Your accomplishment diary

A great way to remind yourself how good you are is to keep an accomplishment diary.  It is a smart tool to remind yourself just how good you are and what you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

It is something I used to remind myself of my accomplishments and successes after going through a toxic relationship, divorce and learning to be me again.

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Buy yourself a beautiful notebook or a day to view diary and once a week for a month jot down your answers to the following questions.

Don’t give me any excuses about you haven’t got the time to do it! Take 10 minutes per week, sit down and jot down your thoughts to the following:

  • What have I got to be grateful for in my life right now?
  • What am I happy about in my life right now?
  • Why am I happy about these things?
  • What did I accomplish last week?
  • What am I excited about in my life right now?
  • Who do I love and appreciate in my life?
  • Who do I like hanging around?
  • Why do I like hanging around with them?
  • Who loves and appreciates me for what I am? Warts ‘n all!

Answer these questions honestly at the start of each week and it will set you up for success.

If you need a booster midweek, then by all means read your answers again, or even answer the questions again, whenever you want to feel centred and remind yourself of what you have got going for yourself in your life right now. And you have a lot.

I would love to hear about your experience of writing in your accomplishment diary.

Maybe you need help to begin thinking more positively about yourself.  So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ When the mind is filled with positive thoughts, cause and effect rule, resulting in a positive feeling.

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Improve your body language, improve your self confidence!

The way that you move your body, and how you walk has an enormous effect on the way that you feel and affects your confidence levels.

Lets start with an exercise.

Imagine there are two people standing in front of you – one with “negative body language” and one with “positive body language”.  I’d now like you to write down what you are observing with each of these people

Positive                   Negative

 

  • How are they standing?
  • Where are their eyes looking?
  • What position are they holding their head?
  • How are they talking?
  • How are they moving?

Business people communicating with each other against white

How you feel at any moment in time is linked to what is going on in your mind and how you are moving your body. The way that you move sends subconscious messages to your mind and this either helps or hinders the way that you feel.

Emotion is created by motion. If you sit still for a long period of time your natural energy levels automatically get lower. And what happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat?  Yes, you have more energy and you’re given a boost.

I can’t stress how important it is to move and act confidently and positively. You will give off all the right vibes to everyone around you and it will make them think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside. Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as though you are.

So, how do you do this?

  • Walk swiftly and with a purpose. Don’t saunter along, walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get there you mean business!
  • Gesture with your hands as you talk, it will create motion and you know what that leads to – EMOTION! The right gestures also have a major impact on building rapport as long as you’re not shaking your fist!
  • All it takes is a smile!  Think for a moment about your confidence role model. One thing that he/she and confident people in general have in common is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts. It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile.

Start smiling more often. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time. But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

Remember that confident people are happy people and negative people are not. Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus!

You know, the way that we communicate in our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze and expression can be such a powerful tool in the way that we feel and when communicating with others. The manner in which you communicate and your interpersonal skills are also very important indeed. Effective communication is vital if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing.

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The way in which we communicate with people is broken down into component parts, and it is popularly believed that people to whom we are speaking understand what we say by interpreting these different elements in varying proportions:

VERBAL – 7% of our message is interpreted from the words we use.

VOCAL – 38% is picked up from our voice – speed, tone , pitch, rhythm etc

VISUAL – 55% is what the other person sees – our body language

Please bear the above in mind when you are communicating to people.

If you are ever feeling down, just have a look at your body language and change it immediately. YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

First impressions count – notice body language. You can normally tell what others are feeling by the way that they are moving and using their body too. You can use this to your advantage when you are more aware of it.

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ There is no end or limitation, nor are there boundaries, to the human mind.

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Sometimes I have feelings of inadequacy

Sometimes I have feelings of inadequacy and of not being good enough. I am not sure where they come from but I sometimes wake up feeling that way.
I remember one such occasion, I went to a breakfast business networking meeting, one I went to every Thursday morning at 7am, which meant getting up at 5am to be showered and dressed ready for business by 6.15am at the latest. Then a 10 mile drive.

