How to improve your life pre and post divorce

Going through divorce takes its toll, I can attest to that! I thought the process would never end and that I would never be able to get away and live my life on my own.

I had all the doubts that come with being in an uncertain situation.  I was afraid of making mistakes, of making the wrong decisions, losing control of my emotions, trying to be civil to my ex, especially in front of the children, and I lost sight of who I was.

I found the fear of making mistakes to be so overwhelming, and I thought that those mistakes were going to affect me for evermore. That was very scary.  I found the way to stop it being so overwhelming was to get professional help.  I used the services of a solicitor I could trust.  It is important for you to surround yourself with professionals whose expertise you trust and respect – and also that you can afford. I know it will make such a difference to you.

Decision making became a chore.  I was frequently asked to make decisions.  That too was very worrying.  But what is it I was worrying about? The unknown of course.  Make sure you get all the facts; analyse those facts; make a decision – then ACT on that decision. I know then you will get unstuck and move forward.

Being in control of emotions is very important.  I found that nobody wanted to hear me talk incessantly about my ex. But I did need to talk to someone to let out all that rage and anger. I tried to limit those listeners to a few very good friends and a few family members I trusted. Be aware of who you are talking to, the checkout assistant in the supermarket really doesn’t want to know just what a horrible idiot your ex-husband is!

I know how difficult it is to remember who you are in the divorce process.  Try and make sure your priority is you.  No matter how well or badly your divorce goes, even in the very worst divorces, there will be a time for you to heal and accept. It is definitely preferable to do all you can to maintain a civil relationship with your ex.  For a time you will feel all the emotions that go with a fight. Once that fight is over, let go of the bitterness, because if you don’t, it will only be you who will suffer.

I was very angry at first and it really didn’t do me any good at all.  Choose not to be angry, after all being angry is a choice. There are many reasons to hold onto anger and refuse to let it go. There are some people who become addicted to anger.  Anger gives a false sense of power and strength. However, the real strength comes from having the ability to recognise the false rush anger brings and to have the power of stepping back and seeing the whole situation for what it really is.  Real power helps you to respond with clarity and compassion.

Going through divorce I was a mum, an ex-wife and a huge number of other descriptions.  But where was I? I was lost, but I made the effort to find me again.  It’s vital for you to remember that you are so much more than a newly single woman or a mother. You are a strong woman, a worker, a friend, a volunteer – there are so many facets to you. You need to weave these facets into your definition of yourself.

Follow these steps and you won’t become an angry ex-wife who has lost her identity and spends all her days telling supermarket staff how bad her life is.  You will be in control, able to make decisions that are right for you and will avoid making mistakes.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie

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Who is the real me?

What does finding the real me really mean? Well to me it means I have uncovered the real sense of my self. I am able to make my own decisions without being manipulated by other people. I am an individual person in my own right and not a clone of someone else. I have re-established a connection my inner self.

For years I was conditioned to not feel, to not show emotion, to not question, to do as I was told. Therefore I hid my feelings and emotions very well.

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I have survived a toxic relationship where I was emotionally and psychologically abused.  I wasn’t allowed to be me, I had to be who my husband thought I ought to be.  I had to subservient, obedient, not talk to other people, be his possession.  Fortunately I gained the courage to divorce him after 12 years.

I have learned through working on myself that is totally not me. I have burrowed deep down inside me and brought out those suppressed feelings that were stuffed down for so long. I do have feelings, they can be hurt and then they hurt I am now able to acknowledge the hurt, feel the hurt and work through the hurt to get to a place where I have dealt with the hurt.

This works for a whole range of feelings, joy, happiness, surprise, sadness etc. I have learned to acknowledge and recognise those feelings, to embrace them and work with them.

I have learned that I do have emotions and it is okay to express these emotions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me when I express my emotions. I am allowed to cry, I am allowed to let people see my cry. I am allowed to laugh, cry, scream, shout, whatever my emotions dictate. That is me, the real me.

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My conditioning is being slowly changed and I am constantly learning. I am no longer disconnected from the sense of myself, I can make my own decisions and not feel guilty about doing so, I am an individual and proud of it.

I have discovered that I am not average in any way whatsoever. I am a successful businesswoman who has set up and is running two successful businesses. I am an exceptionally intuitive and good coach. I am a successful author of two books which are selling worldwide and changing lives.

I have discovered that I do have a voice and that it is heard. I am seen and heard, I am learning to express my feelings and emotions and I am continuing to learn.

I have a place in this world, and that place is to help people to change their lives, to be able to be confident and able to live their authentic lives and to learn to love themselves and others.

I am on a continuing journey and learning more and more about the authentic me as I go. There are a lot more layers to unveil I am sure.

I have some availability for coaching clients, we just need to fix some dates if and when you want to get started. Get in touch today.

Maggie Currie 

Creedence – Confidence for You

International Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author

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