beliefs

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Fear of crowds

Fear of crowds is very common for a lot of people whether they are single, married, male, female, high flyers, students, teachers, old or young .

I know how it feels to be alone in a crowd. I often feel totally overwhelmed in a large crowd of people, especially if I don’t know anyone in that crowd. It can feel like I am on the periphery and not allowed into the inner circle, and that, of course, makes the fear even worse. I wonder if the fear is actually of the crowds themselves or is it a fear of feeling lost or being unnoticed amongst a large number of people?

I know when I am in a large crowd of people entirely ‘on my own’ I feel nervous; I have an irrational fear that nobody will even notice that I am there.  I look at the little groups of people who do know each other within that large crowd enjoying themselves and the company of each other and that somehow increases my nervousness and the fear.  Of course they may feel just like I do but when I feel that fear, it certainly looks like they’re having a great time and I’m not. When I am in a large crowd of people and I have my own ‘group of people’ with me I feel safe and secure and know that I am noticed and therefore I don’t have those same feelings as when I am alone in a crowd.

Business people communicating with each other against white

Did you grow up in a house where “children were seen and not heard”? That might be the root of these feelings of nervousness and insecurity as they are for me. I can ultimately relate feeling like this to my childhood when I was constantly told that I should be seen and not heard.  So I would sit in the corner with my toys and only speak when I was spoken to.

Having worked hard on discovering my authentic self, discovering, acknowledging and accepting those unexpressed feelings and emotions of when I was told to be seen and not heard,  I now think and act differently.  I know there is a solution to this fear of crowds.  Based on what I know to be true about fear.  I know that FEAR is:

False

Expectations

Appearing

Real

I have found the solution that works for me and might work for you too:

  • Don’t worry about pleasing anyone else. Just be you.
  • Here’s what I do – I take a deep breath or two and take the plunge.
  • I walk amongst the strangers in the crowd and I expect to be noticed. I’ve decided not to expect to be or feel lost.
  • I make eye contact with people and smile at them.
  • I say hello to people I have never met before and strike up conversations.  They aren’t always long conversations, just long enough to introduce myself and be friendly and to listen to the other people.  Sometimes they are much longer, it depends on the person of course. Once the conversations start to happen, other people start to talk to me and to each other and before long I am part of the ‘crowd’ and not isolated on the periphery.

Even if being you just says it’s ok to not talk to anyone – which is a good friend of mine’s solution for her fear of crowds.  She’s decided to not push herself and just enjoys watching people. Funny thing is, she reports people come and talk to her.

winelady

So I know that I am not alone in feeling alone.  There are other people who are in the same position as me and I make a special effort to speak to them as well and include them in the conversations.  The energy and dynamics of the crowd change visibly and it becomes much more enjoyable.

The most important thing is to find a way to feel comfortable being you whether you decide overcoming the fear by talking to people is your way, or overcoming the fear by giving yourself a break and just allowing others to talk to you is your way. Bottom line, stop pressuring yourself to be like everyone else and just be you.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching can help you find solutions to your problems.

Maggie Currie

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Asking me for help comes from a place of strength, not weakness

Many people find it challenging to accept help, and even more challenging for some to ask for help.  They somehow believe that asking for help they are undermining their ability to cope or they think they have failed in some way.  Some also believe that asking for and taking help from others is a weakness.

All of those ways of thinking, whilst totally believable, have been ingrained in us through conditioning.  I always remember my parents saying to me ‘You don’t need help, you are a big girl now, you can do it on your own’, or ‘Don’t be weak, get on with it yourself’.  Thus, I thought for a long time that I should be able to cope and that I didn’t need help.

Remember, there are no shoulds in this world.

tiredwoman

My parents believed they were doing the right thing, as they had been conditioned similarly by their parents.

Now is the time to bust those myths wide open!  Asking for help does not come from a place of weakness, it comes from a place of strength!

Being aware that you need help in some areas shows a positive way of thinking and is in no way a sign of weakness.  It is most definitely a sign of strength.  There is no stigma attached to asking for help, there are no hard and fast rules about how much people must be able to struggle on without asking for help.

Take for example a shop owner.  He/she opens a shop selling widgets and they become so popular that in a few short months the shop owner finds that going to the market to buy the widgets, stocking the shop, selling and answering customer queries on the phone is all too much.  Without help the shop will most certainly fail, as customers will go to another shop where they perceive they are getting better service.

The shop owner needs to know when to ask for help, either by hiring a shop assistant or a buyer, or perhaps both.  The business will then go from strength to strength as the customers will have their widgets, the shop owner can get on with selling them, and the buyer can get on with buying them.

