learning

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Improve your body language, improve your confidence!

The way that you move your body, and how you walk has an enormous effect on the way that you feel and affects your confidence levels.

Lets start with an exercise.

Imagine there are two people standing in front of you – one with “negative body language” and one with “positive body language”.

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I’d now like you to write down what you are observing with each of these people:

Positive                                                                                                                                        Negative

  • How are they standing?
  • Where are their eyes looking?
  • What position are they holding their head?
  • How are they talking?
  • How are they moving?

How you feel at any moment in time is linked to what is going on in your mind and how you are moving your body. The way that you move sends subconscious messages to your mind and this either helps or hinders the way that you feel.

Emotion is created by motion. If you sit still for a long period of time your natural energy levels automatically get lower. And what happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat?  Yes, you have more energy and you’re given a boost.

I can’t stress how important it is to move and act confidently and positively. You will give off all the right vibes to everyone around you and it will make them think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside. Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as though you are.

So, how do you do this?

  • Walk swiftly and with a purpose. Don’t saunter along, walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get there you mean business!
  • Gesture with your hands as you talk, it will create motion and you know what that leads to – EMOTION! The right gestures also have a major impact on building rapport as long as you’re not shaking your fist!
  • All it takes is a smile!  Think for a moment about your confidence role model. One thing that he/she and confident people in general have in common is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts. It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile.

Start smiling more often. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time. But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

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Remember that confident people are happy people and negative people are not. Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus!

You know, the way that we communicate in our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze and expression can be such a powerful tool in the way that we feel and when communicating with others. The manner in which you communicate and your interpersonal skills are also very important indeed. Effective communication is vital if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing.

The way in which we communicate with people is broken down into component parts, and it is popularly believed that people to whom we are speaking understand what we say by interpreting these different elements in varying proportions:

VERBAL – 7% of our message is interpreted from the words we use.

VOCAL – 38% is picked up from our voice – speed, tone , pitch, rhythm etc

VISUAL – 55% is what the other person sees – our body language

Please bear the above in mind when you are communicating to people.

If you are ever feeling down, just have a look at your body language and change it immediately. Even if it has to be false – YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

First impressions count – notice body language. You can normally tell what others are feeling by the way that they are moving and using their body too. You can use this to your advantage when you are more aware of it.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING
maggieheart
Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Be a surfer – riding the incoming waves of information

In this modern world, the 21st century,  we are living in an information age. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, Internet pages and in-boxes.

No sooner have we made a decision on what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new report, video or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion.

After a while, we may very well be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilising our point of view or preventing overloading our brains, and this is understandable.

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Rather than closing down and ignoring what could be vital information, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.

For example, there is a plethora of contradictory studies concerning foods that are allegedly good for you and foods that are allegedly bad for you. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether, for example, coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not.

The answer is, of course, different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding.

In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open give us the option to change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.

intuition

I think the key is realising that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. After all, we are always learning. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilising our worldview. Our intuition is vital for this process. As soon as we have reached some kind of stability, it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilising.

Maybe, if we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how lucky we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride whilst we are learning.

If any of this resonates with you, and you would like some help understanding how your intuition works, get in touch with me and we can have a free 15 minute chat.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 
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Do you have relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is very destructive, as you know. If you don’t learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, it leads into a very devastating downward spiral:

One of the first things you will notice is that you become suspicious – you begin worrying about your partner not loving you, or not caring as much as you do. Thoughts of them being unfaithful. Many more self-destructive thoughts and emotions. And of course, all of these will fuel your relationship anxiety.

In order to learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, think about what you can do:

Ask your partner for reassurance. When you find yourself becoming suspicious in your relationship, try to remember that it is probably being fueled by your anxiety. You may be able to get some relief from your relationship anxiety by asking your partner for occasional reassurance. They will be happy to give this if they are patient and understanding of your anxiety.

This kind of support may well be very helpful to you. Ask a trusted friend who is prepared to give you an honest answer if there might be some real reason for you to feel this way. But even when you get that real information, it may not help alleviate your relationship anxiety. You will have to work on that yourself. Perhaps your worry is that you feel that you are too “needy” in your relationship.

For instance, do you need constant reassurance and want your partner to regularly prove that things are really okay? This will inevitably put pressure on you and your partner and will add to the relationship anxiety.

