Friends and family who sap your positive energy

The people with whom you have the most contact and who hang around you will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

We all know people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around. Have you noticed how they make you feel?

They make you feel the same as them, happy and positive! They can put zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with a positive, ‘can do’ vibe that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

Four Women Friends at the Beach

We also know of those people who could moan for England!

According to them they never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like other people to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – and so much more!

These people drain the energy from the room, and bring everyone down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

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Some family members can be a lot like this, but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

What can you do to make sure that the people you have most contact with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

You have the power to choose who you have contact with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people. If there are people who are constantly draining our positive energy you have a couple of options.  You can tell them how you feel and if they are really good friends they will respect your wishes and may change their behaviour. If they drift into the negative again, try to ignore it.  Or if they aren’t really good friends, they will drift away and find someone else to drain.

The same can be said for your family.  Your more mature relatives have been conditioned for many, many years and are a different generation.  Appreciate where they have come from whilst being selective with the information that filters through to your brain.  You have the same choices as with your friends for the younger relatives, tell them how you feel and they will either change something or drift away.

Don’t attach any guilt to your decisions, as it is your life and if you are tired of the negativity, it is time to do something about it.

You may well find that you make new friends who are positive and upbeat and some other members of your family may reappear who have also removed themselves from negative relatives.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Travelling alone and enjoying it ! – Guest Blog by Gwen Perret

Maggie wrote me a guest blog a month ago titled « After Divorce, Travel ! », and that got me thinking. Of course, I am convinced of all the good things that comes out of traveling, especially in times when we need to reconstruct ourselves. But as a female travel lover and travel PA, I am concerned about the issues of women traveling alone : safety, boredom, social acceptance…

 Yes, I believe that traveling is essential on a self-reconstruction journey, but only if all conditions are put together to make the traveller feels safe. Feeling safe as a woman solo traveller, or as women traveling together in a group, means feeling free and safe wherever you go, whether it is physical integrity or not feeling judged or looked at, totally out of place.

 Of course, you always have the travel with singles option, which can be fun of you are ready to meet someone new in your life, outgoing… But what if you are just not in the dating mood, or just not that kind of person ? What if you just want to enjoy a place you have never been too and want to enjoy your new “you” just being by yourself ?

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 Well, that is possible. Good news, huh ? All you have to do is make sure, before you go, to pay attention to the following details.

 1)     Choose your destination carefully. Go somewhere you have always wanted to go but never could. This needs to be YOUR choice. It might not be everyone’s choice, but who cares ? When I was younger I spent a year abroad in Alaska, I was not 18 yet, and most people thought I had lost my mind. Who, on earth, would leave a great school, successful studies, a family and everything to go abroad for a year ? And moreover to Alaska ? Well I did. I have always loved far away, unknown places. And I am so glad I made it, no matter how discouraging people were before I left. So open Google Maps and choose.

2)     Choose your place of stay carefully. Now of course I would not recommend that you go spend a week in Gao, Mali right now. That might have to wait. But there are lots of places you can go safely. And then you can choose a nice district or town. You should know that some networks are specializing for solo travellers. Whether you prefer a hotel or a B and B, spend time in getting to know the area and the owners. Most of the B and B owners are passionate people and will help you with everything you need to know. Some of them even have special weeks for solo travellers, everything being planned to them to feel very comfortable.

3)     Choose your activities and options. Make sure you do not end up in a crowded restaurant for Valentine’s Day, or in the middle of young couples diving during their honeymoon. You know what I mean. Being the only single one, moreover the only recently divorced one can be a devastating experience. Here again, some networks will organize activities for solo travellers that have nothing to do with dating activities.

4)     Do not be shy. The earth is full of people who want to share experiences, even if it is just a few words on the weather, the landscape, the wine… Enjoy those moments sharing time with locals or other tourists. And if you are afraid of being alone, bring company ! Why not organize an all solo tour ? Whether it is an all divorced women, or mixing men and women… As long as you base it on a shared passion, for an activity, a product or a region, you will enjoy the company, be in the same state of mind…

5)     Make sure you give a full detailed planning to someone you trust at home : a family member, a good friend… Someone who will be to check on you on a settled basis, one a day, once every other day… You decide. A daily text or email is always a good solution to make people feel safe.

6)     Let it go and HAVE FUN !

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 Yes, let it go and have fun, because at the end that is all it is about. When you will be planning your trip carefully, at some point you will have to just trust yourself and enjoy. Open your eyes, your ears, talk to people, discover, get out of your comfort zone. The world is yours, take advantage of it.

 I know that planning a whole trip can be quite something for people while they also have to deal with their daily life. If you need help planning a bespoke trip, whether it is just for you or for a group, if you need someone to make sure you will be safe and who can check on you everyday, if you need someone to rely on in case of emergency while you travel, if you want a private woman travel guide with great ideas… I am here, that is my job, and I will be delighted to help with planning your vacation.

Gwendolin Perrett

Personal travel and event advisor at SensationElle

Our guest blogger, Gwen, taught for 4 years after graduating from anthropology. Then decided it was time to do what she really loved; travel. She recently became a Personal Travel Agent, mostly selling France and Europe to foreigners, but she also works on other destinations. She specializes in bespoke travel and events, making sure that her clients get the best experiences with no worries. This new job allows her to travel as much as she wants with her hubby and doggy and still be available for her privileged clients. Her office fits in a hand luggage : a Mac book, an iPhone, her notebook and a pen, and a few SensationnElle gift cards ready to be sent! Get in touch if you would like to know more information!

If you would like to contact Gwen her contact details are below:

www.sensationnelle.net

www.facebook.com/agence.sensationnelle
www.facebook.com/sensationnelle.wine
www.twitter.com/asensationnelle
pinterest.com/asensationnelle

Do you need to change your surname after divorce?

There are a million reasons why it is advisable to stick with your married name after divorce.  There are also a million reasons why you could change your surname after divorce.

If you have children, it can make it easier when dealing with schools to keep the same surname as the children have.  Although, in this day and age, it is very common for children to have different surnames from their parents.  For instance, when two families merge there will be Mr & Mrs X and their 6 children.  3 of the children have come from Mrs X’s previous marriage, and 3 of the children have come from Mr X’s previous marriage.  So there will be Mr & Mrs X with children X and children Y.

It can cause some hassle with paperwork, but other than that, it is not a problem.

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When there are no children involved, it may be that you may want to change your surname.  You can choose to revert to your maiden name, if you like that name, or you can choose another surname entirely.  Changing your name can be done relatively easily via deed poll.  You will have to provide several forms of documentation to prove you are who you say you are, and that you not going to commit fraud. But once that is done, and the fee paid of course, you can go ahead.  You can find out more information from their website.

You could completely reinvent yourself if you chose to. Pick a name that you have always loved and that you think will suit you.  If you are not sure, then try a few out for size.  Write down the names you think of, say them out loud, see if they fit.  If they don’t then think of some more until you find one you really like.

There will be banks, credit cards etc., to inform, but once that is all done you can live happily with your new name.

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Some people want to revert to their maiden name, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that either.  It is a matter of personal choice.

There are, of course those, who didn’t change their surname when they got married, and therefore nothing needs to change now, unless they want it to…………….

Whatever decision you make, be sure it is the right one for you.  Don’t allow other people to influence you either way.  It is your life, your name and it is you who has to live with it.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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Can I be too hospitable?

The sun is shining, the Island is full of international athletes from many islands around the world for the annual Island Games, this year being hosted here on the Isle of Wight and enjoying our hospitality. There are teams from Bermuda, Isle of Man, Falklands Islands and many others too. Apparently there are 4,000 athletes plus their entourages staying on the Island for a week or so.

Events are happening all week around the Island including cycling, running, archery, swimming, badminton, football and any other sport you can think of.  It is so wonderful to see all the people from different cultures here competing and having fun.

Hospitality is a wonderful thing, but I wonder if sometimes I can be too hospitable. I love to have some guests come and visit for a meal or even just a cuppa and a chat. I am happy to provide food and drink for them and I love to see some people again and again.

But, and there is a big BUT, I also like to have my home to myself. I am really pleased when some people leave and I can have my peace and quiet back again.  There are some people who I don’t want to leave as I enjoy their company so much and can have sensible, or not so sensible, conversations with, who make me laugh and who I make laugh, who are true friends. I am comfortable in their company and they are comfortable in mine.

Is there a happy medium?  Yes I think there is. I invite people to my home who I really want to spend time with and enjoy spending time with, talking to and listening to. I don’t invite people who drain my energy or who I don’t enjoy listening to.  This is something that I have learned in YOU University, how to look after myself first and foremost.  Some may say this is selfish, I say it is essential.  If you have ever listened to the safety announcements on a plane you will know that part of it states ‘when the oxygen masks drop down, make sure you put yours on first’ or words to that effect.

I remember a story I ready about a young woman who was on board a plane with her two young daughters.  There was an incident and the oxygen masks came down.  The mother tried frantically to put oxygen masks on her daughters first and failed before she lost consciousness and died and so did they.  All three died because the mother did not look after herself first and therefore could not look after her daughters.

It is essential for my well being to look after myself and for the people with whom I come in contact.  If I don’t take care of myself how can I possible take care of anybody else?

I distance myself from people who drain my energy and who bring me down. I distance myself from people who are takers and not givers. I distance myself from people who have nothing to say to me that is interesting. My home is where I feel safe and secure. Long may it remain that way.

I have come a long, long way in my journey of self discovery with Maia Berens and all the coaches and coaches in training in YOU University and I am loving the real ME I am continuing to uncover.

Maggie Currie

YOU University Coach

To reach me call +44 1983 759213 or email maggiecurrie@youuniversityonline.com –

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