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Travelling alone and enjoying it ! – Guest Blog by Gwen Perret

Maggie wrote me a guest blog a month ago titled « After Divorce, Travel ! », and that got me thinking. Of course, I am convinced of all the good things that comes out of traveling, especially in times when we need to reconstruct ourselves. But as a female travel lover and travel PA, I am concerned about the issues of women traveling alone : safety, boredom, social acceptance…

 Yes, I believe that traveling is essential on a self-reconstruction journey, but only if all conditions are put together to make the traveller feels safe. Feeling safe as a woman solo traveller, or as women traveling together in a group, means feeling free and safe wherever you go, whether it is physical integrity or not feeling judged or looked at, totally out of place.

 Of course, you always have the travel with singles option, which can be fun of you are ready to meet someone new in your life, outgoing… But what if you are just not in the dating mood, or just not that kind of person ? What if you just want to enjoy a place you have never been too and want to enjoy your new “you” just being by yourself ?

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 Well, that is possible. Good news, huh ? All you have to do is make sure, before you go, to pay attention to the following details.

 1)     Choose your destination carefully. Go somewhere you have always wanted to go but never could. This needs to be YOUR choice. It might not be everyone’s choice, but who cares ? When I was younger I spent a year abroad in Alaska, I was not 18 yet, and most people thought I had lost my mind. Who, on earth, would leave a great school, successful studies, a family and everything to go abroad for a year ? And moreover to Alaska ? Well I did. I have always loved far away, unknown places. And I am so glad I made it, no matter how discouraging people were before I left. So open Google Maps and choose.

2)     Choose your place of stay carefully. Now of course I would not recommend that you go spend a week in Gao, Mali right now. That might have to wait. But there are lots of places you can go safely. And then you can choose a nice district or town. You should know that some networks are specializing for solo travellers. Whether you prefer a hotel or a B and B, spend time in getting to know the area and the owners. Most of the B and B owners are passionate people and will help you with everything you need to know. Some of them even have special weeks for solo travellers, everything being planned to them to feel very comfortable.

3)     Choose your activities and options. Make sure you do not end up in a crowded restaurant for Valentine’s Day, or in the middle of young couples diving during their honeymoon. You know what I mean. Being the only single one, moreover the only recently divorced one can be a devastating experience. Here again, some networks will organize activities for solo travellers that have nothing to do with dating activities.

4)     Do not be shy. The earth is full of people who want to share experiences, even if it is just a few words on the weather, the landscape, the wine… Enjoy those moments sharing time with locals or other tourists. And if you are afraid of being alone, bring company ! Why not organize an all solo tour ? Whether it is an all divorced women, or mixing men and women… As long as you base it on a shared passion, for an activity, a product or a region, you will enjoy the company, be in the same state of mind…

5)     Make sure you give a full detailed planning to someone you trust at home : a family member, a good friend… Someone who will be to check on you on a settled basis, one a day, once every other day… You decide. A daily text or email is always a good solution to make people feel safe.

6)     Let it go and HAVE FUN !

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 Yes, let it go and have fun, because at the end that is all it is about. When you will be planning your trip carefully, at some point you will have to just trust yourself and enjoy. Open your eyes, your ears, talk to people, discover, get out of your comfort zone. The world is yours, take advantage of it.

 I know that planning a whole trip can be quite something for people while they also have to deal with their daily life. If you need help planning a bespoke trip, whether it is just for you or for a group, if you need someone to make sure you will be safe and who can check on you everyday, if you need someone to rely on in case of emergency while you travel, if you want a private woman travel guide with great ideas… I am here, that is my job, and I will be delighted to help with planning your vacation.

Gwendolin Perrett

Personal travel and event advisor at SensationElle

Our guest blogger, Gwen, taught for 4 years after graduating from anthropology. Then decided it was time to do what she really loved; travel. She recently became a Personal Travel Agent, mostly selling France and Europe to foreigners, but she also works on other destinations. She specializes in bespoke travel and events, making sure that her clients get the best experiences with no worries. This new job allows her to travel as much as she wants with her hubby and doggy and still be available for her privileged clients. Her office fits in a hand luggage : a Mac book, an iPhone, her notebook and a pen, and a few SensationnElle gift cards ready to be sent! Get in touch if you would like to know more information!