Usually these meetings were full of energy and fun and a pleasure to be at, but on this day it was a little different. One of our members had split with her significant other and moved off the Island and is now living with her parents on the mainland. This person will be sadly missed as she is vibrant, honest, straight talking and fun. So there was an air of sadness that she had suddenly gone.

There were also some people there who were revelling in this news and making stupid comments, which I tried to ignore, but they were so unnecessary and I thought it was shameful. I said nothing as I didn’t want to get into a stupid argument.

Business people communicating with each other against white

When the meeting finished I took some items to the DHL drop point to send around the world, as I do several times a week with my secretarial business. This should have taken about twenty minutes but ended up taking nearly an hour because the computer system wouldn’t let them put in the address and postcode I had for one item going to China, and a call to the helpdesk was needed and this took forever. The lady who served me is also one of those people I try to avoid as she drains all the energy from me and is very critical of every one and every thing.

So instead of getting back to my office by 9am to get stuck into my work, I didn’t get back until nearly 10.30 and then I was all behind and annoyed that things didn’t work out.

I sat and thought about what it was that was making me feel inadequate. Not the fact that I was late getting back to the office. Not the fact that we had lost a great member of our networking group. So what was it? And then it came to me.

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The night before I had been on a fabulous phone call with two coaching colleagues. The creativity and ideas were flowing from them, and what brilliant ideas they were. I am in awe of their power to think these things through so easily and clearly.

So, I believe that I was feeling inadequate because I had absolutely nothing to add to these two brilliant coaches’ thoughts and ideas. They had done their homework fantastically and presented their ideas and innovations in clear and concise ways, and they were great ideas and I know they will work.

I feel that my strengths lie elsewhere, but at that particular moment I wasn’t sure where.

I hate feeling this way and it makes me really upset to think this way. I know that I am a brilliant coach and that I do make a huge difference to people’s lives and that I will continue to do so.

Having written all this I felt much better and know that I have a lot to offer but not necessarily in the same way as other people.  I also know that I should not compare myself to other people, that is definitely a confidence killer.

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So, to re-boot my confidence I have written a list of my creativity and innovativity (is that a word?) and here is the list I have come up with:

 

My creativity 

  • Superb coach
  • Brilliant cook
  • Expert typist
  • Can set out a document by eye, and it will look great on the page.
  • Brilliant writer and author
  • Fabulously intuitive
  • Do my accounts satisfactorily
  • Create a good workspace
  • Create opportunities for clients
  • Create opportunities to get clients
  • Great supporter
  • Impactful
  • Great teacher
  • Create achievable goals for my clients and for myself

 

My Innovativity

  • Build relationships online and in person
  • Think up new ways for my clients to succeed
  • Find new ways for me to succeed
  • Lead by example
  • Positive and encouraging to all
  • Hear beyond the words

If this hits home to you then please feel free to contact me.  You are not alone.  I would love to talk with you and help you to learn how to be more confident in yourself.  As we all know, life is a school and we are constantly learning.  I really do look forward to hearing from you with your lists of creativity and innovativity. Get in touch today to find out how my inspirational coaching can transform first you – and then your life

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 

 

Do you look good on the outside, but inside you are crumbling?

Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to get beyond these feelings to a calmer and more positive place. What if you could…

  • Overcome your fears and anxieties?
  • Gain the courage to make a change?
  • Get on with enjoying your life?
  • Unlock your inner strengths?
  • Put your own needs first?
  • Be a survivor not a victim?

THIS IS NOT SOME UNACHIEVABLE DREAM. I’M GOING TO HELP YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Picture this. In 2 1/2 days you’ll be feeling like a new you. You’ll have reconnected with your inner confidence and feel able to survive the challenges and obstacles that you face in your life.

You will have developed a new found energy, and you will have a spring in your step.

You’ll be on track to change your situation and live the life you want.

IN OTHER WORDS, IN JUST 2 1/2 DAYS, YOUR LIFE WILL BE TURNED AROUND.

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I am running two retreats, one for women and one for men, here on the Isle of Wight.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat for women, and The L.I.F.E. Retreat for men.

 

I’M HERE TO HELP YOU

I want you to know that it is possible to make a change; that no situation, no matter how desperate, is insurmountable.

