self worth

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Learn to say “NO” – listen to your innate wisdom

How do you respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate? Do you find yourself saying yes, even though your authentic self  wants to say no?

Here are some of my ideas, based on the Three Principles, you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.

The question has just been posed. “Will you please do xyz?”    Pause.

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Was your immediate thought that you ought to say yes?  How did that feel?  Did it make you feel nervous, angry, stressed, etc.?

Stop.  Take a deep breath.  What is your intuition or innate wisdom saying to you?  Probably it is saying no.

Saying “no” is hard for many of us.  Guilt often comes into play.  Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognise it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it.

You’ve made the decision, based on your intuition or innate wisdom, to honestly say “NO”.

Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly…in the mirror.  Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?

Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

After you say “NO”, if you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.

Be prepared for this!  Know your boundaries – what ARE you willing to do?

If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns.

Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further.

You don’t have to justify your response. But if you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

tips

Tips on how to say and not say your “NO!”

  • The “Wet lettuce NO”

Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp.

  • The “Mr Angry NO”

This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. Here are a couple of examples:

“NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you?”

“NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work”

  • The assertive NO

This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite, voice say:

“No. I will not be able/don’t want to do that for you”

Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.

“No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time”

  • Use effective body language

When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall. Use a firm tone in your voice.

Remember, if your nerve is wavering, you are perfectly okay to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?”

Don’t be pressurised into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts, connect with your innate wisdom. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Practice makes perfect as they say!

Start to say NO more often when you feel it is right to you.

  • You will feel much more confident and proud.
  • You will find that practice makes perfect – the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
  • Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
  • You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
  • You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
  • The list goes on from there…

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ There is no end or limitation, nor are there boundaries, to the human mind.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Refocusing after setbacks

How many times have you thought you were getting through a life trauma, or you are in the aftermath, and then you hit a setback and it seems that you went back to the way you were? I know I have.

Don’t worry, you are not the only one!  Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life. It really doesn’t feel like that at the time.

There are two ways of facing difficulties. You can either change or alter the difficulty, or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and you will enhance your confidence, deal with them incorrectly and you can do some serious damage to your feelings of self worth.

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When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.  There is an unwritten rule that says:

‘Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!’

So, if after a setback you ask yourself something like “Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?” That little voice inside your head will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback that will help me the next time?”

Your little voice inside your head will be silenced and you will kick into solution mode.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

  • Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?
  • What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?
  • What is good about this situation? There is always something good in any situation, you just have to find it.
  • How can I make the most of this situation?
  • What can I/did I learn from it?
  • What are the facts about this problem?
  • How can I make it a successful outcome?

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Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out. View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem.

Think about those negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think on a regular basis after a setback.  The ones that little voice keeps nagging you about.

What new empowering questions could you ask yourself to give yourself some better answers?

Write them down now and make them become a habit.

If this is something that interests you and is something you would like to experience by working with me, get in touch today.  I will be delighted to chat to you about how I will support you through the changes you want to make.  I will deliver the goods and help you get the results you want.  It’s time to really invest in yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Confidence Secret Agent 008!

Are you ready to have some fun?  Are you ready to go beyond enemy lines in the line of duty for queen and country?

Ok, ok I know I’m getting carried away – how about completing another confidence building exercise instead?!

Success leaves clues wherever it goes…

In order to get the desired confidence levels that you are after it pays to be a copycat!

Another word for this is modelling.

By observing and modelling successful behaviour, in this case people with high levels of confidence, you can pick up little golden nuggets of tips, techniques and the strategies that they use.

By observing how they walk, talk and act you too can take what they do, put it into your own life and get the same results.

Don’t believe me?

Try this exercise out over the next couple of days and see how you feel!

Your mission…if you choose to accept it…….

Over the next 3 days I want you to observe other people – pretend that you are undercover! However, no newspapers with two eye-holes cut out are allowed!

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I want you to observe all types of people –

  • confident people,
  • shy people,
  • outgoing people,
  • people talking,
  • people being quiet,
  • how people interact with each other.
  • Observe people who know one another,
  • people who are strangers,
  • Look closely at what they say and do.
  • How are they moving their body?
  • What do they do with their head?
  • How do they speak?
  • How do others react to them?
  • Would you like to talk to this person?
  • Are they smiling and laughing?
  • Would you like to be this person?

Write down 5 behaviours or things that you have observed over the past 3 days that make you say :

“I want to be like that!”

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For your next mission, if you should choose to accept it…….

