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Forgiveness – releasing the past

Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiven inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events.  Over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy. Until we release ourselves from this cycle it may prove impossible to move forward.

It really does not matter what the issue was, whether slight or life-shatteringly traumatic. If you want to move on you must let it go. To do this you must forgive. To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behaviour simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.

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Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go.  They will never move on until they do. In fact quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt.

How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life.  If we choose to accept the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction.  If however we  focus on the bad things that have happened to us, then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want.

If you or your life is “stuck” then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past.  Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself.  So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that, forgive yourself  and let it go.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past.

In this moment now you have your power – the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference.  You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future.

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If you want to feel free, released from the past  then you must forgive.  Forgive everyone, especially yourself. I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear. The basis of them can seem, and may well be, completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions and it is OK to experience them.  However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

Look around you, do you know anyone like that?  Some tragedy or injustice has been suffered and now the entire life of that person is defined by their anger and resentment. Every positive thought, every inspired moment, all of life’s little pleasures are subsumed with their overwhelming feelings of anger, resentment, even desire for revenge. No matter how justified their emotions are, what good is it doing them? The past can never be changed. The future is an incomplete equation.  Life is full of tragedy and joy, it is not the events of life so much as how we respond to them that defines how joyous and successful our lives are.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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We are conditioned both deliberately and accidentally throughout life

As we go through life we learn a vast amount of things, and we start from the very moment we are born (some say before we are born, and they may well be right).

We are conditioned deliberately in some cases, and accidentally in others.  Deliberate conditioning often comes from our parents/guardians, from religious leaders, from teachers, group leaders such as Akela in scouts, Brown Owl in Brownies etc.

We learn how to eat our food, when to eat our food. We learn the boundaries we must adhere to in school, such as when playtime is, where we have to sit to do our work, what work we have to do, when we can talk and when we must be quiet.

Brownies are conditioned to learn new skills to gain the badges that are liberally sewn on to their sashes, and likewise with scouts.

We are conditioned to go to bed at certain times, to get up at certain times, to be seen and not heard, to not answer back, to not talk when the adults are talking, to do our homework and a million other things too.

We can be conditioned by relatives, partners, children and many other sources to behave in a particular way.  Some of those ways are for our own safety and some of them are for control of you.  You have to decide which is which.

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Accidental conditioning can come from anywhere.  For instance, a young couple got married and the new wife decided to cook a Sunday roast.  She got her leg of lamb from the butcher and broke the top part of the leg bone and put it in a roasting tin.  He new husband asked her why she broke the bone and the new wife replied ‘that’s what my mum does’.

A few weeks later the newly weds went to the new wife’s mum’s house for Sunday dinner.  The mum had got lamb and she got the joint and broke the top part of the bone and put it in the roasting tin.  Her son-in-law asked her why she did that and she replied ‘ that’s what my mum does’.

A few months down the line and the newly weds go to Grandma’s for Sunday lunch.  The new husband tells Grandma about his wife and her mother breaking the bone of the leg of lamb and explained how they said they did it because Grandma does it.  Grandma laughed and said ‘Oh, do they still do that? I only did that because I didn’t have a roasting tin big enough’, and she laughed. She had accidentally conditioned her daughter who had accidentally conditioned her daughter.

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Think about the conditioning you have had throughout your life.  Is it still relevant now?  Do you have to do things in the same way or can you change the way you do some things?  Do you want to change things or are you happy with the way they are?

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more and how I can help you,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

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How to have a stress free Christmas

We all know that Christmas can be stressful.  There is the usual invasion by the family, and extended family, the standing on ceremony all day, the extra expense as well as time and frustration trying to get the Christmas dinner on the table on time.

So much to do – presents to buy, cards to write, people to see, meals to cook, worrying about money.  Panic sets in.  Then there is the worry that there are not enough hours in the week.

Perhaps you perceive that you organise everything all on your own, without appreciation, and you also perceive there is a whole lot of expectation too from those around you.  That doesn’t sound like much fun to me.  And yet it is a scenario that is described over and over again.

Is it really the case though?  Do YOU have to organise everything? Are YOU expected to do it all? Is this something YOU think you ought to do?

If you think it is something you ought to do, think again.  There are no oughts allowed. We aren’t living in the nineteenth or even the twentieth century now, we are living in the twenty first century – it is time for YOU to start looking at what it is YOU want to happen at Christmas, when YOU want it to happen, who YOU want to celebrate with, who YOU don’t want to celebrate with, whether YOU want to celebrate it at all, whether YOU want to cook a roast dinner with all the trimmings or not, whether YOU want to go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner and so on.

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Perhaps you wonder what others will think of you if you break with tradition.  Stop wondering, be true to yourself, if the traditions are still relevant to you then by all means carry on with them, but if they are not relevant then stop following them.

Ask yourself how much of your planning for Christmas is led by guilt.  Be honest and try to weed out unnecessary obligations to lessen your load.

For instance, is it the norm for your relatives to all come to your house for Christmas dinner?  Do they expect you to invite them? Do you do all the food shopping, all the cooking?

Is this what YOU and they really want?  Have you had ‘the conversation’ regarding who really wants to do what on Christmas day?  It really isn’t a difficult conversation to have.

