Refocusing after setbacks

How many times have you thought you were getting through a life trauma, or you are in the aftermath, and then you hit a setback and it seems that you went back to the way you were? I know I have.

Don’t worry, you are not the only one!  Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life. It really doesn’t feel like that at the time.

There are two ways of facing difficulties. You can either change or alter the difficulty, or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and you will enhance your confidence, deal with them incorrectly and you can do some serious damage to your feelings of self worth.


When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.  There is an unwritten rule that says:

‘Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!’

So, if after a setback you ask yourself something like “Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?” That little voice inside your head will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback that will help me the next time?”

Your little voice inside your head will be silenced and you will kick into solution mode.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

  • Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?
  • What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?
  • What is good about this situation? There is always something good in any situation, you just have to find it.
  • How can I make the most of this situation?
  • What can I/did I learn from it?
  • What are the facts about this problem?
  • How can I make it a successful outcome?

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Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out. View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem.

Think about those negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think on a regular basis after a setback.  The ones that little voice keeps nagging you about.

What new empowering questions could you ask yourself to give yourself some better answers?

Write them down now and make them become a habit.

If this is something that interests you and is something you would like to experience by working with me, get in touch today.  I will be delighted to chat to you about how I will support you through the changes you want to make.  I will deliver the goods and help you get the results you want.  It’s time to really invest in yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor



Friends and family who sap your positive energy

The people with whom you have the most contact and who hang around you will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. Have you noticed how they make you feel?

They make you feel the same as them, happy and positive! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with a positive, ‘can do’ vibe that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

We also know of those people who could moan for England!

According to them they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like other people to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – and so much more!

These people drain the energy from the room, and bring everyone down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.


Some family members can be a lot like this, but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

What can you do to make sure that the people you have most contact with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you have contact with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. If there are people who are constantly draining our positive energy you have a couple of options.  You can tell them how you feel and if they are really good friends they will respect your wishes and may change their behaviour. If they drift into the negative again, try to ignore it.  Or if they aren’t really good friends, they will drift away and find someone else to drain.

The same can be said for your family.  Your more mature relatives have been conditioned for many, many years and are a different generation.  Appreciate where they have come from whilst being selective with the information that filters through to your brain.  You have the same choices as with your friends for the younger relatives, tell them how you feel and they will either change something or drift away.

Don’t attach any guilt to your decisions, as it is your life and if you are tired of the negativity, it is time to do something about it.

You may well find that you make new friends who are positive and upbeat and some other members of your family may reappear who have also removed themselves from negative relatives.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author