For the following 2 days, I want you to take just 1 of the 5 behaviours/things that you have written down and I want you to act that way for the duration of those 2 days.

Pretend that you have been given an assignment (because you have!) to just act like that for 2 days.

That’s it, no longer, no less.

Pretend it’s a game.

After the 2 days you will soon discover the magic of modelling behaviours.

Then you’ll move onto the next behaviour and the next and the..

If this is something that interests you and is something you would like to experience by working with me, get in touch today.  I will be delighted to chat to you about how I will support you through the changes you want to make.  I will deliver the goods and help you get the results you want.  It’s time to really invest in yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Are you holding on to things you ‘should’ do?

A lot of people carry around with them a whole load of “baggage” or “clutter” in their minds. When I say this I mean that they are still holding onto things that they say they ‘should’ do, but  they really don’t want or need to – the person who they had a row with, but neither is now speaking to the other – but both want to.  The ‘coulds’ and ‘shoulds’ in your life that hold you back – you want to let go, but you don’t.

This is very common and you are definitely not alone, I have done it myself.

Are you carrying around with you a lot of emotional baggage that you could be doing without? If you were to lose that emotional weight you could be focusing on something more productive instead.

Does this resonate with you?  If you are carrying around a lot of emotional baggage, I bet it has a negative influence on your confidence and self esteem.

Take a look at your life and begin to get rid of this baggage by asking yourself some questions and by completing the following exercise.  In effect, what you are doing is making certain tasks “complete”, drawing a line under them and moving on.  You are decluttering your mind too.  The less cluttered your mind, the clearer you will be able to think.

This is one of the most important things to do I have discovered whilst working with the Three Principles – Mind, Consciousness and Thought. A new paradigm that is changing the face of coaching. They produce clearer thinking, better performance and bigger results.

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Take as long or as short a time as you like to answer these questions and finish the exercise. By writing your answers down they become more real.

Get to it and watch your confidence soar!

  • Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at home
  • Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with at work
  • Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with in any other areas of your life

Make an action plan to get rid of or communicate to others the things that you have been putting up with. Take action!

  • Make a list of things that are unresolved/unfinished in your life.

Make an action plan to reduce this number! Take action!

  • Do you need to clear the air with anyone? If so, just do it! Life is too short!
  • Did you ever say that you were going to call someone or keep in touch with someone yet have done nothing about it? If yes, call them or send a card or an email to them today

Let go of as many coulds, woulds, shoulds, maybes, oughts as you can. Take action!

By completing these exercises you will be able to focus more on the here and the now. You will now be able to let go of some of the things that have been taking up your valuable attention – those things that not only knock your self esteem but take up valuable thinking time.

tips

If the Three Principles are something that interests you and is something you would like to experience by working with me, get in touch today.  I will be delighted to chat to you about how I will support you through the changes you want to make.  I will deliver the goods and help you get the results you want.  It’s time to really invest in yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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It’s all about you!

I don’t know about you, but this is one of my favourite times.  A time when I take stock of the last year and where that got me and when I start to look at the year ahead and get excited about everything that I’m doing and aiming for in this year.

I’ve noticed that I’m not alone in this.  Lots of people that I’ve spoken to in the past couple of weeks have been experiencing a mix of the dynamic “Right! the New Year is coming and I’m going to do something different that’s going to make my life so much better!” and the well-known “Oh, but I’m too (insert the applicable response) ……..tired, broke, cold, miserable” excuse for inactivity.  Do you recognise that in yourself or anybody around you?

Well, we’re going to look at how you can beat the autumn/winter blues simply by making it all about you.  So I suggest that if there is somebody close to you that’s walking around feeling miserable… send this to them quickly!  For those that have already beaten the blues and are charging ahead with making their plans for Christmas and the New Year – well done!  You can also use these tips to add more energy to your resolve.

With the many different roles that we undertake in our lives these days, we can so easily get caught up in playing each one and everything it entails that, for a time, we lose ourselves in the mix.  It can feel like we’re doing everything for other people and nothing for ourselves.  What we do on a daily basis can stop being about choice and start being purely about obligation.  This can be particularly highlighted over the festive season when we drag ourselves up to go to yet another gathering when deep down we’d really like to stay in bed for a lay-in and really wish we’d never agreed to go in the first place!  No wonder so many people feel burnt out by the time they reach the New Year.