As Napoleon Hill says, “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

So, if you’re serious about moving on from your feelings of anxiety and despair, now’s the time to take action.

I’ve designed this Retreat for you – the person who is struggling to live life on your own terms and is finally ready to turn things around.

I’m here to help you be a survivor.

Stop making the same vague wish (“I hope my life finally takes off this year”) every single birthday.

One of these Retreats is for you if you’re finally ready to make a positive change and be a survivor, not a victim.

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WHICHEVER RETREAT YOU CHOOSE, I AM GIVING YOU:

  • The tools you need to recharge yourself and your confidence in yourself in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
  • The knowledge you need to survive following a life trauma – divorce, redundancy, overwhelm, loss.
  • My knowledge and the resources I have accumulated over many years of research, trial and error and failure, and of course successes.
  •  A stay in a beautiful Victorian mansion so close to the beach you will have sand in your shoes. (Situated a 20 minute walk from the Hovercraft and Wightlink Fastcat passenger terminals. No need to bring your car across.  I can even arrange for you to  be collected from the ferry or hovercraft and bring you to the venue.)
  • The focus on you to get to know and love your real SELF.
Plus I am giving you:
 
  • A buffet style continental breakfast each morning.
  •  Your own chef preparing, cooking and serving your lunches and dinners each day on site.
  •  Unlimited refreshments throughout each day.
  •  Your own welcome pack to keep.
  •  Some top notch surprise guest speakers and coaches to add to your experience.
  •  Our own private Facebook group for continued support.
  •  A one to one coaching session with me.

YOU will find the solutions you are looking for. Forget all the imagined reasons why you think it won’t work for you.  Believe the one reason why it will!

Find out more about the Retreat of your choice by clinking on the appropriate link:

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

The investment per person is £749.00 all inclusive.  No hidden costs. Everything is provided, just bring yourself.

Don’t think of cost, think of the value to you and your life.

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RESULTS

I’ve been working with clients as a thought leader and survival coach for the past 10 years to help them overcome stress, anxiety and life trauma.

I helped one client to change their career from one they hated to one they loved.

Another client came to me with anxiety associated with confrontation and low self-esteem.  She is now leading a whole team of people and confident in her abilities.

I also helped a client who was suffering from very low self-esteem to realise her full potential and she is now blossoming running her own business.

Don’t just take my word for it!

“Maggie has an instant relaxing mentality rarely found in people, backed with a genuine empathy for people. Maggie has the mark of calm, leaving you feeling relaxed and at peace. Maggie’s knowledge and style leaves clients and fellow professionals wanting more of her work. Maggie is just one of those people with a gift and the world is blessed with her use of them.”
– DU, UK (Male)

“Maggie has great experience of dealing with life situations in a positive way. I have seen people grow within themselves during several of her presentations and seminars. She deals with people in a non-judgemental and constructive way, whilst challenging them to look at their view of them selves and to re-evaluate their own self-worth.” – KC, UK (Male)

“Maggie assisted me through a challenging time in my life. She is able to combine a no nonsense approach with genuine empathy to her coaching work and shares her knowledge generously. She holds you accountable for outcomes in a warm and caring manner. Being coached by Maggie was such a pleasure. I always looked forward to those sessions with anticipation. Maggie is able to hold your space in a non-judgemental manner which gives you the confidence to move forward. I certainly recommend her as a coach.” – TZ, South Africa (Female)

“I used to get irritated whenever you would say ‘why can’t you do that?’ or ‘why do you think that?’. But now I see that by questioning my thinking you have broadened my outlook and I can actually achieve more than I ever thought. In fact the other day I was faced with a challenge, and my initial thought was I need to get someone in to do this for me. Then I stopped and thought of you and it came to me that I can do it. And do you know what, I did it and it worked out very well.” – IM, UK (Male)

SO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LIFE COULD BE LIKE? AND HOW READY ARE YOU TO MAKE A CHANGE, ONCE AND FOR ALL? 

Book your place today……..There are only 10 places available for each Retreat.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

Grant yourself the freedom to START LIVING.

Can’t wait to see you there!

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.
 