If you would like to contact Gwen her contact details are below:

www.sensationnelle.net

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate…..it is a lack of self belief

I know how it feels to have feelings of inadequacy.  I feared that I wasn’t good enough, that others didn’t think I was good enough either.  I doubted by abilities and whether I actually knew anything at all.  Those feelings made my body feel heavy and sluggish, they made my brain all fuggy and hard to get going.  I felt totally unmotivated and really had to force myself to keep appointments and to do all the usual everyday things like looking after myself properly. I didn’t want to prepare any meals and therefore wasn’t eating properly. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate… it is really that we have little self belief. 

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The lack of self belief is something that had become a habit because I was always told that I was average when I was growing up and that I would never amount to anything.  And having been told that so many times, I believed it.  I believed it for many, many years until I started reading about self-development and coaching.  Something clicked for me,  and I decided that I probably do more than I originally thought.

I began to take courses in coaching, corporate coaching, NLP, confidence coaching and I discovered that not only did I love this work, I was good at it. No – I was very good at it indeed. And I loved every minute of it and still do. I am passionate about helping other people to develop as themselves and to boost their confidence and self belief.

Now I thought that after achieving all those diplomas, and all the many hours and days of hard work I had done to achieve them, I would get rid of those feelings of being inadequacy. But I was wrong. They all came back again and it was like reliving the same old behaviour patterns again.  What could I do?

I trained in emotion based coaching as an addition to my already extensive qualifications and I learned to look at my old unexpressed feelings which were affecting my life and learned to acknowledge them, deal with them and this allowed me to live my life as me in a much more confident way.  Working on myself I again had those feelings of inadequacy, but this time found the solutions to make those nasty feelings go away. I made a list of all the things that I do creatively and a list of my innovativity. That took some thinking about but I did it, and it really worked.  I am feeling so much more confident now in myself and who I am and what I have to offer to myself, my husband, my friends-in-deed and of course my clients.

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Getting good responses from the people I coach whilst they are getting great results makes such a difference to my confidence levels. I know that I am a brilliant coach with a lot to offer my clients and I know that I do a grand job with them.

I take each day as it comes and I boost my confidence by reading my lists of creativity and innovativity, watch the results of my clients and support people in the coaching community and know that I am confident in my abilities and in me. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate…..it is a lack of self belief.  It is very common for people going through divorce to lose their self-belief and that is where I can help.

 I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

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Unqualified vs Qualified Coaches

There are thousands of ‘coaches’ out there who have never been trained to coach, have never been coached themselves and have absolutely no idea where to begin or indeed where to end.

Equally, there are a similar number of ‘coaches’ out there who are qualified and have never been coached themselves and also have absolutely no idea what they are doing.

I can only speak from my own experience, and I have found that learning how to be a coach is very much different from being a coach. And being a coach means drawing on all learnings and experiences accumulated throughout my life.

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How so you may well ask.  Well I have trained with five different coach training providers since 2004 and all have their own ways of interpreting coaching.

For instance, one said that once I had passed their diploma course I was a trained life coach.  That may well have been true, but the course itself gave very little insight into the myriad of different strategies that can, and are, used in coaching.  On passing the course I was now a qualified life coach.

Another taught me all I needed to know to become corporate coach, but again left me short of knowledge and experience when it came to working with organisations that varied in the ways they operated. On passing their course I was now a qualified corporate coach.

I have learned over the years that my life experiences count just as much as all the coach training.  Listening to my clients and knowing when to ask the right question came from practise.  It is nothing that can be learned from a course or a book, it comes with experience of working with so many different people.

I love being a coach, it doesn’t feel like a job to me.  I find it so rewarding when I see the ‘penny drop’ and my clients get it, take action and change their lives for the better. It is something that I just love getting out of bed for every morning.

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All the training I have undertaken has had its uses, and I always learned something new and worthwhile, and I can honestly say that I am highly qualified and experienced as a coach. 

I enjoy being coached, and in fact work with several coaches where we all coach each other, supervise, teach and learn.  It works very well as each has something different to bring to the table.  The fact that we are spread out over the world in the UK, USA and Australia causes a few time zone headaches, but we usually work it all out between us, and Skype is a fabulous tool.

So who wins in the Unqualified Coach vs Qualified Coach competition? I don’t think there is a definitive answer.  It all depends on the coach and the outcome you want.  If the outcome you get is satisfactory to you, then I am not sure it really matters.  I know there will be lots of you who will disagree, and I would love to hear from you.

