice of truth.

Listening to your true inner voice – often the voice of understanding, support, and self-assurance – it will help lessen and even resolve internal conflict.

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If you’re looking toward the future but your faith in your ability to succeed in life is wavering, you will benefit from finding and listening to your true inner voice. You can connect with it by remaining relaxed and alert, while listening carefully. If you have trouble distinguishing your true voice from the others, meditation may be helpful. You may hear many voices as you meditate, but the one you should pay attention to is the one that speaks to you with love, understanding, and compassion. It will boost your spirits and urge you to go after your dreams. And it won’t cause confusion, remind you of past mistakes, or cause you to doubt yourself.

Remember that if your inner voices are telling you to worry about the past, ignore them since the past is over and done with and cannot be changed.

If your inner voices are telling you to worry about what might happen in the future, ignore them since we don’t know what is going to happen, so it is being made up by that inner voice.  Only listen to your intuition – your true inner voice.

thoughts

The more you listen to and believe in what your true inner voice is telling you about your value and your potential, the stronger that voice will become. And the more you will ignore the voices that can interfere with your resolve to succeed,  those voices will become quieter. Saying no to the voices that are judgmental and make you feel ashamed will help you stop being critical of your failures and afraid of success.

By finding and strengthening your true inner voice, you will be able to ignore internal conflict and pick out the one that speaks the truth.

If anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course be happy to help you.

I offer coaching and mentoring to you – for you to make changes if you want to in your life. To help you to have more fun, more freedom and less stress. That is it. There is no catch. I believe in you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

 

Bouncing back

Life happens.  It doesn’t matter how positive you are or how balanced and centred you are, there are going to be times when you are knocked sideways. Times when your carefully organized life is turned upside down and you get knocked for six.  Life happens!

You may be challenged with any number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were kicked in the stomach.  It may be the loss of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job.

Let’s face it. Things happen. They’re part of life and no matter how you try to explain them away with the idea that “everything happens for a reason,” they hurt. And they hurt a lot!

They hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your heart and radiates throughout your entire being. Repeating positive phrases does not make it stop hurting.

emotionalwoman

At times like these you’re probably going to feel down, maybe depressed. You will probably feel anger or some other manifestation of your pain. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel hurt, sad, angry or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny pain any more than you can deny fear. The only way through this is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The question is for how long will you stay in this state?

The difference between people who get through life’s challenging moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are immobilized by the events is their ability to bounce back.

How quickly can you bounce back?  Of course, the severity of the event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to get past the pain and on with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their job, something that is becoming a natural occurrence these days.  One is floored by the news of his dismissal.  He expresses his pain by becoming angry at his employers, his colleagues and the system in general.  He spends his days telling anyone who’ll listen, about his “problem.”

Usually from a barstool!

As he sees it, his life is ruined and he’s blaming everyone for his troubles.  People who react like this spend weeks, even months or years, wallowing in despair until, if they’re fortunate, someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.

screaming

On the other hand, the other person reacts very differently.  Although they have gone through the same experience, and have pretty much the same issues like living expenses, etc., they choose to react differently.

After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity and anger, they decide to get back in the game. They begin contacting their network of colleagues, avail themselves of the courses and other services their former employer offered everyone and starts actively looking for a new position.  In a short time they find their “dream job” with an exciting new company.

While both people in our hypothetical example had the same experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state was vastly different.  While one remained “stuck” in their problem, the other handled their loss and moved on with their life.

This is the key. It’s not whether life occasionally puts you into a tailspin, it’s how long you choose to remain there.

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When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some time to grieve your loss.  However, don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or your spiritual advisor.  If necessary, seek professional help.

In the case of a job loss, perhaps you might want to take some time to re-evaluate your career goals. You may even consider a change in career altogether. When you’re ready, you can begin networking and making new contacts.  Attend social or networking events. Call people you know. Do something!

One of the most important things to remember in high stress situations is not to allow yourself to become isolated. While spending some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with people as soon as possible.

As a friend recently reminded me, “life is for the living.” It’s important to get back to your life. In time, the pain will pass.

If anything resonates with you from the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, and of course happy to help you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Reducing feelings of overwhelm

Have you ever looked at your ‘To Do’ list and thought that your head would explode?  The list is so long it covers at least two sheets of paper and you are in a state where you are not functioning because your brain has decided that it can’t cope and is turning you into a gibbering wreck.

I know I have been in that position, and it doesn’t feel very good at all.  In fact, all I wanted to do was rip up the list and go on holiday.

But there are tips I can share with you so that you can reduce your feelings of overwhelm and actually move forward with your life without feeling like a huge failure, which you are not.

to do list

The very first thing to do is to stop, breathe and look at the big picture.  Get up from whatever it is you are doing, break your state of mind.  Go for a walk, play a game of golf, go to an exercise class.  What you do doesn’t matter, changing what you are doing does.