A grateful attitude helps in times of extreme stress
I got married when I was 19 years old and discovered after about six months that I had made a terrible mistake. I was under a lot of pressure from my parents to stay in the marriage as it was not ‘the done thing’ to separate or divorce. In their opinion, I was far too young to know what I was doing. I believed them as I knew nothing different and so I tried to make the marriage work.

Inevitably the pressure of trying to make it work instead of figuring out how to get rid of anxiety in my relationship made me very unhappy and anxious indeed. I stuck at it until I couldn’t take it any longer and I made the decision to leave, take the children, and strike out on my own. That was the right decision for me, and the anxiety was lifted almost as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

If any of this is resonating with you, then you will need to find ways to cope with your anxiety and learn to rely more on yourself for feeling better – taking the pressure off your partner. This will allow you to become more self-sufficient, even in your anxiety. Give yourself permission to reassure yourself instead of turning to your partner for comfort each time you are anxious. Find ways to learn to think more positively. Try being grateful for what you have.

When you are anxious you can create all kinds of ideas in your imagination that appear so intolerable that you feel compelled to take impulsive and totally misguided actions. You will find yourself:

  • Jumping to conclusions
  • Making decisions that are destined to fail
  • Behaving in a totally childish manner, sulking and demanding attention.
Look for solutions that will relieve your relationship anxiety and won’t result in increasing your problems further. 

When you are anxious your partner will be anxious too. It becomes a vicious circle and the anxiety is fed constantly.
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Learning to trust your intuition is an important part of reducing your anxiety. So, slow down, think through anything you are considering doing and follow your intuition. Make the effort to stop listening to that nagging voice that is telling you something is wrong. It is very likely when you slow down and think rationally that you will find a much better solution for you and your relationship. In this way, you can successfully get rid of anxiety in your relationship.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 

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Looking after YOU first.

How do you respond when someone makes a request of you and it really is not something you want to do?

I suspect you try and search for an excuse, such as I am busy that day, I have to wash my hair…..and all these excuses seem very lame to you. And so you say yes, against your better judgement.

BUT, what if you could respond confidently to the request? What if you could say no without guilt?

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The question has just been posed.  Pause.  Were you going to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no”?  What possible reasons could there be for saying no?

  • It’s beyond your means?
  • It’s beyond your comfort level?
  • You have no interest?
  • You have to wash your hair?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.”  Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, which would be detrimental to you and which come from a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

What would happen if you said yes?  Perhaps:

  • You would be considered ‘one of us’
  • It would make your friend happy
  • Your visibility with other people may be improved
  • It would make you miserable

Would you feel comfortable with your self if you were to say yes, even though you knew it would not be in your best interests?

Saying “no” is hard for so many of us.  A false sense of guilt often comes into play.  Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a world view that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we know it is there lurking in the background and make decisions  based upon it, even though deep down, we know it is not right for us.

New for 2013. From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again

 

So you have made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, to honestly say “NO”.  Practice it in the mirror. Say it clearly and self-assuredly.….in the mirror.  Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as if you speaking to whoever asked you the question.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?  Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

Sometimes, if you have always given in to others,  guess what happens?  After all that practice, getting the tone right and pretending you are talking to the person who asked you the question, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!   They may try to push you to say yes, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.   This is where your personal boundaries come in to play.

Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do?  Revisit the questions you asked yourself before. If you are really serious about saying “NO”, then stick to your guns.  Tell the person making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes and boundaries, and ask them not to ask again.  If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!  In a firm, yet polite voice with a firm tone.  Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.  When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications.  Look the person in the eye when you say the NO.  Shake your head at the same time as saying NO.  Stand up tall.

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, it is perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”.   No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer.  It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.  It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

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Practice makes perfect as they say!  Remember you must look after yourself first.  This is not selfish, it is a necessity. Practice in the mirror and soon you will:

  •  feel much more confident and proud.
  •  find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
  • Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
  • You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
  •  have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
  • The list goes on from there…

I have learned  how to look after myself first and how to say no without guilt.  I have learned that my boundaries are vital to my day to day living and that once people are aware of those boundaries they respect them and me.  That isn’t to say that I always say no, I know when to say yes and when to say no.

