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Are you living the life of your dreams?

I have a really important question to ask you. You owe it to yourself to stop what you’re doing for a moment and really think about it…

Are you living the life of your dreams?

Now before you answer that, I’m not talking about the type of dreams that are unrealistic fantasies. I’m talking about the life you imagined when you were younger. When it was easy to see possibilities.

Are you living that life?

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If you are, well done. If you’re not, please keep reading.

A teacher of mine used to always say: “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal”

But sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up. Time begins to move more quickly the older we get, and before you know it, you’re someplace you didn’t plan to be.  Working a job you don’t like. In a body you want to change, and feeling like something is missing. Time keeps going and nothing changes.

Until Right Now.

“Do you even know what you want?”

Not want you don’t want, not what your friends want, not what you’re supposed to want.

But what do YOU want?

So do you know what you want in life?

For most people it’s no.

But you’re not most people. You’re special, and you can begin to change your life right now, just by taking some time and deciding what you want.

The next question that needs to be asked is:
“If you know what you want, do you know how to get it?”

If you do, congratulations, go do it.

20 ways to increase your confidence after divorce

If you don’t, take a deep breath, smile, and realise all the things that you didn’t know how to do at some point in your life. Reading, writing, walking, using a computer, etc. But you learned, and you can learn what to do to make your dreams your reality.

Now you and I know how easy it is to plan on taking some time to get clear and decide what you want in life. And you also know how easy it is to keep putting it off, never quite getting to it, and
living the consequences of that procrastination.

Stop procrastinating, get on and do it.  If you are not sure where to begin get in touch with me today and we can have a chat about how I can help you.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

 

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Taking time for YOU!

My clients often tell me that one of the added benefits of coaching they hadn’t considered before they started, is that their hour long session can often be the only time in a busy week that they feel able to step back and truly focus 100% on themselves.  Hand on heart, how often could you say that you allow yourself to do that?

A lot of the time we get so busy ‘doing’ that we forget about ‘being’.

This was a revelation of sorts for me some years back.  I had something fantastically inspiring to aim for, I had the focus and drive to work really hard and I was making good progress.  And yet, I wound up feeling ill, stressed and fairly disillusioned.  If this was what having stretching goals was about, I wasn’t sure I wanted them after all!

Stressed Businesswoman

Talking through how I felt with a friend one day, I was brought up short when she said “oh yes, you’ve become a human doing instead of a human being” and I thought about that all the way home.

As I reflected on the previous few months I could think of few times when I wasn’t ‘doing’ and even fewer times when I’d consciously decided to take time out and just be.

So how much of your time do you spend ‘doing’ and how much do you spend ‘being’?   If you had to divide a circle up with how much time you give over to each, what would it look like?  How big would your ‘being’ slice be?

With our busy lives and time-poor society it can seem impossible to take more time for ourselves, but at what cost do you choose not to?  My decision those few years back was to invest more time in myself and I’m certain that I’m much more productive as a result.  I get more done in my ‘doing’ time now than I ever did when I was ‘doing’ every waking second of the day.  Plus, my ultimate decision was that it couldn’t all be about the doing and the destination or I’d miss the journey altogether.

So what time could you make for yourself to just be?  When could you next set aside an hour or two, a whole day or even more than that to relax and recharge?  How much better would you feel if you did?

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Could you do with some regular time set aside to focus 100% on you and on making your life how you want it?

Have you got so lost in the process of life that you have forgotten who you are?  If so, I can help you.  Get in touch today.

 

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

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Sometimes I have feelings of inadequacy

Sometimes I have feelings of inadequacy and of not being good enough. I am not sure where they come from but I sometimes wake up feeling that way.
I remember one such occasion, I went to a breakfast business networking meeting, one I went to every Thursday morning at 7am, which meant getting up at 5am to be showered and dressed ready for business by 6.15am at the latest. Then a 10 mile drive.

Usually these meetings were full of energy and fun and a pleasure to be at, but on this day it was a little different. One of our members had split with her significant other and moved off the Island and is now living with her parents on the mainland. This person will be sadly missed as she is vibrant, honest, straight talking and fun. So there was an air of sadness that she had suddenly gone.