P.S. Here are just a few testimonials from my previous workshops/courses/seminars:

 
“Thanks Maggie, I have your book in my bag and the collage I made at your workshop, when I look at it, it gives me the confidence to carry on. I can’t thank you enough for that workshop, it was great.” Maggie J
 
“Maggie always brings a refreshing energy to any situation. She truly enjoys helping others to live the life they deserve!” Teri H
 
“Maggie helped me to make one big decision that led to another, and another, and another – and that’s how my life changed for the better!” Jane L
 
“Maggie makes the toughest challenges seem simple. Always exceeds my expectations.” Wendy W
 
“I have done really well since your workshop. I decided that it was OK to give up being self employed because there is too much going on elsewhere it is not serving me well. I have successfully applied for a surveyors job at xxxxxxx and been offered a very good package. I have accepted and start in November part time until I finish all my jobs and then full time by 2015. I am really pleased to say the least. It was very helpful to go somewhere for some “me” time. Thank you! ” Peter M

Maggie Currie in the hot seat

In this latest blog post, Maggie speaks to writer and presenter Clancy Walker. They chat about life, loves and many challenges along the way…

 

Maggie, you say that your life changed almost overnight when you made the decision to change your thinking. What is your life like now?

 

I am now living my dream on the beautiful Isle of Wight.  I am doing the work I love and living in a place that I love, with the man that I love.

 

It sounds wonderful, and it’s something that others can aspire to, but it hasn’t always been plain sailing for you, has it? How did life start out for you?

 

I was born and brought up in Essex.  When I was born, I was labelled as illegitimate because my birth mother was barely sixteen when I was born, she wasn’t married and had put me in a children’s home. 

 Whether this was her choice or one that was forced upon her I don’t know and probably never will know.  But that is where I was.

 

So, not the easiest of starts and I’m sure others will be able to relate to you. What happened from there?

 

I was fortunate enough to be adopted, rather than staying in care long term, and was taken to my prospective parents’ home when I was about six weeks old to meet my new older brother.  I was fostered until the official adoption came when I was around two years of age, although I really don’t remember it.  

 My childhood, on reflection, was a fairly good one.  We always had a two-week

holiday, usually on the Isle of Wight, which is why I grew to love it so much. 

 I was sent to a private school because my parents thought I would do better there than at the local comprehensive school.  I did really well and left school at the age of 16 with a GCE in Commerce and a string of RSAs in shorthand, typing etc.  My first job was with an insurance company in London.

 I then got married for the first time when I was 19 and had three lovely children.

 

It all sounds great, although I notice you said ‘for the first time’ when you talk about getting married. I’m guessing things changed in your relationship?

 

Yes, unfortunately the marriage did not last due to the verbal, psychological and financial abuse I suffered at the hands of my husband. 

 I finally woke up to the fact that this was not normal and summoned up the courage to consult a solicitor who agreed with me and I filed for divorce. 

 It took two years for the divorce to go through, as my husband refused to accept the marriage was over, but eventually, after me standing my ground, we were divorced when I was 30. 

 

So, you were 30 with three children to support – did you have much support from those around you?

 

For various reasons I had to take the children, who were aged then nine and six (I had twins), to another town and live in a one bedroom flat. 

 Thankfully it had a garden and was close to the schools and shops and we lived there for about two years along with a menagerie of two cats, a dog, two rabbits, some goldfish, a hamster, two gerbils and some zebra finches.  

 

It sounds quite tough, and hectic, but it also sounds like you were starting to find your feet and enjoying the challenges life was throwing you?

 

Yes, I think I had got used to being on my own with the kids – and was enjoying a freedom I’d not experienced before – thanks to being free of an abusive relationship. I’m so pleased I was able to find the courage to leave it.

 

And then something even more wonderful happened, didn’t it?

 

Yes, I met up with a man called Kelvin again. I had known him for some years as a friend of my brother, and we fell in love.

We married when I was 32 and we moved to a lovely Victorian terraced house with four bedrooms and a long garden in the same town. 

 We lived in that house for about 15 years, so the children grew up there, and we were very happy there.

 

It just shows how much life can change over the years, doesn’t it? You did have some very difficult times too, though, didn’t you?