So if you’re looking to finally take control of your life and make a change, why not drop me a line and we can talk it through.

To book in for a FREE 15 minute discovery call please Email me.

 

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.

 

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Do you look good on the outside, but inside you are crumbling?

Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to get beyond these feelings to a calmer and more positive place. What if you could…

  • Overcome your fears and anxieties?
  • Gain the courage to make a change?
  • Get on with enjoying your life?
  • Unlock your inner strengths?
  • Put your own needs first?
  • Be a survivor not a victim?

THIS IS NOT SOME UNACHIEVABLE DREAM. I’M GOING TO HELP YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Picture this. In 2 1/2 days you’ll be feeling like a new you. You’ll have reconnected with your inner confidence and feel able to survive the challenges and obstacles that you face in your life.

You will have developed a new found energy, and you will have a spring in your step.

You’ll be on track to change your situation and live the life you want.

IN OTHER WORDS, IN JUST 2 1/2 DAYS, YOUR LIFE WILL BE TURNED AROUND.

bewhoyouwanttobe

I am running two retreats, one for women and one for men, here on the Isle of Wight.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat for women, and The L.I.F.E. Retreat for men.

 

I’M HERE TO HELP YOU

I want you to know that it is possible to make a change; that no situation, no matter how desperate, is insurmountable.

As Napoleon Hill says, “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

So, if you’re serious about moving on from your feelings of anxiety and despair, now’s the time to take action.

I’ve designed this Retreat for you – the person who is struggling to live life on your own terms and is finally ready to turn things around.

I’m here to help you be a survivor.

Stop making the same vague wish (“I hope my life finally takes off this year”) every single birthday.

One of these Retreats is for you if you’re finally ready to make a positive change and be a survivor, not a victim.

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WHICHEVER RETREAT YOU CHOOSE, I AM GIVING YOU:

  • The tools you need to recharge yourself and your confidence in yourself in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
  • The knowledge you need to survive following a life trauma – divorce, redundancy, overwhelm, loss.
  • My knowledge and the resources I have accumulated over many years of research, trial and error and failure, and of course successes.
  •  A stay in a beautiful Victorian mansion so close to the beach you will have sand in your shoes. (Situated a 20 minute walk from the Hovercraft and Wightlink Fastcat passenger terminals. No need to bring your car across.  I can even arrange for you to  be collected from the ferry or hovercraft and bring you to the venue.)
  • The focus on you to get to know and love your real SELF.
Plus I am giving you:
 
  • A buffet style continental breakfast each morning.
  •  Your own chef preparing, cooking and serving your lunches and dinners each day on site.
  •  Unlimited refreshments throughout each day.
  •  Your own welcome pack to keep.
  •  Some top notch surprise guest speakers and coaches to add to your experience.
  •  Our own private Facebook group for continued support.
  •  A one to one coaching session with me.

YOU will find the solutions you are looking for. Forget all the imagined reasons why you think it won’t work for you.  Believe the one reason why it will!

Find out more about the Retreat of your choice by clinking on the appropriate link:

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

The investment per person is £749.00 all inclusive.  No hidden costs. Everything is provided, just bring yourself.

Don’t think of cost, think of the value to you and your life.

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RESULTS

I’ve been working with clients as a thought leader and survival coach for the past 10 years to help them overcome stress, anxiety and life trauma.

I helped one client to change their career from one they hated to one they loved.

Another client came to me with anxiety associated with confrontation and low self-esteem.  She is now leading a whole team of people and confident in her abilities.

I also helped a client who was suffering from very low self-esteem to realise her full potential and she is now blossoming running her own business.

Don’t just take my word for it!

