June 3, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Your wedding day – do you have to conform?

I have spent many years helping my hubby out at weddings and wedding fairs. He is a mobile DJ and does a lot of work at weddings, besides all the usual parties for 18^th, 21^st, 50^th birthdays and of course anniversaries. I have been to hundreds of weddings over the past 10 years.

The wedding industry is huge and caters for everything you could possibly think of to help make your day the best day of your life. There is something for everyone at the wedding fairs – wedding dresses for brides, suits for the grooms and their entourage, dresses for bridesmaids, outfits for page boys, dresses for mothers of the brides. There are venues, photographers, videographers, photo booths, florists with fresh flowers, florists with silk flowers, decorations for the tables, balloons for arches, makeup artists, hairdressers, barbers, lingerie suppliers, marquees, tableware, furniture, caterers, waiting staff, bars (either dry or wet), dance floors, bands, discos, karaoke – to name but a few.

And one thing I have noticed over the years is that there is a huge amount of pressure on the brides to conform. I say the brides, although it could equally be the grooms at a same sex wedding. In general, wedding fairs are organised and aimed at the brides and the mothers of the brides. Often it is the mother of the bride who has the expectations for a wedding for her daughter.

There is pressure to have the right wedding dress, the right venue, the right wedding breakfast, the right buffet, the right music, the right wine/champagne, to invite the right people and so on.

I have attended many weddings where everything is just the same as the last one. It all happens in the same order – a bit like a conveyor belt. Bride and groom come in one end, perform all the ceremonies, appear at top table, make speeches, cut the cake, do first dance, party and then go off on honeymoon.

And the pressure is on for your wedding to be better than the last one you went to. Or better than your best friend’s or better than your mother’s best friend’s daughter’s wedding. And so on.

If what I have described is exactly what you want for your wedding, go ahead and do it. It may be your dream wedding, the one you have been yearning for since you were five years old. If that is the case, enjoy your day safe in the knowledge that it is exactly what you want. After all it is your day.

But does it have to be that way? No it doesn’t. What if you want something more relaxed, lower key, less pressured, more simple or just completely different?

Go for it!

I have attended a couple of weddings where the whole thing was relaxed. At one the bride and groom wanted to emulate a beach party. They hired a hall with a piece of land outside. The bride and groom wore ‘beach wear’ – she was in a smart, summer dress, he was in casual trousers and Hawaiin type shirt. The men on the top table had straw hats and light jackets. The rest of the guests were in smart, casual beach wear. The table decorations were simple with a circular mirror on each which had pebbles and sand on them, a little candle and that was it. The table names were all referred to something to do with the sea or the beach. The food was a hog roast outside, the bar was a trestle table stocked with cans, bottles etc., which the guests helped themselves from. They all had a great time and were relaxed.

At another reception, the bride wore a very smart, short dress and the groom wore smart trousers and a jacket. The guests were all in casual clothes, the food and bar were organised by the family and a great time was had by all.

There was no pressure to conform, no pressure to look the same or better than someone else, no pressure to provide the best food. They had a perfectly relaxed and enjoyable day.

At another wedding, the couple each had children and grandchildren, they wanted them all to be involved and invited them all to be bridesmaids, ushers, page boys and the day was loosely planned, but they went with the flow. When the little grandchildren wanted to play, they played. Once the wedding ceremony was completed, the reception carried on in a way that was good for everyone. All the formalities were completed and the rest of the time, the party went on with everyone involved.

If you want to be married in the forest by a friend, you may have to do the legal bit first in a Register Office, but you can have the ceremony you want, where you want, with whom you want without the need to compare yourself or your wedding to anyone or anybody else’s.

Why not spend the weekend at a vintage caravan site, hire a small marquee, hire some sound gear and speakers, put on the music from your ipod, get some deckchairs, a barbecue and your friends and have a party outside. Be relaxed, really enjoy the day and the company.

Invite the people to your wedding who you really want to be there. If you don’t want Great Aunt Vi to attend, then don’t invite her. If you want to have a small wedding with only a handful of guests, do just that. It is your day. No matter what sort of wedding you have, there is bound to be someone you don’t to be there and who you fear you will offend. Let them be offended. It is your day – have the day that you want.

Some people go off to another country to get married on the beach. The couple go without any guests and enjoy the ceremony on their own terms. But then they have a party when they come back and invite those they want to help them celebrate. Do that if you would like. The reception can be as large or as small as you want.

Remember it is your day. Have the wedding you want, not what somebody else wants. If you are happy on your wedding day and everything is as you have planned, you will enjoy it so much more, the memories you create will live with you forever. Be yourself, have what you want and don’t have what you don’t want forced upon you.

If any of this resonates with you, and you would like some help building your confidence and gaining the courage to stand up for what you really want, get in touch with me and we can have a free 15 minute chat.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor

Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio

Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.

Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website

May 18, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Do you have relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is very destructive, as you know. If you don’t learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, it leads into a very devastating downward spiral:

One of the first things you will notice is that you become suspicious – you begin worrying about your partner not loving you, or not caring as much as you do. Thoughts of them being unfaithful. Many more self-destructive thoughts and emotions. And of course, all of these will fuel your relationship anxiety.

In order to learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, think about what you can do:

Ask your partner for reassurance. When you find yourself becoming suspicious in your relationship, try to remember that it is probably being fueled by your anxiety. You may be able to get some relief from your relationship anxiety by asking your partner for occasional reassurance. They will be happy to give this if they are patient and understanding of your anxiety.

This kind of support may well be very helpful to you. Ask a trusted friend who is prepared to give you an honest answer if there might be some real reason for you to feel this way. But even when you get that real information, it may not help alleviate your relationship anxiety. You will have to work on that yourself. Perhaps your worry is that you feel that you are too “needy” in your relationship.

For instance, do you need constant reassurance and want your partner to regularly prove that things are really okay? This will inevitably put pressure on you and your partner and will add to the relationship anxiety.

A grateful attitude helps in times of extreme stress

I got married when I was 19 years old and discovered after about six months that I had made a terrible mistake. I was under a lot of pressure from my parents to stay in the marriage as it was not ‘the done thing’ to separate or divorce. In their opinion, I was far too young to know what I was doing. I believed them as I knew nothing different and so I tried to make the marriage work.

Inevitably the pressure of trying to make it work instead of figuring out how to get rid of anxiety in my relationship made me very unhappy and anxious indeed. I stuck at it until I couldn’t take it any longer and I made the decision to leave, take the children, and strike out on my own. That was the right decision for me, and the anxiety was lifted almost as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

If any of this is resonating with you, then you will need to find ways to cope with your anxiety and learn to rely more on yourself for feeling better – taking the pressure off your partner. This will allow you to become more self-sufficient, even in your anxiety. Give yourself permission to reassure yourself instead of turning to your partner for comfort each time you are anxious. Find ways to learn to think more positively. Try being grateful for what you have.

When you are anxious you can create all kinds of ideas in your imagination that appear so intolerable that you feel compelled to take impulsive and totally misguided actions. You will find yourself:

Jumping to conclusions
Making decisions that are destined to fail
Behaving in a totally childish manner, sulking and demanding attention.

Look for solutions that will relieve your relationship anxiety and won’t result in increasing your problems further.

When you are anxious your partner will be anxious too. It becomes a vicious circle and the anxiety is fed constantly.

Learning to trust your intuition is an important part of reducing your anxiety. So, slow down, think through anything you are considering doing and follow your intuition. Make the effort to stop listening to that nagging voice that is telling you something is wrong. It is very likely when you slow down and think rationally that you will find a much better solution for you and your relationship. In this way, you can successfully get rid of anxiety in your relationship.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor

Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio

Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.

Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website

April 21, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Looking after YOU first.

How do you respond when someone makes a request of you and it really is not something you want to do?

I suspect you try and search for an excuse, such as I am busy that day, I have to wash my hair…..and all these excuses seem very lame to you. And so you say yes, against your better judgement.

BUT, what if you could respond confidently to the request? What if you could say no without guilt?

The question has just been posed. Pause. Were you going to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no”? What possible reasons could there be for saying no?

It’s beyond your means?
It’s beyond your comfort level?
You have no interest?
You have to wash your hair?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.” Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, which would be detrimental to you and which come from a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

What would happen if you said yes? Perhaps:

You would be considered ‘one of us’
It would make your friend happy
Your visibility with other people may be improved
It would make you miserable

Would you feel comfortable with your self if you were to say yes, even though you knew it would not be in your best interests?

Saying “no” is hard for so many of us. A false sense of guilt often comes into play. Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a world view that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we know it is there lurking in the background and make decisions based upon it, even though deep down, we know it is not right for us.