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Well once the New Year is here you will find that some of the demands have lessened, and it’s a great time to step back and bring the focus back to you.  Not only is it the simplest way of beating autumn/winter blues, it’s a great way to give an extra energy boost to your  plans and get the New Year off to the best start.

So be really honest with yourself, how good are you at focusing on you? How often do you put yourself before anything or anybody else?

For many of us, as we continue to juggle our commitments, obligations and other people’s needs, it’s not often enough.  Perhaps we feel that it’s selfish to focus on ourselves when there are so many other people and jobs demanding our attention.  But are we getting it wrong?  Think about it for a moment.  How differently would you feel if you put yourself first more often?  If you were to do more of what you wanted to do?  Would you feel more tired, stressed, time-poor, lacklustre?  Or would you feel quite the opposite?

Our energy levels are directly related to how we feel.  If we do little for ourselves we feel fed up, over-stretched, put upon and we tend to have low energy levels.  With low energy levels we feel less inclined to do the things we know we need to do, let alone anything else on top.  We also work more slowly and so become time-poor. Whereas if we consciously put ourselves first and look after our own needs and wants, we feel happier, more fulfilled, lighter and our energy levels soar.  When we have more energy we’re more productive so we get more done in the same or less time, making it possible to fulfil our commitments as well as looking after ourselves.

Sometimes we get so caught up with the roles we undertake, the commitments we have and the people around us, that we forget that we have a choice.  Try choosing one thing just for you, do it and see how different you feel.  See also the amazing knock-on effect that has.

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Top 5 Tips for Putting Yourself First

  1.  Don’t say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’!  How often do you do this? How does it feel?  Not good?  When you’re asked to do something, give it some thought and give an answer that’s true to you.  You will feel so much better when you say yes only  when you mean it.
  2. Do something different.  If you feel tired or over-committed, the chances are you didn’t choose to feel that way.  By consciously breaking your routine (even if it’s only for one day) and doing something out of the ordinary, you have taken back your right  to choose.  Choose something that will give you a buzz and see what a difference it makes.
  3. Know what gives you energy.  Make yourself a list of all the things that put a big smile on your face and make you feel great.  Things that are focused on and all about you.  Then when you need a boost you have a ready-made list of pick-me-ups to choose from.
  4. Set aside time for you, and only you, regularly.   Whether it’s signing up to a series of classes, doing an activity you really enjoy or simply setting aside a couple of hours at a time to do exactly as you please, that may include doing absolutely nothing.  You don’t have to do it alone, just make sure that whatever it is, you are doing it for you.  Put it in the diary and stick to it!
  5. Have a plan.  If you know what you’re aiming for and you have a plan for how you’re going to get there… you will have all the motivation you need to drive you forward with the focus firmly on you.  Imagine the energy that will create!

If you are not sure where to begin get in touch with me today and we can have a chat about how I will support you through the changes you want to make.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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How do you see yourself?

How you see yourself probably begins with you assessing yourself against a combination of the qualities and attributes of many people that you most admire.  Your ‘self-ideal’ is a description of the person you would very much like to be if you could embody the qualities that you most aspire to.

It is interesting that with most people, everything they do on a day-to-day basis is affected by them comparing their activities with their view of their ideal qualities and then striving to behave consistently with them.

I have noticed that successful people are very clear about being excellent in every part of their lives, whilst unsuccessful people generally have fuzzy ideals.

When you set higher and more challenging goals, your self-ideal will change.  When you set goals for the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live, your self-ideal rises and becomes a greater guiding and motivating force in your life.

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Improvements in your self-ideal begin in your imagination where you are safe, there are no limits with the exception of the ones that you accept.

Think about the following:

  • What is your vision of the very best person you want to be?
  • How would you behave each day if you were already that person?  Make a picture in your mind of how you look and stand, how you appear to other people? What do you hear? What do you see? What are you wearing? What is around you? Who is around you? Make the picture as bright and colourful as you can.  Add sounds, smells, colours, textures.

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

Firstly, dream big dreams. Set big, exciting, challenging goals or targets for yourself.  Allow yourself to imagine your wonderful life ahead.

Secondly, think about how you will act when you are living your wonderful life.  Begin acting like you have achieved this goal.  You’ll immediately notice a difference in your behaviour, you will notice a change in your body language. Others will notice too. We become what we think.

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If you are not sure where to begin get in touch with me today and we can have a chat about how I can help you.

 

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

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Removing stress with coaching

Having too much stress in your life, will make you anxious, irritable and unproductive.  It will affect your relationship with yourself, your performance at work, your long term physical and emotional health and your quality of your life.

