Your assertive rights

In your continuing journey of rebuilding your confidence as the real you, it is essential that you implement your assertive rights so that your life is as happy as it can be.  Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive or rude.  Your assertive rights are there to help you to stand up for yourself and continue to build your confidence in yourself.

I have included your assertive rights below and I would like you to read them and be aware that you do have the right to implement them, no matter what other people think.

teenage depression - teen woman sitting thinking

 

ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

  1. I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.
  2. I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses to justify my behaviour.
  3. I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
  4. I have the right to change my mind.
  5. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
  6. I have the right to say “I don’t know”.
  7. I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
  8. I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
  9. I have the right to say “I don’t understand”.
  10. I have the right to say “I don’t care”.
  11. I have the right to say “No”.

Please read and absorb these assertive rights and then begin to implement them in your daily life.  Don’t think that other people won’t notice, they will and they will probably be surprised.  So what?

Let them get over it and continue to assert your rights on a daily basis.  It will increase your confidence and reduce the risk of you being treated as a doormat. Your life will improve and you will boost your confidence by implementing your assertive rights on a regular basis.

Not sure where to begin with asserting yourself? Get in touch today to find out how my inspirational coaching can transform first you – and then your life.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
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Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
 
 
Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 

Why We Must Care for Ourselves

So many of us focus so much on caring for others that we forget all about caring for ourselves. But when we don’t take the time to care for ourselves it can be extremely damaging to our health. It is often instilled into us as we grow up, we are conditioned, that we should care for others first and ourselves last and that it is selfish to think of yourself.  But I think this belief is wrong and it is not selfish to look after ourselves first, it is absolutely vital.

Giving too much can hurt us. It is important that we learn to care for ourselves too. It doesn’t make us unkind or selfish.  We’re not caring less for those who depend upon us. We’re not saying, “I matter more than you.’ We are simply caring for our own needs too, looking after our own health, so that we have more to give in future.

oxygen masks

There is a story that really hits home with me and affects me every time I read it, and it says that a mother was taking a flight on a plane with her twin daughters who were aged 5.  There was an emergency and the oxygen masks came down and the mother, although she had listened to the safety announcements and knew what to do with her mask did not put her mask on first. Instead she tried to get masks on her twin daughters to no avail. Because she had not put her mask on she soon could not breathe, became unconscious and couldn’t help herself or her daughters. All of them died. Now, if she had put her mask on first she would have been able to calmly fit the masks on her daughters and they would probably all have survived.  So no, it is not selfish to look after yourself first, it is vital.

A study of carers carried out in 2004 highlighted how caring for others too much can hurt us. Examining a group of carers who looked after chronically ill children, scientists at the University of California in San Francisco analysed samples of the carers’ DNA.They measured the length of their ‘telomeres’, which are essentially the end caps on DNA, the nearest I can come to describing these is something like the plastic end caps on shoelaces.  As we age, our telomeres gradually shorten just like the end caps on shoelaces get worn away. Interestingly measuring the length of telomeres is one of the most accurate ways of measuring the age of the body.

Studying the telomeres of 39 women who cared for chronically ill children and 19 women who were mothers to healthy children, they found that the telomeres of the most stressed carers were 15% shorter than those of the least stressed women. The scientists concluded that this degree of shortening was equivalent to at least ten years of extra aging.

In 2007 a study of carers of Alzheimer’s patients found something similar. University of Ohio scientists studied the telomeres of 41 caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients and compared them with the telomeres of non-caregivers, once again finding that the caregivers had much shorter telomeres.

For people who give too much and are feeling tired and/or stressed, the question I always ask is, ‘If it was a friend or loved one who was in your position, what would you advise them?’ We know what to do but how often do we do what we know?

 balloons

One way to think of it is like blowing up a balloon. We give a full breath and the balloon begins to inflate. But what do we do next? We take in a large breath to enable us to put more air in the balloon. Kindness to ourselves is like taking a breath.  It replenishes us so that we can give even more. If we forget to take a breath we eventually have nothing more to give, and the balloon is left to deflate.

We help others more when we also care for ourselves. Kindness can make the world a better place. But we must not forget to add ourselves to the list of those who need kindness, and make sure we give ourselves the kindness we deserve.

Do you feel like you could be getting more out of your life? Are you looking to make changes to improve your life but don’t know where to start?

Would you like to be happier, more confident, more relaxed and have time to care for yourself?

Good news! You’ve come to the right place and I know I can help… Get in touch today.

 

 Maggie Currie

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What are your perceptions and beliefs?

Whether you realise it or not, you are constantly in the process of creating and changing your reality.

You are not truly aware of what someone else’s reality really looks like, and they are not truly aware of what your reality looks like. You are only aware of your own reality and how it looks to you.

Don’t believe me?  Take a simple scenario.  A road traffic accident, where nobody is hurt, fortunately, when one car hits another car.  There are three witnesses.  A policeman will ask each witness what he or she saw.  There will be three completely different perceptions of the same incident.

For instance, one person might state that they saw the first car brake suddenly, so the driver of the car behind (being far too close in their perception) braked really hard but the car was going too fast and ran into the car in front with a loud bang.

The second person saw the second car approaching the car in front too fast and the driver didn’t appear to even see the car in front and ran straight into it without braking.

The third person witnessed the first car slow down too much so the driver of the car behind (which wasn’t going too fast) couldn’t quite stop in time (though they tried) and hit the car in front really hard.

Three different perceptions of the same accident – each quite ‘real’ to those witnesses – but significantly dissimilar.

How you perceive your life and everything around you will differ dramatically from other people’s perceptions.  Your reality is totally unique to you.

How you think about your life, how you see yourself in the mirror, and what you believe is happening to you at any given moment, will be the reality that exists for you.

heartmirror

You’d better believe it!
So what are your beliefs?  They are your views, judgments, guiding principles and decisions about yourself, family and friends, communities, organisations, employers and everything else you come into contact with.

Your beliefs filter everything you see, hear and feel around you and, as a result, determine the meaning you attach to any event. Your beliefs act as self-fulfilling prophecies. If you think that you can’t do something and then find it extremely difficult to do and give up trying, you have successfully fulfilled your belief that you can’t do it.  What would have happened if you had believed that you could do it?  Would your reality have been different?

Your beliefs, whether they be limiting or empowering, determine your actions, and your actions in turn verify your beliefs. Over time, as you collect more evidence to prove your beliefs, your beliefs become your reality.

Your beliefs operate in your subconscious mind and influence your conscious mind, as I mentioned in the previous chapter; they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Whilst you are aware of many of your beliefs, in general, your most influential beliefs are stored away in your subconscious mind.

There are some beliefs you view as absolute truths and never question – that is just the way the world is! A change in your beliefs can have a major impact on how you live your life and the behaviours you manifest.

Once you believe in something, you tend to ignore opposite examples and accept only those events that reinforce that belief.

As Henry Ford, industrialist, said:‘Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are probably right.’

How right he was.

henry ford

Henry Ford

Do you currently have beliefs that keep your reality comfortable and safe and that prevent you from exploring your true potential?  Do you choose to acknowledge only the reality that is predicted by your limiting beliefs and then use these observations as proof that your current reality is indeed true?

Is it time to step out of your comfort zone and set sail into the unknown?  To push the boundaries of what you think you know and discover new lands and opportunities – to challenge yourself to create your new reality?

This is an excerpt from my book ‘What you believe creates your reality‘. If anything resonates with you, please buy it, read it, take action………………….change your life.

 Maggie Currie

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Email: hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Do you know where your beliefs and values come from?

Whether you realise it or not, you are constantly in the process of creating and changing your reality.

You are not truly aware of what someone else’s reality really looks like, and they are not truly aware of what your reality looks like. You are only aware of your own reality and how it looks to you.

Don’t believe me?  Take a simple scenario.  A road traffic accident, where nobody is hurt, fortunately, when one car hits another car.  There are three witnesses.  A policeman will ask each witness what he or she saw.  There will be three completely different perceptions of the same incident.

car

For instance, one person might state that they saw the first car brake suddenly, so the driver of the car behind (being far too close in their perception) braked really hard but the car was going too fast and ran into the car in front with a loud bang.

The second person saw the second car approaching the car in front too fast and the driver didn’t appear to even see the car in front and ran straight into it without braking.

The third person witnessed the first car slow down too much so the driver of the car behind (which wasn’t going too fast) couldn’t quite stop in time (though they tried) and hit the car in front really hard.

Three different perceptions of the same accident – each quite ‘real’ to those witnesses – but significantly dissimilar.

How you perceive your life and everything around you will differ dramatically from other people’s perceptions.  Your reality is totally unique to you.

How you think about your life, how you see yourself in the mirror, and what you believe is happening to you at any given moment, will be the reality that exists for you.

So what are your beliefs?  They are your views, judgments, guiding principles and decisions about yourself, family and friends, communities, organisations, employers and everything else you come into contact with.

Your beliefs filter everything you see, hear and feel around you and, as a result, determine the meaning you attach to any event. Your beliefs act as self-fulfilling prophecies. If you think that you can’t do something and then find it extremely difficult to do and give up trying, you have successfully fulfilled your belief that you can’t do it.

What would have happened if you had believed that you could do it?  Would your reality have been different?

Your beliefs, whether they be limiting or empowering, determine your actions, and your actions in turn verify your beliefs. Over time, as you collect more evidence to prove your beliefs, your beliefs become your reality.

Your beliefs operate in your subconscious mind and influence your conscious mind,  they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Whilst you are aware of many of your beliefs, in general, your most influential beliefs are stored away in your subconscious mind.

 

There are some beliefs you view as absolute truths and never question – that is just the way the world is! A change in your beliefs can have a major impact on how you live your life and the behaviours you manifest.

Once you believe in something, you tend to ignore opposite examples and accept only those events that reinforce that belief.

As Henry Ford, industrialist, said: ‘Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are probably right.’

How right he was.

Your beliefs can have a significant effect on your life, particularly your health.

To quote Ian McDermott and Joseph O’Connor, from their book NLP and Health, (Thorsons, 1996), in a typical clinical situation, about thirty-five percent of all cases receive as much pain relief from a placebo as from morphine – simply because the recipients believe it will work.’

That is a very interesting observation isn’t it?  The subconscious mind believed it had been given a strong painkiller, and therefore the pain was relieved.  This happened because the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between the truth and anything else it is told.

But what about your beliefs?  How can you verify them?

Well, many hundreds of years ago people were told, and believed, that the world was flat. Today there are probably still some people who continue to believe this. It is easy to see how this belief was once so prevalent.  Just look at the ground beneath your feet – it’s flat.  In the distance you may be able to see a few hills and valleys, but these are just ripples on an otherwise flat surface. All of the land is surrounded by water and it seems quite logical to have once believed that if you sailed far enough you would eventually fall off the edge of the world. Those who set off to sail the seas and never returned were testament to this.  Obviously those who did return, just hadn’t sailed far enough!

flat world

You will have noticed how this belief proved its own validity. Therefore that reality was true.

The flat-world belief was very useful in explaining and predicting phenomena in a very small area when there were no satellites, there was no television and there were no news broadcasts and no other means of communication other than verbal messages passed from one individual to another. More importantly, it made the people in that localised area feel comfortable and safe in this reality.  However, by discouraging wider exploration, it was also a very limiting belief.

But you can challenge this belief and put your life ‘at risk’. You can let go of the limiting belief of a flat world and explore other possibilities.  You can entertain new and more expansive beliefs, which other people may view as equally limiting or indeed as impossible. All these beliefs are equally valid.

Do you currently have beliefs that keep your reality comfortable and safe and that prevent you from exploring your true potential?  Do you choose to acknowledge only the reality that is predicted by your limiting beliefs and then use these observations as proof that your current reality is indeed true?

Is it time to step out of your comfort zone and set sail into the unknown?  To push the boundaries of what you think you know and discover new lands and opportunities – to challenge yourself to create your new reality?

Does that sound like something you would like to experience? I work with clients face-t0-face, on the phone and via Skype.  The choice is yours. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Contact me today for a free chat on how we can start moving you from a place that is not so great in your life to a place of enjoyment.

 

Maggie Currie

Email: hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Looking at your values

Our values are often inherited from our parents, and they inherited them from their parents.  But are they relevant to us now?  There are many reasons why values change, sometimes they just don’t fit right.
I admire people for different reasons. for instance:
  • Rafael Nadal for his focus, hard work, talent.
  • Oprah because she is self-made, courageous, giving.
  • Mother Teresa for being selfless, courageous, honest, generous.
  • My dad (no longer with us) because he was true to himself, honest, kind, generous, loving.
  • My husband for being caring, loving, generous, selfless, hard working.

iStock_000004706304XSmall (2)

There are some values that appear in several of those people and my values incorporate all of those and of course others. For instance one of my values is to be consistent in my life, whether it be working, relaxing or whatever.

Values will always changes as we progress through life. We will meet more people who we admire and perhaps some of the people we currently admire will change their values, and we won’t agree with them.

 Values change as our circumstances change, i.e. going through divorce and in the aftermath.  Now we have to focus on ourselves and not on making a marriage work.
I like to keep an open mind and check in with myself every so often to make sure I keep my values true to me.
Are there any values you have now that are not fitting right? Check in with yourself to make sure your values are true to you.

Get in touch today and we can have a free informal chat on how I can help you to take action and rediscover your values.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves.

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It went wrong, but it went right too!

On a peer coaching call yesterday I was tasked to record the whole thing. I knew what I had to do, I had the instructions in front of me. I dialled in as the host, I dialled *9 to record and the automated voice told me I was not authorised at this time to record this call. So that didn’t happen. Was it the end of the world? No, indeed it was not.

Gina, Heather, Teri and I had an animated conversation covering all sorts of different topics, we laughed and reconnected as we hadn’t all spoken for several weeks due to holidays and illness. We all learned something, we all taught someone something, we definitely connected and we were relaxed, trusting and open.

Sometimes things just don’t work, and maybe there is a reason for them not working, maybe it is just technology being too sophisticated, maybe it is just not meant to be.

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The gift of this situation was renewed connection with my friends in deed, a sense of belonging, trust and belief in each other and ourselves, learning from each other and of course trusting each other.

I am amazed at how far I have come. In the beginning on our weekly calls I would say very little. I would listen and absorb all that was said and all the lessons I was learning. I gradually learned that I could not only trust my friends in deed but that I could trust myself too. And that was a huge lesson for me.

Your life does not resemble anybody else's

I can now say what I think and know that it is well received, it may not always be agreed with, but where would we be without our own values and opinions?

There are so many gifts from this situation. The love and trust of friends, the learning, the teaching, the compassion, the truth, the bonds and so much more.

I may not have recorded the call for everyone to hear, but those that were on the call will remember it for some time to come.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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