“Maggie has an instant relaxing mentality rarely found in people, backed with a genuine empathy for people. Maggie has the mark of calm, leaving you feeling relaxed and at peace. Maggie’s knowledge and style leaves clients and fellow professionals wanting more of her work. Maggie is just one of those people with a gift and the world is blessed with her use of them.”
– DU, UK (Male)

“Maggie has great experience of dealing with life situations in a positive way. I have seen people grow within themselves during several of her presentations and seminars. She deals with people in a non-judgemental and constructive way, whilst challenging them to look at their view of them selves and to re-evaluate their own self-worth.” – KC, UK (Male)

“Maggie assisted me through a challenging time in my life. She is able to combine a no nonsense approach with genuine empathy to her coaching work and shares her knowledge generously. She holds you accountable for outcomes in a warm and caring manner. Being coached by Maggie was such a pleasure. I always looked forward to those sessions with anticipation. Maggie is able to hold your space in a non-judgemental manner which gives you the confidence to move forward. I certainly recommend her as a coach.” – TZ, South Africa (Female)

“I used to get irritated whenever you would say ‘why can’t you do that?’ or ‘why do you think that?’. But now I see that by questioning my thinking you have broadened my outlook and I can actually achieve more than I ever thought. In fact the other day I was faced with a challenge, and my initial thought was I need to get someone in to do this for me. Then I stopped and thought of you and it came to me that I can do it. And do you know what, I did it and it worked out very well.” – IM, UK (Male)

SO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LIFE COULD BE LIKE? AND HOW READY ARE YOU TO MAKE A CHANGE, ONCE AND FOR ALL? 

Book your place today……..There are only 10 places available for each Retreat.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

Grant yourself the freedom to START LIVING.

Can’t wait to see you there!

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.
 
P.S. Here are just a few testimonials from my previous workshops/courses/seminars:

 
“Thanks Maggie, I have your book in my bag and the collage I made at your workshop, when I look at it, it gives me the confidence to carry on. I can’t thank you enough for that workshop, it was great.” Maggie J
 
“Maggie always brings a refreshing energy to any situation. She truly enjoys helping others to live the life they deserve!” Teri H
 
“Maggie helped me to make one big decision that led to another, and another, and another – and that’s how my life changed for the better!” Jane L
 
“Maggie makes the toughest challenges seem simple. Always exceeds my expectations.” Wendy W
 
“I have done really well since your workshop. I decided that it was OK to give up being self employed because there is too much going on elsewhere it is not serving me well. I have successfully applied for a surveyors job at xxxxxxx and been offered a very good package. I have accepted and start in November part time until I finish all my jobs and then full time by 2015. I am really pleased to say the least. It was very helpful to go somewhere for some “me” time. Thank you! ” Peter M
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Do you know where your beliefs and values come from?

Whether you realise it or not, you are constantly in the process of creating and changing your reality.

You are not truly aware of what someone else’s reality really looks like, and they are not truly aware of what your reality looks like. You are only aware of your own reality and how it looks to you.

Don’t believe me?  Take a simple scenario.  A road traffic accident, where nobody is hurt, fortunately, when one car hits another car.  There are three witnesses.  A policeman will ask each witness what he or she saw.  There will be three completely different perceptions of the same incident.

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For instance, one person might state that they saw the first car brake suddenly, so the driver of the car behind (being far too close in their perception) braked really hard but the car was going too fast and ran into the car in front with a loud bang.

The second person saw the second car approaching the car in front too fast and the driver didn’t appear to even see the car in front and ran straight into it without braking.

The third person witnessed the first car slow down too much so the driver of the car behind (which wasn’t going too fast) couldn’t quite stop in time (though they tried) and hit the car in front really hard.

Three different perceptions of the same accident – each quite ‘real’ to those witnesses – but significantly dissimilar.

How you perceive your life and everything around you will differ dramatically from other people’s perceptions.  Your reality is totally unique to you.

How you think about your life, how you see yourself in the mirror, and what you believe is happening to you at any given moment, will be the reality that exists for you.

So what are your beliefs?  They are your views, judgments, guiding principles and decisions about yourself, family and friends, communities, organisations, employers and everything else you come into contact with.

Your beliefs filter everything you see, hear and feel around you and, as a result, determine the meaning you attach to any event. Your beliefs act as self-fulfilling prophecies. If you think that you can’t do something and then find it extremely difficult to do and give up trying, you have successfully fulfilled your belief that you can’t do it.

What would have happened if you had believed that you could do it?  Would your reality have been different?

Your beliefs, whether they be limiting or empowering, determine your actions, and your actions in turn verify your beliefs. Over time, as you collect more evidence to prove your beliefs, your beliefs become your reality.

Your beliefs operate in your subconscious mind and influence your conscious mind,  they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Whilst you are aware of many of your beliefs, in general, your most influential beliefs are stored away in your subconscious mind.