Asking for help will find the solutions you are looking for.  Burying problems is a sign of weakness and is the same as running away from the problem and hiding.

You also need to trust that you are worthy of receiving help and, of course, trust the person you go to for help.  There are many exploitative people out there and you will detect them easily.  Remember, it is about their karma, and not your worth.  They will move away from you once they are discovered.

Pretty woman portrait

 Don’t be fooled by the illusion that all problems are easy or that problems needing solving only apply to some people and not you.  Never apologise for your need for help.

It is a good idea to prioritise your problems and your need to ask for help.  If you can fix a problem on your own effectively then do it and reward yourself.  However, if you have a problem where you can’t find a solution on your own, then ask for help.

There will be problems that nobody can fix.  And there lies the greatest strength of all – letting go of that problem.  Accept there is no solution and let it go.

Ask me for help with problems you may have in parts of your life.  There is no stigma, it is a sign of strength and it is my life’s work to help other people to find solutions to their problems.  Don’t ever be afraid to ask me for help.

Contact me to have a free chat on how my coaching can help you find solutions to your problems.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

Coaching you to become the very best version of you so you can have more fun, live a better life and enjoy your work.

 

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Beliefs

We all have beliefs, most of which have been programmed into us from a very young age and most of  us don’t question them.  There are beliefs that cannot be changed, and that is just the way it is and we have to accept it.  But there are lots of beliefs that we hold that may not be relevant now.
Here is a true story which will illustrate just how easily we are ‘programmed’
roastlamb
A young couple got married, and when it came to cooking the Sunday roast, the young wife picked up her joint of meat, broke the bone in it and folded it before putting it in the roasting tin.  Her new husband asked her why she had done this.  She replied ‘That’s the way my mother always does it’.
A few weeks later, the young couple were invited to her parents’ house for Sunday lunch, and the young husband was intrigued as he watched his mother-in-law pick up her joint of meat, break the bone and fold it before putting it in the roasting tin.  He asked his mother-in-law why she did this.  She replied ‘That’s the way my mother always does it’.
A month or so later, the young couple went to have Sunday lunch with her Grandmother.  The young husband was still intrigued by the breaking of the bone before putting the joint in the roasting tin, and so he mentioned to his wife’s Grandmother how his wife and his mother-in-law both broke the bone in the joint of meat before putting in the roasting tin, and that his mother-in-law learned it from the Grandmother, and his wife learned it from his mother-in-law.  He asked if she could shed any light on this for him.
The Grandmother replied ‘Do they still do that?  I used to do it because my roasting tin was very small and unless I broke the bone, I couldn’t fit the joint in it’.
That is how simple it is to be ‘programmed’.
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I have a belief that there is good in everybody. This belief comes from parents who told me this many years ago and therefore I have believed it for all this time. I have not had any reason to challenge this belief before and therefore it has just sat there in my mind.

I have challenged this belief, and I now believe that there is good in most people but not everybody. I discovered something about a person I know that was unpleasant, nauseating and which shook me to the core. That belief is now buried forever, and the new belief has replaced it.

10 beliefs I hold:

  • I believe there is a higher being, but I am not sure what or who it is.
  • I believe that working hard reaps great rewards.
  • I believe that honesty is always the best policy.
  • I believe that marriage is an equal partnership and that to be best friends as well is vital.
  • I believe I have masses to offer to other people to help them become the very best version of themselves.
  • I believe I made some huge mistakes whilst bringing up my children.
  • I believe that friends are attracted to me rather than me going out to find them.
  • I believe in general humans think they are superior to other creatures.
  • I believe change can be brought to this planet by drip feeding positive thoughts.
  • I believe in the power of the Universe

I have challenged the belief that there is good in everybody because it has been proved to me that this is just not the case. Therefore this belief is easy to change and will remain changed unless it can be disproved to me that there is good in most people.

I had a belief that my intuition (inner self, spirit, gut instinct) is infallible. It has shown me that it is not. My belief now is that I can trust my intuition up to a limit, but that consideration will have to be made in the future to ensure my gut instinct is not destroyed and continues to protect me.

 What are your beliefs? Are there any that need looking at or adjusting?  Take a look and you might just be surprised.

Contact me today, and we can have a chat on how I can help you. There is so much more information for you to see about my coaching on my website, take a look.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves so that they can have more fun, live a better life and enjoy their work.

 

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We each have our own perceptions and beliefs – and so we should!

Whether you realise it or not, you are constantly in the process of creating and changing your reality.
You are not truly aware of what someone else’s reality really looks like, and they are not truly aware of what your reality looks like. You are only aware of your own reality and how it looks to you. 

Don’t believe me?  Take a simple scenario.  A road traffic accident, where nobody is hurt, fortunately, when one car hits another car.  There are three witnesses.  A policeman will ask each witness what he or she saw.  There will be three completely different perceptions of the same incident.

car

 For instance, one person might state that they saw the first car brake suddenly, so the driver of the car behind (being far too close in their perception) braked really hard but the car was going too fast and ran into the car in front with a loud bang. 

The second person saw the second car approaching the car in front too fast and the driver didn’t appear to even see the car in front and ran straight into it without braking. 

The third person witnessed the first car slow down too much so the driver of the car behind (which wasn’t going too fast) couldn’t quite stop in time (though they tried) and hit the car in front really hard.

 Three different perceptions of the same accident – each quite ‘real’ to those witnesses – but significantly dissimilar. 

 How you perceive your life and everything around you will differ dramatically from other people’s perceptions.  Your reality is totally unique to you.

How you think about your life, how you see yourself in the mirror, and what you believe is happening to you at any given moment, will be the reality that exists for you.

 So what are your beliefs?  They are your views, judgements, guiding principles and decisions about yourself, family and friends, communities, organisations, employers and everyone and everything else you come into contact with.

 Your beliefs filter everything you see, hear and feel around you and, as a result, determine the meaning you attach to any event. Your beliefs act as self-fulfilling prophecies.

If you think that you can’t do something and then find it extremely difficult to do and give up trying, you have successfully fulfilled your belief that you can’t do it.  What would have happened if you had believed that you could do it?  Would your reality have been different?

Your beliefs, whether they be limiting or empowering, determine your actions, and your actions in turn verify your beliefs. Over time, as you collect more evidence to prove your beliefs, your beliefs become your reality.

Your beliefs operate in your subconscious mind and influence your conscious mind, they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Whilst you are aware of many of your beliefs, in general, your most influential beliefs are stored away in your subconscious mind.

There are some beliefs you view as absolute truths and never question – that is just the way the world is! A change in your beliefs can have a major impact on how you live your life and the behaviours you manifest.

Once you believe in something, you tend to ignore opposite examples and accept only those events that reinforce that belief.

 flat world

As Henry Ford, industrialist, said: ‘Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are probably right.’ How right he was.

Do you currently have beliefs that keep your reality comfortable and safe and that prevent you from exploring your true potential? 

Do you choose to acknowledge only the reality that is predicted by your limiting beliefs and then use these observations as proof that your current reality is indeed true? 

Is it time to step out of your comfort zone and set sail into the unknown?  To push the boundaries of what you think you know and discover new lands and opportunities – to challenge yourself to create your new reality?

Make a note of the limiting beliefs you are aware of.  Really give this some thought.  You will probably find a lot more than you originally thought if you keep delving deeper into your thoughts.

 I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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How do I know I am in a relationship that is bad for me?

Are you really not sure if the relationship you are in is bad for you?  Do you really think you are making a mountain our of a mole hill? 


There are many tell-tale signs of toxic relationships, but I am going to mention just some of them.  

I know that when I was allowing myself to stay in a toxic relationship that my self-esteem was non-existent; and one of the tell-tales that it really was as bad as I thought it might be was he told me that I was useless, nothing like as good as his mother and I would never be able to have a life of my own.

Here are a few of the tell-tale signs:


You are not allowed, or discouraged, to see any of your friends. So you turn down all invitations because it really doesn’t seem worth the hassle and ear bashing that will result later on. And so you lose your friends.

When you do manage to go out with any remaining friends, your partner phones your friend to make sure you are there after about an hour and makes you feel awkward.

Your partner decides you won’t wear make up because they don’t like it.

You feel like you’re always treading on eggshells around them.

You find them listening to all your conversations on the phone just in case you say something they don’t like.

Your partner moans and complains when things don’t go according to their plan; this can range from a child being ill to you not being dressed as they think you should be.

Your partner criticises your family whilst expecting you to love theirs.

Your partner puts you down not only at home but in front of other people when you are out together.

Your partner is really pleased with themselves when they have carried the washing basket into the kitchen – “look what I’ve done FOR YOU.”  They never do the washing though, that is your job.

You have begun to lose your sense of self and your self-esteem is non-existent.


Does of any of this sound familiar? Then you are in a toxic relationship, one that is bad for you. You can choose to remain in it as it is, or you can do something to change it.  You don’t have to continue living a life where your confidence and self-esteem are routinely undermined.  

You can choose to leave the relationship, or you can choose to change it.  Either way, you will have to change something about yourself. That takes courage and begins with the first step.  Seeking help. I am the help that you need. Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie

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