My speciality is coaching professional business women who are going through, or have been through, divorce, life trauma, redundancy etc.  The type of woman who has to look perfect on the outside to give her presentation to the board, but who is falling to bits on the inside, and the cracks are beginning to show.  The fantastically successful outcomes my clients have had are just wonderful.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Do you need to change your surname after divorce?

There are a million reasons why it is advisable to stick with your married name after divorce.  There are also a million reasons why you could change your surname after divorce.

If you have children, it can make it easier when dealing with schools to keep the same surname as the children have.  Although, in this day and age, it is very common for children to have different surnames from their parents.  For instance, when two families merge there will be Mr & Mrs X and their 6 children.  3 of the children have come from Mrs X’s previous marriage, and 3 of the children have come from Mr X’s previous marriage.  So there will be Mr & Mrs X with children X and children Y.

It can cause some hassle with paperwork, but other than that, it is not a problem.

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When there are no children involved, it may be that you may want to change your surname.  You can choose to revert to your maiden name, if you like that name, or you can choose another surname entirely.  Changing your name can be done relatively easily via deed poll.  You will have to provide several forms of documentation to prove you are who you say you are, and that you not going to commit fraud. But once that is done, and the fee paid of course, you can go ahead.  You can find out more information from their website.

You could completely reinvent yourself if you chose to. Pick a name that you have always loved and that you think will suit you.  If you are not sure, then try a few out for size.  Write down the names you think of, say them out loud, see if they fit.  If they don’t then think of some more until you find one you really like.

There will be banks, credit cards etc., to inform, but once that is all done you can live happily with your new name.

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Some people want to revert to their maiden name, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that either.  It is a matter of personal choice.

There are, of course those, who didn’t change their surname when they got married, and therefore nothing needs to change now, unless they want it to…………….

Whatever decision you make, be sure it is the right one for you.  Don’t allow other people to influence you either way.  It is your life, your name and it is you who has to live with it.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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My radio interview with Susan Rich on W4WN Radio

Yesterday I had the privilege of being interviewed by Susan Rich on her radio programme.  She and Annemarie Scheutz chatted with me for half an hour or so about my work and wanted to learn more about how divorce coaching works.

It's December!

Click here to listen to the programme.

I had such a good time and was made to feel so welcome.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Can Divorcees and Singles Survive Valentine’s Day?

Going through divorce often leaves you feeling that you have nobody to rely on, other than yourself. So take advantage of you and really look after yourself on this day. Turn the focus of your attention to you. Buy yourself something special, something you will really love and appreciate. It maybe something that you wouldn’t usually think of buying for yourself, but on this occasion it feels right to do it. Here are some more suggestions for you to feel special on this loving day:

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  • treat yourself to a day being pampered at the spa.

  • treat yourself to a special meal and enjoy it in the comfort of your own home. You don’t have to cook it yourself, unless you really want to, you can order it by phone and have it delivered to your door.  Use your favourite crockery, buy a bottle of wine and enjoy your chosen feast.

  • watch your favourite film or read a good book.

  • How about you and some of your best friends getting together to watch a few of the worst romantic comedy films you can find.  Have a fun evening with people you love to be with and who love to be with you.

  • Make some new resolutions, as most New Year resolutions are fading now.  Make a Valentine’s Day resolution to love yourself.  Resolve to take some evening classes or to go on that trip you have been promising yourself.  Resolve to try new restaurants or to try new recipes.  Make a resolution that you will make a start towards the dreams you know you want to achieve.

  • If you have children why not make the day special for them as well as you.  Buy some little gifts – chocolates, stuffed toys, model cars etc. – and make a present hunt game with clues, and they can fun trying to find the gifts and you will have fun watching them.

  • Organise a trip to the zoo or cinema with the children

Whatever it is you choose to do, whether it is on your own, with friends or with your children, make sure it is fun for you.

Do not:

  • Find a stranger to spend the evening with.  You will regret it in the morning and make it worse for yourself when the next Valentine’s Day comes around.
  • Watch tv programmes filled with loves stories.

  • Get all dressed up at work as your colleagues will jump to conclusions and make your life a misery all day.

  • Sit at home being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have someone to share this sill day with.

  • Beat yourself up for feeling miserable and lonely. Anyone who has been through, or is going through, divorce has been there and had times like these.  It is never easy. Take the time to grieve and heal.  Nobody understands divorce better than those who have been through it.

A great thing to do would be to wait until February 15th and then treat yourself to a heart-shaped box of chocolates at half price, or buy some flowers for you for half price.

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Remember, it is just one day, you have been through worse in your divorce.  It will all be over in the morning.

Plan your life around yourself and learn to really love yourself again.  This will not only be fun and interesting, but loving yourself is the basis of beginning your new life as the new, confident you.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

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My birthday

Yesterday was my birthday and I was surprised by my hubby who sent me flowers and they were delivered in the morning.  They are beautiful and of course much appreciated.


I had another surprise from my mum who is currently in hospital recuperating after falling and hurting her knee.  She is 89 years old and called me on her mobile phone to wish me a happy birthday.

I received loads of birthday wishes on Facebook and via email too.  I certainly felt very special.

Yet another surprise from my hubby was a half bottle of champagne to celebrate.  That went down very well!

I spent the day doing very little and just enjoying being.  I cooked a roast dinner and we had that in the evening with some more wine and liqueurs.

An evening watching a few episodes of The Good Wife on dvd finished off a lovely day.

Listening to my own advice and liking being me and enjoying being made for a great day.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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A grateful attitude helps in times of extreme stress

I have found that being grateful for what I do have far outweighs worrying about what I don’t have.  This philosophy works on so many levels for me and it can work for you too.

When I decided to leave my marriage of 12 years (30 years ago), I was full of worry about what I didn’t have at that time, how I would manage, how I would survive etc.  I spent so long worrying about what I didn’t have and desiring all the things that I thought I did want, that I forgot to live as me.  I forgot all about me.  And because of that I had to hit rock bottom before I realised that I could do something about my life.

At that time I didn’t know anything different.  I had never heard of self-development, nor had I heard of life coaches who could have helped me.


Now, of course, I know differently and I always put into practice my own teachings.  I am grateful every day for all that I have, the abundance in my life.  Abundance in life, such as the wonderful area I live in, the friends I have, the trust and love of my husband, the work that I do and the lovely clients who I help daily.

Had I known about how to be grateful for what I had way back then I would probably have coped a whole lot better.  I may not have hit rock bottom, I may have lived my life differently.  I shall never know now, but it doesn’t matter.  I am living the life that I love, working with people every day who benefit from my learning and teaching. I am determined that nobody should have to reach the depths that I did before they change their lives for the better.

Today I am grateful for the smallest things as well as the huge things.  I am grateful for the sunshine today, for the little flowers popping their heads over the window box, the little birds singing, the sea, the green fields and so much more.



If you are going through a life trauma, it may help you to think about all the things you can be grateful for.  The little tiny things that come in large numbers.  They may just bring a smile on a dismal day and help you get through.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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An incredible year

This year has been interesting to say the least.  It began in January with my birthday ‘tour’.  I decided that instead of having a fixed birthday party I would take my celebrations on tour.  I started here on the Island and then went to the mainland, to Portsmouth and then to Essex.  I met up with friends and relatives who maybe I wouldn’t have seen if I had kept the party here on the Island.

I had a great time and really loved seeing all those people and enjoying celebrating with them.

February brought the birth of my newest granddaughter, Tabitha.  She, of course, decided to arrive on 29th – so only one birthday every four years for her.  I went to visit her of course when she was only a few days old, and she is beautiful. She is now 10 months old, crawling and ‘chatting’.  Below is Tabitha at about 6 months.

 
March was uneventful, except for helping out a friend who is a florist delivering flowers for Mothers’ Day. The car was full of bouquets, arrangements and choccies.  Lovely gifts.
 
In April I helped out at a charity fashion show.  I helped to dress the models and ensure their quick changes were just that, quick.  I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was also invited to attend the Isle of Wight WI Annual Conference as a guest of their speaker Lucy, who I had helped with her relationship.  She thanked me publicly and it felt so good to be appreciated.
 
May brought a visit to the theatre in London to see a play called ‘Noises Off’, starring Celia Imrie. A very funny play, brilliantly done.  Loved it.
 
In June I was given tickets to the Electric Woods at Robin Hill Country Park, an evening of music and illuminations.  Brilliant.  Two more trips to London to see Blood Brothers, a stunning musical play, and War Horse – just fabulous.  The horse was a puppet, but you didn’t notice and got emotionally involved with him all the way through. I was also invited to display and sell my books at Newport Minster by a local writing group.  This was really good.
 