 

There are some beliefs you view as absolute truths and never question – that is just the way the world is! A change in your beliefs can have a major impact on how you live your life and the behaviours you manifest.

Once you believe in something, you tend to ignore opposite examples and accept only those events that reinforce that belief.

As Henry Ford, industrialist, said: ‘Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are probably right.’

How right he was.

Your beliefs can have a significant effect on your life, particularly your health.

To quote Ian McDermott and Joseph O’Connor, from their book NLP and Health, (Thorsons, 1996), ‘in a typical clinical situation, about thirty-five percent of all cases receive as much pain relief from a placebo as from morphine – simply because the recipients believe it will work.’

That is a very interesting observation isn’t it?  The subconscious mind believed it had been given a strong painkiller, and therefore the pain was relieved.  This happened because the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between the truth and anything else it is told.

But what about your beliefs?  How can you verify them?

Well, many hundreds of years ago people were told, and believed, that the world was flat. Today there are probably still some people who continue to believe this. It is easy to see how this belief was once so prevalent.  Just look at the ground beneath your feet – it’s flat.  In the distance you may be able to see a few hills and valleys, but these are just ripples on an otherwise flat surface. All of the land is surrounded by water and it seems quite logical to have once believed that if you sailed far enough you would eventually fall off the edge of the world. Those who set off to sail the seas and never returned were testament to this.  Obviously those who did return, just hadn’t sailed far enough!

flat world

You will have noticed how this belief proved its own validity. Therefore that reality was true.

The flat-world belief was very useful in explaining and predicting phenomena in a very small area when there were no satellites, there was no television and there were no news broadcasts and no other means of communication other than verbal messages passed from one individual to another. More importantly, it made the people in that localised area feel comfortable and safe in this reality.  However, by discouraging wider exploration, it was also a very limiting belief.

But you can challenge this belief and put your life ‘at risk’. You can let go of the limiting belief of a flat world and explore other possibilities.  You can entertain new and more expansive beliefs, which other people may view as equally limiting or indeed as impossible. All these beliefs are equally valid.

Do you currently have beliefs that keep your reality comfortable and safe and that prevent you from exploring your true potential?  Do you choose to acknowledge only the reality that is predicted by your limiting beliefs and then use these observations as proof that your current reality is indeed true?

Is it time to step out of your comfort zone and set sail into the unknown?  To push the boundaries of what you think you know and discover new lands and opportunities – to challenge yourself to create your new reality?

Does that sound like something you would like to experience? I work with clients face-t0-face, on the phone and via Skype.  The choice is yours. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Contact me today for a free chat on how we can start moving you from a place that is not so great in your life to a place of enjoyment.

 

Maggie Currie

Email: hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Finding my emotions and feelings

A few years ago I was working my way through a relationship programme and my fabulous coach, Heather Williams, and I  discovered I had a block.

We discovered I couldn’t express my emotions or feel my feelings in a way that I felt is right for me. Having been brought up from a very early age to not show anger and not allowed to show emotions it had become a habit which was now time to break. As a child I was also told that I should be seen and not heard. I was working on unblocking my emotions and feeling my feelings.

My coach had given me an exercise to do to work on one emotion at a time and I began with fear. Here is the exercise that I was given:

Draw a doorway with the door ajar. Behind the door is your emotions. Imagine standing with your hand on the doorknob about to push or pull it right open.

What emotion would come flying out first? Write down one emotion you want to work on.

Imagine what you feel. Go back to a time when you felt that emotion. How it affects the body and mind, heart – feel it physically. Try and get in touch with the emotions and feelings. Write about what happens.

door

 This is what I wrote about this experience.

The first emotion would be fear – fear of what is behind the door.

How does fear feel to me?
I remember being about 8 years old. I had been to a party for a school friend’s birthday. I had been taken to the party by my mum in the daylight. I know it wasn’t far from home, about 15 minutes by foot. The party was over and one of the parents collecting their child had a car and they said they would take me home. It was dark by now. I had never been allowed out of my street on my own, and I had no sense of direction. The person driving the car looked at me and asked me where I lived and I told her the address. She started the car and we drove around for a little while, about 5 minutes I suppose, she then asked me where the road was that I lived in, were we near it? I had no idea whatsoever as it was dark, I was small and could barely see out of the window of the car. She said I must know where I lived and where my road was. I was petrified that I would never get home and that she would think that I was stupid.