 

Yes, and like many people we had family challenges that we thought were impossible to solve and would never end. 

 At times like those we had to be patient and weather the storm.  On those days it seemed that life was too much to bear.  Some very hard decisions had to be made – decisions that no parents should have to make – but we made them and life carried on. 

 

How did you manage to make such difficult decisions?

 

We made the decisions that we thought were the best at that time and would be the most beneficial for the whole family.

 But life does get better and that cloud does go away especially by thinking good thoughts and getting back on track and by not feeling guilty or giving in to emotional blackmail, which is something I can help others with through my coaching.

 

So, what happened after the children had grown up?

 

When the children had all left home we moved to Hampshire, where we lived for

about five years.  We had also bought a flat on the Isle of Wight and we took holidays in it and spent lots of weekends in it. We planned to retire into it as well, as we loved the island so much.

 While we were living in Hampshire our next-door neighbour was Maureen – who was looking forward to retiring at 60. 

 Sadly Maureen was diagnosed with cancer and died six months later, before she got to her sixtieth birthday.

 We made the decision then to move to the Isle of Wight and not wait until we retired.  A step we have never once regretted.

 

Which leads us back to where we started in this interview! Tell me a little more about what life is like for you now, Maggie?

 

Moving to the Island has opened up so many doors that would not have been opened if we had stayed where we were. 

 I have opened my mind to the new opportunities that are available and I have kept my mind open to make sure that I don’t miss any. 

 I have found that following the signs, even if I am not sure where they are leading me, can be really beneficial. 

 Some opportunities I reject, some I embrace.  I have made mistakes, learned from them and moved on.

 

But life isn’t perfect for everyone all of the time – how have you handled the difficult times in recent years?

 

There have been times when life has not been so good.  Like when my father died suddenly in 1999.  I miss him still.  He was a fountain of knowledge and wisdom and always had time and wise words for me. 

 I have learned how to bounce back and gain something from the experiences I have been through to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes again.  I really believe you can do the same if you are gentle with yourself.  

 

Thanks Maggie, what advice would you like to finish with for your readers?

 

I know my coaching, books, talks and courses will help you to change your life for the better. 

 Don’t forget to open your mind to the new opportunities that lie ahead of you. 

 The choice is yours, you have the ability to create your very own future.  Your new life is out there.  Go and open the door to your new, fantastic future.

 Good luck on your motorway of life, take the right exits for you, try some you think might not be quite right, you may be surprised. 

 Be brave.  You deserve to succeed.

 

Love

 

Maggie xx

 

Maggie Currie

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Maggie Currie was speaking to writer and presenter Clancy Walker

                                                                                               Clancy

 

Australia Trip – Learnings and Reflections

It has been five weeks now since I landed back in the UK after visiting my good friend Heather in Melbourne, Australia.  I have been thinking about the trip and what it has taught me.

The flights in themselves were uneventful.  Although each flight was about six hours, and there were three flights to get to Australia, and another three flights to get home, I was entertained with films, tv, music, snacks and meals.  On reflection it seemed to take less time to get to Australia than it did to get home.  I think it felt that way because of the anticipation and excitement of flying all that way for the first time and meeting Heather in person that made it feel that way.

And it seemed to take longer coming home because I had only landed in Australia six days before and therefore I was travelling thousands of miles in a very short space of time.

I learned that it doesn’t matter what time it is, I can eat noodles in mid air.  I learned I can cat nap on a flight, but not sleep properly (although I presume if I had gone business class I would have been able to sleep relatively well).

I learned that travelling all that way to support my friend made her feel better, which in turn made her husband Geoff feel better.  I found it very humbling to receive the thanks of Heather and Geoff for visiting. It is something I wanted to do, and if I hadn’t done it I know I would have regretted it.

I learned what true friendship is and how it works both ways.  I learned how friendly the Australian people I met are.  Every single one of them that I met welcomed me into their lives, into their homes and wouldn’t allow me to contribute any money for anything. That too is humbling.  Heather’s friend Susan drove us around to visit a couple of local towns.  This was very kind of her and I felt really grateful to her for giving up her time for me.