Have a little chat with yourself.  Tell yourself it is perfectly normal to be feeling overwhelmed but this is only a passing thing.  This time is not great, so what! That’s life.  This state of mind is not interminable, it is just your current state.  Very soon you will be back to your normal self and getting so much more done than you can today.

Write down everything you have to do in great detail.  Everything, including the dripping tap in the kitchen, the shopping – everything that is competing for your attention.

Once you have done that and can see your enormous list of tasks, put on your ‘Best Friend’ hat.  Imagine you are your own best friend.  What would you advise your best friend to cross off, delegate, delay or put to the top of the list? Cross off those things that you know have been on your list for weeks and are very unlikely to get done.  If they have been on the list for that long, do they really need doing?

tips

Focus on the bigger picture.  What is your intention behind any task? Is the task getting you closer to or further away from your intention?  Ditch, delegate, delay or change the task accordingly.

Look at the stuff that is left on your list now, what can you give to someone else to do? A staff member, a friend, a family member?  Of course they probably won’t do it as well as you, but currently you aren’t doing anything. So ask for help.

What tasks can you ditch? Which tasks can you delay? Which tasks must be done today?

Your list will be much shorter now, more easily managed.  Prioritise, give each task a grade.  A = has to happen today. B = Brilliant if I could get it done today, but not essential.  C = We’ll see if we get to it today.

Now make yourself a cup of tea/coffee.  Self explanatory.

It’s time to start with

  • A1. Do it, must be done today.
  • A2. Do it, would like it done today.
  • A3 Do it if you can today, if not add it to your to do list for tomorrow.

Tick each one off as you accomplish them and celebrate.  Give yourself  acknowledgement and accolades for as long as you can maintain your state. You have reduced you feelings of overwhelm.

It is then crucial after your emotionally challenging day that you take time to unwind.  A bath, a film, a meal.  Whatever it takes to get you to a place where you will sleep well.  It’s not about time management, it’s about energy management, so your small investment at the end of a big day pays huge dividends for the rest of the week.

f you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

The Essence of You

Journey to the real you:

Part 1:

Do you remember when were you happy, free, creative, fun, vulnerable, secure?

We are looking for the essence of who you are at the core of your being.

Find some photos of you when you were a child, maybe 5 or 6 years old. If you can’t find any, then try and find some of you as a teenager or at least younger than you are now.

Really look at the younger you in the photos. Answer these questions as well as you can.

  • What do you remember about the way you were?
  • If you were the parent of this child, what would you give them?
  • How would you encourage them in their lives?
  • What do you think they deserve in this life?
  • How would you want their life to be?
  • How should they be treated emotionally?
  • How could you protect/nurture her?
  • What do they need in their life right now?
  • What qualities did they have then that they might have forgotten?
  • What changes do you feel this person would like to make in their lives right now?

Beware of thinking the pathetic thought that ‘There is nothing good about me.  I can’t fill this in’.  If you continue with this type of thought pattern you will always stay trapped.  Please try to work really hard here…. even if you can only come up with one or two of these statements, at least it’s a start.  Remember to look at your photo as you do this. Listen to your innate thinking, sit quietly and listen to what you hear.

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Part 2:

Look at your photo as you complete this exercise, write your answers to the statements below.

This might be tough for you so please be gentle with yourself.  You might feel like giving up at this point, or skipping this exercise, or skim-reading it through.  Don’t!  If you work really hard you will begin to feel some positive benefits.

This is where we can now begin to create some positive dialogue which will anchor you and make you feel strong again.

  • I deserve to be happy because ………
  • I like me because ……….
  • I am a valuable human being because ………
  • I am a beautiful human being because ……….
  • I have value because ………
  • I have worth because ………
  • I am worth loving because ………
  • I deserve to have fun in life because ………
  • I am important because ………
  • I am loveable because ……….
  • I am unique because ……….
  • I am perfect as I am because ………

 

Once you have completed the last exercise as best you possibly can, read your answers and remind yourself daily of why you are so special.

You can do this exercise again in a few months and notice any changes.

If you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

Do you always need to defend yourself?

Living with people who are verbally abusive or verbally aggressive can be very demanding on your time and energy. But does it have to be that way?

The abusive or aggressive person often wants you to defend yourself or explain yourself. This is abusive behaviour, controlling, demeaning and only you can decide if you are willing to tolerate it. Some people have tolerated this behaviour for many decades, probably because they are scared of what other people might say or think, scared about what would happen if they stood up to the bully, and even scared of what life would be like if they were to leave and begin a new life for themselves. Many are scared to mention it to anyone else as they are threatened with even worse treatment if they dare to tell anyone.