There were also some people there who were revelling in this news and making stupid comments, which I tried to ignore, but they were so unnecessary and I thought it was shameful. I said nothing as I didn’t want to get into a stupid argument.

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When the meeting finished I took some items to the DHL drop point to send around the world, as I do several times a week with my secretarial business. This should have taken about twenty minutes but ended up taking nearly an hour because the computer system wouldn’t let them put in the address and postcode I had for one item going to China, and a call to the helpdesk was needed and this took forever. The lady who served me is also one of those people I try to avoid as she drains all the energy from me and is very critical of every one and every thing.

So instead of getting back to my office by 9am to get stuck into my work, I didn’t get back until nearly 10.30 and then I was all behind and annoyed that things didn’t work out.

I sat and thought about what it was that was making me feel inadequate. Not the fact that I was late getting back to the office. Not the fact that we had lost a great member of our networking group. So what was it? And then it came to me.

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The night before I had been on a fabulous phone call with two coaching colleagues. The creativity and ideas were flowing from them, and what brilliant ideas they were. I am in awe of their power to think these things through so easily and clearly.

So, I believe that I was feeling inadequate because I had absolutely nothing to add to these two brilliant coaches’ thoughts and ideas. They had done their homework fantastically and presented their ideas and innovations in clear and concise ways, and they were great ideas and I know they will work.

I feel that my strengths lie elsewhere, but at that particular moment I wasn’t sure where.

I hate feeling this way and it makes me really upset to think this way. I know that I am a brilliant coach and that I do make a huge difference to people’s lives and that I will continue to do so.

Having written all this I felt much better and know that I have a lot to offer but not necessarily in the same way as other people.  I also know that I should not compare myself to other people, that is definitely a confidence killer.

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So, to re-boot my confidence I have written a list of my creativity and innovativity (is that a word?) and here is the list I have come up with:

 

My creativity 

  • Superb coach
  • Brilliant cook
  • Expert typist
  • Can set out a document by eye, and it will look great on the page.
  • Brilliant writer and author
  • Fabulously intuitive
  • Do my accounts satisfactorily
  • Create a good workspace
  • Create opportunities for clients
  • Create opportunities to get clients
  • Great supporter
  • Impactful
  • Great teacher
  • Create achievable goals for my clients and for myself

 

My Innovativity

  • Build relationships online and in person
  • Think up new ways for my clients to succeed
  • Find new ways for me to succeed
  • Lead by example
  • Positive and encouraging to all
  • Hear beyond the words

If this hits home to you then please feel free to contact me.  You are not alone.  I would love to talk with you and help you to learn how to be more confident in yourself.  As we all know, life is a school and we are constantly learning.  I really do look forward to hearing from you with your lists of creativity and innovativity. Get in touch today to find out how my inspirational coaching can transform first you – and then your life

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 

 

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Be a surfer – riding the incoming waves of information

In this modern world, the 21st century,  we are living in an information age. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, Internet pages and in-boxes.

No sooner have we made a decision on what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new report, video or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion.

After a while, we may very well be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilising our point of view or preventing overloading our brains, and this is understandable.

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Rather than closing down and ignoring what could be vital information, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.

For example, there is a plethora of contradictory studies concerning foods that are allegedly good for you and foods that are allegedly bad for you. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether, for example, coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not.

The answer is, of course, different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding.

In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open give us the option to change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.

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I think the key is realising that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. After all, we are always learning. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilising our worldview. Our intuition is vital for this process. As soon as we have reached some kind of stability, it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilising.

Maybe, if we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how lucky we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride whilst we are learning.

If any of this resonates with you, and you would like some help understanding how your intuition works, get in touch with me and we can have a free 15 minute chat.

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Coach, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me and my ‘Why’ on my website 
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Looking after YOU first.

How do you respond when someone makes a request of you and it really is not something you want to do?

I suspect you try and search for an excuse, such as I am busy that day, I have to wash my hair…..and all these excuses seem very lame to you. And so you say yes, against your better judgement.

BUT, what if you could respond confidently to the request? What if you could say no without guilt?

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The question has just been posed.  Pause.  Were you going to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no”?  What possible reasons could there be for saying no?