Coaching will enable you to overcome stress quickly and easily, leaving you physically more relaxed, mentally calmer, altogether more confident and most importantly, free of stress. Ultimately you will start living the life you desire.

Why is it that all we seem to hear about these days is stress?  Why does it seem to pervade everything we do?  Well the simple answer is that as a result of ever-increasing expectations and competition more and more people are spending increasing amounts of time utilising their body’s natural stress response.

This instinctive response releases stress hormones directly into the bloodstream. These hormones cause instant mental, emotional and physiological changes – extra awareness, endurance and strength.  So if we were in a dangerous situation, this would help us to survive.

Because stress hormones get us fired-up, rather like sprinters crouched and waiting for the starting-gun, and because most stressed people don’t get the release of the race itself,  the stress hormones just keep on working.

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As a result, we permanently have to endure these feelings of immediate danger and physiological, mental and emotional readiness, never able to relax and never able to feel at ease. Does this sound familiar?

Stress has a dramatic impact on the quality of our lives. It can cause a wide range of emotional problems including issues with anger, anxiety, addiction, panic and obsessive thoughts.  It can also affect our physiology such that we suffer from insomnia and the inability of our immune system to work effectively.

Perhaps your stress is caused by going through or the aftermath of divorce or a life trauma.  Stress can also be caused by health worries – real or perceived, by financial worries, through a whole raft of worries, through being alone or never being alone.

Do you feel overwhelmed by having too many things to do?  Have you noticed that you wake up early or in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep because your mind is racing?  Have you been feeling more irritable about minor things at work or at home?   If so, it sounds like there’s too much stress in your life.

You are not alone. But why not give it up?  Why not reclaim your life and start living the life you deserve to enable you to overcome your stress rapidly, leaving you physically more relaxed, mentally calmer and much more confident.

dosomethingtoday

One of the tools you will learn to adopt through coaching is to stop getting caught in the avalanche of information – much of it negative – that assaults you throughout the day and adds to your worries and therefore the stress levels.  Go on a news fast for a day, or a week.  Moderate your TV and Internet time.

Coaching tackles life stresses in a more courageous way than many stress management techniques, because it invites you to take an honest look at the fundamental cause of your stress – namely – your life.

Unlock your future by building the new foundations of your life now.  Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING
maggieheart
Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Improve your body language, improve your confidence!

The way that you move your body, and how you walk has an enormous effect on the way that you feel and affects your confidence levels.

Lets start with an exercise.

Imagine there are two people standing in front of you – one with “negative body language” and one with “positive body language”.

??????????????????????                                                            teenage depression - teen woman sitting thinking

I’d now like you to write down what you are observing with each of these people:

Positive                                                                                                                                        Negative

  • How are they standing?
  • Where are their eyes looking?
  • What position are they holding their head?
  • How are they talking?
  • How are they moving?

How you feel at any moment in time is linked to what is going on in your mind and how you are moving your body. The way that you move sends subconscious messages to your mind and this either helps or hinders the way that you feel.

Emotion is created by motion. If you sit still for a long period of time your natural energy levels automatically get lower. And what happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat?  Yes, you have more energy and you’re given a boost.

I can’t stress how important it is to move and act confidently and positively. You will give off all the right vibes to everyone around you and it will make them think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside. Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as though you are.

So, how do you do this?

  • Walk swiftly and with a purpose. Don’t saunter along, walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get there you mean business!
  • Gesture with your hands as you talk, it will create motion and you know what that leads to – EMOTION! The right gestures also have a major impact on building rapport as long as you’re not shaking your fist!
  • All it takes is a smile!  Think for a moment about your confidence role model. One thing that he/she and confident people in general have in common is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts. It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile.

Start smiling more often. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time. But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

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Remember that confident people are happy people and negative people are not. Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus!

You know, the way that we communicate in our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze and expression can be such a powerful tool in the way that we feel and when communicating with others. The manner in which you communicate and your interpersonal skills are also very important indeed. Effective communication is vital if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing.

The way in which we communicate with people is broken down into component parts, and it is popularly believed that people to whom we are speaking understand what we say by interpreting these different elements in varying proportions:

VERBAL – 7% of our message is interpreted from the words we use.

VOCAL – 38% is picked up from our voice – speed, tone , pitch, rhythm etc

VISUAL – 55% is what the other person sees – our body language

Please bear the above in mind when you are communicating to people.