So you have made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, to honestly say “NO”. Practice it in the mirror. Say it clearly and self-assuredly.….in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as if you speaking to whoever asked you the question. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently? Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

Sometimes, if you have always given in to others, guess what happens? After all that practice, getting the tone right and pretending you are talking to the person who asked you the question, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! They may try to push you to say yes, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. This is where your personal boundaries come in to play.

Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do? Revisit the questions you asked yourself before. If you are really serious about saying “NO”, then stick to your guns. Tell the person making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes and boundaries, and ask them not to ask again. If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO! In a firm, yet polite voice with a firm tone. Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet. When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall.

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, it is perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”. No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Practice makes perfect as they say! Remember you must look after yourself first. This is not selfish, it is a necessity. Practice in the mirror and soon you will:

feel much more confident and proud.
find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
The list goes on from there…

I have learned how to look after myself first and how to say no without guilt. I have learned that my boundaries are vital to my day to day living and that once people are aware of those boundaries they respect them and me. That isn’t to say that I always say no, I know when to say yes and when to say no.

So if you’re looking to finally take control of your life and make a change, why not drop me a line and we can talk it through.

To book in for a FREE 15 minute discovery call please Email me.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor

Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio

Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.

Find out more about me on my website.

April 9, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

There are many, many reasons why women and men don’t leave an abusive relationship. Often it is because they don’t realise that they are being abused. They think it is normal. I know from experience that I believed the emotional, psychological and financial abuse I suffered was normal. I thought everyone’s relationship worked in this way. It wasn’t until I literally woke up one day and thought ‘this is n’t normal’ and started really looking at other people’s relationships that I realised I was in an abusive relationship.

I went and consulted a solicitor who agreed that not only was this an abusive relationship but I had grounds for divorce. Unreasonable behaviour. And so I took my courage in both hands and filed for divorce.

What is an abusive relationship?

One where you are treated in one or more of these ways:

Manipulated – Have their will imposed on you so you do as they say without realising it

Controlled – told what to wear, what to do, where to go, where you can and can’t work, who you can and can’t speak to

Insulted – in private and/or in public

Treated as a possession

Told that everything is your fault

Deprived of money – only allowed so much a day not allowed your own income

Deprived of friends – not allowed to have friends

Only allowed a mobile phone as long as you only call the abuser and they control the bill

Psychologically mistreated – made to feel worthless

Emotionally mistreated – constantly told you are useless and nobody wants you

Physically – beaten, burned, tortured

Sexually – raped, made to perform acts you don’t want to, made to be part of a threesome

Verbally – shouted at, berated in front of other people, made to feel small and inadequate

Held prisoner/locked up

Made to have meals on the table at specific times and threatened with various consequences if they don’t appear on time.

Interestingly in 1995 a national survey showed that just under 50% of abusers are in fact female.

I believe that most of the reasons that people don’t leave abusive relationships, once they realise what it is, stem from fear.

Most of the fears are understandable, but often irrational. For instance, fear of having no money if they leave. Because women are generally at home looking after the children, they don’t have any income of their own. The fear of financial ruin builds in the mind until it becomes ‘I can’t survive if I leave’. And so they stay.

Fear of losing the children. If a man has been abused he may find it very difficult to leave with the children.

Most of the fears are understandable, but often irrational. For instance, fear of having no money if they leave. It may be they don’t have any income of their own. The fear of financial ruin builds in the mind until it becomes ‘I can’t survive if I leave’. And so they stay.

Fear of what other people might think. There is often a social stigma that labels people as failures if they dare to leave their partners. Usually nobody outside the home realises what is going on which adds to that stigma. This leads to feelings of insecurity. And so they stay.

Fear of what might happen to them at the hand of their partner if they did leave. Often people believe that their partner will come after them and kill them and/or their children. The threats are made to them over and over again, until they are ingrained in their mind. And so they stay.

People often fear that they are the reason that they are abused. That it is their fault. And if they were to change their ways their abusive partner would be different. A false supposition. And so they stay.

Of course, the abuser will tell their partner that they will change, they won’t do it again. But they do. They never change.

I know how difficult it is to leave an abusive relationship. I was verbally, emotionally and financially abused by my first husband. He would belittle me in front of the children and other people, always tell me that I knew nothing, that I was of no use and he would do anything to stop me succeeding at anything. Add to that the fact that my parents believed that I should make the marriage work because I was too young, in their opinion, to know what I was doing, and I was financially dependent. And so I stayed. I stayed 10 years.

I did, eventually, wake up to the fact that it was not normal to be treated in this way, and found the courage to leave and take the children with me and started a new life in a different town. The feeling of relief was immense. Although I was threatened with all sorts of things, such as having the children removed, losing my flat etc., I discovered that the threats were empty. And this is probably true of most abusers. They are cowards and when someone actually stands up to them, they generally back off.

There are ways out of this horrendous situation. There are both men’s and women’s refuges who will help you so that you can get yourself out of the abusive home. Once you are out and can think about what options there are for you, there are counsellors and life coaches who can help you see yourself as you, the real person, and not a punch bag.

There are various organisations who can and will help you to start your new life. Social Services and the Police will work together to ensure that you are safe and help you to move on with your life. They will give you respite and guidance in a safe environment. There are solicitors, the Samaritans, Citizens’ Advice, Relate and they can all point you in the right direction for help. Schools will have contacts if you are worried about your children. There is a whole lot that can be done for you once you are out of the abusive situation and in a safe place. There are protocols that can be introduced and put into action for you.

There are trusted friends and family who may be able to help you too.

If I had known about life coaching back then I would have been first in the queue.

There is no reason good enough to actually justify staying in an abusive relationship.

It can be hard to admit that you are in an abusive relationship. But if you think you are being abused and you are unhappy, get out of that relationship as soon as possible. Take your courage in both hands and make the leap. Often men find it much harder to admit to being abused than women do, but I believe they are just as justified as anyone else. There is help out there for everyone.

Do you want to remain stuck and miserable? If your answer is no, find your way to get out and start your new life on your own terms.

Remember, the relationship has failed, not you. You are not a failure.

If you would like to chat confidentially about your situation, contact me hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor

Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio

Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.

Find out more about me on my website.

March 23, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Do you look good on the outside, but inside you are crumbling?

Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to get beyond these feelings to a calmer and more positive place. What if you could…

Overcome your fears and anxieties?
Gain the courage to make a change?
Get on with enjoying your life?
Unlock your inner strengths?
Put your own needs first?
Be a survivor not a victim?

THIS IS NOT SOME UNACHIEVABLE DREAM. I’M GOING TO HELP YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Picture this. In 2 1/2 days you’ll be feeling like a new you. You’ll have reconnected with your inner confidence and feel able to survive the challenges and obstacles that you face in your life.

You will have developed a new found energy, and you will have a spring in your step.

You’ll be on track to change your situation and live the life you want.

IN OTHER WORDS, IN JUST 2 1/2 DAYS, YOUR LIFE WILL BE TURNED AROUND.

I am running two retreats, one for women and one for men, here on the Isle of Wight.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat for women, and The L.I.F.E. Retreat for men.

I’M HERE TO HELP YOU

I want you to know that it is possible to make a change; that no situation, no matter how desperate, is insurmountable.

As Napoleon Hill says, “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

So, if you’re serious about moving on from your feelings of anxiety and despair, now’s the time to take action.

I’ve designed this Retreat for you – the person who is struggling to live life on your own terms and is finally ready to turn things around.

I’m here to help you be a survivor.

Stop making the same vague wish (“I hope my life finally takes off this year”) every single birthday.

One of these Retreats is for you if you’re finally ready to make a positive change and be a survivor, not a victim.

WHICHEVER RETREAT YOU CHOOSE, I AM GIVING YOU:

The tools you need to recharge yourself and your confidence in yourself in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
The knowledge you need to survive following a life trauma – divorce, redundancy, overwhelm, loss.
My knowledge and the resources I have accumulated over many years of research, trial and error and failure, and of course successes.
A stay in a beautiful Victorian mansion so close to the beach you will have sand in your shoes. (Situated a 20 minute walk from the Hovercraft and Wightlink Fastcat passenger terminals. No need to bring your car across. I can even arrange for you to be collected from the ferry or hovercraft and bring you to the venue.)
The focus on you to get to know and love your real SELF.

Plus I am giving you:

A buffet style continental breakfast each morning.
Your own chef preparing, cooking and serving your lunches and dinners each day on site.
Unlimited refreshments throughout each day.
Your own welcome pack to keep.
Some top notch surprise guest speakers and coaches to add to your experience.
Our own private Facebook group for continued support.
A one to one coaching session with me.