  • It’s beyond your means?
  • It’s beyond your comfort level?
  • You have no interest?
  • You have to wash your hair?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.”  Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, which would be detrimental to you and which come from a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

What would happen if you said yes?  Perhaps:

  • You would be considered ‘one of us’
  • It would make your friend happy
  • Your visibility with other people may be improved
  • It would make you miserable

Would you feel comfortable with your self if you were to say yes, even though you knew it would not be in your best interests?

Saying “no” is hard for so many of us.  A false sense of guilt often comes into play.  Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a world view that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we know it is there lurking in the background and make decisions  based upon it, even though deep down, we know it is not right for us.

New for 2013. From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again

 

So you have made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, to honestly say “NO”.  Practice it in the mirror. Say it clearly and self-assuredly.….in the mirror.  Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as if you speaking to whoever asked you the question.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?  Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

Sometimes, if you have always given in to others,  guess what happens?  After all that practice, getting the tone right and pretending you are talking to the person who asked you the question, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!   They may try to push you to say yes, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.   This is where your personal boundaries come in to play.

Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do?  Revisit the questions you asked yourself before. If you are really serious about saying “NO”, then stick to your guns.  Tell the person making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes and boundaries, and ask them not to ask again.  If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!  In a firm, yet polite voice with a firm tone.  Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.  When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications.  Look the person in the eye when you say the NO.  Shake your head at the same time as saying NO.  Stand up tall.

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, it is perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”.   No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer.  It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.  It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

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Practice makes perfect as they say!  Remember you must look after yourself first.  This is not selfish, it is a necessity. Practice in the mirror and soon you will:

  •  feel much more confident and proud.
  •  find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
  • Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
  • You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
  •  have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
  • The list goes on from there…

I have learned  how to look after myself first and how to say no without guilt.  I have learned that my boundaries are vital to my day to day living and that once people are aware of those boundaries they respect them and me.  That isn’t to say that I always say no, I know when to say yes and when to say no.

So if you’re looking to finally take control of your life and make a change, why not drop me a line and we can talk it through.

To book in for a FREE 15 minute discovery call please Email me.

 

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.

 

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Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

There are many, many reasons why women and men don’t leave an abusive relationship.  Often it is because they don’t realise that they are being abused.  They think it is normal.  I know from experience that I believed the emotional, psychological and financial abuse I suffered was normal.  I thought everyone’s relationship worked in this way.  It wasn’t until I literally woke up one day and thought ‘this is n’t normal’ and started really looking at other people’s relationships that I realised I was in an abusive relationship.

I went and consulted a solicitor who agreed that not only was this an abusive relationship but I had grounds for divorce.  Unreasonable behaviour. And so I took my courage in both hands and filed for divorce.

What is an abusive relationship?

One where you are treated in one or more of these ways:

Manipulated – Have their will imposed on you so you do as they say without realising it

Controlled – told what to wear, what to do, where to go, where you can and can’t work, who you can and can’t speak to

Insulted – in private and/or in public

Treated as a possession

Told that everything is your fault

Deprived of money – only allowed so much a day not allowed your own income

Deprived of friends – not allowed to have friends

Only allowed a mobile phone as long as you only call the abuser and they control the bill

Psychologically mistreated – made to feel worthless

Emotionally mistreated – constantly told you are useless and nobody wants you

Physically – beaten, burned, tortured

Sexually – raped, made to perform acts you don’t want to, made to be part of a threesome

Verbally – shouted at, berated in front of other people, made to feel small and inadequate

Held prisoner/locked up

Made to have meals on the table at specific times and threatened with various consequences if they don’t appear on time.

Interestingly in 1995 a national survey showed that just under 50% of abusers are in fact female.

I believe that most of the reasons that people don’t leave abusive relationships, once they realise what it is, stem from fear.

Most of the fears are understandable, but often irrational.  For instance, fear of having no money if they leave.  Because women are generally at home looking after the children, they don’t have any income of their own.  The fear of financial ruin builds in the mind until it becomes ‘I can’t survive if I leave’. And so they stay.

Fear of losing the children. If a man has been abused he may find it very difficult to leave with the children.

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Most of the fears are understandable, but often irrational.  For instance, fear of having no money if they leave.  It may be they don’t have any income of their own.  The fear of financial ruin builds in the mind until it becomes ‘I can’t survive if I leave’. And so they stay.

Fear of what other people might think.  There is often a social stigma that labels people as failures if they dare to leave their partners.  Usually nobody outside the home realises what is going on which adds to that stigma.  This leads to feelings of insecurity. And so they stay.

Fear of what might happen to them at the hand of their partner if they did leave.  Often people believe that their partner will come after them and kill them and/or their children. The threats are made to them over and over again, until they are ingrained in their mind.  And so they stay.

People often fear that they are the reason that they are abused.  That it is their fault. And if they were to change their ways their abusive partner would be different.  A false supposition.  And so they stay.

Of course, the abuser will tell their partner that they will change, they won’t do it again. But they do. They never change.

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I know how difficult it is to leave an abusive relationship.  I was verbally, emotionally and financially abused by my first husband. He would belittle me in front of the children and other people, always tell me that I knew nothing, that I was of no use and he would do anything to stop me succeeding at anything.  Add to that the fact that my parents believed that I should make the marriage work because I was too young, in their opinion, to know what I was doing, and I was financially dependent. And so I stayed.  I stayed 10 years.

I did, eventually, wake up to the fact that it was not normal to be treated in this way, and found the courage to leave and take the children with me and started a new life in a different town.  The feeling of relief was immense.  Although I was threatened with all sorts of things, such as having the children removed, losing my flat etc., I discovered that the threats were empty.  And this is probably true of most abusers.  They are cowards and when someone actually stands up to them, they generally back off.

There are ways out of this horrendous situation.  There are both men’s and women’s refuges who will help you so that you can get yourself out of the abusive home.  Once you are out and can think about what options there are for you, there are counsellors and life coaches who can help you see yourself as you, the real person, and not a punch bag.

There are various organisations who can and will help you to start your new life. Social Services and the Police will work together to ensure that you are safe and help you to move on with your life. They will give you respite and guidance in a safe environment. There are solicitors, the Samaritans, Citizens’ Advice, Relate and they can all point you in the right direction for help. Schools will have contacts if you are worried about your children. There is a whole lot that can be done for you once you are out of the abusive situation and in a safe place. There are protocols that can be introduced and put into action for you.

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There are trusted friends and family who may be able to help you too.

If I had known about life coaching back then I would have been first in the queue.

There is no reason good enough to actually justify staying in an abusive relationship.

It can be hard to admit that you are in an abusive relationship.  But if you think you are being abused and you are unhappy, get out of that relationship as soon as possible.  Take your courage in both hands and make the leap.  Often men find it much harder to admit to being abused than women do, but I believe they are just as justified as anyone else.  There is help out there for everyone.

Do you want to remain stuck and miserable? If your answer is no, find your way to get out and start your new life on your own terms.

Remember, the relationship has failed, not you.  You are not a failure.

If you would like to chat confidentially about your situation, contact me hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
 
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.

 

 

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Do you look good on the outside, but inside you are crumbling?

Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to get beyond these feelings to a calmer and more positive place. What if you could…

  • Overcome your fears and anxieties?
  • Gain the courage to make a change?
  • Get on with enjoying your life?
  • Unlock your inner strengths?
  • Put your own needs first?
  • Be a survivor not a victim?

THIS IS NOT SOME UNACHIEVABLE DREAM. I’M GOING TO HELP YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Picture this. In 2 1/2 days you’ll be feeling like a new you. You’ll have reconnected with your inner confidence and feel able to survive the challenges and obstacles that you face in your life.

You will have developed a new found energy, and you will have a spring in your step.

You’ll be on track to change your situation and live the life you want.

IN OTHER WORDS, IN JUST 2 1/2 DAYS, YOUR LIFE WILL BE TURNED AROUND.

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I am running two retreats, one for women and one for men, here on the Isle of Wight.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat for women, and The L.I.F.E. Retreat for men.

 

I’M HERE TO HELP YOU

I want you to know that it is possible to make a change; that no situation, no matter how desperate, is insurmountable.

As Napoleon Hill says, “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

So, if you’re serious about moving on from your feelings of anxiety and despair, now’s the time to take action.