For instance, I asked my mother a couple of years ago if she wanted to spend Christmas with me or with my brother as she usually divided her time between us.  She said she would rather go on a tinsel and turkey trip with her friend and that is what she did.  She had fun, I wasn’t obligated and I could do what I wanted which was have a quiet Christmas at home with my husband.

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I know someone who went every weekend for five years to his father’s for Sunday lunch.  He packed up his car with his children and his wife and took the ferry to the mainland because he perceived this is what was expected of him.  He was beginning to resent these trips, which took up most of the day, and resent his father.

I asked him if he had had ‘the conversation’ with his father about having Sunday lunch with him every week.  He said no, but that he would.  He came back to me a few weeks later and said that his father was hugely relieved as he was getting fed up cooking a roast dinner each week, sometimes he just wanted to sit down with a sandwich, a glass of beer and watch the rugby.  They agreed to have lunch together once a month.  He got most of his Sundays back and he could do more things with his wife and children.

So do the same thing about Christmas.  Ask your relatives if they actually want to come to you this Christmas.  Don’t be surprised if they are relieved that you have asked.  You will probably find that you will have an easier time, with far less stress, with just as much fun, but fun that you want to have and not fun that is manufactured out of guilt.

What do YOU want for your Christmas? How do YOU want to look on Christmas day, worn our and resentful, or relaxed and enjoying yourself?

Festive Woman in Red Santa Hat

Budget for what you can afford to spend and stick to it.  Try and spread the cost of present shopping over a longer period. Consider a simpler version of Christmas dinner such as a buffet where everyone you choose to invite brings a plate of food.  Consider whether you are prepared to tolerate family tensions over Christmas, if not make the decision to have ‘the conversation’ with everyone concerned.

Remember, be the result of your decisions not of circumstances.

If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about my work,  get in touch with me today. I would like to hear from you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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Are all ‘conferences’ the same?

I remember going to my very first ‘conference’.  It was marketed as a Coach’s super conference where I would learn from a plethera of ‘world famous’ coaches and come away with lots of useful information.  I would learn a whole host of stuff. The cost was minimal for the actual conference, something in the region of £70 for a weekend, as the organiser was doing it to be philanthropic.  It was being held near an international airport in an hotel.  I decided I would go and booked my hotel room, and set off to learn something new.

I was sorely disappointed.  The very first presenter was Paul McKenna.  He spoke for two hours, gave everyone a free copy of his latest book.  He was extremely interesting and didn’t sell a thing.

After this the ‘conference’ went downhill rapidly.  Every speaker that followed on that first day was selling their product.  Whether it was a coaching course, a weekend of inspiration culminating in a fire walk, how to be a tv star etc.  Not only that, there was the pressing of the urgency buttons because the audience were invited to run to the back of the room to sign up now as there were only 9, 8, 7, 6 places left and so on.

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And these products were priced in the hundreds or thousands of pounds.  Plus, if you signed up today, you could get the whole ‘conference’ on video to keep forever for only £xxxx.

I did meet some lovely people in the audience, some of whom were as disappointed as I was.

I stayed the night in the hotel, which was lovely by the way.  After breakfast the ‘conference’ continued.  By the first coffee break in the morning I had had enough.  I couldn’t take any more blatant selling.  So I left.  I went home. I vowed never to go to one of these ‘conferences’ ever again.  I did learn something at that ‘conference’, not to go to another one and not to do the same thing myself.

Of course, there are many ways these selling shows are created. They are billed as one day workshops, or weekend retreats. The main aim of these is to upsell, even though you do learn something about yourself whilst you are there.

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And, of course, once you have bought into the upsell, and you have moved on to whatever course, product it is, there is always another, more expensive course or product to buy.

So, are all ‘conferences’ the same.  No, there are genuine conferences where you learn stuff that is useful to you and where you are not asked to buy something else much more expensive. But do beware, as I learned the hard way, that not all conferences are what they are advertised to be.  And, if it looks too good to be true, that is probably right, it is too good to be true.

If this resonates with you, and you have had a similar experience,  get in touch with me today and tell me about it. I will be really interested to hear about your experiences.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Transformational Coach, Consultant
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://www.facebook.com/maggielifecoach/

Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

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Looking after me and manifesting for me

I have been offered opportunities this week and having investigated what they would involve.  I have accepted one and am considering another.

I was offered the position of tutor for an online life coaching programme that offers a diploma in life coaching and since I have done this course myself and passed it successfully (admittedly some years ago) I know what it involves and the basics of the course itself.

My job will be to mark the students’ work when it is sent to me, to offer constructive criticism and help them to become good life coaches. I will get paid for every one that I mark and an additional amount for any further communication with any of the students. Reimbursed for postage etc. So this will give me a regular income which is good.

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The other opportunity is for using my coaching/training skills in a different way. Someone is in the process of setting up a new charity which is aiming at helping women to move forward in their lives following divorce, emotional abuse, addiction etc. I had a telephone conversation with the lady concerned yesterday and have sent her some information about my background, qualifications etc., so she can get a feel for me.

I am keeping my mind open on this one, as I have other commitments and I want to give my best to them, and if it means spending too much time away then I shall decline.

It is wonderful to have these opportunities and to notice them when they are offered. It is also good that I am considering my options and taking care of me first.  This is essential and not selfish.  If I don’t look after me then I will be letting myself down.

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I believe I am manifesting income and that I am manifesting exactly what I need when I need it. I believe I am learning every day more and more about myself and I am loving this journey of discovery.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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