July 15, 2014 by Maggie Currie

Forgiveness – releasing the past

Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiven inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events. Over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy.

Until we release ourselves from this cycle, it may prove impossible to move forward. It really does not matter what the issue was, whether slight or life-shatteringly traumatic. If you want to move on you must let it go. To do this you must forgive. To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behaviour simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.

Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go. They will never move on until they do. In fact, quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt.

How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life. If we choose to accept the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction. If however we focus on the bad things that have happened to us, then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want.

If you or your life is “stuck”, then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past. Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself. So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that. Forgive yourself and let it go.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past.

In this moment now, you have your power – the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference. You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future. If you want to feel free, released from the past then you must forgive. Forgive everyone, especially yourself. I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear. The basis of them can seem, and may well be, completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions, and it is OK to experience them. However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions, but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

Look around you, do you know anyone like that? Some tragedy or injustice has been suffered and now the entire life of that person is defined by their anger and resentment. Every positive thought, every inspired moment, all of life’s little pleasures are subsumed with their overwhelming feelings of anger, resentment, even desire for revenge. No matter how justified their emotions are, what good is it doing them? The past can never be changed. Life is full of tragedy and joy, it is not the events of life so much as how we respond to them that defines how joyous and successful our lives are.

It is time now for you to take action and to really begin to change your life. Or you could do nothing. It is your choice. I am coaching people to become the very best version of themselves.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

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June 12, 2014 by Maggie Currie

How to break bad habits

What are your bad habits? First you have to identify the habits that you want to break. The ones you really don’t want to hang to. The ones you consider to be bad habits.

Smoking?
Talking too much?
Drinking?
Untidiness?

Whether it’s that perpetual pile of clothes in the corner you’re waiting to someday turn into gold, a self-proclaimed disability which renders you unable to refrain from interrupting, or a knack for timing your exit just so, so that someone else is continually left to do the washing up, now’s the time to extinguish these habits before they turn into next year’s resolutions.

Here are some of the reasons why.

1. It’s not fair to others. One of the great universal laws ruling our wonderful planet says that you get back what you put out there.

Do you want others to be kind and considerate to you? Then start putting the considerate, kind vibes out there and pick up your clothes, do the washing up, and stop interrupting or whatever it is you or a collective “others” define as a bad habit.

2. It’s not fair to you. I’m sure you’re a nice person, and you pride yourself on having generous, warmhearted traits. So, it’s not fair to you either that this simple, little, annoying thing you do can wield the power that it now, or will soon have.

These tiny culprits have been known to ruin marriages, friendships, and cause the downfall of many a mighty person. Plus you’ll feel better about yourself.

3. Your success depends on it. Bad habits have a funny way of scope and context creep.

First they only happen in certain situations, and the next thing you know, you’re at a business function swirling your fingers through the chip dip. Put an end to it now before situations that require your utmost polish become tarnished by these terribly annoying little monsters.

4. You probably don’t like it when others do the same thing. Think about it. If someone did the same thing to you, would it bother you?

Be honest.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple exercise in empathy to find the motivation to quit whatever it is we could benefit from stopping.

5. List your own reasons. But be sincere and totally honest.

What is it costing you to perpetuate these habits?

Whether it’s a moment of peace, seemingly perpetual nagging, or simple anxiety resulting from anticipation of the next blow-up or negative comment, you owe it to yourself to commit to your ongoing personal development, and to the elimination of any behaviour whose costs far outweigh the benefits.

So how do you begin?

Just like breaking a smoking habit, bad habits have a way of creeping up on us and slowly over time becoming somewhat akin to an appendage—i.e. they’re hard to get rid of.

Here are some tips for breaking these bad habits:

Start small:

While it might not be reasonable to expect that you can just stop whatever you’re doing overnight, identify what might constitute as a small step in the right direction? Write down what that step is and carry it out over the next 21 days.

For example, if you are smoking 40 a day, cut that down to 20 for the next 21 days. Make that behaviour a habit before you cut that down to 15 for the next 21 days and then 10 and so on.

Commit:

Make a commitment to yourself that you will make this shift, and if reinforcement and punishment works—use it! Think about how you might reward yourself for making the change. Or, consider how you might penalise yourself if you don’t.

For instance in our smoking example. Put the money you would have spent on the cigarettes in a jar and at the end of the 21 days add it all up and buy yourself a treat for example.

From cutting down to 20 smokes a day from 40 smokes a day, over a 21-day period at £8 a packet that will save you £168 in just 3 weeks!

Also, write two lists, one of the reasons why you are doing this and also a list of the things that you will miss out on if you keep on doing your bad habit.

Identify alternatives:

What are some alternatives to the behaviour you are demonstrating? Is there a quick fix or solution that might help provide an alternative—e.g. put a laundry basket by the bedside (one to match with the décor) so that you don’t end up with a pile on the floor.

Get help:

Ask someone to help keep you accountable. If they’ve been victims of this bad habit, they’ll most likely be thrilled you asked! Or seek professional help from a coach or mentor who will definitely hold you accountable. A coach will be non-judgemental and will offer you praise when it is due.

Ask for feedback:

Because human nature dictates that we will only complain when you offend, rather than amend, ask for feedback frequently.

Don’t assume, no news is good news, but be sure to get praise when praise is due. Remember to reward yourself when you achieve your short term goals, your medium term goals and your long term goals. It doesn’t have to be something expensive, although it can be. It could be a cream tea by the sea, or a cup of coffee, or a small box of chocolates. You decide what your rewards will be and make sure you reward yourself.

I am here to help, so call me and we can talk about how I can help you.