I’ve designed this Retreat for you – the person who is struggling to live life on your own terms and is finally ready to turn things around.

I’m here to help you be a survivor.

Stop making the same vague wish (“I hope my life finally takes off this year”) every single birthday.

One of these Retreats is for you if you’re finally ready to make a positive change and be a survivor, not a victim.

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WHICHEVER RETREAT YOU CHOOSE, I AM GIVING YOU:

  • The tools you need to recharge yourself and your confidence in yourself in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
  • The knowledge you need to survive following a life trauma – divorce, redundancy, overwhelm, loss.
  • My knowledge and the resources I have accumulated over many years of research, trial and error and failure, and of course successes.
  •  A stay in a beautiful Victorian mansion so close to the beach you will have sand in your shoes. (Situated a 20 minute walk from the Hovercraft and Wightlink Fastcat passenger terminals. No need to bring your car across.  I can even arrange for you to  be collected from the ferry or hovercraft and bring you to the venue.)
  • The focus on you to get to know and love your real SELF.
Plus I am giving you:
 
  • A buffet style continental breakfast each morning.
  •  Your own chef preparing, cooking and serving your lunches and dinners each day on site.
  •  Unlimited refreshments throughout each day.
  •  Your own welcome pack to keep.
  •  Some top notch surprise guest speakers and coaches to add to your experience.
  •  Our own private Facebook group for continued support.
  •  A one to one coaching session with me.

YOU will find the solutions you are looking for. Forget all the imagined reasons why you think it won’t work for you.  Believe the one reason why it will!

Find out more about the Retreat of your choice by clinking on the appropriate link:

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

The investment per person is £749.00 all inclusive.  No hidden costs. Everything is provided, just bring yourself.

Don’t think of cost, think of the value to you and your life.

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RESULTS

I’ve been working with clients as a thought leader and survival coach for the past 10 years to help them overcome stress, anxiety and life trauma.

I helped one client to change their career from one they hated to one they loved.

Another client came to me with anxiety associated with confrontation and low self-esteem.  She is now leading a whole team of people and confident in her abilities.

I also helped a client who was suffering from very low self-esteem to realise her full potential and she is now blossoming running her own business.

Don’t just take my word for it!

“Maggie has an instant relaxing mentality rarely found in people, backed with a genuine empathy for people. Maggie has the mark of calm, leaving you feeling relaxed and at peace. Maggie’s knowledge and style leaves clients and fellow professionals wanting more of her work. Maggie is just one of those people with a gift and the world is blessed with her use of them.”
– DU, UK (Male)

“Maggie has great experience of dealing with life situations in a positive way. I have seen people grow within themselves during several of her presentations and seminars. She deals with people in a non-judgemental and constructive way, whilst challenging them to look at their view of them selves and to re-evaluate their own self-worth.” – KC, UK (Male)

“Maggie assisted me through a challenging time in my life. She is able to combine a no nonsense approach with genuine empathy to her coaching work and shares her knowledge generously. She holds you accountable for outcomes in a warm and caring manner. Being coached by Maggie was such a pleasure. I always looked forward to those sessions with anticipation. Maggie is able to hold your space in a non-judgemental manner which gives you the confidence to move forward. I certainly recommend her as a coach.” – TZ, South Africa (Female)

“I used to get irritated whenever you would say ‘why can’t you do that?’ or ‘why do you think that?’. But now I see that by questioning my thinking you have broadened my outlook and I can actually achieve more than I ever thought. In fact the other day I was faced with a challenge, and my initial thought was I need to get someone in to do this for me. Then I stopped and thought of you and it came to me that I can do it. And do you know what, I did it and it worked out very well.” – IM, UK (Male)

SO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LIFE COULD BE LIKE? AND HOW READY ARE YOU TO MAKE A CHANGE, ONCE AND FOR ALL? 

Book your place today……..There are only 10 places available for each Retreat.

The S.E.L.F. Retreat

The L.I.F.E. Retreat

Grant yourself the freedom to START LIVING.

Can’t wait to see you there!

Maggie Currie

Thought Leader, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Contributor to BBC Radio, Vectis Radio, Susan Rich Radio
Published author and regularly write articles for national and international magazines.
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Find out more about me on my website.
 