There is a lovely quote from Sophia Dembling:

“If you can plant yourself on solid ground in your head and heart, other people won’t be able to throw you off balance. No need to debate or justify your stance. Explain yourself if you want, but you needn’t defend yourself.”

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The bully is usually sweetness and light when anyone else is around, polite and caring, but when there is nobody else there they can be constantly verbally abusive and aggressive. This is typical behaviour from a bully who, if confronted, will usually back down because they are generally cowards too. They want control of you and this is the only way they know how. And because they have got away with it for years, and because you think you can’t do anything about it, they will continue in the same way.

So, what can you do about this verbally abusive and aggressive person? You have several options available to you. You can put up with it, you can ignore it (not so easy I know), you can try and persuade the bully to go to counselling with you or you can decide you are not going to tolerate it any longer and leave the relationship. The bully will often try emotional blackmail claiming they will harm themselves if you leave.  Those that talk about it in that way rarely carry out their threats of self harm.

The excuses will roll around your head one after the other – They won’t be able to cope without me, what will I do on my own, what if…………?

They will be able to cope without you, you will survive on your own, don’t even wonder about what if….. The world will not end.

believe

You have to decide what is best for you, and only you. It is your life and you deserve to be able to live it in your way without the constant abuse and aggressiveness. The abuser has chosen their path and they are happy to be on it as they are in control of you and they know exactly what they are doing to make you unhappy and make you believe that if you were to leave them that this would happen or that would happen, and they will come out with a large range of scenarios. All of these scenarios will sound plausible, because that is what they are good at. Making you feel inadequate.

So it is up to you to decide what you want to do. Do you want to stay and be constantly verbally abused and spoken to aggressively? If not, seek some professional help so you can make an informed decision about your life.

Are you ready to make changes? Work with me to gain more freedom, more fun and have less stress. Get in touch today to find out how we can work together to move you  forward in your life.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Your Ideal Self and Life

Your self-concept is made up of various parts, each of which affects each of the others. Understanding these parts enables you to become nearer to your ideal self.  When you learn to take charge of the development of a new and positive self-concept, you can then control your destiny for the rest of your life.

The first part of the self-concept is your “self-ideal.”  Your self-ideal largely determines the direction in which you are going with your life. It guides the growth and evolution of your character and personality.  Your self-ideal is a combination of all of the qualities and attributes of other people that you most admire.  Your self-ideal is a description of the person you would very much like to be if you could embody the qualities that you most aspire to.

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Throughout your life, you have seen and read about the qualities of courage, confidence, compassion, love, fortitude, perseverance, patience, forgiveness and integrity.  Over time, these qualities have instilled in you an ideal to which you aspire. You might not always live up to the very best that you know, but you are constantly striving to be a better person in light of those qualities that you value so highly.  In fact, everything that you do on a day-to-day basis is affected by your comparing your activities with these ideal qualities and your striving to behave consistently with them. Always remember, that you are innately authentic in the way you live your life.  Don’t do anything that is false, be true to your authentic self.

Successful people have very clear ideals for themselves.  Unsuccessful people have fuzzy ideals.  Successful people are very clear about being excellent in every part of their work and their personal lives.  Unsuccessful people don’t give the subject very much thought.  One of the primary characteristics of successful men and women in every walk of life is that they have very clearly defined ideals and they are very aware of whether or not their current behaviours are consistent with their idealised behaviours.

Part of your ideals are your goals.  As you set higher and more challenging goals, your self-ideal improves and crystallises.  When you set goals for the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live, your self-ideal rises and becomes a greater guiding and motivating force in your life.

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Perhaps the most important thing for you to realise is that whatever anybody else has done or become, you can do or become as well.  Improvements in your self-ideal begin in your imagination where there are no limits except the ones that you accept.

  • What is your ideal vision of the very best person you could possibly become?
  • How would you behave each day if you were already that person?

Make a picture in your mind of how you would look and stand, how you would appear to other people.  If you don’t like what you see in your picture, change it.  There are no limits here – you are safe to change anything in your picture.  Asking yourself these questions and then living your life consistent with your answers is the first step to creating yourself in your ideal image.

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

Firstly, dream big dreams. Set big, exciting, challenging goals and ideals for yourself in every part of your life.  Remember your goals have to be achievable by you.  But step outside of your comfort zone, even by a couple of tiny steps, and see what a difference it makes. Allow yourself to imagine your wonderful life ahead.

Secondly, think about how you would act if you believed you were the outstanding person in your vision in every way.  Create that picture in your mind.  Then, practice being this person, as though you were acting a role in a play.  You’ll immediately notice a difference in your behaviour.  Remember to remain true to your authentic self.  Practice all of the above.

If any of this resonates with you, please contact me and let me know your results. I love to hear all about your successes.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk