October 6, 2013 by Maggie Currie

Relationship anxiety

Relationship anxiety is very destructive, as you know. If you don’t learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, it leads into a very devastating downward spiral:

Suspiciousness
Worrying about your partner not loving you, or not caring as much as you do
Thoughts of them being unfaithful.
Many more self-destructive thoughts and emotions.

And of course, all of these will fuel your relationship anxiety.

In order to learn how to get rid of anxiety in your relationship, take the following steps:

Ask your partner for reassurance. When you find yourself becoming suspicious in your relationship, try to remember that it is probably being fueled by your anxiety. You may be able to get some relief from your relationship anxiety by asking your partner for occasional reassurance. They will be happy to give this if they are patient and understanding of your anxiety.

This kind of support may well be very helpful to you. Ask a trusted friend who is prepared to give you an honest answer if there might be some real reason for you to feel this way. But even when you get that real information, it may not help alleviate your relationship anxiety. You will have to work on that yourself. Perhaps your worry is that you feel that you are too “needy” in your relationship.

For instance, do you need constant reassurance and want your partner to regularly prove that things are really okay? This will inevitably put pressure on you and your partner and will add to the relationship anxiety.

I got married when I was 19 years old and discovered after about six months that I had made a terrible mistake. I was under a lot of pressure from my parents to stay in the marriage as it was not ‘the done thing’ to separate or divorce. In their opinion, I was far too young to know what I was doing. I believed them as I knew nothing different and so tried to make the marriage work.

Inevitably the pressure of trying to make it work instead of figuring out how to get rid of anxiety in my relationship made me very unhappy and anxious indeed. I stuck at it for twelve years until I couldn’t take it any longer and I made the decision to leave, take the children, and strike out on my own. I realised eventually that it wasn’t normal to be unhappy and anxious in a relationship. A hard lesson to learn. That was the right decision for me, and the anxiety was lifted almost as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders.

If any of this is resonating with you, then you will need to find ways to cope with your anxiety and learn to rely more on yourself for feeling better – taking the pressure off your partner. This will allow you to become more self-sufficient, even in your anxiety. Give yourself permission to reassure yourself instead of turning to your partner for comfort each time you are anxious. Find ways to learn to think more positively. Try being grateful for what you have.

teenage depression - teen woman sitting thinking

When you are anxious you can create all kinds of ideas in your imagination that appear so intolerable that you feel compelled to take impulsive and totally misguided actions. You will find yourself:

Jumping to conclusions
Making decisions that are destined to fail
Behaving in a totally childish manner, sulking and demanding attention.
Look for solutions that will relieve your relationship anxiety and won’t result in increasing your problems further.
When you are anxious your partner will be anxious too. It becomes a vicious circle and the anxiety is fed constantly.

Learning to trust your intuition is an important part of reducing your anxiety. So, slow down, think through anything you are considering doing and follow your intuition. Make the effort to stop listening to that nagging voice that is telling you something is wrong. It is very likely when you slow down and think rationally that you will find a much better solution for you and your relationship. In this way, you can successfully get rid of anxiety in your relationship.

If you need help with any of the above, contact me.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you.

Maggie Currie

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

Website

Facebook

Twitter

September 29, 2013 by Maggie Currie

Are you directionless?

Many people are working in professions, careers and even their own businesses that they really didn’t consciously plan to pursue. Many people are in relationships where they are not truly happy. This they take to be the norm and they think they are a victim of circumstance. So they take on roles they think are tolerable or expected of them.

Each one of us has a life purpose. Your life’s direction and purpose is the culmination of various activities that allow you to express your intelligence and creativity. That allow you to live in accordance with your own core values, and to experience the profound joy of simply being yourself.

Unlike traditional work, your life’s work demands nothing from you but your intent and passion for that work. Interestingly, nobody is born with a complete understanding of the range of their life purpose.

It may be that you have drifted through your life, and now feel you are directionless. Discovering what your life’s work might be can help you to realise your true potential and live a more authentic, happy and driven life.

But I hear you asking ‘How do you make this discovery?’ Think about what interests you now, in the present. Also think about the passions you remember that moved you in the past.

May be you were attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life, only to have been steered away from your aspirations as you matured. Maybe you are secretly harbouring a secret passion and would love to explore it.

Think about what is calling to you. There may be several things, write them down and then narrow your list down to the one that is calling the loudest.

If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do that. If you want to change the world, consider where you would start and whether you have the skills and talents to undertake philanthropic work. What do you have to do to gain or hone the skills you will need to fulfil your dream?

Proudly write down all of your strengths, passions, beliefs and values to help you refine your search for purpose. Additionally, look for the signs pointing you in the right direction, but be sure to pay attention by opening your mind to all possibilities and really noticing the signs.

You will probably need to redefine your direction several times throughout your lifetime. For instance, being an amazing parent could be your life’s work for 18 years or so, then perhaps you may find you want different work to do.

Your life’s work may not be something you are recognised or paid for, such as parenting, a hobby, or a variety of other activities typically considered by others to be inconsequential. Your love for your life’s work, however, gives it enormous meaning. You’ll know you have discovered your life’s work when you wake up and are eager to face each day and you feel really good about, not only what you do, but also who you are!

If you need help with any of the above, contact me.

I am helping people to become the very best version of themselves and would love to work with you.

Maggie Currie