The Essence of You

Journey to the real you:

Part 1:

Do you remember when were you happy, free, creative, fun, vulnerable, secure?

We are looking for the essence of who you are at the core of your being.

Find some photos of you when you were a child, maybe 5 or 6 years old. If you can’t find any, then try and find some of you as a teenager or at least younger than you are now.

Really look at the younger you in the photos. Answer these questions as well as you can.

  • What do you remember about the way you were?
  • If you were the parent of this child, what would you give them?
  • How would you encourage them in their lives?
  • What do you think they deserve in this life?
  • How would you want their life to be?
  • How should they be treated emotionally?
  • How could you protect/nurture her?
  • What do they need in their life right now?
  • What qualities did they have then that they might have forgotten?
  • What changes do you feel this person would like to make in their lives right now?

Beware of thinking the pathetic thought that ‘There is nothing good about me.  I can’t fill this in’.  If you continue with this type of thought pattern you will always stay trapped.  Please try to work really hard here…. even if you can only come up with one or two of these statements, at least it’s a start.  Remember to look at your photo as you do this. Listen to your innate thinking, sit quietly and listen to what you hear.

sisters

Part 2:

Look at your photo as you complete this exercise, write your answers to the statements below.

This might be tough for you so please be gentle with yourself.  You might feel like giving up at this point, or skipping this exercise, or skim-reading it through.  Don’t!  If you work really hard you will begin to feel some positive benefits.

This is where we can now begin to create some positive dialogue which will anchor you and make you feel strong again.

  • I deserve to be happy because ………
  • I like me because ……….
  • I am a valuable human being because ………
  • I am a beautiful human being because ……….
  • I have value because ………
  • I have worth because ………
  • I am worth loving because ………
  • I deserve to have fun in life because ………
  • I am important because ………
  • I am loveable because ……….
  • I am unique because ……….
  • I am perfect as I am because ………

 

Once you have completed the last exercise as best you possibly can, read your answers and remind yourself daily of why you are so special.

You can do this exercise again in a few months and notice any changes.

If you need help with any of the above, I will be delighted to hear from you, please contact me .

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you too.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

Self acceptance

How we see ourselves is frequently completely different from the way others see us.  That doesn’t mean that how others see us is wrong, but we can judge ourselves very easily by what we perceive other people think.  This ‘self judgement’ can distort our view of ourselves. But we can change that distorted view, and become aware of who we really are and learn to accept ourselves exactly as we are.

I know that I began to learn to accept myself by working out what my subconscious beliefs were about myself. And then I began to challenge those beliefs so that I could get to a positive place where I was kind and gentle with myself instead of being harsh and critical.

I began by looking in the mirror and really seeing myself.  It was hard at first, because I didn’t like looking at me.  But I stuck at it and learned to accept myself just as I am.

miror2

My first suggestion is for you to practice the following exercise, it may take several attempts, but that is okay.  Take as long as you need to.  If it takes several days or several weeks, that is okay.  If tears come along, let them flow.  They won’t hurt you, but they will help you.

I would like you to look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud to yourself who you see.  Speak in the third person.

  • What do you see when you look at them?
  • Who have they become?
  • How do they feel about the life that they are living?
  • Anything else?

 

I would like you to verify each of the beliefs you have and explain why you believe it. Write them down.

iStock_000004706304XSmall (2)

Are the beliefs true or has someone said this to you along the way? Who was it?

The second part of this exercise is much more fun.  I would like you to make a list of as many opposite or neutral beliefs (opposite from those you wrote above) as you can and begin building your strong positive internal dialogue.

Think back, can you remember when you believed something negative about yourself and you managed to change your perspective to a positive way of thinking about you?

Write your new beliefs down.

  • How do they want to look?
  • What would  they be wearing?
  • How would they stand?
  • What would their facial expression be like?
  • Anything else?

What is this telling you?

If any of this resonates with you, get in touch and we can have a chat about how we can work together if you would like.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Professional Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Reducing overwhelm

Have you ever looked at your ‘To Do’ list and thought that your head would explode?  The list is so long it covers 2 sheets of paper and you are in a state where you are not functioning because your brain has decided that it can’t cope and is turning you into a gibbering wreck.

 

I know I have been in that position, and it doesn’t feel very good at all.  In fact, all I wanted to do was rip up the list and go on holiday.

to do list

But there are tips I can share with you so that you can reduce your overwhelm and actually move forward with your life without feeling like a huge failure, which you are not.