I wasn’t stupid, it was just that I had no idea where home was and how to get to it. I remember starting to shake and shiver, and tears came into my eyes. I probably looked like a scared rabbit. Her child was in the car too and she was laughing at how I couldn’t find my own house. They didn’t realise that I had not be allowed out by myself anywhere and had no notion of how to get home.

I remember being frightened and embarrassed at the same time. We eventually got home and my mum said thank you to whoever it was driving and they explained that I didn’t know the way and then everyone was told that I had no sense of direction and therefore I couldn’t be let out on my own. So apparently it was my fault or so I thought at the time.

So fear to me is sweaty palms, more rapid breathing, sometimes shaking and frequently the feeling that I need to wee, even though I know I don’t. I begin to feel unsure of myself and that just increases the fear and those symptoms just increase.

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Heather Williams

 After doing this and sending it by email to my coach we had a long chat about it via Skype – I am in UK and she was in Australia. So it was 7am BST and 4pm in Australia. Heather commented that she was pleased that I had written about the effects of the fear and that she felt I had connected well with my fears and emotions.

This was a huge breakthrough for me. Thank you to my coach and thank you relationship programme. I am feeling my feelings and unblocking and expressing my emotions and and improving my relationship with me.

 

Maggie Currie 

 

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Australia Trip – Learnings and Reflections

It has been five weeks now since I landed back in the UK after visiting my good friend Heather in Melbourne, Australia.  I have been thinking about the trip and what it has taught me.

The flights in themselves were uneventful.  Although each flight was about six hours, and there were three flights to get to Australia, and another three flights to get home, I was entertained with films, tv, music, snacks and meals.  On reflection it seemed to take less time to get to Australia than it did to get home.  I think it felt that way because of the anticipation and excitement of flying all that way for the first time and meeting Heather in person that made it feel that way.

And it seemed to take longer coming home because I had only landed in Australia six days before and therefore I was travelling thousands of miles in a very short space of time.

I learned that it doesn’t matter what time it is, I can eat noodles in mid air.  I learned I can cat nap on a flight, but not sleep properly (although I presume if I had gone business class I would have been able to sleep relatively well).

I learned that travelling all that way to support my friend made her feel better, which in turn made her husband Geoff feel better.  I found it very humbling to receive the thanks of Heather and Geoff for visiting. It is something I wanted to do, and if I hadn’t done it I know I would have regretted it.

I learned what true friendship is and how it works both ways.  I learned how friendly the Australian people I met are.  Every single one of them that I met welcomed me into their lives, into their homes and wouldn’t allow me to contribute any money for anything. That too is humbling.  Heather’s friend Susan drove us around to visit a couple of local towns.  This was very kind of her and I felt really grateful to her for giving up her time for me.

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Heather and I with Alfred the Bear

I learned that I can travel on my own, and that I can find my way around an airport, locate the baggage reclaim and find the exit.  I learned that I am capable of travelling literally half way round the world on my own, of organising the trip on my own, sorting out currency to take with me and changing sterling for Brunei dollars at Brunei Airport so I could buy a cup of coffee.

On coming home I learned how much I had been missed by Kelvin, and how much I missed him too.  This is the first time we have been apart for longer than a day or two for many years.

I had been invited to a wedding reception in the evening on the Saturday after my return from Australia.  I thought to myself, do I really want to go to Rookley on my own (Kelvin was working), a journey of about 15 miles.  I said to myself ‘I have been to f***ing Australia on my own, I am sure I can get to Rookley’ and off I went and had a very good time seeing my friend Laura and her new husband Jamie.  If I can fly to Australia on my own, I am sure I can do an awful lot more now.  My comfort zone has expanded dramatically and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be.  In fact, I only wish I had been able to break out of the comfort zone sooner.

Kelvin told me he is very proud of me, not only for doing this, but for arranging it all on my own.  That makes me feel really good and it is wasn’t until he said that and explained that it was a really huge thing to do that I realised just what I had achieved. I am feeling very proud of myself as well as privileged to have met so many lovely people in Australia.

I know that I achieved what I set out to achieve and that is supporting my friend Heather.  The bonus is that I achieved several firsts for me and now maybe there is no limit to what I can achieve in the future.