P.S. Here are just a few testimonials from my previous workshops/courses/seminars:

 
“Thanks Maggie, I have your book in my bag and the collage I made at your workshop, when I look at it, it gives me the confidence to carry on. I can’t thank you enough for that workshop, it was great.” Maggie J
 
“Maggie always brings a refreshing energy to any situation. She truly enjoys helping others to live the life they deserve!” Teri H
 
“Maggie helped me to make one big decision that led to another, and another, and another – and that’s how my life changed for the better!” Jane L
 
“Maggie makes the toughest challenges seem simple. Always exceeds my expectations.” Wendy W
 
“I have done really well since your workshop. I decided that it was OK to give up being self employed because there is too much going on elsewhere it is not serving me well. I have successfully applied for a surveyors job at xxxxxxx and been offered a very good package. I have accepted and start in November part time until I finish all my jobs and then full time by 2015. I am really pleased to say the least. It was very helpful to go somewhere for some “me” time. Thank you! ” Peter M
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Chill

Stress as we all know is a killer. And yet still the number of people suffering from it continues to increase. In the UK it is estimated that work-related stress is responsible for six million days of sick leave a year.

When you own your own business, being sick from work is simply not an option. Ask a business owner when they last took a day off sick and chances are it was last century. Maybe we’re all delusional, believing that the business would come crashing to its knees if we weren’t there to run it. More likely that we know the business can function very well without us, but there simply aren’t the resources in place to pick up the work in your absence. Whatever the reason, small business owners don’t read the signs their bodies send them when they are working too hard. That stiff neck, backache, that heart burn – you just work through it.

worried

Whilst it is normal to have some stress when running your own business, excessive stress can seriously disrupt your productivity and have a huge impact on your physical and emotional health. How you deal with this stress can mean the difference between your success or failure.

If you go to your local A & E department you will find doctors and nurses working in very stressful conditions as a matter of course.  They get on with their jobs in a quick but measured fashion and there is never any panic amongst the staff. This includes everyone, the porters, the doctors, the nurses. They all have a job to do and they just get on with it – systematically. No dramas, no ‘not quite knowing what was the most important or urgent task of the day’.

There really is little to get stressed about in business. What goes on in hospitals every day all over the country is quite extraordinary. Our doctors and nurses and all their support teams work in severely stressful situations, they work incredibly long hours and are in the business of saving lives. It doesn’t get much bigger than that does it? And yet they seem to do it quite reservedly – we don’t hear much about them on a day-to-day basis do we?

Is it really worth getting so worked up about business? Why not start a triage system in your business – there are just some things that can sit being monitored for while, whilst you get on with the important stuff.

Managing stress doesn’t have to be about making huge changes or rethinking career paths.  I believe it is about focusing on the one thing that’s always within your control: YOU.

You can’t control everything related to your business; that would be unrealistic. But that doesn’t mean to say that you are totally powerless—even when you’re stuck in a difficult situation.

hidingbehinddesk

I’m a coach specialising in helping people reduce or eliminate stress in their work.  I will help you get out from hiding behind your desk. I have set up and run two successful businesses over the past 10 years and I managed stress levels successfully so that it didn’t affect me very much.

And you can do it too…… Take responsibility for your working life. I will help you to focus on what is important, what can be monitored, what can be outsourced, what can be ditched, so that you can work smarter and not harder.

Get in touch today to find out more about my 8 week coaching programme to help you reduce or even eliminate stress from your work.

Maggie Currie

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Simple Steps Real Change

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Why We Must Care for Ourselves

So many of us focus so much on caring for others that we forget all about caring for ourselves. But when we don’t take the time to care for ourselves it can be extremely damaging to our health. It is often instilled into us as we grow up, we are conditioned, that we should care for others first and ourselves last and that it is selfish to think of yourself.  But I think this belief is wrong and it is not selfish to look after ourselves first, it is absolutely vital.