The very first thing to do is to stop, breathe and look at the big picture.  Get up from whatever it is you are doing, break state.  Go for a walk, a game of golf, an exercise class.  What you do doesn’t matter, changing what you are doing does.

Have a little chat with yourself.  Tell yourself it is perfectly normal to be overwhelmed but this is only a passing thing.  This time is not great, so what! That’s life.  This state of mind is not interminable, it is just your current state.  Very soon you will be back to your normal self and getting so much more done than you can today.

Write down everything you have to do in great detail.  Everything, including the dripping tap in the kitchen, the shopping – everything that is competing for your attention.

Put on your ‘Best Friend’ hat.  Imagine you are your own best friend.  What would you advise your best friend to cross off, delay or put to the top of the list? Cross off those things that you know have been on your list for weeks and are unlikely to get done.  If they have been on the list for that long, so they really need doing?

Focus on the bigger picture.  What is your intention behind any task? Is the task getting you closer or further away from your intention?  Ditch, delay or change the task accordingly.

Look at the stuff that is left on your list now, what can you give to someone else to do? A staff member, a friend, a family member?  Of course they probably won’t do it as well as you, but currently you aren’t doing anything. So ask for help.

Your list should be much shorter now, more easily managed.  Prioritise, give each task a grade.  A = has to happen today. B = Brilliant if I could get it done today, but not essential.  C = We’ll see if we get to it today.

Now make yourself a cup of tea/coffee.  Self explanatory.

 

cupoftea

It’s time to start with

  • A1. Do it, must be done today.
  • A2. Do it, would like it done today.
  • A3 Do it if you can today, if not add it to your to do list for tomorrow.

Tick each one off as you accomplish them and celebrate.  Give yourself  acknowledgement and accolades for as long as you can maintain your state.

It is then crucial after your emotionally challenging day that you take time to unwind.  A bath, a film, a meal.  Whatever it takes to get you to a place where you will sleep well.  It’s not about time management, it’s about energy management, so your small investment at the end of a big day pays huge dividends for the rest of the week.

If this resonates with you and you would like to have a no obligation conversation, please get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Disrespect

I am shocked at the amount of disrespect there is for people of all ages by those who are deemed ‘professionals’.

My eyes were opened to several incidents of disrespect when I was in a public waiting area awaiting being collected to go to a meeting.

The first incident went as follows: 

A teenage boy was waiting for the ‘professional’ he had an appointment with to arrive.  He waited for almost twenty minutes before she arrived.  No apologies. She just said ‘We’ve got a meeting, let’s find a room’.  Then spent several minutes trying to find somewhere for this meeting to occur.

The second incident went as follows:

Three teenage girls came to the waiting area.  One of them had an appointment with a ‘professional’.  The three girls were all clean, tidy, well dressed and had obviously made the effort to get to the appointment on time.  The ‘professional’ hadn’t arrived yet they were told.  Several times the receptionist was asked if the ‘professional’ had arrived yet, and each time they were told no.

Eventually the ‘professional’ arrived.  No apologies for being late.  Same as before trying to find a room, going up and down a corridor.

iStock_000002301243XSmall (2)

This to me is total disrespect for the teenagers who have made the effort to get to their appointments on time.  They are ready for the meetings, but the ‘professionals’ appear to have no respect for the young people.

There are many people who say that young people have no respect for their elders. In some cases this is true, but if they are treated in this fashion then why would they have any respect?  Obviously the ‘professionals’ concerned have no respect for themselves, their work or the young people or they would be there, on time, ready to go and to do their very best for these young people.

Incident three went like this:

I was waiting to go to a meeting I had been invited to which was due to start at 10am.  I arrived early and waited.  The receptionist rang whoever was in charge of the meeting to let them know I was there.  I waited for over twenty minutes and then told the receptionist that I was going since nobody had collected me and I was disappointed with the way I was being ignored.

I received an email from the notetaker of the meeting later on in the day informing me that I wasn’t on the list of people to attend the meeting, despite having been invited to the meeting.

Again, I feel there is disrespect at play here.  It seems that as I am not regarded as a ‘professional’ I am not worthy of being included their meeting.

email

Incident four went like this:

A group of ‘professionals’ were waiting to go to a meeting.  One ‘professional’ was more concerned that she had to be back at her work by 11am.  One ‘professional’ proclaimed that she was merely ticking boxes.  Such ‘professionalism’ shows a total disrespect for the subject of the meeting, whoever that was, for their own standards of ‘professionalism’ and for society as a whole.