July was the beginning of the festival and event season.  I spent a wet weekend at Smallbrook Stadium in a caravan providing head massage for a wonderful group of bikers.  I also started an open coaching group at a healing studio in Newport and this was quite successful, although I don’t think I will repeat it.  A trip to Scotland followed to work at Rewind Festival Scotland, providing head massage to the masses.  Again it rained, but we had a good time and met some lovely people.  I was interviewed on WC4S Radio via Skype and had a great time. I also helped out at the local talent show for under 18s.  A great day too.
 
August brought a wedding in Essex, we took the caravan and stayed nearby.  Then we went to see Grease the musical at the Mayflower Theatre in Southampton. Excellent. A day spent in Cowes for Cowes Week and then off to Henley for Rewind Festival Henley.  That weekend was so hot, 93 degrees, we nearly melted.  Then it was Faux Fest at the Donkey Sanctuary.  A festival of tribute bands. It rained, and rained.  I sold raffle tickets and met some of the ‘stars’. Below is ‘Michael Jackson’.
 
 
September was very busy with coaching and mentoring, getting my car fixed after someone kindly donated a dent whilst I was parked in a supermarket car park.  
 
In October I won some tickets to see Level 42 at Portsmouth Guildhall. Great concert.  Two more trips to London to see the play Jumpy starring Tamsin Greig.  Excellent.  And then to see A chorus of Disapproval with Rob Brydon, Ashley Jensen and Nigel Harman.  Very good and very funny.  Then off to Mayflower Theatre Southampton to see Sarah Millican. I also began being the resident life coach on a radio programme called “Calder’s Confessions”, this is all about real people’s life problems and hopefully I am bringing some much needed help. October also brought the birth of my very first great-granddaughter.  
 
November brought another trip to the Mayflower Southampton to see The Mousetrap.  A very interesting play.  Typical Agatha Christie.  Then a trip to the Nuffield Theatre Southampton to see Francesca Martinez, and lovely young comedienne.  Very funny. 
 
In December I was interviewed on Power Women Radio by Deb Jones via Skype.  I had a ball. I also spent two days at a local high school conducting mock interviews for the year 11s.  Great fun drawing out their good points and giving them tips on interview techniques.
 
All through the year I have also been coaching lots of women, creating a new online course to help professional women going through divorce or getting over the aftermath.  I have undertaken a marketing course which has turned out to be fabulous and I would recommend it to anyone.  Take a look here if you would like to find out more about this amazing course.
 
 
What will 2013 bring? I know it is going to be a year of creativity, coaching, teaching, mentoring and helping lots of people to change their lives so they can live authentically and on their own terms. That is my intention for 2013.
 
I know I am really looking forward to the coming year and building on the foundations started this year.  I think it is going to be fabulous.
 

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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How do I know I am in a relationship that is bad for me?

Are you really not sure if the relationship you are in is bad for you?  Do you really think you are making a mountain our of a mole hill? 


There are many tell-tale signs of toxic relationships, but I am going to mention just some of them.  

I know that when I was allowing myself to stay in a toxic relationship that my self-esteem was non-existent; and one of the tell-tales that it really was as bad as I thought it might be was he told me that I was useless, nothing like as good as his mother and I would never be able to have a life of my own.

Here are a few of the tell-tale signs:


You are not allowed, or discouraged, to see any of your friends. So you turn down all invitations because it really doesn’t seem worth the hassle and ear bashing that will result later on. And so you lose your friends.

When you do manage to go out with any remaining friends, your partner phones your friend to make sure you are there after about an hour and makes you feel awkward.

Your partner decides you won’t wear make up because they don’t like it.

You feel like you’re always treading on eggshells around them.

You find them listening to all your conversations on the phone just in case you say something they don’t like.

Your partner moans and complains when things don’t go according to their plan; this can range from a child being ill to you not being dressed as they think you should be.

Your partner criticises your family whilst expecting you to love theirs.

Your partner puts you down not only at home but in front of other people when you are out together.

Your partner is really pleased with themselves when they have carried the washing basket into the kitchen – “look what I’ve done FOR YOU.”  They never do the washing though, that is your job.

You have begun to lose your sense of self and your self-esteem is non-existent.


Does of any of this sound familiar? Then you are in a toxic relationship, one that is bad for you. You can choose to remain in it as it is, or you can do something to change it.  You don’t have to continue living a life where your confidence and self-esteem are routinely undermined.  

You can choose to leave the relationship, or you can choose to change it.  Either way, you will have to change something about yourself. That takes courage and begins with the first step.  Seeking help. I am the help that you need. Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie

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