Are you being emotionally abused?

If only I had known there were questions to ask myself thirty years ago, I would have been asking them of myself daily.

I spent many years being emotionally abused by my first husband, my parents, my in-laws.  At the time I was totally unaware that it was happening.

For instance I was advised by my parents to stay in a marriage that wasn’t working because they felt I was too young to make a decision on divorce.  I was treated as a possession by my husband who was obsessed with the idea that I was having an affair whilst out shopping with my three small children.  My in-laws constantly told me I wasn’t good enough to be part of their family.

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But now, after working so very hard to find myself and who I really am, I have thought about what was happening to me and how it affected me.

If I knew then what I know now I would be asking these questions of myself:

  • Am I living my life for me or for someone else?
  • Am I really happy with the way I am treated by other people?
  • Is this all there really is for me?
  • Why do I always feel so miserable?
  • Why don’t people listen to what I have to say?
  • I am doing my best to please everyone, why aren’t they pleased?
  • I have no self-esteem, why doesn’t someone appreciate me for being me?
  • I am going through life in a daze, is there more to life than this?
  • I didn’t sign up for this, why am I being treated like an idiot?
  • Am I invited along just to make up the numbers?
  • Is there a way that I can make my life better?

Do any of those questions have some relevancy to your life today? If they do, even if only a couple of them, then you are being emotionally abused.  You are allowing other people to run your life, and you are allowing them to judge you and make decisions on your behalf.

The answer to the last question is yes, there is a way that you can make your life better.  Start living your life for you.  Don’t allow other people to judge you, you are a person in your own right and deserve to live the life you want.  There is nothing at all wrong with disagreeing with someone who you feel is wrong.  The world won’t end if you move away from people who are causing you misery. If you feel you are being invited along to make up the numbers, then politely refuse the invitation.

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You will find that when you change your attitude to other people, they will also change their attitude towards you.  It will take time, but you will notice the difference and start to live the life you want to live and stop the emotional abuse.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Friends and family who sap your positive energy

The people with whom you have the most contact and who hang around you will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. Have you noticed how they make you feel?

They make you feel the same as them, happy and positive! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with a positive, ‘can do’ vibe that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

We also know of those people who could moan for England!

According to them they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like other people to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – and so much more!

These people drain the energy from the room, and bring everyone down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

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Some family members can be a lot like this, but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

What can you do to make sure that the people you have most contact with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you have contact with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. If there are people who are constantly draining our positive energy you have a couple of options.  You can tell them how you feel and if they are really good friends they will respect your wishes and may change their behaviour. If they drift into the negative again, try to ignore it.  Or if they aren’t really good friends, they will drift away and find someone else to drain.

The same can be said for your family.  Your more mature relatives have been conditioned for many, many years and are a different generation.  Appreciate where they have come from whilst being selective with the information that filters through to your brain.  You have the same choices as with your friends for the younger relatives, tell them how you feel and they will either change something or drift away.

Don’t attach any guilt to your decisions, as it is your life and if you are tired of the negativity, it is time to do something about it.

You may well find that you make new friends who are positive and upbeat and some other members of your family may reappear who have also removed themselves from negative relatives.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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The experience of divorce – my perspective

Going through divorce was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. I thought the process would never end and that I would end up with nothing.

Having spent 12 years of my life in a marriage that was not working, where I was emotionally abused, subject to emotional blackmail, controlled and miserable, I could take no more and filed for divorce.

I thought that it would be relatively straight forward. I had good reasons for divorce, I am female, I had three young children.  What on earth could go wrong?

A grateful attitude helps in times of extreme stress

I hadn’t accounted for the actions of my husband who would not agree to a divorce, his parents, my parents etc. I was accused of lying, of sleeping around, of being unfit to be a mother. I was threatened by my brother-in-law with a fate worse than death if I carried on with my actions. My parents-in-law didn’t want divorce in their family. And so on.

I spent nearly a year living in the same house as my husband, sleeping in separate rooms, living separate lives as I had nowhere to go and no money to go with. I hadn’t worked for 8 years as I was bringing up the children.  I couldn’t see a way out. I was miserable.

Dealing with emotional abuse

Fortunately I had a good solicitor who helped me to carry on and I persevered. In the end my husband did agree to a divorce and to ‘allowing’ me to have just enough money to buy a flat. So I looked for one, found it, received the money, bought it and moved in. I took the children and moved into my flat. I was free at last to live my life. The children went to see their father every other weekend. It felt so good to be free and to have my life back.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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