If you are ever feeling down, just have a look at your body language and change it immediately. Even if it has to be false – YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

First impressions count – notice body language. You can normally tell what others are feeling by the way that they are moving and using their body too. You can use this to your advantage when you are more aware of it.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING
maggieheart
Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Your assertive rights

In your continuing journey of rebuilding your confidence as the real you, it is essential that you implement your assertive rights so that your life is as happy as it can be.  Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive or rude.  Your assertive rights are there to help you to stand up for yourself and continue to build your confidence in yourself.

I have included your assertive rights below and I would like you to read them and be aware that you do have the right to implement them, no matter what other people think.

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ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

  1. I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.
  2. I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses to justify my behaviour.
  3. I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
  4. I have the right to change my mind.
  5. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
  6. I have the right to say “I don’t know”.
  7. I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
  8. I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
  9. I have the right to say “I don’t understand”.
  10. I have the right to say “I don’t care”.
  11. I have the right to say “No”.

Please read and absorb these assertive rights and then begin to implement them in your daily life.  Don’t think that other people won’t notice, they will and they will probably be surprised.  So what?

Let them get over it and continue to assert your rights on a daily basis.  It will increase your confidence and reduce the risk of you being treated as a doormat. Your life will improve and you will boost your confidence by implementing your assertive rights on a regular basis.

Not sure where to begin with asserting yourself? Get in touch today to find out how my inspirational coaching can transform first you – and then your life.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
maggieheart
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
 
 
Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 
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Dealing with emotional and psychological abuse

I discovered that emotional abuse came from several directions.  It came from my first husband who, for years, told me that I was not clever, no use at ironing his shirts, not like his mother, not good enough to be part of his family….. and so on, and on he went.

It also came from my parents who encouraged me to stay with my first husband even though I was plainly unhappy and the marriage wasn’t working. I was told that I was far too young to know my own mind and that divorce was out of the question.

My parents-in-law agreed with my husband that I wasn’t good enough for their family and therefore I should learn how to be a good wife and do everything that I was told to do by my husband.

I dealt with this in the only way that I knew how at the time. I kept my head down, did as I was told and just plodded on through life.  I was unhappy and I couldn’t see any end to the misery that I was enduring.

 

I did, however, find a way out in the end. I was more and more unhappy, the marriage was just not working. My husband was diagnosed as being schizophrenic but he would not accept this.  He refused to be treated in any way and accused me of being the instigator of his supposed illness.  He was unreasonable and unpredictable and became obsessed with the idea that I was having an affair and would tell me that because I had taken five minutes longer to do the shopping than he expected I must have been meeting a man.  This was plainly ridiculous as I had three small children and the shopping to carry. I had neither the time, the energy or the inclination to do so.

This emotional and psychological abuse went on for 10 years.  In the end something clicked in my head and I couldn’t take it any longer.  I realised that this was not normal.  I had assumed that every marriage was like this.  I was wrong.

tiredwoman

I plucked up the courage to consult a solicitor who, after hearing my story, agreed that this was not normal and that I had grounds for a divorce.  I filed for divorce and it took nearly 2 years to go through as it was contested.  We all lived in the same house, but separately for that time.  After 2 years I was granted divorce and I took the children and left.  I received enough money to buy a small flat where we could live in another town twenty miles away.  A new start, in a new town, with a new flat and no emotional abuse day after day.

The feeling of relief was immense, though it took some months before stopped being overwhelmed by it all.

I am now a much different person and I won’t tolerate emotional abuse from anyone, not from my children, my parents, friends – whoever.  My husband now of 31 years would never emotionally abuse anyone and I am so very happy now.

Looking back I do realise that I allowed this to happen to me.  At the time I didn’t realise it, but now I understand. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

20 ways to increase your confidence after divorce

So to deal with emotional abuse can be difficult and it can become impossible. If it becomes impossible for you then you have to choose whether you deserve better or not – I think you do.

So what can you do to get out of this place where you are emotionally abused?

  • Get some help from a qualified coach or therapist – make sure it is someone who understands what you   are experiencing and can relate to what you are telling them so you can begin your healing process.
    •Look online for some blogs that refer to what you are going through. Read them, make comments on them.  Open up a dialogue to help you get some answers.
    •Buy a self-help book and take some action to change the way you think about yourself.
    •Make the decision to not be emotionally abused any longer.

Get in touch today to find out how my inspirational coaching can transform first you – and then your life

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website