innate thinking

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Learn to say “NO” – listen to your innate wisdom

How do you respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate? Do you find yourself saying yes, even though your authentic self  wants to say no?

Here are some of my ideas, based on the Three Principles, you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.

The question has just been posed. “Will you please do xyz?”    Pause.

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Was your immediate thought that you ought to say yes?  How did that feel?  Did it make you feel nervous, angry, stressed, etc.?

Stop.  Take a deep breath.  What is your intuition or innate wisdom saying to you?  Probably it is saying no.

Saying “no” is hard for many of us.  Guilt often comes into play.  Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognise it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it.

You’ve made the decision, based on your intuition or innate wisdom, to honestly say “NO”.

Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly…in the mirror.  Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?

Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

After you say “NO”, if you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.

Be prepared for this!  Know your boundaries – what ARE you willing to do?

If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns.

Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further.

You don’t have to justify your response. But if you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

tips

Tips on how to say and not say your “NO!”

  • The “Wet lettuce NO”

Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp.

  • The “Mr Angry NO”

This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. Here are a couple of examples:

“NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you?”

“NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work”

  • The assertive NO

This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite, voice say:

“No. I will not be able/don’t want to do that for you”

Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.

“No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time”

  • Use effective body language

When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall. Use a firm tone in your voice.

Remember, if your nerve is wavering, you are perfectly okay to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?”

Don’t be pressurised into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts, connect with your innate wisdom. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Practice makes perfect as they say!

Start to say NO more often when you feel it is right to you.

  • You will feel much more confident and proud.
  • You will find that practice makes perfect – the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
  • Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
  • You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
  • You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
  • The list goes on from there…

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ There is no end or limitation, nor are there boundaries, to the human mind.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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A different conversation

Working with the Three Principles and coaching my clients using these principles is a totally different conversation from when I first started training as a coach over a decade ago.

I remember there were ‘models’ to learn, such as GROW – Goal, Reality, Options, Willingness.  There were SMART goals – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound.  There were hierarchies such as ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’.  Techniques such as NLP – Neurolinguistic Programming.

There was a mountain of stuff to read and digest, coaching practices to study and learn, seemingly endless amounts of information to absorb.

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I love coaching and seeing my clients achieve so much, but I felt constricted by the numerous models, hierarchies, techniques which I was supposed to follow to ‘be a good coach’.  So mostly I didn’t use them, except in the very beginning.  I tend to listen to what my client is saying, and listen to what they are not saying, get an understanding of their world and begin from there, and the sessions are organic, the flow and are successful.

So then I had the opportunity of learning all about the Three Principles (Mind, Consciousness, Thought) with Jamie Smart on his Clarity programme.  There are no models to learn, there are no acronyms for goal setting to stick to, there are no techniques.  It sounds very simple doesn’t it?

And it is.  Our realities are created from the inside out.  Unlike goals which are set from the outside in.  The Three Principles paradigm is subtractive, there is nothing to add to it, but there is loads of stuff to take away from it.  For instance all those models, acronyms, techniques etc.

The moment you realise thought and feeling are inseperable, the 100% nature of the thought feeling connection, you insightfully see that you are living in the feeling of the principle of thought taking form in the moment, and you wake to to the fact that there is no world ‘out there’ wielding power over your feelings. Which means you can never be the victim of circumstance and your head clears, you start experiencing the pre-existing fact that you and your perceptual reality are one….that there is no separation between self and other, which leads to clarity, peace, love, connection, oneness, wholeness, security, joy, wisdom.

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So this is feeling so right for me, much more so than NLP ever did.  I am developing the grounding I need to feel comfortable in my own skin, my confidence has grown markedly as I share these principles which are having a profound effect on my clients and on myself.  There is something incredibly powerful about knowing that I am able to share something that is truly transformational.

I would like to share this with as many people as possible.  My vision is impacting the lives of one million people so they too can have transformational insights into their own lives.

If you are ready to experience a genuine transformation, I am here to serve you.

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Sydney Banks says, “ If you want to replace a glass of stale wine with fresh wine, first you must pour out the old wine.  It is the same with clearing our minds of unwanted, stale thoughts.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Consultant, Coach, Author
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

 

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Coaching with the Three Principles

I am currently undertaking a year long training with Jamie Smart and learning all about coaching with the Three Principles (Mind, Consciousness, Thought) with the objective of becoming a certified Clarity Coach.

The training involves six modules over six weekends of live training in London, followed by one three day Summer School in London. In addition I am taking part in co-coaching calls with some of the other members of the course.  Plus two group calls with our mentors and individual mentoring calls.  And I am loving every minute of the course, meeting the other participants and learning so much about them and myself.

graduated

 

I am already a highly qualified and experienced coach, and adding this learning to my toolbox of expertise is making me an even better coach.  And I want to share my knowledge with you so you can identify and clear your blind spots, sticking points and stumbling blocks, navigate by wisdom and your enjoy your life more and more.  I want to help you make the life transformations that you want to make.

But what are the Three Principles?

Mind: There is an intelligent energy that is at work in the universe. You can see this intelligence at work in many ways:

  • a fertilized cell knows how to grow into a baby
  • cuts heal themselves without our conscious help
  • trees grow from seeds
  • there is beauty and order in nature

This intelligence is what animates us and, if we let it, can guide us through our lives.

Consciousness: We have the gift of awareness. Consciousness makes life come alive for us since it is through consciousness that we notice our life.

Thought: We are thinking beings. We think all the time. And each thought is inextricably linked to a feeling, as if they were two sides of the same coin. Whatever we are feeling is a result of our thinking, and is brought to life by consciousness.

The philosophy according to Sydney Banks who discovered the Three Principles:

“One possible result of understanding the Three Principles is coming to realize that life is lived from the inside-out and not the other way around. In other words you only ever experience the world through your thoughts.

In the outside-in world, external circumstances are seen as the cause of our experience. For example, it is my bank balance that is making me feel the way I do.

By contrast, in the inside-out world, we are always feeling our thoughts, not our circumstances. So it is my thoughts about my bank balance that are causing my feelings. And my thought will change moment by moment.

This is a very freeing understanding.”

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Even though people have different goals, aspirations or areas in their lives which they want to change, you will create space for peace and clarity, while your understanding of life deepens.

Stress, low morale, physical exhaustion, toxic relationships… all cause damage and can make you feel invisible, but by working with me and the three principles you will begin building the foundations for your positive future.

Coaching is frequently life changing. It will encourage you to step out of your comfort zone (even coaches need to do this!), rediscover you, become content being you, calm, and you will move forward to where you want to be.

That’s a good place to be.

So, if this resonates with you, and you would like to have a conversation about how coaching with me will work, get in touch today and we can arrange to have a chat to begin finding out where you think you are in your life and how I can serve you.

As Napoleon Hill says, “ Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

I really look forward to hearing from you soon.

Maggie Currie

maggieheart
Coach, Mentor, Consultant, Speaker, Author, Survivor
Founder of MAGGIE CURRIE COACHING

Website:       http://www.maggiecurrie.co.uk

Facebook:    https://goo.gl/ZByKGW
Email:            hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk