Bouncing back

Life happens. It doesn’t matter how positive, balanced and centred you are, there are going to be times when you are knocked sideways. Times when your carefully organised life is turned upside down and you get knocked for six. Life happens!

You may be challenged with any number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were kicked in the stomach. It may be the loss of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, bullying or the plain stupidity of some people who affect your life.

Let’s face it. Things happen. They’re part of life and although I know that “everything happens for a reason,” things still hurt. And they hurt a lot! They hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your heart and radiates throughout your entire being.

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At times like these, you may feel down, possibly depressed. You may feel anger or some other manifestation of your pain. You may feel out of control and that life will never get better. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel hurt, sad, angry, used, miserable or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny pain any more than you can deny fear. The only way through this is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The question is for how long will you stay in this state?

The difference between people who get through life’s challenging moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are immobilised by the events is their ability to bounce back. That isn’t to say they care any less, they give themselves permission to move on.

How quickly can you bounce back?  Of course, the severity of the event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to get past the pain and on with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their job, something that is becoming a common occurrence these days. One is floored by the news of her dismissal. She expresses her pain by becoming angry at her employers, her colleagues and the system in general. She spends her days telling anyone who’ll listen, about her “problem” and how hard done by she is.  And usually from a bar stool!

As she sees it, her life is ruined and she’s blaming everyone for her troubles. People who react like this spend weeks, even months, wallowing in despair until, if they’re fortunate, someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.

On the other hand, the other person reacts very differently. Although they have gone through the same experience and have pretty much the same issues like living expenses, etc., they choose to react differently.

After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity and anger (quite naturally), they decide to get back in the game. They begin contacting their network of colleagues and friends, avail themselves of courses and other services their former employer offered everyone and starts actively looking for a new position. In a short time they find their “dream job” with an exciting new company.

While both people in our hypothetical example had the same experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state was vastly different. While one remained “stuck” in their problem, the other handled their loss and moved on with their life.

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This is the key. It’s not whether life occasionally puts you into a tailspin, it’s how long you choose to remain there.

When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some time to grieve your loss, that is essential.  However, don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or a professional.

In the case of a job loss, perhaps you might want to take some time to re-evaluate your career goals. You may even consider a change in career altogether. When you’re ready, you can begin networking and making new contacts.  Attend social or networking events. Call people you know. Do something!

One of the most important things to remember in high stress situations is not to allow yourself to become isolated. While spending some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with people as soon as possible.

Remember “life is for the living.” It’s important to get back to your life. In time, the pain will pass.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching will help you get back on track.

Maggie Currie

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Are you directionless?

Many people are working in professions, careers and even their own businesses that they really didn’t consciously plan to pursue.   Many people are in relationships where they are not truly happy.  This they take to be the norm and they think they are a victim of circumstance.  So they take on roles they think are tolerable or expected of them.

Each one of us has a life purpose.  Your life’s direction and purpose is the culmination of various activities that allow you to express your intelligence and creativity. That allow you to live in accordance with your own core values, and to experience the profound joy of simply being yourself.

Unlike traditional work, your life’s work demands nothing from you but your intent and passion for that work. Interestingly,  nobody is born with a complete understanding of the range of their life purpose.

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It may be that you have drifted through your life, and now feel you are directionless. Discovering what your life’s work might be can help you to realise your true potential and live a more authentic, happy and driven life.

But I hear you asking ‘How do you make this discovery?’  Think about what interests you now, in the present. Also think about the passions you remember that moved you in the past.

May be you were attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life, only to have been steered away from your aspirations as you matured.  Maybe you are secretly harbouring a secret passion and would love to explore it.

Think about what is calling to you.  There may be several things, write them down and then narrow your list down to the one that is calling the loudest.

If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do that.  If you want to change the world, consider where you would start and whether you have the skills and talents to undertake philanthropic work.  What do you have to do to gain or hone the skills you will need to fulfil your dream?

Proudly write down all of your strengths, passions, beliefs and values to help you refine your search for purpose.  Additionally, look for the signs pointing you in the right direction, but be sure to pay attention by opening your mind to all possibilities and really noticing the signs.

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You will probably need to redefine your direction several times throughout your lifetime.  For instance, being an amazing parent could be your life’s work for 18 years or so, then perhaps you may find you want different work to do.

Your life’s work may not be something you are recognised or paid for, such as parenting, a hobby, or a variety of other activities typically considered by others to be inconsequential. Your love for your life’s work, however, gives it enormous meaning. You’ll know you have discovered your life’s work when you wake up and are eager to face each day and you feel really good about, not only what you do, but also who you are!

If you need help with any of the above, contact me.  

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you.

 

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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