If this resonates with you and you would like to step out of your comfort zone but are not sure where to start, contact me and we can have a chat about how I can help you.

Maggie Currie

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Forgiveness – releasing the past

Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiven inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events.  Over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy.

Until we release ourselves from this cycle, it may prove impossible to move forward. It really does not matter what the issue was, whether slight or life-shatteringly traumatic. If you want to move on you must let it go. To do this you must forgive. To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behaviour simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.

Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go.  They will never move on until they do. In fact, quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt.

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How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life.  If we choose to accept the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction.  If however we  focus on the bad things that have happened to us, then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want.

If you or your life is “stuck”, then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past.  Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself.  So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that. Forgive yourself  and let it go.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past.

In this moment now, you have your power – the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference.  You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future. If you want to feel free, released from the past  then you must forgive.  Forgive everyone, especially yourself.  I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear.  The basis of them can seem, and may well be, completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions, and it is OK to experience them.  However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions, but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

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Look around you, do you know anyone like that?  Some tragedy or injustice has been suffered and now the entire life of that person is defined by their anger and resentment. Every positive thought, every inspired moment, all of life’s little pleasures are subsumed with their overwhelming feelings of anger, resentment, even desire for revenge. No matter how justified their emotions are, what good is it doing them? The past can never be changed. Life is full of tragedy and joy, it is not the events of life so much as how we respond to them that defines how joyous and successful our lives are.

It is time now for you to take action and to really begin to change your life.  Or you could do nothing.  It is your choice. I am coaching people to become the very best version of themselves.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie

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Noticing your feelings and defining the reaction taking place within you.

It is common knowledge that feelings can often bring about a very challenging aspect to our lives. We can experience very intense emotions without understanding precisely why. Consequently we can find it difficult to identify those solutions to relieving our distress, calming our minds and understanding why we are experiencing these emotions.

When we have mastered the ability of naming our feelings we can then tame them by finding an appropriate resolution. We are able to retake control of our personal power by becoming courageous enough to recognise and articulate, out loud and concisely, the essence of our emotions.

Once we assume ownership of these challenges we are empowered to shift from one emotional state to another — and with the added bonus of letting go of pain and upset because we have made it our own by defining it, examining the effect it had on our lives, and exerted our authority over it by making it our own. Additionally, by naming our feelings, we claim the right to divest ourselves of them whenever we choose.

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When you are preparing to acknowledge your feelings aloud, take care to remind  yourself gently that being specific is an important part of exercising control. It doesn’t matter what the nature of your feelings is, define very carefully the reaction taking place within you.

For instance, if you have a fear of a particular situation or are intimidated by an individual, endeavour not to mince your words while giving voice to your anxiety. The precision with which you choose to express yourself is indicative of your overall willingness to stare your feelings in the face without flinching. Naming and claiming may not always work if you keep this information to yourself. There will be occasions where you will find the release you desire achieve will only be found by admitting your feelings to other people. When this is the case, your ability to outline your feelings explicitly will help you to ask for the support or guidance you need without you becoming bogged down in the feelings that led you to make this admission in the first place.

So how do you identify that you have a particular feeling or emotion, and how do you define the reaction taking place within you?  Sit down quietly, close your eyes and ‘listen’ to your body.  What is it telling you?

For instance, do you feel a strange sensation in your stomach, or is there an uncomfortable sensation in your back, neck, arm or somewhere else?  Focus on what you notice, really focus and allow it.  Keep focusing on it and you will notice that once you have allowed it, the strange or uncomfortable sensation will gradually diminish and then disappear.  But not before you have associated it with the feeling or emotion that had caused it.

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When you have moved past that slight apprehension associated with expressing the feelings that are causing you distress out loud, you will be surprised to discover that you feel both liberated and lightened. This is because you have made a clear connection between your feelings and what is causing them allowing you to unravel the mystery that previously kept you from being in complete control of your emotional state.

The process of giving voice to your feelings allows you to let them go. Once you have let them go, you will naturally relax and rediscover your emotional equilibrium.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching can help you understand and embrace your emotions.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

Coaching you to become the very best version of you so you can have more fun, live a better life and enjoy your work.

 

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