Giving too much can hurt us. It is important that we learn to care for ourselves too. It doesn’t make us unkind or selfish.  We’re not caring less for those who depend upon us. We’re not saying, “I matter more than you.’ We are simply caring for our own needs too, looking after our own health, so that we have more to give in future.

oxygen masks

There is a story that really hits home with me and affects me every time I read it, and it says that a mother was taking a flight on a plane with her twin daughters who were aged 5.  There was an emergency and the oxygen masks came down and the mother, although she had listened to the safety announcements and knew what to do with her mask did not put her mask on first. Instead she tried to get masks on her twin daughters to no avail. Because she had not put her mask on she soon could not breathe, became unconscious and couldn’t help herself or her daughters. All of them died. Now, if she had put her mask on first she would have been able to calmly fit the masks on her daughters and they would probably all have survived.  So no, it is not selfish to look after yourself first, it is vital.

A study of carers carried out in 2004 highlighted how caring for others too much can hurt us. Examining a group of carers who looked after chronically ill children, scientists at the University of California in San Francisco analysed samples of the carers’ DNA.They measured the length of their ‘telomeres’, which are essentially the end caps on DNA, the nearest I can come to describing these is something like the plastic end caps on shoelaces.  As we age, our telomeres gradually shorten just like the end caps on shoelaces get worn away. Interestingly measuring the length of telomeres is one of the most accurate ways of measuring the age of the body.

Studying the telomeres of 39 women who cared for chronically ill children and 19 women who were mothers to healthy children, they found that the telomeres of the most stressed carers were 15% shorter than those of the least stressed women. The scientists concluded that this degree of shortening was equivalent to at least ten years of extra aging.

In 2007 a study of carers of Alzheimer’s patients found something similar. University of Ohio scientists studied the telomeres of 41 caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients and compared them with the telomeres of non-caregivers, once again finding that the caregivers had much shorter telomeres.

For people who give too much and are feeling tired and/or stressed, the question I always ask is, ‘If it was a friend or loved one who was in your position, what would you advise them?’ We know what to do but how often do we do what we know?

 balloons

One way to think of it is like blowing up a balloon. We give a full breath and the balloon begins to inflate. But what do we do next? We take in a large breath to enable us to put more air in the balloon. Kindness to ourselves is like taking a breath.  It replenishes us so that we can give even more. If we forget to take a breath we eventually have nothing more to give, and the balloon is left to deflate.

We help others more when we also care for ourselves. Kindness can make the world a better place. But we must not forget to add ourselves to the list of those who need kindness, and make sure we give ourselves the kindness we deserve.

Do you feel like you could be getting more out of your life? Are you looking to make changes to improve your life but don’t know where to start?

Would you like to be happier, more confident, more relaxed and have time to care for yourself?

Good news! You’ve come to the right place and I know I can help… Get in touch today.

 

 Maggie Currie

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Maggie Currie in the hot seat

In this latest blog post, Maggie speaks to writer and presenter Clancy Walker. They chat about life, loves and many challenges along the way…

 

Maggie, you say that your life changed almost overnight when you made the decision to change your thinking. What is your life like now?

 

I am now living my dream on the beautiful Isle of Wight.  I am doing the work I love and living in a place that I love, with the man that I love.

 

It sounds wonderful, and it’s something that others can aspire to, but it hasn’t always been plain sailing for you, has it? How did life start out for you?

 

I was born and brought up in Essex.  When I was born, I was labelled as illegitimate because my birth mother was barely sixteen when I was born, she wasn’t married and had put me in a children’s home. 

 Whether this was her choice or one that was forced upon her I don’t know and probably never will know.  But that is where I was.

 

So, not the easiest of starts and I’m sure others will be able to relate to you. What happened from there?

 

I was fortunate enough to be adopted, rather than staying in care long term, and was taken to my prospective parents’ home when I was about six weeks old to meet my new older brother.  I was fostered until the official adoption came when I was around two years of age, although I really don’t remember it.  

 My childhood, on reflection, was a fairly good one.  We always had a two-week

holiday, usually on the Isle of Wight, which is why I grew to love it so much. 

 I was sent to a private school because my parents thought I would do better there than at the local comprehensive school.  I did really well and left school at the age of 16 with a GCE in Commerce and a string of RSAs in shorthand, typing etc.  My first job was with an insurance company in London.

 I then got married for the first time when I was 19 and had three lovely children.

 

It all sounds great, although I notice you said ‘for the first time’ when you talk about getting married. I’m guessing things changed in your relationship?