All these incidents occurred within a very short space of time.  I am totally shocked that in this day and age people behave in this way.  There is no need to be so disrespectful of yourself, your job and the people you are there to help.  If you don’t like the job you are doing then why are you doing it?  Find something you do like doing and do it to the best of your ability.

I love my work. I am passionate about helping people to live the very best lives they can and work very hard to achieve that.  I work in a professional way and when I say I will be somewhere at a particular time, I am there, usually a few minutes before that time.

To be dismissive and not even apologise for being late is unacceptable behaviour. There will probably be the usual excuses of the traffic was bad, the bus was late, the dog escaped etc. That is blaming everyone and everything for your lateness, when in fact the only person who is responsible for you being late is you.  You are responsible for every aspect of your life, not anyone else.  If you are late it is because you didn’t allow enough time to get there. It is your responsibility to there, to be ready and to do your best for your clients. Being professional doesn’t just refer to your qualifications, it refers to your whole life.

If this resonates with you,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

 

 

We are conditioned both deliberately and accidentally throughout life

As we go through life we learn a vast amount of things, and we start from the very moment we are born (some say before we are born, and they may well be right).

We are conditioned deliberately in some cases, and accidentally in others.  Deliberate conditioning often comes from our parents/guardians, from religious leaders, from teachers, group leaders such as Akela in scouts, Brown Owl in Brownies etc.

We learn how to eat our food, when to eat our food. We learn the boundaries we must adhere to in school, such as when playtime is, where we have to sit to do our work, what work we have to do, when we can talk and when we must be quiet.

Brownies are conditioned to learn new skills to gain the badges that are liberally sewn on to their sashes, and likewise with scouts.

We are conditioned to go to bed at certain times, to get up at certain times, to be seen and not heard, to not answer back, to not talk when the adults are talking, to do our homework and a million other things too.

We can be conditioned by relatives, partners, children and many other sources to behave in a particular way.  Some of those ways are for our own safety and some of them are for control of you.  You have to decide which is which.

iStock_000001171305XSmall

Accidental conditioning can come from anywhere.  For instance, a young couple got married and the new wife decided to cook a Sunday roast.  She got her leg of lamb from the butcher and broke the top part of the leg bone and put it in a roasting tin.  He new husband asked her why she broke the bone and the new wife replied ‘that’s what my mum does’.

A few weeks later the newly weds went to the new wife’s mum’s house for Sunday dinner.  The mum had got lamb and she got the joint and broke the top part of the bone and put it in the roasting tin.  Her son-in-law asked her why she did that and she replied ‘ that’s what my mum does’.

A few months down the line and the newly weds go to Grandma’s for Sunday lunch.  The new husband tells Grandma about his wife and her mother breaking the bone of the leg of lamb and explained how they said they did it because Grandma does it.  Grandma laughed and said ‘Oh, do they still do that? I only did that because I didn’t have a roasting tin big enough’, and she laughed. She had accidentally conditioned her daughter who had accidentally conditioned her daughter.

roastlamb

Think about the conditioning you have had throughout your life.  Is it still relevant now?  Do you have to do things in the same way or can you change the way you do some things?  Do you want to change things or are you happy with the way they are?

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more and how I can help you,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

How to have a stress free Christmas

We all know that Christmas can be stressful.  There is the usual invasion by the family, and extended family, the standing on ceremony all day, the extra expense as well as time and frustration trying to get the Christmas dinner on the table on time.

So much to do – presents to buy, cards to write, people to see, meals to cook, worrying about money.  Panic sets in.  Then there is the worry that there are not enough hours in the week.

Perhaps you perceive that you organise everything all on your own, without appreciation, and you also perceive there is a whole lot of expectation too from those around you.  That doesn’t sound like much fun to me.  And yet it is a scenario that is described over and over again.

Is it really the case though?  Do YOU have to organise everything? Are YOU expected to do it all? Is this something YOU think you ought to do?

If you think it is something you ought to do, think again.  There are no oughts allowed. We aren’t living in the nineteenth or even the twentieth century now, we are living in the twenty first century – it is time for YOU to start looking at what it is YOU want to happen at Christmas, when YOU want it to happen, who YOU want to celebrate with, who YOU don’t want to celebrate with, whether YOU want to celebrate it at all, whether YOU want to cook a roast dinner with all the trimmings or not, whether YOU want to go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner and so on.

christmasstress

Perhaps you wonder what others will think of you if you break with tradition.  Stop wondering, be true to yourself, if the traditions are still relevant to you then by all means carry on with them, but if they are not relevant then stop following them.

Ask yourself how much of your planning for Christmas is led by guilt.  Be honest and try to weed out unnecessary obligations to lessen your load.