YOU will find the solutions you are looking for. Forget all the imagined reasons why you think it won’t work for you. Believe the one reason why it will!

Find out more about the Retreat of your choice by clinking on the appropriate link:

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

The investment per person is £749.00 all inclusive. No hidden costs. Everything is provided, just bring yourself.

Don’t think of cost, think of the value to you and your life.

RESULTS

I’ve been working with clients as a thought leader and survival coach for the past 10 years to help them overcome stress, anxiety and life trauma.

I helped one client to change their career from one they hated to one they loved.

Another client came to me with anxiety associated with confrontation and low self-esteem. She is now leading a whole team of people and confident in her abilities.

I also helped a client who was suffering from very low self-esteem to realise her full potential and she is now blossoming running her own business.

Don’t just take my word for it!

“Maggie has an instant relaxing mentality rarely found in people, backed with a genuine empathy for people. Maggie has the mark of calm, leaving you feeling relaxed and at peace. Maggie’s knowledge and style leaves clients and fellow professionals wanting more of her work. Maggie is just one of those people with a gift and the world is blessed with her use of them.”
– DU, UK (Male)

“Maggie has great experience of dealing with life situations in a positive way. I have seen people grow within themselves during several of her presentations and seminars. She deals with people in a non-judgemental and constructive way, whilst challenging them to look at their view of them selves and to re-evaluate their own self-worth.” – KC, UK (Male)

“Maggie assisted me through a challenging time in my life. She is able to combine a no nonsense approach with genuine empathy to her coaching work and shares her knowledge generously. She holds you accountable for outcomes in a warm and caring manner. Being coached by Maggie was such a pleasure. I always looked forward to those sessions with anticipation. Maggie is able to hold your space in a non-judgemental manner which gives you the confidence to move forward. I certainly recommend her as a coach.” – TZ, South Africa (Female)

“I used to get irritated whenever you would say ‘why can’t you do that?’ or ‘why do you think that?’. But now I see that by questioning my thinking you have broadened my outlook and I can actually achieve more than I ever thought. In fact the other day I was faced with a challenge, and my initial thought was I need to get someone in to do this for me. Then I stopped and thought of you and it came to me that I can do it. And do you know what, I did it and it worked out very well.” – IM, UK (Male)

SO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LIFE COULD BE LIKE? AND HOW READY ARE YOU TO MAKE A CHANGE, ONCE AND FOR ALL?

Book your place today……..There are only 10 places available for each Retreat.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

Grant yourself the freedom to START LIVING.

Can’t wait to see you there!

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor

Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio

Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.

Find out more about me on my website.

P.S. Here are just a few testimonials from my previous workshops/courses/seminars:

“Thanks Maggie, I have your book in my bag and the collage I made at your workshop, when I look at it, it gives me the confidence to carry on. I can’t thank you enough for that workshop, it was great.” Maggie J

“Maggie always brings a refreshing energy to any situation. She truly enjoys helping others to live the life they deserve!” Teri H

“Maggie helped me to make one big decision that led to another, and another, and another – and that’s how my life changed for the better!” Jane L

“Maggie makes the toughest challenges seem simple. Always exceeds my expectations.” Wendy W

“I have done really well since your workshop. I decided that it was OK to give up being self employed because there is too much going on elsewhere it is not serving me well. I have successfully applied for a surveyors job at xxxxxxx and been offered a very good package. I have accepted and start in November part time until I finish all my jobs and then full time by 2015. I am really pleased to say the least. It was very helpful to go somewhere for some “me” time. Thank you! ” Peter M

March 20, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Reclaim your power

There is an innate awkwardness to being human. With each decision we make, there is always the potential for self-doubt, and it is this self-doubt that forms the root of our insecurity.

This is a very complex emotion that is made up of equal parts of inadequacy, isolation, fear and hopelessness. Yet these feelings of insecurity, that potentially can prevent you from fulfilling your potential, are nothing more than perceptions.

You may feel less confident and more unsure of yourself because you judge yourself to be so. You are fulfilling your own belief.

But how do you banish insecurity and reclaim your power?

Banishing insecurity is often simply a matter of challenging yourself in order to prove that you are indeed intelligent and able.

When you feel insecure you are perceiving yourself as incapable of meeting life’s challenges. Fraudulent and unworthy of true happiness. You may move through life plagued by a perception that others are judging you and think you are lacking. As a result, you rob yourself of your personal power and render yourself unable to feel positive about the choices you make.

You have learned through continuous personal development and experience to think differently.

You are not alone, I suspect everyone of us feels insecure from time to time, and if you should find yourself with feelings of insecurity, try to understand its source.

Perhaps you were repeatedly berated as a child, perhaps constantly told that children were to be seen and not heard. Maybe it is the case that you rarely receive positive reinforcement in the present.

When you have pinpointed the origin of your insecurity, turn your focus on to your numerous abilities. The more you utilise your personal power—by taking risks, facing challenges and acting decisively—the stronger it will grow.

Remember that insecurity is an emotional interpretation of your value unconsciously based on doubt, shame and fear. Changing the way you think about yourself, positive affirmations and self belief will have a hugely positive effect on you.

As you overcome your underlying emotions and doubts through positive action and copious self-love, you’ll discover that you are capable of achieving more than you ever thought possible.

Another way to help understand your emotions and get your thoughts in order is to write in a journal. I have found that sitting quietly in a comfy chair with a cup of coffee, a notebook and a pen and allowing myself to write, without even consciously thinking about what I am writing, to be very helpful. I know I was quite surprised when I read what I had written the very first time. And you will be too. Just let it all flow.

Once you have written down your doubt, shame or fear you will discover that it begins to lessen and because you have acknowledged it’s existence, it no longer poses a threat to you. You will reclaim your power.

Take action and really begin to change your life. If you need help, contact me and we can arrange your FREE 15 minute discovery call.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Mentor, Speaker, Author, Survivor

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March 15, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Set goals that stretch you, but that you can achieve

With the year a quarter of the way through already and the distant memory of those abandoned New Year resolutions, you may well be demoralised into thinking that goals cannot be achieved easily.

However, if you commit to a proper process you can, and indeed will, achieve your goals.

I would like to tell you how I managed to identify my goals for setting up my own businesses and how I achieved them.

When I was leaving the relative security of paid employment for the peculiarities of self-employment, I needed to decide what I was going to do, as, like a lot of people, I had a chequered career history. I chose to work in a field that I most enjoyed, people development. I then had to research the market to see where there was a gap, and if there was a gap, if I had the capability to fill it.

I did a lot of research, most of which cost me no money but a lot of my time. I asked friends, family and colleagues. I looked in the press and on the Internet, and I spoke with professionals, people already in business and business associations. All the research told me was that there was room for a Coach who wanted to help people to survive following life traumas, and to really start living their lives.

I identified my Unique Selling Point – ME! No other company had me within their employ. So I used this to my advantage and set about contacting everyone I knew and told them what I was doing and asked them to consider me for work.

Help comes to those who help themselves. The old adage “All good things come to those who wait” is true, but it’s also true that more help comes to those who help themselves. I hated the wait for the telephone to ring, so I acted as if my business was already running and built a database, set up templates, made business cards, researched the possibilities of employing staff, hiring premises and even working abroad. Nothing was out of reach.

This enabled me to feel and act as if I was already in business, so when I networked – and believe me, I networked – I sounded professional. In time the telephone did ring and one thing led to another. I have been in business for ten years now and have enjoyed every minute. I have learned a lot too. All my hard work has paid off and I am very successful.

Now I want to inspire and motivate you to achieve your goals.

But what are your goals? Do you know? The very first thing you need to do is take some time to seriously consider what goals you want to achieve. Really think, and decide what your goals are. Something else to consider is what are you most dissatisfied with in your life. What can you do about it?

Look at your personal life, your personal growth, your finances. Is there anything you would like to change? What can you do to make those changes?

Once you have set goals for your personal life, think about your career. What do you like about it? What don’t you like about it? Are your finances healthy? What about your professional development? What can you do to change the things you don’t like and implement the things you do like?

Commit to 1-3 goals to get you started, you can add more as each you achieve each goal. Aim to have no more than seven goals at any one time, whilst you work on the top three as a priority. Sometimes it is better to set yourself smaller goals, then you will be motivated to set bigger ones as you achieve them.

Some people prefer to set one or two large goals, and put all their energy and focus into those. The number of goals you set is more to do with your personality than with your likelihood of success. Whichever you choose is fine, each is equally successful, if you follow this process. Once you have your goals, look at them in conjunction with each other to ensure they are not pulling you in different directions.

Once you have decided on your goals, refine them. All goals must be written down and be personal, in the present tense and positive. If your goals are not written down, they are merely dreams.

All your goals must start with “I”. The idea of present tense is important as it convinces your subconscious to think you are already achieving it. The subconscious part of your brain does not judge the information it is presented with, it cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. So if your goal is, for instance, to build a business, speak to yourself as if it is already underway and your subconscious will think you are currently doing so. This adds to your success.

So your goal may be ‘I am building my business and every day I am more successful’. Or it may be ‘I am moving up my career ladder at the right pace for me’.

Always write your goals down as it cements them into your psyche. Research has proven that goals that are written down have a significantly higher rate of success.

Goals must always be positive. Goals must be about what you want to achieve, to have or do. Focus on what the goal will give you. What benefits to you are there to achieving your goal? Do not think of what you are giving up or losing, as this is the wrong direction to focus in – look forward not back.

Irrespective of the goal, there are only four benefits:

Well being
Status
Money
Time

Once you know this, you will be able to keep that in focus and the idea of what you are aiming to achieve has a reason behind it, a benefit.

One of the main causes of goals not working is focusing on what you are missing out on and not on what you are gaining. What will you gain from achieving your goals?

Take action and really begin to change your life. If you need help, email me at hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk and we can arrange a FREE chat.

Maggie Currie

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March 2, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Chill

Stress as we all know is a killer. And yet still the number of people suffering from it continues to increase. In the UK it is estimated that work-related stress is responsible for six million days of sick leave a year.

When you own your own business, being sick from work is simply not an option. Ask a business owner when they last took a day off sick and chances are it was last century. Maybe we’re all delusional, believing that the business would come crashing to its knees if we weren’t there to run it. More likely that we know the business can function very well without us, but there simply aren’t the resources in place to pick up the work in your absence. Whatever the reason, small business owners don’t read the signs their bodies send them when they are working too hard. That stiff neck, backache, that heart burn – you just work through it.

Whilst it is normal to have some stress when running your own business, excessive stress can seriously disrupt your productivity and have a huge impact on your physical and emotional health. How you deal with this stress can mean the difference between your success or failure.

If you go to your local A & E department you will find doctors and nurses working in very stressful conditions as a matter of course. They get on with their jobs in a quick but measured fashion and there is never any panic amongst the staff. This includes everyone, the porters, the doctors, the nurses. They all have a job to do and they just get on with it – systematically. No dramas, no ‘not quite knowing what was the most important or urgent task of the day’.

There really is little to get stressed about in business. What goes on in hospitals every day all over the country is quite extraordinary. Our doctors and nurses and all their support teams work in severely stressful situations, they work incredibly long hours and are in the business of saving lives. It doesn’t get much bigger than that does it? And yet they seem to do it quite reservedly – we don’t hear much about them on a day-to-day basis do we?

Is it really worth getting so worked up about business? Why not start a triage system in your business – there are just some things that can sit being monitored for while, whilst you get on with the important stuff.

Managing stress doesn’t have to be about making huge changes or rethinking career paths. I believe it is about focusing on the one thing that’s always within your control: YOU.

You can’t control everything related to your business; that would be unrealistic. But that doesn’t mean to say that you are totally powerless—even when you’re stuck in a difficult situation.

I’m a coach specialising in helping people reduce or eliminate stress in their work. I will help you get out from hiding behind your desk. I have set up and run two successful businesses over the past 10 years and I managed stress levels successfully so that it didn’t affect me very much.

And you can do it too…… Take responsibility for your working life. I will help you to focus on what is important, what can be monitored, what can be outsourced, what can be ditched, so that you can work smarter and not harder.

Get in touch today to find out more about my 8 week coaching programme to help you reduce or even eliminate stress from your work.

Maggie Currie

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February 16, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Give yourself permission to simply be

I have discovered that frequently the elation that we feel when we have learned an important lesson, achieved a goal, or had a huge breakthrough can be met with a period of downtime afterward. During this time of transition, we may feel unsure and not know where to turn next, we may have feelings of lack of self worth and self doubt.

I know that during this period of downtime, we may begin to wonder what our life is about, what our purpose is, will life get better? These feelings are very common and we all feel them from time to time. If this resonates with you, just remember you are not alone.