 

Yes, unfortunately the marriage did not last due to the verbal, psychological and financial abuse I suffered at the hands of my husband. 

 I finally woke up to the fact that this was not normal and summoned up the courage to consult a solicitor who agreed with me and I filed for divorce. 

 It took two years for the divorce to go through, as my husband refused to accept the marriage was over, but eventually, after me standing my ground, we were divorced when I was 30. 

 

So, you were 30 with three children to support – did you have much support from those around you?

 

For various reasons I had to take the children, who were aged then nine and six (I had twins), to another town and live in a one bedroom flat. 

 Thankfully it had a garden and was close to the schools and shops and we lived there for about two years along with a menagerie of two cats, a dog, two rabbits, some goldfish, a hamster, two gerbils and some zebra finches.  

 

It sounds quite tough, and hectic, but it also sounds like you were starting to find your feet and enjoying the challenges life was throwing you?

 

Yes, I think I had got used to being on my own with the kids – and was enjoying a freedom I’d not experienced before – thanks to being free of an abusive relationship. I’m so pleased I was able to find the courage to leave it.

 

And then something even more wonderful happened, didn’t it?

 

Yes, I met up with a man called Kelvin again. I had known him for some years as a friend of my brother, and we fell in love.

We married when I was 32 and we moved to a lovely Victorian terraced house with four bedrooms and a long garden in the same town. 

 We lived in that house for about 15 years, so the children grew up there, and we were very happy there.

 

It just shows how much life can change over the years, doesn’t it? You did have some very difficult times too, though, didn’t you?

 

Yes, and like many people we had family challenges that we thought were impossible to solve and would never end. 

 At times like those we had to be patient and weather the storm.  On those days it seemed that life was too much to bear.  Some very hard decisions had to be made – decisions that no parents should have to make – but we made them and life carried on. 

 

How did you manage to make such difficult decisions?

 

We made the decisions that we thought were the best at that time and would be the most beneficial for the whole family.

 But life does get better and that cloud does go away especially by thinking good thoughts and getting back on track and by not feeling guilty or giving in to emotional blackmail, which is something I can help others with through my coaching.

 

So, what happened after the children had grown up?

 

When the children had all left home we moved to Hampshire, where we lived for

about five years.  We had also bought a flat on the Isle of Wight and we took holidays in it and spent lots of weekends in it. We planned to retire into it as well, as we loved the island so much.

 While we were living in Hampshire our next-door neighbour was Maureen – who was looking forward to retiring at 60. 

 Sadly Maureen was diagnosed with cancer and died six months later, before she got to her sixtieth birthday.

 We made the decision then to move to the Isle of Wight and not wait until we retired.  A step we have never once regretted.

 

Which leads us back to where we started in this interview! Tell me a little more about what life is like for you now, Maggie?

 

Moving to the Island has opened up so many doors that would not have been opened if we had stayed where we were. 

 I have opened my mind to the new opportunities that are available and I have kept my mind open to make sure that I don’t miss any. 

 I have found that following the signs, even if I am not sure where they are leading me, can be really beneficial. 

 Some opportunities I reject, some I embrace.  I have made mistakes, learned from them and moved on.

 

But life isn’t perfect for everyone all of the time – how have you handled the difficult times in recent years?

 

There have been times when life has not been so good.  Like when my father died suddenly in 1999.  I miss him still.  He was a fountain of knowledge and wisdom and always had time and wise words for me. 

 I have learned how to bounce back and gain something from the experiences I have been through to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes again.  I really believe you can do the same if you are gentle with yourself.  

 

Thanks Maggie, what advice would you like to finish with for your readers?

 

I know my coaching, books, talks and courses will help you to change your life for the better. 

 Don’t forget to open your mind to the new opportunities that lie ahead of you. 

 The choice is yours, you have the ability to create your very own future.  Your new life is out there.  Go and open the door to your new, fantastic future.

 Good luck on your motorway of life, take the right exits for you, try some you think might not be quite right, you may be surprised. 

 Be brave.  You deserve to succeed.

 

Love

 

Maggie xx

 

Maggie Currie

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Maggie Currie was speaking to writer and presenter Clancy Walker

                                                                                               Clancy