For instance, is it the norm for your relatives to all come to your house for Christmas dinner?  Do they expect you to invite them? Do you do all the food shopping, all the cooking?

Is this what YOU and they really want?  Have you had ‘the conversation’ regarding who really wants to do what on Christmas day?  It really isn’t a difficult conversation to have.

For instance, I asked my mother a couple of years ago if she wanted to spend Christmas with me or with my brother as she usually divided her time between us.  She said she would rather go on a tinsel and turkey trip with her friend and that is what she did.  She had fun, I wasn’t obligated and I could do what I wanted which was have a quiet Christmas at home with my husband.

christmas-dining-table

I know someone who went every weekend for five years to his father’s for Sunday lunch.  He packed up his car with his children and his wife and took the ferry to the mainland because he perceived this is what was expected of him.  He was beginning to resent these trips, which took up most of the day, and resent his father.

I asked him if he had had ‘the conversation’ with his father about having Sunday lunch with him every week.  He said no, but that he would.  He came back to me a few weeks later and said that his father was hugely relieved as he was getting fed up cooking a roast dinner each week, sometimes he just wanted to sit down with a sandwich, a glass of beer and watch the rugby.  They agreed to have lunch together once a month.  He got most of his Sundays back and he could do more things with his wife and children.

So do the same thing about Christmas.  Ask your relatives if they actually want to come to you this Christmas.  Don’t be surprised if they are relieved that you have asked.  You will probably find that you will have an easier time, with far less stress, with just as much fun, but fun that you want to have and not fun that is manufactured out of guilt.

What do YOU want for your Christmas? How do YOU want to look on Christmas day, worn our and resentful, or relaxed and enjoying yourself?

Festive Woman in Red Santa Hat

Budget for what you can afford to spend and stick to it.  Try and spread the cost of present shopping over a longer period. Consider a simpler version of Christmas dinner such as a buffet where everyone you choose to invite brings a plate of food.  Consider whether you are prepared to tolerate family tensions over Christmas, if not make the decision to have ‘the conversation’ with everyone concerned.

Remember, be the result of your decisions not of circumstances.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Making time for YOU!

My clients often tell me that one of the added benefits of coaching they hadn’t considered before they started, is that their coaching session can often be the only time in a busy week that they feel able to step back and truly focus 100% on themselves.  Hand on heart, how often could you say that you allow yourself to do that?

A lot of the time we get so busy ‘doing’ that we forget about ‘being’.

This was a revelation of sorts for me some years back.  I had something fantastically inspiring to aim for, I had the focus and drive to work really hard and I was making good progress.  And yet, I wound up feeling ill, stressed and fairly disillusioned.  If this was what having stretching goals was about, I wasn’t sure I wanted them after all!

Talking through how I felt with a friend one day, I was brought up short when she said “oh yes, you’ve become a human doing instead of a human being” .  That comment really resonated with me and I thought about it all the way home.

As I reflected on the previous few months I could think of few times when I wasn’t ‘doing’ and even fewer times when I’d consciously decided to take time out and ‘be’.

So how much of your time do you spend ‘doing’ and how much do you spend ‘being’?   If you had to divide a circle up with how much time you give over to each, what would it look like?  How big would your ‘being’ slice be?

piechart

With our busy lives and time-poor society it can seem impossible to take more time for ourselves, but at what cost do you choose not to?  My decision those few years back was to invest more time in myself and I’m certain that I’m much more productive as a result.  I get more done in my ‘doing’ time now than I ever did when I was ‘doing’ every waking second of the day.  Plus, my ultimate decision was that it couldn’t all be about the doing and the destination or I’d miss the journey altogether.

So what time could you make for yourself to ‘be’?  To listen to your thoughts and feel your feelings.  When could you next set aside an hour or two, a whole day or even more than that to relax and recharge?  Can you set aside fifteen minutes a day to sit and have a cup of tea or coffee, relax and be you.  How much better would you feel if you did?

Could you do with some regular time set aside to focus 100% on you and on making your life how you want it? If so, what are you prepared to commit to?

concept

Learn to live your life more simply.  We all have around 80,000 thoughts a day, but we don’t have to listen to or believe them all.  Which are the thoughts that give you a nice feeling?  Which are the thoughts that you don’t like?  Have you considered that you are only one thought away from a lovely feeling and a more peaceful life?

Have you got so lost in the process of life that you have forgotten how to be you?  Would you like to have a conversation to discuss this further? Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/Maggie-Currie-Coaching-527886050648208/?ref=hl
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk