January 15, 2015 by Maggie Currie

Maggie Currie in the hot seat

In this latest blog post, Maggie speaks to writer and presenter Clancy Walker. They chat about life, loves and many challenges along the way…

Maggie, you say that your life changed almost overnight when you made the decision to change your thinking. What is your life like now?

I am now living my dream on the beautiful Isle of Wight. I am doing the work I love and living in a place that I love, with the man that I love.

It sounds wonderful, and it’s something that others can aspire to, but it hasn’t always been plain sailing for you, has it? How did life start out for you?

I was born and brought up in Essex. When I was born, I was labelled as illegitimate because my birth mother was barely sixteen when I was born, she wasn’t married and had put me in a children’s home.

Whether this was her choice or one that was forced upon her I don’t know and probably never will know. But that is where I was.

So, not the easiest of starts and I’m sure others will be able to relate to you. What happened from there?

I was fortunate enough to be adopted, rather than staying in care long term, and was taken to my prospective parents’ home when I was about six weeks old to meet my new older brother. I was fostered until the official adoption came when I was around two years of age, although I really don’t remember it.

My childhood, on reflection, was a fairly good one. We always had a two-week

holiday, usually on the Isle of Wight, which is why I grew to love it so much.

I was sent to a private school because my parents thought I would do better there than at the local comprehensive school. I did really well and left school at the age of 16 with a GCE in Commerce and a string of RSAs in shorthand, typing etc. My first job was with an insurance company in London.

I then got married for the first time when I was 19 and had three lovely children.

It all sounds great, although I notice you said ‘for the first time’ when you talk about getting married. I’m guessing things changed in your relationship?

Yes, unfortunately the marriage did not last due to the verbal, psychological and financial abuse I suffered at the hands of my husband.

I finally woke up to the fact that this was not normal and summoned up the courage to consult a solicitor who agreed with me and I filed for divorce.

It took two years for the divorce to go through, as my husband refused to accept the marriage was over, but eventually, after me standing my ground, we were divorced when I was 30.

So, you were 30 with three children to support – did you have much support from those around you?

For various reasons I had to take the children, who were aged then nine and six (I had twins), to another town and live in a one bedroom flat.

Thankfully it had a garden and was close to the schools and shops and we lived there for about two years along with a menagerie of two cats, a dog, two rabbits, some goldfish, a hamster, two gerbils and some zebra finches.

It sounds quite tough, and hectic, but it also sounds like you were starting to find your feet and enjoying the challenges life was throwing you?

Yes, I think I had got used to being on my own with the kids – and was enjoying a freedom I’d not experienced before – thanks to being free of an abusive relationship. I’m so pleased I was able to find the courage to leave it.

And then something even more wonderful happened, didn’t it?

Yes, I met up with a man called Kelvin again. I had known him for some years as a friend of my brother, and we fell in love.

We married when I was 32 and we moved to a lovely Victorian terraced house with four bedrooms and a long garden in the same town.

We lived in that house for about 15 years, so the children grew up there, and we were very happy there.

It just shows how much life can change over the years, doesn’t it? You did have some very difficult times too, though, didn’t you?

Yes, and like many people we had family challenges that we thought were impossible to solve and would never end.

At times like those we had to be patient and weather the storm. On those days it seemed that life was too much to bear. Some very hard decisions had to be made – decisions that no parents should have to make – but we made them and life carried on.

How did you manage to make such difficult decisions?

We made the decisions that we thought were the best at that time and would be the most beneficial for the whole family.

But life does get better and that cloud does go away especially by thinking good thoughts and getting back on track and by not feeling guilty or giving in to emotional blackmail, which is something I can help others with through my coaching.

So, what happened after the children had grown up?

When the children had all left home we moved to Hampshire, where we lived for

about five years. We had also bought a flat on the Isle of Wight and we took holidays in it and spent lots of weekends in it. We planned to retire into it as well, as we loved the island so much.

While we were living in Hampshire our next-door neighbour was Maureen – who was looking forward to retiring at 60.

Sadly Maureen was diagnosed with cancer and died six months later, before she got to her sixtieth birthday.

We made the decision then to move to the Isle of Wight and not wait until we retired. A step we have never once regretted.

Which leads us back to where we started in this interview! Tell me a little more about what life is like for you now, Maggie?

Moving to the Island has opened up so many doors that would not have been opened if we had stayed where we were.

I have opened my mind to the new opportunities that are available and I have kept my mind open to make sure that I don’t miss any.

I have found that following the signs, even if I am not sure where they are leading me, can be really beneficial.

Some opportunities I reject, some I embrace. I have made mistakes, learned from them and moved on.

But life isn’t perfect for everyone all of the time – how have you handled the difficult times in recent years?

There have been times when life has not been so good. Like when my father died suddenly in 1999. I miss him still. He was a fountain of knowledge and wisdom and always had time and wise words for me.

I have learned how to bounce back and gain something from the experiences I have been through to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes again. I really believe you can do the same if you are gentle with yourself.

Thanks Maggie, what advice would you like to finish with for your readers?

I know my coaching, books, talks and courses will help you to change your life for the better.

Don’t forget to open your mind to the new opportunities that lie ahead of you.

The choice is yours, you have the ability to create your very own future. Your new life is out there. Go and open the door to your new, fantastic future.

Good luck on your motorway of life, take the right exits for you, try some you think might not be quite right, you may be surprised.

Be brave. You deserve to succeed.

Love

Maggie xx

Maggie Currie

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Maggie Currie was speaking to writer and presenter Clancy Walker

December 30, 2014 by Maggie Currie

Do you really know what will it take to make you happy?

Think about it and see if you can discover, or if you know, what it will take for you to be happy?

Will being in a relationship, or with the right boyfriend/girlfriend make you happy?
Will being married make you happy?
Will having a million pounds make you happy?
Will being successful make you happy?
Will having better health make you happy?
Will getting a new job make you happy?
Will having a great career make you happy?

If you think the answer is yes to any or all of the above questions, you’ll never find happiness!

Surprised? Well don’t be. The truth is nothing can make you happy. Happiness is something we feel, not something we can find.

Being happy doesn’t depend on a particular outcome or something happening to you. There isn’t somewhere you can go and find happiness sitting there waiting for you.

Advertising of all sorts is designed to make you think that a new car, a particular skin cream, a new outfit, some new shoes, a drink or a new diet will make you happy, but that is simply not true. Nothing can make you happy because happiness is a feeling. Happiness is something you experience.

If you want to be happy, then be happy. Most people don’t choose to be happy because they spend most of their time focusing on what they perceive is wrong with their life.

Think about it, you can’t be happy doing something that you don’t like. If you don’t believe me try it. Try doing something you despise and see if you can be happy at the same time. Trust me, you won’t be happy doing something you don’t enjoy!

You also can’t do something you really enjoy and be sad or angry. Don’t believe me? Try it. See what happens. Go and try doing something you really enjoy and see if you’re angry or miserable at the same time. That really doesn’t work.

Unfortunately, people believe they can be happy when they achieve a particular goal and make the mistake of chasing that goal in order to be happy. It’s really not achieving the goal that makes them happy. It’s the feeling of achieving the goal that provides another feeling, satisfaction perhaps, that is mistaken for happiness.

This mistake is quite common, because it’s not security or peace of mind that makes you happy. You experience happiness when you do what you enjoy and when you focus on the positive things taking place in your life. If you’re not doing that then you can never be happy. Don’t think that you can be happy just by having something.

You can experience happiness by achieving your particular goal, by doing what you enjoy, having fun while achieving your goals and choosing the right goals, the kind that allow you to be happy all the time. Focus on what you want.

Start doing the things that you enjoy. Look at the positive things that are going on in your life. Direct your mind and subconscious mind to help you experience happiness every day. This will start once you begin to appreciate the good things in your life.

Okay so how can you begin to be happy? It’s really quite simple, all you have to do is shift your focus.

Instead of looking at all that is wrong with your life, instead of looking at what you don’t like about yourself or your life; constantly criticising; change your focus. Start appreciating all that is good in your life. You will probably find there are many things you appreciate.

Make a list if you want and write out all of the positive things in your life. Usually someone will say: “Maggie, I can’t think of anything positive or good in my life. I just want to be happy.” That’s only because you are not seeing all the positive things in your life. And so you’ll never be happy.

Every day there are wonderful things taking place in your life, yet you fail to observe and recognise them. You tend to take them for granted. This can be anything – a hot meal, a wonderful spouse, family, a beautiful flower, lambs playing in a field – If you have a roof over your head, that’s a positive aspect of your life.

Start looking at all of the great and terrific things that are going on in your life and you’ll begin to experience happiness on a deeper level. You can begin to improve or change the areas that you are not happy with but at the same time you should acknowledge the good things that are going on in your life.

Your mind is used to only paying attention to what is going wrong and in the process it directs the subconscious mind to continue creating more of those things that are going wrong. You actually create more of what makes you unhappy.

Why?

Because your subconscious creates what you regularly think about. So if you don’t regularly focus on the positive things you won’t create positive situations in your life.

And here’s where it gets worse. When you constantly focus on what is wrong with your life, when you only think about and see what is wrong in your life your subconscious begins to create more of what is wrong or more of what you don’t want because it thinks that you want more.

Now you know why it can be so difficult for some people to truly experience happiness, it’s because they’re used to focusing on the negative aspects of life and in the end continue to create more of what they don’t want.

In order to change all of this you have to begin training the mind and re-directing the subconscious mind to begin creating what you want in life and to focus on the good things that are taking place in your life.

Begin experiencing happiness by changing your focus. Every day think of the positive things that are going on in your life. Make a list of all the wonderful things that are taking place in your life.

Think of at least 3 great things that happened to you, they can be small or large – but just appreciate 3 good things that happened during the day. Focus on the positive. Direct your mind and subconscious mind by changing your perspective so you experience happiness everyday

Too often I hear from people who simply want to be happy but when I ask them what they do for fun they say: “Nothing.” No wonder you’re not happy. How can you be happy if you’re never having fun in life?

If you want to experience happiness then start doing things that you enjoy. You may like gardening; you may like hang gliding, you may like riding your bike, you may enjoy going for long walks, you may enjoy acting like a 5-year old – whatever it is start doing it and see how great you feel.

But there is one catch when you’re doing what you enjoy, you can only focus on that and not think about anything else that may be bothering you. That’s the only way you’ll truly enjoy the activity and begin to experience happiness.

As adults we get bogged down with the everyday tasks that force us to be serious. We have jobs where we’re serious, bills to pay, food to prepare, children to look after, it’s all too serious and it is necessary. I’m not suggesting you ignore your responsibilities – but take some time just to have some fun.

Now you can’t just have fun once a week or once a month. You have to do this every day. It can be for just 5 minutes a day if you like. That means every day you have to find something fun to do, and only then will you get comfortable and used to the process to the point where you regularly experience happiness. Once you start doing this you’ll enjoy it so much you’ll wonder why you never did this to begin with.

If you don’t feel you have the time to have fun and enjoy your life then you’re really saying that your happiness is not important enough. Only when you decide to be happy will you truly begin to experience happiness. You can work with the techniques I’ve outlined – they will help you get started. But you will need to train your mind and subconscious mind to begin seeing and living in a different way.

Maggie Currie