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Heather and I with Alfred the Bear

I learned that I can travel on my own, and that I can find my way around an airport, locate the baggage reclaim and find the exit.  I learned that I am capable of travelling literally half way round the world on my own, of organising the trip on my own, sorting out currency to take with me and changing sterling for Brunei dollars at Brunei Airport so I could buy a cup of coffee.

On coming home I learned how much I had been missed by Kelvin, and how much I missed him too.  This is the first time we have been apart for longer than a day or two for many years.

I had been invited to a wedding reception in the evening on the Saturday after my return from Australia.  I thought to myself, do I really want to go to Rookley on my own (Kelvin was working), a journey of about 15 miles.  I said to myself ‘I have been to f***ing Australia on my own, I am sure I can get to Rookley’ and off I went and had a very good time seeing my friend Laura and her new husband Jamie.  If I can fly to Australia on my own, I am sure I can do an awful lot more now.  My comfort zone has expanded dramatically and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be.  In fact, I only wish I had been able to break out of the comfort zone sooner.

Kelvin told me he is very proud of me, not only for doing this, but for arranging it all on my own.  That makes me feel really good and it is wasn’t until he said that and explained that it was a really huge thing to do that I realised just what I had achieved. I am feeling very proud of myself as well as privileged to have met so many lovely people in Australia.

I know that I achieved what I set out to achieve and that is supporting my friend Heather.  The bonus is that I achieved several firsts for me and now maybe there is no limit to what I can achieve in the future.

If this resonates with you and you would like to step out of your comfort zone but are not sure where to start, contact me and we can have a chat about how I can help you.

Maggie Currie

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Bouncing back

Life happens. It doesn’t matter how positive, balanced and centred you are, there are going to be times when you are knocked sideways. Times when your carefully organised life is turned upside down and you get knocked for six. Life happens!

You may be challenged with any number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were kicked in the stomach. It may be the loss of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, bullying or the plain stupidity of some people who affect your life.

Let’s face it. Things happen. They’re part of life and although I know that “everything happens for a reason,” things still hurt. And they hurt a lot! They hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your heart and radiates throughout your entire being.

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At times like these, you may feel down, possibly depressed. You may feel anger or some other manifestation of your pain. You may feel out of control and that life will never get better. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel hurt, sad, angry, used, miserable or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny pain any more than you can deny fear. The only way through this is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The question is for how long will you stay in this state?

The difference between people who get through life’s challenging moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are immobilised by the events is their ability to bounce back. That isn’t to say they care any less, they give themselves permission to move on.

How quickly can you bounce back?  Of course, the severity of the event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to get past the pain and on with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their job, something that is becoming a common occurrence these days. One is floored by the news of her dismissal. She expresses her pain by becoming angry at her employers, her colleagues and the system in general. She spends her days telling anyone who’ll listen, about her “problem” and how hard done by she is.  And usually from a bar stool!

As she sees it, her life is ruined and she’s blaming everyone for her troubles. People who react like this spend weeks, even months, wallowing in despair until, if they’re fortunate, someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.

On the other hand, the other person reacts very differently. Although they have gone through the same experience and have pretty much the same issues like living expenses, etc., they choose to react differently.

After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity and anger (quite naturally), they decide to get back in the game. They begin contacting their network of colleagues and friends, avail themselves of courses and other services their former employer offered everyone and starts actively looking for a new position. In a short time they find their “dream job” with an exciting new company.

While both people in our hypothetical example had the same experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state was vastly different. While one remained “stuck” in their problem, the other handled their loss and moved on with their life.

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This is the key. It’s not whether life occasionally puts you into a tailspin, it’s how long you choose to remain there.

When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some time to grieve your loss, that is essential.  However, don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or a professional.

In the case of a job loss, perhaps you might want to take some time to re-evaluate your career goals. You may even consider a change in career altogether. When you’re ready, you can begin networking and making new contacts.  Attend social or networking events. Call people you know. Do something!

One of the most important things to remember in high stress situations is not to allow yourself to become isolated. While spending some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with people as soon as possible.

Remember “life is for the living.” It’s important to get back to your life. In time, the pain will pass.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching will help you get back on track.

Maggie Currie

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