How to change your behaviours

Your behaviour develops your character. OK, you have learned where your beliefs come from, and you are now aware that you can change your attitudes.  You have realised that your perception of life is totally unique.  You have discovered that your subconscious mind is ruling the roost. And you have found out that you are living each day by the habits built up in the subconscious mind and that you weren’t even aware of it.

All this sounds pretty negative, doesn’t it?  Well it really isn’t.  Knowing all this is positive as it now means that you have the power to change things, and you can now be well on the way to making your reality what you want it to be, instead of what your subconscious thinks you want it to be.

Now you know how to change your attitude to someone or something you can begin to change your behaviour as well.

Same old same old
Let me explain. It may be that your typical weekday is made up of a regular pattern of behaviour that you have been following for some years.  It could be that you get up at 7a.m., complete your morning ablutions, go to the kitchen, turn on the television, put the kettle on, make tea/coffee, eat your cereal and toast while getting dressed.  Leave for work at 7.45a.m. and it is all a bit of a rush.  You go outside and get in your car and drive to work and you always get caught in a traffic jam and, more often than not, you arrive at work just in time to sit at your desk before the boss comes in at 9a.m., and you are all flustered.

The working day goes on and at lunchtime you always go to XYZ sandwich bar and have a sandwich with exactly the same filling, and you always order exactly the same drink.  You bring them back to your desk and eat while carrying on with your work. Invariably you have indigestion and you don’t feel that you have had a lunch break.

At 5p.m. you set off for home and you get caught in a traffic jam again and you arrive home at 6.15p.m. feeling stressed and exhausted.  You turn on the television, start to prepare your evening meal and sit and eat it in front of the television, but you don’t really enjoy it.  The television programmes float past.  You have become a victim of your own habits.

Then comes the washing up, all the usual chores of washing or ironing.  Friday is shopping night and that is such a chore and you go around the supermarket and buy anything and everything that you perceive will make your life easier, because it doesn’t need cooking or preparing or whatever.

Then at 10p.m. you go to bed to go to sleep.  You perhaps don’t sleep well. This pattern repeats every day, every week, every month.

Weekends are taken up with housework, more washing and ironing, gardening (if you have a garden) and perhaps Sunday lunch with your parents or relatives, whether you really want to see them or not.

The next week is exactly the same, and the next, and the next and so on. This is your current reality.

All that repetition in your behaviour creates habits.  The habits feel comfortable to you and they can get far too comfortable.  They can get so comfortable that they appear to be the only safe way to proceed.  You have created a ‘safe place’, something like a really comfy armchair that hugs you all around, with some lovely comfy slippers, and your television has beautiful stars all around it because it is so warm and inviting to you.

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Breaking the habit
But has it got so safe and so comfy that you become really scared to change anything?  After all, life has carried on like this for years without change, why change anything now when you are feeling so safe?  Even though you know you are not satisfied with this life of ritual and habit.

What would happen if you changed just one thing about your day?  Would the world come abruptly to an end? Would the sky fall down?  Would your friends all run away?

No, none of those things would happen.  If you were to change just one of those patterns of behaviour, your life would begin to be more interesting and less exhausting.

Don’t believe me?

Give this a try.  It is not a major change to your daily behaviour, it is a very tiny change, but it is one that will make a huge difference to you.

Every day you have gone to XYZ sandwich bar and bought the same type of sandwich and drink and taken them back to your desk and worked through your lunch.  Make the decision that today, instead, you are going to make a tiny change to your routine and go to ABC café instead.  Find a café that looks nice and welcoming to you and that you think you will feel comfortable in.  Try out a few over the next few days if you prefer until you find just the right one for you.

Then go to ABC café, by all means have the same sandwich as usual.  Buy a drink, it can be the one you usually buy.  But, instead of taking these back to your desk, stay in the café, sit and enjoy your lunch, relax, watch the people all around you.  Take your time and really enjoy your lunch.  Then take a stroll back to your office and begin your afternoon feeling rested and refreshed.

Notice the difference it makes to you and to your day.  Notice that the world has not ended.

Just one little change in your behaviour can make a huge difference to your working day.

Now your reality will look totally different.  Instead of being tired and exhausted, you will be refreshed and raring to go.  Your colleagues will notice the difference in you too.

Once you have achieved that small change, take a look at the other patterns of behaviour in your daily life.  What other small changes can you make that will make huge differences to your reality?  Could you have something different in your sandwich?

What about the time you get up and go out in the morning?  Could that be changed to make it less likely that you will catch the traffic jams?

Is there an evening class, reading group or a dance class you could join that would get you out of that comfy armchair and meeting people and helping you to enjoy your life more?

Can you change your reality so that you are really happy and doing what you want rather than what your subconscious thinks you want?

Make a note of some small changes you can make to your everyday life to change your reality.

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Your brain craves change, but it is also terrified of change and therefore it will happily let you think that by doing the same things over and over again you are safe and that doing something different is scary.

But if you were to go to a different café for your lunch what would happen?  Would the world come to an abrupt end?  No. Would XYZ sandwich bar go out of business?  No.  Would you still go to bed at night, sleep and get up the next morning?  Yes of course you would, the world wouldn’t end.  But your reality would change and you would feel so much better for it.

I am sure you can change just one or two little things and make a huge difference to your life and create a new reality for yourself.

What if you were to get up just fifteen minutes earlier and left for work just fifteen minutes earlier.  Would you miss the traffic jams?  Would you arrive at work less stressed?  Would you be able to start your day on a more positive note?  Yes you probably would.

Our primary relationship in life is with our selves. No one else goes through every experience in life with us. We are our one permanent companion, yet we are often our worst critic.

Maggie Currie

Email: hello@maggiecurrie.co.uk

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