Often, we feel best when we are working on a project or vigorously pursuing a goal. We are engaged in the process of achieving, planning, doing. But there is nothing inherently wrong with spending a day, a week or even a month, simply existing and not having a plan. Just being. This time is just as valuable and helps to rebuild our stocks of energy, ideas etc.

I know that I have found sometimes the quiet lull between ideas, projects, and goals can make life appear empty. I know there are some people who, after accomplishing one objective, want to move immediately on to the next.

However, we are all different. When you find that your next step is unclear, it is quite natural to feel frustrated, or disconnected or even a mild depression.

To help calm what can be distressing thoughts, learn to accept that you will continue to grow as an individual whether you are striving for a specific objective or not. Just be. Use all the time you need to think about what you have recently gone through and leisurely contemplate what you wish to do next.

You may also find that in simply being and going through the motions of everyday life, you reconnect with your priorities in a very organic, unforced way.

I have found that this transition time is different all the time. It can be a period of reflection or a period of adjustment where new values based on recent changes can be integrated.

Just because you have temporarily lost sight of a final destination, doesn’t mean you should assume that you have lost your drive. Where you are going next will become apparent at the right time for you.

I would love to hear from you about your experiences of simply being. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

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January 27, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Why We Must Care for Ourselves

So many of us focus so much on caring for others that we forget all about caring for ourselves. But when we don’t take the time to care for ourselves it can be extremely damaging to our health. It is often instilled into us as we grow up, we are conditioned, that we should care for others first and ourselves last and that it is selfish to think of yourself. But I think this belief is wrong and it is not selfish to look after ourselves first, it is absolutely vital.

Giving too much can hurt us. It is important that we learn to care for ourselves too. It doesn’t make us unkind or selfish. We’re not caring less for those who depend upon us. We’re not saying, “I matter more than you.’ We are simply caring for our own needs too, looking after our own health, so that we have more to give in future.

There is a story that really hits home with me and affects me every time I read it, and it says that a mother was taking a flight on a plane with her twin daughters who were aged 5. There was an emergency and the oxygen masks came down and the mother, although she had listened to the safety announcements and knew what to do with her mask did not put her mask on first. Instead she tried to get masks on her twin daughters to no avail. Because she had not put her mask on she soon could not breathe, became unconscious and couldn’t help herself or her daughters. All of them died. Now, if she had put her mask on first she would have been able to calmly fit the masks on her daughters and they would probably all have survived. So no, it is not selfish to look after yourself first, it is vital.

A study of carers carried out in 2004 highlighted how caring for others too much can hurt us. Examining a group of carers who looked after chronically ill children, scientists at the University of California in San Francisco analysed samples of the carers’ DNA.They measured the length of their ‘telomeres’, which are essentially the end caps on DNA, the nearest I can come to describing these is something like the plastic end caps on shoelaces. As we age, our telomeres gradually shorten just like the end caps on shoelaces get worn away. Interestingly measuring the length of telomeres is one of the most accurate ways of measuring the age of the body.

Studying the telomeres of 39 women who cared for chronically ill children and 19 women who were mothers to healthy children, they found that the telomeres of the most stressed carers were 15% shorter than those of the least stressed women. The scientists concluded that this degree of shortening was equivalent to at least ten years of extra aging.

In 2007 a study of carers of Alzheimer’s patients found something similar. University of Ohio scientists studied the telomeres of 41 caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients and compared them with the telomeres of non-caregivers, once again finding that the caregivers had much shorter telomeres.

For people who give too much and are feeling tired and/or stressed, the question I always ask is, ‘If it was a friend or loved one who was in your position, what would you advise them?’ We know what to do but how often do we do what we know?

One way to think of it is like blowing up a balloon. We give a full breath and the balloon begins to inflate. But what do we do next? We take in a large breath to enable us to put more air in the balloon. Kindness to ourselves is like taking a breath. It replenishes us so that we can give even more. If we forget to take a breath we eventually have nothing more to give, and the balloon is left to deflate.

We help others more when we also care for ourselves. Kindness can make the world a better place. But we must not forget to add ourselves to the list of those who need kindness, and make sure we give ourselves the kindness we deserve.

Do you feel like you could be getting more out of your life? Are you looking to make changes to improve your life but don’t know where to start?

Would you like to be happier, more confident, more relaxed and have time to care for yourself?

Good news! You’ve come to the right place and I know I can help… Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

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Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Mentor, Speaker, Author, Survivor

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